One or Two Things I Learned About Love (9 page)

Things
were all normal, fill-the-punnets, bag-the-potatoes routine at work today till Green Pick-up Guy showed up and Ely added to the series of humiliations that dot my life like greenfly on kale by telling him I have a boyfriend! This was all because Green Pick-up Guy said he was surprised to see me on a Saturday, and Ely said,
Scarlett’s got a boyfriend so her schedule keeps changing
. Never mind the ground opening up and swallowing
me
, if it had opened up I would’ve pushed Ely in.

Was supposed to see Connor tonight but his car wouldn’t start when he got out of work so he had to be towed to his dad’s mechanic. Both of his parents were out so it was hours before he finally got home. Jax was dragged off to Florida on a family vacation (Florida! In July! As Nomi said, why did his folks bother having him if they’re trying to kill him?), so Nomi came over and we fooled around with make-up and different hairstyles and talked about life and ate pretzels and drank iced tea. Nomi said it really is epic how often Connor phones and texts me. She says there’ve been weekends at Casa Slevka when the only words her parents exchanged were “What’s for supper?” and “Did you put the garbage out?”

Went
to yoga. Cristina, Maggie and Sara were also impressed by how much Connor talks to me. Cristina says she’s talked more to Max since he’s been at Camp Caribou than she has in all the time she’s known him. Which is only because he’s stuck with a bunch of little kids who tell fart jokes all day and is starved for normal human companionship. Maggie says Grady talks to her in person, but he only uses the phone to impart information. Yes. No. Seven o’clock. That kind of thing. Sara says Kruger’ll talk about the band and any other band he can think of and music, but if you ask him about anything else his usual response is either “yeah”, “um”, or “whatever”. After yoga they were all going to go swimming at Cristina’s. I said I couldn’t because I promised Connor I’d drop by the mall since I’ve barely seen him all week. That got a lot of
oohing
and girlish giggling. And then they all started harassing me about when they were going to meet him. I said I’d only just met him myself. In case I forgot how to count, Maggie said I met him two weeks ago. Cristina said she’s heard of marriages that didn’t last that long. The next thing I knew they’d all decided to come along. (God forbid they should ask
my
opinion.) Cristina said she’d been meaning to take that skirt back (again). Sara said she might as well start looking for a birthday present for her mom. “Any excuse to shop,” said Maggie. Nomi said, “Well, I’m not staying home by myself!” I knew they just wanted to check out Connor but I didn’t really mind. I wanted to show him off. And they’re going to meet him sometime.

The mall was so busy you would’ve thought it was Christmas (only without the decorations and nobody was wearing big coats or trapper hats or singing “Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer”). We took Cristina’s skirt back and went to a couple of stores that were having sales, and then we went over to Café Olé! We all went to the counter to do the ordering. Before I could even open my mouth to say hi or introduce them, Nomi said to Connor, “Hi, I’m Nomi. I saw you before? The day you met Hildy? I’ve heard
all
about you, but we’ve never actually met. Officially.” She made it sound like she’d read his autobiography and seen the movie. And to make it worse, Cristina, Maggie and Sara were kind of swaying together and nodding. It was definitely a major open-up-floor-and-let-me-in moment. For me. But Connor took it in his stride, I guess because he’s used to dealing with people. He just smiled like he wanted them to have a nice day. To stop them from yakking and making him think they knew everything about him including his shoe size, I did the introductions. Loudly. “And this is Sara, Maggie and Cristina. You saw them, too. And I told you all about them. Remember?” Connor was the only one who didn’t giggle (except me). “I hope it wasn’t all bad,” said Maggie. “Don’t believe a word she says,” said Cristina. “It’s all lies. We’re really very nice.” Sara said, “Hi. I’m the drummer.” Connor repeated their names and nodded and said hi and gave them his special melt-your-heart smile. He took our orders and started filling cups while the four of them leaned against the counter, talking as if they were being paid by the word. I was so relieved when we got our drinks that I practically ran to the table. “For God’s sake,” I said, “you’re acting like a bunch of tweenies. We’re the future doctors, physicists and mothers of America. Can’t you show some maturity and dignity?” Nomi said I forgot to mention lap dancers, waitresses and cleaning ladies. They all thought that was one of the most hilarious things they’d ever heard. I turned to Nomi. “And you,” I said. “Why did you say you’d heard a lot about him like that? He’ll think I do nothing but talk about him.” She pretended to look all shocked and surprised. “You don’t?” Cue more hilarity. But then they finally settled down and we started playing one of our mall games – the one where you try to guess what people have in their shopping bags – and that distracted them from Connor for a while. I was a little worried because it wasn’t like he was expecting a major visitation and I didn’t want to overwhelm him. Or annoy him. I kept glancing over and smiling at Connor to reassure him. And he kept glancing over and smiling back, so I figured it was OK. When I went up to say goodbye, he said, “What about trying for that movie tonight?” And then HE KISSED ME IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY. Just like that! In Café Olé! It was dry and quick, but it was wonderful. When we left the café, Nomi said, “So I take it you two are officially a couple.” I can’t believe it myself.

Saw Blue Eyeshadow Lady when we were waiting in line outside the multiplex. It took me a minute to recognize her because I’ve never seen her away from the farm stand before. She looked different without a head of cabbage in her hands. Connor wanted to know who I was staring at. That’s when she saw me and waved and I realized who she was. I said it was Blue Eyeshadow Lady and waved back. He said I had good eyes if I could tell what colour eyeshadow she was wearing from there.

The movie was OK. What I remember of it. I guess I wasn’t paying that much attention. Afterwards we sat in the car and talked a lot about things we’re going to do. He wants to teach me how to play backgammon. And take me sailing. And show me this secret beach he found. And take me hiking. And make me a CD of his favourite songs. And I’m going to make him a mug. And maybe teach him some yoga. And … EVERYTHING! He says he’s never known anybody like me before. (How sweet is that?)

Asked Connor what he thought of my friends. He didn’t remember them from before at all. He said they seemed OK, but he didn’t say it with a lot of enthusiasm. I said you don’t like them? He said they were a little in your face. And loud. And they never stopped smiling. I said they were nervous. They’re not always like that. He said no, I figured they must sleep sometime. We both laughed.

Told Nomi what Connor said about never knowing anybody like me before. She didn’t understand what a romantic thing that was to say to someone. She got all serious and niggling the way she does. She said she thought we agreed that every person in the world is unique. I said we did. Every person
is
unique. She said so then whenever you meet someone new, no matter who it is, you’ve never met anyone like that person before. I said what are you, my sister? Can’t you let me be happy for ten minutes? She said she was only saying. I asked her where she thought she was when they were handing out the romance gene. She said she was probably scrubbing out the toilet bowl.

I used to be afraid of kissing. Not afraid exactly but, you know, I didn’t really get it. When you see people doing it in a movie it looks like they’re trying to bend each other’s teeth back. Or maybe shove something into the other person’s mouth without using hands. I figured they throw in the kissing in movies when they can’t think of anything else to do. Boy, was I ever wrong. It’s just boring to watch. And I’m improving in increments of at least 100.

In
a state of bliss all day. I have a boyfriend! I not only have a boyfriend, I have a fantastic, immense, awesome, impossibly wonderful boyfriend. How did this happen? Two weeks and two days ago I thought I was going to be the only girl in my class to graduate high school without ever being kissed. Even worse, I was looking at a future of frozen dinners for one and a lot of pets. And now look at me! It’s incredible how happy a person can be.

Nomi says you can’t base your personal happiness on someone else. It has to come from within. Sometimes I want to put her in a plane that’s going to somewhere really far away.