One Step Away (A Bedford Falls Novel Book 1) (11 page)

Exasperated, Damon threw his hands up in the
air. “If you want to become the man you always hoped to be,” he
shouted, “you better find out how to do it!”

CHAPTER SEVEN

Just after Brad left their table, Marisa
accepted a shot of Vodka Skyy from Lauren and downed it, then
chased it with a sip of Diet Coke. She rarely drank heavy liquor,
preferring to stick with a light beer, but the prospect of seeing
her best friend in a potential fight with her…what did she consider
Brad?

One night, four or five months ago, Marisa
lay in bed beside him and noticed a huge rift between them: she
couldn’t imagine lying on the couch watching a movie with him,
couldn’t imagine going grocery shopping with him, couldn’t imagine
him rocking a baby in his arms while he cooed in their child’s ear.
In short, she didn’t see a future with him, not because she
couldn’t envision that type of future, but because she got the
impression that
he
couldn’t.

In a place where she should have felt as
close in spirit to him as she felt in proximity, Marisa had never
felt further away from anyone in her life. And with him sleeping
peacefully beside her, she’d spent the rest of the night weeping
silently because they would never have the deep, emotional
relationship she hoped for.

Having come to the conclusion that they were
not meant to be together in a romantic sense at that point, Marisa
stopped seeing him. However, she hadn’t exactly told him how she
felt. Perhaps his encounter with Alexander wasn’t the only reason
she’d had a shot of liquor. She needed a little extra courage to
admit the truth.

Lauren placed another shot in front of her.
“Down the hatch,” she said and knocked one back.

As Marisa swallowed maybe half of the shot,
she didn’t even remember Lauren leaving to get another round. To
avoid dealing with one issue that she expected to face tonight,
talking with Brad, she decided to revisit her conversation with
Lauren about Alexander. “I can’t imagine my life without him in
it.”

Since Lauren was so familiar with Marisa’s
convoluted thought process and the way she jumped from topic to
topic, she said, “You’ll be surprised what you can deal with – if
you don’t think about it.”

“We’re too close—”

“Why don’t you feel something more? Just the
way he looks at you tells me that he’ll never want anyone else. I
know that’s hard to believe, but Alexander’s different. He’s solid.
And deep. And that’s way hotter than Brad’s body. You know why? Ten
years from now, Brad won’t look so hot anymore. But Alexander will
still be solid. And deep.”

Marisa hadn’t disclosed her reservations
about Brad to Lauren. “I just wanted to see if Brad was ready for a
serious relationship.”

“What’s the verdict?”

Marisa pretended to shake an invisible Magic
8-Ball. “Reply hazy, try again.”

“What’s the verdict?” Lauren repeated with a
grin. “But seriously, when do you think you’ll know? And if he
isn’t ready now, when will you give up on him?”

“Beats me. I think the main reason I hang
out with him after a breakup is because he takes my mind off it.
I’m not thinking about the past or the future. Plus, he’s fun to be
around. I can definitely see him with kids. I’m just not sure
he
can see it.”

Lauren’s eyebrows knitted together, taking
that comment as a red flag.

“I know; no one can convince him…but him.
But I’ve seen him with kids. He’s kind and lighthearted and they
have a ball together.” She couldn’t take that line of thought
anywhere else, so she said, “People are drawn to him. He’s the
center of attention at every party. And he’s matured quite a bit in
the last four or five months. I’m curious to see if he’s changed in
other ways. But right now, I’m not looking for something serious.
And neither is he.”

“Which is one of the reasons you’re
questioning whether he’s a long-term possibility. We both know you
want to settle down, maybe even pretty soon. But Alexander wants a
long-term relationship. And he
is
ready.”

“True. But Alexander’s intense.
Really
intense. Sometimes it’s tough for him to loosen up
and relax.”

Lauren looked wistful. She pretended to hit
a button on an imaginary cash register. “Okay, that’s one smart
good-looking guy who makes a steady living and seems like he’d be a
good father. That’ll be…Oh, wait. He’s your best friend?” She hit
another imaginary button. “There’s an extra charge for that.”

“You’re a riot,” Marisa said, trying not to
grin.

“And would you like a prenup to go with
that?”

“I can’t contain my laughter.”

“So is that for here or to go?” Lauren
always found humor even in the most precarious situations.

Marisa grew contemplative. “I hate that I
can’t make us happen. What’s wrong with me?”

Hearing her phone chirp, Marisa checked out
the new text message. She couldn’t hide a sharp intake of breath,
prompting Lauren to raise her eyebrows in question. “It’s Kelsey.
She heard what happened with Alexander, and she hopes I’m doing
okay.”

Kelsey somehow maintained impartiality when
it came to disagreements or misunderstandings between Marisa and
Alexander. She always listened, but never got too involved, letting
them work it out themselves. In hindsight, Kelsey probably did so
because she knew about Alexander’s true feelings. Now that he’d
revealed those emotions, Marisa felt grateful that Kelsey as
remaining supportive but not intrusive. No one could ask for a
better friend. She replied back: “I’m okay. Just really confused.
Thanks for asking. Sorry for being short, but I need to sort things
out. Talk to you soon.”

But if things went south in a hurry, Marisa
couldn’t blame Kelsey for siding with Alexander. Still, she hoped
it didn’t come down to that.

*

Damon turned back to Alexander to start in
on him again. “Since you two had a falling out today, Marisa’s
upset. She also got a promotion, so she may be happy, but she’s
probably mostly stressed – two major life changes in the same day.
So let’s get back to Brad. You said he’s spontaneous and likes
taking risks. Where do these characteristics spring from?”

“Being wild?”

“Close. He’s unpredictable. Remember that.
We’ll come back to it later. What’s important right now is a side
effect of being unpredictable. If you act that way, you take
charge, you take the lead...in your own way. Let’s look at Marisa’s
lifestyle. She’s a manager, right? All day, she’s making decisions
and delegating work. So when she gets home…”

“She wants someone else to take charge,”
Alexander said, pushing aside his confusion. It explained why she
had called Brad. Whenever they went out, Brad most likely made
plans and took her out, not the other way around. And when she and
Alexander went out, he always found himself taken along for the
ride because he hadn’t considered what they’d do.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Damon said.
“But you’re wrong. She may want to do certain things sometimes, but
not all the time. Most women want their men to have a plan. They
want them to take charge. They feel cared for that way. It goes
back to the caveman days. It’s instinctual. Guys who don’t follow
up with that unspoken promise end up acting like they’re looking
for approval. Bottom line: you’re a man. Act like one.”

“Make plans and don’t always say yes to
everything. Got it.”

Damon shook his head. “What, are you taking
mental notes? This isn’t a quiz. You have to know it. And feel it.
It’s not something you get tested on.” He cocked his head to the
side. “Well, you do, but not in the way you think. Doesn’t matter
now; we’ll get to that later. Let’s go back to Bond. He walks into
a room, all eyes go toward him, wondering what he’s going to do,
what he’s going to say. He’s unpredictable. But they’re looking
because he’s in total control of himself and his surroundings. This
extends to the women he’s with.

“Don’t get me wrong: he’s not controlling.
He knows what he wants and he goes after it. There’s no
uncertainty, no discussion. It simply is. When someone throws him a
curveball, he rolls with the punches. When a villain threatens him,
Bond doesn’t sit down and wonder what he’s going to do. He reacts.
But he takes his time while doing it. Why? Because
he’s
in
control. People wait for him, not the other way around. That’s what
I’m talking about. That’s what you have to work on.”

“How can I possibly know what I’m going to
do in any situation?”

“You won’t, but that doesn’t mean you have
to know instantly. Give yourself some time. Don’t just make a
decision. If you pause to decide, you’re building tension. The
woman you’re with is left in suspense, wondering what you’ll do or
say. They love that. Because they have no idea what’s going on in
our heads, and they’re always trying to find out. They’re not used
to it because so many guys are boring.

“All right, it’s taken you twenty-eight
years to get to this point. And if you ever hope to be with
any
woman in the future, you’ve got to make a change.”

“That’s a little melodramatic, don’t you
think?”

“Are you kidding?” Damon asked with a
serious expression. “If Marisa thought you needed confidence
before—and she was completely right—by the way, how is she going to
think about you now, after watching Brad daring you to throw a
punch while you just stood there doing nothing?”

“I would have gotten thrown out, and Marisa
would think I’m a monster. A smart man knows when to walk
away.”

“Oh, I see. Walking away from a dude she
likes makes you more attractive?”

Alexander knew now that no matter how he
responded to that situation, he couldn’t win; even when he thought
the encounter ended in a draw, he still lost.

“And do
not
place any of this on
Marisa. Since she has a special place in her heart for you, she
probably isn’t being as tough on you as I am.”

Irritation ignited inside Alexander. “You’re
not being tough. You’re being a prick.”

“Glad to hear I’ve got your attention. But
consider this: doesn’t it stand to reason that, if women are buying
my books, I might know something about the opposite sex? Just know
I’m saying this because I want you to find that special someone.
Think of me as a drill sergeant. Except without the uniform. Or the
shouting. Or waking you up at dawn to train you on how to meet
women. Or—”

“Sir, yes, sir,” Alexander said with pep in
his voice.

Damon smiled. “Just know it’s coming from a
pure place, okay? You deserve happiness, and I want to help you get
it.”

“That’s definitely not drill sergeant
material. You should go back to boot camp.”

He shrugged off the sarcasm. “You said it
kills you that Marisa doesn’t consider you as boyfriend material.
How does that make you feel?”

Alexander felt angry, confused, bitter,
disappointed, and dispirited.

“And what does that make you want to do
right now?”

“Something to get out of my head. To prove
that women have always been wrong about me.” He gave it a little
more thought and tried to sum up his life until now: safe,
predictable, and boring. Each of those words summed him up
perfectly.

And yet, he’d always wanted to break out of
the little shell that he’d constructed for himself: a life that
offered nothing but the status quo – no melancholy, sure, but no
excitement either. But despite living that way, he’d still gotten
rejected, which equated to sadness. So it seemed that, even by
purposely avoiding things that frightened him, he still came out on
the losing side. Alexander wanted…no, he needed…to upset that
balance.

“Say it,” Damon said. “Whatever you’re
thinking. Say it.”

“I want to try something new. Something I
wouldn’t have even thought about doing before. To challenge myself.
To prove that I can be different. To prove that I can feel alive
without needing a woman in my life.” Which is how he’d always
defined happiness: being in a romantic relationship. And since that
had always eluded him, it meant that he’d always been unhappy. And
if he wasn’t happy, why would any woman want to date him?

Given that interpretation, before looking
for love, he realized he had to find it internally first, something
both Damon and Marisa had identified as a fatal flaw. And although
he wanted to kick himself for being so oblivious, he appreciated
that both were able to pinpoint the issue for him to tackle.

And that’s when he also realized that he
hadn’t really been living: he had been hiding. Hiding from pain.
Hiding from disappointment. And in order to feel alive again, he
had to risk getting hurt. Those ideas resonated with such force
that it left him silent.

Damon stared at him for a long moment.
“What’s your greatest fear?”

Alexander locked his eyes on Damon’s Harley
Davidson. The shiny, black, chromed-out Dyna looked dangerous and
intimidating. He imagined himself on that bike, riding down the
street.

After almost laughing off the idea, he
focused in on the picture forming in his mind, seeing himself pull
to a stop at a red light, revving the engine, and darting away when
the light turned green. The speed would frighten him, but what if
he could control that bike? If he could do that, he could control
his fear. If anything gave him confidence, defeating the biggest
fear he’d ever known would certainly do that.

“Yeah, right?” Damon said, following his
unspoken logic.

Ignoring Damon’s skepticism, he went over to
the bike and stared down at it.

“Okay, now we’re talking about you getting
slaughtered on the streets. That’s not exactly what I was talking
about.”

Damon’s lack of faith reinforced what
Alexander knew he had to do. At the prospect of overcoming this
lifelong fear, he felt a buzz of excitement kick start the
emptiness inside his heart. If riding presented an opportunity to
become a more complete person while defeating a fear that always
held him captive, he would do it.