One Step Away (A Bedford Falls Novel Book 1) (4 page)

Sometimes after she turned away, his gaze
lingered just a little too long. Whenever they hugged, he held her
just a bit tighter and was always last to break their embrace. Not
only that, but whenever she had a bad day, he miraculously
appeared, sensing that she needed someone to talk with.

He never judged her, never tried to solve
her problems, and never allowed her to beat herself up. Even if he
disagreed with her opinions or decisions, he supported her one
hundred percent and never criticized her. She’d never known anyone
so compassionate and understanding and thoughtful.

Few women could claim to have anyone in
their life with those prized attributes, and she counted herself
incredibly fortunate to have such a loyal and supportive friend.
His family instilled those values within him.

And Marisa
loved
his family. Of
course, she counted his sister as a great friend, someone she could
always count on to tell her the cold hard truth, regardless of the
circumstances. And while their father’s intense nature sometimes
contrasted his sense of humor that only became evident after
several beers, their mother…no, Marisa didn’t want to even
contemplate the love and compassion that Alexander’s mother
lavished upon her children.

All told, Marisa couldn’t deny that she and
Alexander shared a powerful connection, but she’d never felt that
spark between them. Whenever she neared Alexander, her heart didn’t
race, and she didn’t light up upon seeing him.

And for those reasons, her feelings never
blossomed into something more. Despite that, whenever they saw each
other, Marisa felt completely vulnerable and overcame a crippling
sense of misgivings in telling him about her severe case of
insecurity when it came to trusting others with her deepest
thoughts and fears.

It stemmed from the constant lambasting her
mother gave her day in, day out for years:
stop breathing;
you’re stealing air from someone who matters; don’t look in the
mirror; your reflection might crack the glass; every time you eat,
my purse gets lighter and you get fatter.
For every insult
Marisa recalled, hundreds of forgotten offensive terms and phrases
fell by the wayside.

And although she felt tremendous pride in
herself for opening up to Alexander, she clung to his friendship
like a life preserver because she’d finally found someone she could
reveal herself to, someone she could count on, someone she could…be
herself with.

So during the first six months of their
friendship, Marisa constantly pressured herself to view Alexander
as more than just a friend. But the more she pushed for that
outcome, the further away that possibility became, and the more she
feared that he’d grow frustrated with her inability to return his
affection.

Marisa admonished herself to such a degree
that she began getting migraines for days on end, resulting in
insomnia and a slew of physical maladies: the common cold, an
ulcer, constipation, and other symptoms. But after Alexander failed
to approach her in a romantic sense, she gave it plenty of thought
and figured that she’d exaggerated his interest. It allowed her to
dial back the guilt-factor.

Soon afterwards, when she returned to a
healthier outlook, Marisa found him too important as a best friend
to even consider as anything else.

Therefore, when Alexander finally confessed
his love, Marisa felt a tidal wave of anxiety submerge her in
panic. He’d changed the dynamics of the most important relationship
in her life, and if she told him she didn’t feel the same way, she
feared that he’d turn on her the same way her mother did. And given
that she’d never trusted anyone more in her entire life, she didn’t
think that she’d be able to recover from such a devastating
blow.

Regardless, she should have known that his
feelings hadn’t dissipated. Unlike most of her heterosexual friends
who never resisted an opportunity to tell a dirty joke about women,
Alexander hadn’t done likewise; he stated that he respected women
too much to resort to such idiocy. It showed a sensitivity that
many men either didn’t have or didn’t reveal. And if she picked up
on his sentiments, she should have known that his feelings wouldn’t
disappear.

To underscore that viewpoint, she once asked
what he looked for in a woman, and he responded with what he called
the “fantastic four:” attractive, kind, intelligent, and a sense of
humor. Whenever she’d point out a woman with any semblance to those
qualities, Alexander nodded but never approached them. She thought
shyness might have stopped him from engaging them in
conversation.

Now she knew the truth.

So when Alexander revealed his feelings, she
felt a tide of emotion wash over her, and she had no idea how to
respond. Because he was the sweetest, most understanding man she’d
ever met, Marisa felt sadness descend upon her for one simple
reason: she didn’t want to break his heart.

Whenever Marisa had broken off a
relationship, she’d spent the weekend hanging out with Alexander,
curled up on the couch, watching raunchy comedies, and stuffing her
face with pizza and ice cream or cookies. He never pressed her for
details and always allowed her to share her feelings when she felt
ready.

She presumed that Alexander wouldn’t let his
admission drift into oblivion. And since she had plenty of
experience in broken relationships, Marisa feared how their
friendship would evolve: first, they would pass each other in the
halls at work, give awkward smiles and say a few kind words before
shuffling off.

Those uncomfortable reactions would soon
give way to fabricated reasons to evade each other. Soon, they
wouldn’t even attempt to avoid each other; it would come naturally.
And the connection she held most dear in her life would die.

*

Lance Albrecht walked around an oak desk
containing a stack of manila folders, a black three-tiered plastic
inbox topped with various sheets of paper, and a half dozen framed
photos of his family taken at different times during the past
thirty years: seated on their beach house picnic table, scrambling
around their front lawn playing a game of touch-football, rowing
the oars of a paddle boat while on the Vista Heights Valley River,
and at Disney World, flanked by Mickey and Minnie.

As he closed the door, Alexander realized
that, despite having visited Lance’s office at least once each week
over the past two years, he’d avoided paying attention to the
photos because of what they signified: family and happiness, both
of which seemed easy for most people to have at one time or another
during their lives.

But as the years passed and his opportunity
to charm Marisa into his heart became as elusive as ever, he
couldn’t help but focus on a new framed photograph: Lance’s smiling
18-year-old daughter clasping a handsome young man who stared down
at her with joy, excitement, and pride. Alexander looked deep into
the young man’s eyes and saw one emotion that no one else could
have picked out: relief. Relief that he’d found his other half, the
person with whom he would share life’s turbulent ups and downs.

Then again, judging by Lance’s age, that
meant that he had his daughter in his mid-to-late forties. All
things being equal, that gave Alexander another fifteen years
before he should start contemplating that he’d never have a family
of his own. And why was he thinking of that now anyway? More
important matters should occupy his thoughts. Like his career.

“Handsome couple, aren’t they?” Lance asked,
beaming. Thin veins popped to the surface of his red cheeks.
Standing over a foot taller than Alexander but with a flimsy frame
that made the white dress shirt under his purple cardigan look as
if it tried to sink into his chest, Lance met his employee with a
firm handshake. “The wedding is 58 days away and counting.” He
motioned to the chair in front of his desk. “Make yourself
comfortable.” He returned to the chair behind his desk and leaned
back, placing his hands behind his neck and resting his right leg
on his left thigh.

“I’d rather not.”

“Oh?”

“I’m afraid I’ll need to rescind my interest
in the Assistant Director position.”

“I thought you wanted to work your way up to
director. What changed?”

“It’s…personal. In fact, I’m afraid I’m here
to hand in my resignation. I will, of course, give you two weeks’
notice.”

Alarmed, Lance tried to form words but
couldn’t.

“I’m grateful for the opportunity to have
worked with you. But I’ve just accepted the director position at
the Vista Heights Public Library.”

Lance’s wide-eyed expression made it obvious
that he’d never considered this a possibility. “Well,
congratulations. They couldn’t have found a more suitable leader.
You said it’s personal. I hope everything’s okay?”

“Um…yes?” But uncertainty clearly laced his
tone. “Everything’s fine. No offense, but I feel my next step goes
beyond being an Assistant Director.”

“None taken. I would never prevent a
colleague from reaching his full potential, but…”

He waited for his boss to finish speaking,
but that didn’t happen. Alexander didn’t want to reveal something
he’d rather not share, so he didn’t utter a word.

“This doesn’t have anything to do with a
certain young lady on staff, does it? Forgive what may be
considered inappropriate, but I’ve seen you waiting on the
sidelines these past two years. I always thought there was
something beyond friendship between you two.”

Alexander tensed, straightening his
shoulders. If Lance had noticed his interest in Marisa, had others
also observed his preoccupation with her? It only took a second to
answer that question. Since Lance spent so much time in his office
and outside the building meeting with colleagues from other
libraries, he surely gathered his intelligence from his
Administrative Assistant, Esther Rollins, the biggest gossipmonger
in the entire building.

Just what he needed: to spend the last two
weeks among staff who knew about his deepest desires. Then again,
he should have been relieved that it had taken him this long to
discover his colleagues knew the truth. He couldn’t imagine the
discomfort that would have plagued him if he’d known all along.

“How long have you suspected?” Alexander
asked, eager to hear the truth without uncovering the minute
details.

“Oh, we’ve always known. Since your first
day here.”

Alexander sank into the chair behind him and
lowered his gaze to his lap. How had he betrayed his feelings? Did
he look at Marisa too long or too often? Did he buy her birthday
and Christmas gifts that only someone with an aching soul would
purchase? The air seeped out of his lungs the way it escaped from a
car tire.

“Are you okay?” Lance placed his hands on
his desk, half rising, half sitting, unsure if he could alleviate
his employee’s feelings. “I thought you knew. It was so
obvious.”

Obvious
? Every tendon in Alexander’s
body felt so limp that he expected to melt into a puddle on the
floor. If it was so obvious and everyone knew, that meant someone
at some point had to have spoken with Marisa, indicating that she
had always known but chose to either ignore his feelings or simply
disregard them. How could he have been so blind? And so stupid? He
recalled saying those exact words to Marisa just an hour ago. Now
who was the moron?

But delving deep into his subconscious, he
knew the truth. He realized that, like Marisa, he had overlooked
the evidence: staff members dropping her name in a random
conversation, hoping that he’d make his feelings known; employees
in his own department commenting on how well he and Marisa got
along; how everyone took his easy rapport with Marisa for granted
by assuming that they wanted to work together on library
projects.

Hearing a keyboard tapping, Alexander looked
up to find Lance working on his computer for a moment before
turning back to him. “Pressing business. You know how it is. Vista
Heights, huh? You have quite a bit of hard work ahead of you.”

The trajectory Alexander’s career would soon
take entered his mind, banishing all thoughts of Marisa. Starting
over meant convincing employees he’d never met to believe in his
vision for their workplace, which would prove difficult considering
his time at Bedford Falls and the unspoken grudge that resembled a
long-standing rivalry between two neighboring high school football
teams, rather than community libraries.

The rift occurred thirty years earlier when
local legislatures had redrawn tax lines, separating the more
affluent section of Bedford Falls from their less fortunate and
more ethnically diverse neighbors by assigning the latter to a new
community, which they named Vista Heights. Although Bedford Falls
had only one-fifth of Vista Heights’ population, they paid four
times as much in property taxes. This resulted in much higher
operating revenue for the Bedford Falls Public Library. And
although Vista Heights collected comparable fiscal resources from
their taxpayers, they had three times as many library cardholders,
which meant they couldn’t compete with Bedford Falls.

It meant Bedford Falls had more available
materials for their cardholders, which Vista Heights’ patrons soon
recognized, persuading many of them to visit Bedford Falls and
borrow their most in-demand items. Over the years, Vista Heights’
taxpayers had visited the Bedford Falls Public Library so often and
borrowed so many materials from them that they came to believe that
they actually paid taxes to the Bedford Falls Public Library. Now
that Alexander would soon leave Bedford Falls, he would inherit
that problem and have to deal with the consequences.

Yet, he looked at this issue as an
opportunity, not a disadvantage. As a library director, he would be
responsible for the future direction of the Vista Heights Public
Library. Just like the CEO of a company, he would work with his
management team to create a vision for the future. If he could
steer Vista Heights in the right direction, he could correct
inefficient practices and encourage their patrons to once more
visit their own library instead of frequenting Bedford Falls.