Our Gang (18 page)

when the police vans returned this morning to

take them away, many of the boys were reluctant

to leave the campsite. So anxious were some to

spend another night under the stars, and away

from the so-called "comforts" of civilization such

as medical attention, lawyers, telephones and

food, that it was necessary for the police to chase

after them and literally drag them off the premises

and into the waiting trucks. With fewer and

fewer opportunities available to our youth for

"roughing it," this administration naturally takes

pride in what we were able to do for these

youngsters last night. Moreover, we have given

them every assurance that if and when they ever

come to Washington again, we will make every

TRICKY ADDRESSES THE NATION 123

effort to provide them with the same facilities, or

ones even more primitive, if we can find any.

Now I know that many of you out there across

the country are asking yourselves why I should be

making such a generous offer to the Scouts. Why do

I praise them for their behavior at the campsite?

Why am I willing to forgive these youngsters and

give them another chance to make a decent start in

life? It must seem to those of you who saw the

Scouts waving their signs here in the streets of the

nation's capitalsigns offensive and insulting not only

to me but, what is far worse, to my innocent familythat

I more than anyone have a right to harbor a

grievance against these ten thousand Boy Scouts;

and particularly against the three who are now dead

and will never be able to come to me like

responsible children and apologize for trying to

smear my reputation. Why, you may ask, am I so

compassionate, judicious, charitable, tolerant and

wise, when it was my very own political career that

stood to be most damaged by these signs?

Well, those are good and intelligent questions. Let

me try to answer them as forthrightly as I know

how.

My fellow Americans, it is as simple as this

(quickly
passes a sponge over his upper
lip and slips

it back
into his breast pocket): I would

124 OUR GANG

rather be a one-term President than carry a grudge

against a lot of twelve- and thirteen-yearold

American kids. Oh sure, somebody else might try to

make political capital out of a vendetta against these

youngsters, calling them hoodlums and bums and

rotten apples, but I am afraid I am just too big a

man for that. As far as I am concerned, these boys

have learned their lesson, as they proved at the

campsite; and that goes for the three dead Scouts as

well. Even if those three dead boys don't come and

apologize, as far as I am concerned the past is past

and I for one am willing to forgive and forget. For

make no mistake about it: while it is true that I am

strongly opposed to permissiveness, I am just as

opposed to vindictiveness. I no more believe in

punishing a wrongdoer to excess than I would

subscribe to the liberal philosophy that allows a

criminal to go merrily on his way, after he has

committed a crime.

But of even greater importance, I just don't think

we ever cure a disease by treating one of its

symptoms. Rather, we must get to the cause of the

illness. And certainly you know as well as I do, that

the cause of America's problems is not the Boy

Scouts of America. Nobody is ever going to believe

that, and that is why I don't even attempt to make a

case for it.

No, the Boy Scouts of America:-and I think this

will come as a relief to all of you-are no

TRICKY ADDRESSES THE NATION 125

more guilty of anything than you are or I am. They

are just another group of American youngsters who

have fallen prey to that small dedicated band of

malcontents and revolutionaries who are out to

destroy our country by destroying our most

important natural resource of all, our wonderful

youth. And unless we cut these sources of contagion

from our society as swiftly and thoroughly as we

would excise a cancer from a living body-and I

know we are all united in our opposition to cancer,

Democrats and Republicans alike-this disease that

has spread even to the Boy Scouts will grow in

virulence until it has infected every last child in the

land, including your own. And so long as I am

President, I am not going to stand idly by while the

children of this country come down with cancer,

leukemia, or, incidentally in that connection,

muscular dystrophy.

No, it is not the Boy Scouts of America, but the

man who incited them to this riot by tampering with

their morals who must be made to take the

punishment that comes to all who would corrupt

the youth of our nation. And that man, my fellow

Americans, is the very same fugitive for whom the

Pro-Pornography government in Copenhagen is

providing refuge at this moment.

Now I cannot divulge to you over nationwide

television the overwhelming evidence compiled by

the justice Department and the FBI, linking

126 OUR GANG

Charles Curtis Flood to the uprising of the Boy

Scouts. We all know, however, the tremendous

influence that major league baseball players have

over the minds and hearts of the young boys of this

nation. I am sure that anyone who remembers how

he himself idolized the great ballplayers of his

youth, will not even need the evidence in order to

imagine just how Charles Curtis Flood might misuse

and mislead these boys for his own subversive ends.

I am afraid that is all I can say to you tonight

about the evidence proving Flood's guilt. As one

who has practiced law, I am particularly sensitive to

the Constitutional rights which every defendant is

entitled to. And I certainly do not intend to

endanger the chances of a conviction by appearing

to try this fugitive on nationwide TV. Once he is

returned to America, he will be entitled to a fair

trial, despite what he has done, and by a jury that

has not been prejudiced against him by so august a

person as the President of the United States of

America.

Right now, as your President, my duty is to do

everything within my power to see that this fugitive

from justice is returned to our shores. Of course, we

have never expected of Flood that he would

voluntarily leave his sanctuary in Denmark, given

the kinds of pleasures such a man might feel free to

pursue in a 'Country with customs that are hardly

those of our own. And if

TRICKY ADDRESSES THE NATION 127

Flood is incapable of tearing himself away from his

pleasures so as to face the consequences of his

vicious actions, neither has the Pro-Pornography

government in Copenhagen done anything whatsoever

to force him to surrender himself to the

proper authorities for extradition. On the contrary,

they have rejected out of hand every legitimate

request we have made of them. Even now, with the

American Army massed on their borders, the

American Navy blockading their coast, and the

American Marines firmly in control of "Hamlet's

Castle," they continue to provide him with the

same protection from the law that they provide to

pornographers and filth peddlers from around the

globe.

I know that in the face of such profound

contempt for American power and prestige, the

great majority of Americans would agree that I

have no choice but to order our troops onto

Danish soil so as to establish the D.A.R. as the

freely elected government in Copenhagen. However,

I want to tell you this: because of my Quaker

background, I have, only two hours ago, made one

last valiant effort to bring about a peaceful

resolution of our differences with Denmark. I am

going to conclude my address to you tonight by

recounting in some detail the nature of that effort.

It is a story of bravery and devotion to country that

every American will be proud of. It is a story that

will convince the entire world how

128
OUR GANG

very far this great nation has gone in its attempt to

avoid the armed confrontation that the state of

Denmark seems committed to forcing upon us.

My fellow Americans, only two hours before

coming on television to address you, I gave the

order, as Commander-in-Chief of the Armed

Forces meeting his responsibilities, for a fleet of

helicopters to make a surprise landing on the large

Danish island of Zealand at a spot right here

(points), only twenty nautical miles from the capital

of Copenhagen.

Now I realized how dangerous such a gallant

humanitarian effort might be. So did the brave

Green Berets and Rangers who volunteered to

carry it out. Not only would they have to fly in at

treetop level to avoid detection by the Danish radar

system, but there was no precise way of telling the

exact size of the arsenal that Flood had managed to

assemble, with the approval, if not the outright

assistance, of the Danish government. Would he

resort to poison gas? Would he dare to employ

tactical nuclear weapons? There was no way in

which our aerial photography could penetrate this

man's skull, to see just
how
far he would go in

violating the written and unwritten rules of warfare.

But in that reconnaissance by satellite, as well as

by manned and drone aircraft, h t l established

beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was where

TRICKY ADDRESSES TIM NATION
129

the fugitive was in hiding; and in that I also knew

that there was no way to force the Danish

government to return Flood to the United States,

short off the armed conflict which I am so opposed

to as a Quaker, I proceeded to give the order

for this raid to take place.

Designed to capture Flood, remove him by

helicopter to Elsinore, and hence by military jet to

America, the mission was named, by me, Operation

Courage, and assigned to joint Contingency Task

Force Derring-Do.

It is with deep pride, my fellow Americans, that I

can now tell you that Operation Courage has been

carried out to perfection, exactly in accordance with

the meticulously rehearsed schedule drawn up

beforehand.

First off, the dangerous flight from Elsinore to

the landing site was made in twenty-two minutes

and fourteen seconds, precisely according to the