Our Time (30 page)

"I ruined a happy day,"
I cried. "Everything has been so gloomy and sad, but today was
finally…"

I trailed off as bile rose up
from my stomach, then leaned over the edge of the bed and heaved into the empty
garbage can. He was there, holding back my hair, rubbing my back, soothing me
with tender words.

"Oh God," I groaned as
I laid my head back on my pillow.

Andrew hurried to the bathroom
and returned with a glass of water to rinse out my mouth.

"Thank you, this dizziness
is just crazy."

He knelt on the floor and helped
me tip the glass back. I swished the water around and spit it into the garbage
can, then let him set the glass aside. He stroked my hair away from my face and
gazed down at me with a thoughtful look on his handsome face. He looked sad and
I felt awful for bringing this dark cloud over our day. He had been so quiet
since the park and I had been starting to lose it.

Until this morning, when he woke
me up with his kisses and took his time making love to me. He had whispered
tender words to me then, too, and all had been right with the world.

Now?

"Jocelyn, baby, please don't
cry."

I hadn't noticed that hot tears
were already falling down my cheeks until he gently wiped them away and kissed
the trails they had left. His eyes were dim and his lips formed a tight line.

I wanted to apologize for being a
blubbering idiot, but I had already apologized for everything else and I had no
doubt he would scold me for doing it again when he thought there was no need.
The last week and a half had been like a roller coaster, with ups and downs,
positives and negatives. Me feeling like I could really do this with him at my
side and me feeling like giving up completely and running away from the pain.

I couldn't decide how I truly
felt about everything. The only thing I knew was that Olivia needed her mommy
to keep fighting and Andrew wasn't going to let me
stop
fighting.

"I'm so sorry, Andrew."

"Joss--"

"I don't want you to have to
deal with this."

"Jocelyn--"

"It's just so hard."

He pressed his fingers against my
lips and the familiar hum of awareness overshadowed the dizziness.

"I know it's hard," he
said sullenly. "It's almost impossible, but there is nowhere else I'd
rather be. You are everything to me. You have made me want to be a better man,
Joss. Don't ever be sorry for that."

I didn't know what to say, so I
just laid there, staring at him and memorizing the planes of his face like it
was the last time I would see them and he let me. He didn't say anything else
for a long time. He just ran his fingers through my hair until the dizziness
faded and I couldn't hold my eyes open any  longer.

I wouldn't stop fighting.

***

"Maddy, if you don't stop
fidgeting, I'm pulling over and making you and Joss switch places."

Andrew was driving us to the
hospital, on our way to the surgery, and I insisted on sitting in the back with
Olivia and playing with her on the way there. Maddy was up front with Andrew
and driving him insane.

"Sorry, I'm just super
nervous. How long did you say the surgery would be again? Maybe I should just
have Catherine come and get Liv so I can stay with you. She would have fun with
Josh and Ella, I know it. I was going to take her to the park or even a movie,
but I'm worried about not being there with you. Maybe Tyler can just leave work
and--"

"Maddy!" Andrew
shouted, but his irritation held far too much amusement.

"Sorry!"

Maddy had been calling non-stop
since the day Linda and Ben stopped by. She watched Liv for a little bit during
the mornings while Andrew did some work for Chris and at night, it took us
forever to kick her out of the house. When she wasn't with us, she was talking
to one of us on the phone, double checking the time of the surgery and if we
needed any groceries or whatever else she could get. I thought it was very
considerate of her, Andrew thought it was annoying, especially when she called
early in the morning seconds after he rolled on top of me, kissing me hungrily.

Andrew had pretty much abandoned
his townhouse, only going there when he needed to grab something he didn't
already have with him. Ben and his family had been staying in a hotel and
weren't planning on going back home until a few days after the surgery. We
finally talked them into staying at Andrew's. No sense in them paying for a
hotel when there was a nice place for them that was free, and closer.

"Mommy, pretty
bracelet." Olivia hadn't taken off the bracelet Andrew had gotten her
since he gave it to her last night. She showed me each charm and told me all
the details about it in her gibberish, with a few clear words here and there.
She was talking so much better lately.

"Yes, it's so beautiful.
Just like you, pretty girl."

She giggled and sat back in her
car seat, fingering the little charms with a smile on her face.

I hadn't wanted to leave her with
anyone until I went back for the surgery. I wanted to be able to hold her until
the last minute if possible.

I knew everything would be fine,
but I couldn't ignore the need I felt to just soak in every second I could with
her. It would take me a while to recover afterwards and I was going to be stuck
in the hospital for a few days. The plan was for Ben and Linda to take care of
Liv while I was in the hospital and they would bring her by as much as
possible. Maddy was going to take Liv out while I was in surgery and bring her
back when everything was done, but from the look on her face, she had no plans
to leave Andrew. Of course, Ben would be there, but I think Andrew needed his
sister.

"Sweetie, why don't you just
have Linda take Liv once I go back. She said she would be happy to. It would
keep her busy, which is what she wanted."

Andrew glanced at me in the
rearview mirror, a look of relief in his eyes. "That sounds like a good
idea."

"Sorry, Joss. I thought it
would be better to keep busy, too, so I wouldn't go crazy in the waiting room,
but I just can't stand not being there. You are my best friend."

"I know, Maddy. It's okay.
This will work out better."

Andrew's shoulders slumped, like
a huge burden had just been taken off of them. He had been talking to Maddy a
lot at night before coming to bed. He had actually been talking to everyone a
lot, including Monty, but it seemed like Maddy was the only one to make him
feel better.

I smiled when I recalled his
conversation with Monty the night before and everything that had happened
afterward.

They were sitting together out on
the back patio, eating some leftover pizza and thinking I was up in bed with
Liv. It wasn't very late, but he had insisted that I go rest after dinner. Liv
had fallen asleep right away and I snuck down to have some last minute ice
cream before I couldn't eat anything for the rest of the night.

He had left the door cracked and
I heard him talking and Monty grunting in response.

"Well, boy, I think we are
ready. Are you ready?"

"Humph."

"Yeah, maybe I'm not either.
I'm terrified. What if something happens during the procedure? What if I can't
get her back to you?"

Monty let out a small whimper and
I saw him put his head on Andrew's lap.

"Okay, buddy. I promise.
I'll get her back to you. You need her just as much as I do. She's tough,
she'll get through this just fine, right?"

Another grunt.

"I love her so much. Thanks
for bringing me to her, boy."

Another grunt with a louder
whimper, then he started to sound like he was singing. The way he does when he
is trying to tell you what he wants with a howl here and there.

"I love you, too,
buddy." Andrew leaned down and kissed the top of Monty's head, then leaned
back in his chair and fed him the rest of the pizza crust that was in his
hands.

"I'll get her back to
you," he muttered to himself.

He didn't hear me go back
upstairs, my ice cream forgotten, but he came to bed a few minutes later and
when he walked in the room, I had to catch my breath. His hair looked like he
had just thrust his fingers through it and it couldn't have looked any sexier.
His t-shirt hugged his chest and shoulders, reminding me of how fit he was and
how much I loved his body pressed against mine.

When he saw me watching him, the
crooked grin on his face made my stomach flutter and heat pooled at my core.
The things this man could do to me with just a smile.

"You look hungry,
love," he said huskily.

I nodded and smiled at him as I
watched him stride to the bed. "Mmhmm, but it looks like you gave Monty the
rest of the pizza."

He froze and his eyes widened in
surprise. "I guess you heard me, huh?"

"Yep."

"Well,
that's
embarrassing."

I laughed and he sank down on the
bed, covering me with his body and kissed my throat.

"But that's not the kind of
hungry I meant."

"Oh?" I tried to look
innocent, but he knew better.

He kissed me, like it was the
last kiss he would ever give me, and his hands roamed my body like they had
minds of their own.

"I love you, Joss," he
murmured against my neck, then kissed a trail down to the hem of my shirt,
lifting it away and making the path back up my skin. I squirmed as his lips
left their brand on me and he pushed my shirt up over my head.

"I love you, too."

He made love to me like it was
the last time, slow and passionate. We savored every touch and kiss, he told me
I was beautiful and that he would never stop loving me, that he was mine
forever. When he finally brought us both to release, I had tears in my eyes.

He rested his head on my stomach
and wrapped his arms around my hips, getting comfortable the way he usually did
on me. I ran my fingers through his hair while we talked about our plans once I
recovered from the surgery. He wanted to set a date for the wedding, but I
wanted to wait until I knew I was feeling good enough to plan everything. I
could tell that he wanted to argue with me, but he let it go.

I really just wanted to know how
much money I would need once the medical bills showed up. Ben had helped me in
the beginning, but I had enough put away that I could probably cover a good
chunk of it. I had made a lot over the summer thanks to all of Andrew's help
with Olivia. Plus, he never let me pay for anything when we were out together.

Maddy and him were good with
their money and what they had gotten from their parent's life insurance years
before. Andrew made good money at his job and had a good savings. He kept
telling me not to worry about money, he would take care of me.

"You okay back there,
babe?"

I hadn't realized we had arrived
at the hospital and Andrew was turned in his seat watching me warily.

"Yes, I'm good. Just lost in
thought."

He smiled at me, probably
thinking about last night, too, since he noticed the blush covering my face and
neck. He got out of the car and opened my door for me while Maddy grabbed
Olivia.

He pulled me against his chest
and kissed my forehead. "Let's do this."

Andrew

I couldn't hold still.

After all the protocols,
questions, needles, and explanations, they had taken her from me and Olivia.

Rolled her away on the bed with a
couple of giant doors swinging shut behind them. Shutting her away from us.

At least, that is what it felt
like.

Ben was sitting on my left and
Maddy was on my right - when I was sitting down. I must have checked with the
nurses a million times to make sure everything was going well. Thank God they
were so patient and understanding, but I think Ben had gotten to them first, so
they knew the situation.

I just wanted to hold Liv, but
Linda had taken her back to the house with her kids to keep them busy. I missed
her like crazy and I couldn't imagine what Joss must have been going through.

I had gotten up for the hundredth
time and made my way over to the nurse's station. She had been back there for
more than three hours already.

The nurse who kept checking for
me was an older woman with gray streaks in her almost black hair and her name
was Grace. Fitting, I guess. She always smiled when I walked up to the desk and
didn't hesitate to check on Jocelyn for me.

"Mr. Carter," she said
with none of her usual hints of amusement. It made my stomach drop. "I
just checked on her for you, dear. There have been a few complications and it
will be a little while longer before the doctor can speak with you."

"What complications?" I
asked shakily, clenching my hands into fists until my fingernails bit into my
palms. The pain didn't act as the distraction I needed.