Out of Chances (15 page)

He peeled himself off the door and walked into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and squinted into the light as he pulled out a beer. Just one so he could sleep.

Someone was thumping on his door. Dan pulled the blanket over his head. He hadn't slept well. He had a headache, which promised to be the start of a hangover, and he felt as though he'd been thrown under a bus.

The flat went quiet. And he relaxed. Just a few more hours of sleep was all he needed to feel halfway human. Of course, now he was awake he was thirsty and he needed to pee. Then his phone started ringing.

He swore as he threw the cover back and pulled on jeans that had been lying on the floor. He needed to clean up and do some laundry. His phone was still going. It wasn't in his pocket, must be in the kitchen.

It was on the kitchen counter.

Lisa. He hit ignore. He had nothing to say to her.

The knocking started again.

‘I'm coming.'
Keep your shirt on.

He opened the door hoping it wasn't the cops … maybe it would be Indigo. His hopes were smashed by Lisa standing there with a smile on her lips. He'd thought it cute once. The way she'd smiled like she knew exactly what was going on.

Not anymore. She was sharpening too many knives behind her back while painting targets on his.

‘Why are you here? Which part of I never want to see you again do you not understand?' It was too early to be nice and he owed her nothing.

‘We need to be civil. We need to talk.'

‘No and no.' He started to shut the door, but she got in the way. He glared at her.

‘I know why you hate me. But you're wrong.'

‘Oh really? I imagined up the pregnancy, the phone calls, the ultimatum … It's my fault?' He was so glad he hadn't quit the band. The alternative was living with this woman and it made his skin crawl to think how much he had loved her. And how little she had loved him.

She shook her head. The ends of her dark hair brushed, her perfectly ironed button-down shirt. Even her jeans looked freshly washed and pressed. He needed a shower and was probably looking as though he'd slept under the bed, not in it.

‘You don't understand.' He recognised the pleading tone. Once he'd caved as soon as it had started, convinced that she really needed him. Now it made him recoil.

‘I'm pretty sure I do.'

‘Dan, I needed to get you home and I figured out a way to do that.'

He knew that. Because she sure as hell hadn't talked to him about coming off the pill and getting pregnant.

‘I thought if I was pregnant you'd want to get a real job so we could settle down. Your dad would pay off my uni debt, we'd get a house deposit and it would be sweet.'

‘Sorry, I missed the part where we're madly in love and want each other to be happy.' There was no way he'd have been happy trapped in that life, working nine to five in a box and then coming home to a wife whose only goal was to get more out of his father. He didn't get on with his father, or appreciate his bribes, but what she was doing was so wrong. However, none of that had stopped him from mourning the loss. The loss of Lisa and the baby. He still wanted that life … but not with her.

‘Grow up. Adults get jobs and pay bills.'

He shrugged. ‘I have a job and I pay my bills.'

‘I know Daddy cut you off.' She smirked.

‘And?' He wasn't going to let her see how much that hurt. He had to act as though there was money in the bank. Only Indigo knew the truth. He wished he hadn't been quite so honest last night.

‘You need me. He likes me. We would be a great team.'

He looked at her. ‘When did you realise that you loved me for my family's money?'

‘My mother always said it was just as easy to love a man with money.'

‘Did you ever love me?'

‘Yes.' She had the nerve to look perplexed, as if she couldn't understand why he'd think otherwise. ‘Which is why I had to talk to you. You can't hate me for killing our baby. There was no baby. I was never pregnant.' She smiled as though that admission put everything right.

Dan gripped the door tighter. His knuckles whitened. ‘You lied to me?'

She gave a little smile, like it was a joke or a slight misunderstanding. ‘I thought it would make you see reason.'

‘And if I had dropped everything and come home? What then?' He'd have come home to get a job and settle down … the whole time looking over his shoulder at what the band was doing and regretting leaving. He'd decided to stay in the band and over east, hoping that Lisa would come around and see he could be both rock star and father. He'd obviously been living in some deluded fantasy, as it was never going to happen. She'd have never been happy until he was locked in to a steady job that killed his soul a little more with every passing day.

‘Miscarriages happen. But you'd have been home and we'd be together and it would've been fine.'

She'd been prepared to carry on the lie. She'd have let him grieve … and he'd have never known the truth.

She'd already let him suffer for six months, knowing he must be hurting.

‘There's no need to be angry, Dan.'

He swallowed as rage bubbled up, burning away the grief and loss he'd felt. ‘Are you fucking kidding me? You lied to me … you let me believe that you were pregnant.'

‘And you didn't care.'

‘I cared but I wasn't going to come scuttling home like a whipped dog. Thank God I didn't because everything I thought we had was a lie. If it was about the money, why not tell me the truth?'

‘Would you have come home?'

‘No. But you could've saved me a whole lot of hurt. I grieved the loss of a baby that never even existed.' He looked at her. His parents hadn't liked her at first … she didn't come from a good family. His father had called her a gold-digger. However she'd said and done all the right things, and his father had found a way to control her. No wonder his father now liked her.

‘And what about me? What am I supposed to do?'

‘The same as everyone else; work and find a way to make ends meet.' Which is exactly what he was having to do. He'd never realised how hard it had been for Ed, Gemma and Mike. While he'd had the stipend, they'd had nothing but what they'd earned the hard way.

‘You are cutting your nose off to spite your face.'

He shrugged; maybe he was, but it was a small price to pay for freedom. ‘You have done more than enough damage to my life.'

‘Dan.' Her voice took on that hopeless tone that he'd once found endearing, as though she couldn't live without him.

Now he found it terrifying. He could barely run his own life. He didn't want to be responsible for anyone else's. He stared at her without flinching.

She blinked and frowned as though confused that nothing was working. ‘Is there nothing I can say or do?'

She reached for him and he pulled back.

‘Nothing. Now get out of my doorway and my life. If you're smart you'll get out of my family too. Find someone else to sink your claws into.'

Lisa considered him for a moment. ‘I don't think you have a girlfriend. Isn't that gay friend of yours back in town?'

His stomach flipped.

‘I bet those rumours about you and Gemma were all a smokescreen and you're as gay as she is.' Her lips curved in a grin.

He kept his face immobile while his stomach did more than just flip. ‘I slept with you.' Something he regretted ever doing. ‘That would technically make me bi.'

Lisa didn't smile. ‘I know you don't care about what people think … but Gemma might. That's not public information.'

He was going to throw up. ‘Whatever you do, leave Gemma out of it.'

‘Or what?'

He shook his head. ‘You really are a toxic bitch, aren't you? You should come with a warning label.'

She shrugged. ‘I'm just doing what I need to do.'

‘Don't do this, Lisa.'

‘Move in for twelve months.'

‘And the band?'

‘They can find a replacement. Music is a fine hobby.' Apparently not as profitable as blackmail. ‘I'll give you a few days to have a think.' Lisa stepped back. ‘See you round, Dan.'

Chapter 12

Dan needed to get his car and he needed to warn Gemma about Lisa's next plot to make him miserable. It had seemed like a good idea to do both at the same time, but now he was stuck in her car and he'd had to confess what had happened.

Gemma would go and tell Ed. This time, though, he didn't care if she did. At least he wouldn't have to. He was dreading that already and he hadn't even lost his licence yet. That loomed ahead like a large storm rolling in over the ocean.

‘Did I tell you what an idiot you are?'

‘Yes, twice but not in those words.' The first two times had involved more cursing. ‘I know it was dumb, but I thought I was okay.'

No, he'd questioned himself when he'd got in the car. But he'd justified it with things like the roads are pretty empty and he didn't have that far to go. If he'd spent any more time at his parents' he'd have ended up getting totally legless and that would've been worse. Lisa would've pounced and he'd have been defenceless … spineless. He'd stood up to her this morning and now Gemma has part of the mess. It just kept spreading, poisoning everything.

Lisa thought Gemma was his weakness. In a way she was right. Gemma was his friend. At least he hoped she was … she may not be after this. This might be the final blow.

‘I need to talk about Lisa.' He didn't even want to be mentioning her name, but it had to be done.

She glanced at him. ‘What's she done this time?'

‘It's what she is threatening.'

‘You've got to stop worrying about her. Put her behind you. Find someone new.'

That was easier said than done. ‘She's gunning for me, Gem.' There was so much more going on than their failed relationship.

‘That's not new, but I am surprised that you're telling me. Aren't you worried I'll tell the others?'

He winced. He deserved that. It wasn't as though they'd spoken much since she blabbed about the non-existent baby. ‘I'm trusting your judgement.' His wasn't working very well at the moment. ‘But that doesn't mean I'm not still burned you told them without giving me the chance to do it myself. You should have said something. I would have done it.'

She nodded. ‘I didn't think you'd listen. I'm sorry.'

Dan relaxed a little. He probably wouldn't have listened. ‘I'm sorry too. I overreacted.' He drew in a breath, well aware that while she'd told their band mates the details about him and Lisa, he'd told the enemy about Gem being gay. His sin was definitely worse.

‘My family was trying to implicate you in the break-up … I told them it was never going to happen because you don't like guys. Mum must have told Lisa.'

Her hands tightened on the steering wheel. ‘And now Lisa is doing what with that knowledge?'

‘She is threatening to out me.'

Gemma laughed. ‘You?'

‘And you by default. Those rumours about us dating were a smokescreen, apparently.'

She stopped laughing. ‘That's bullshit. What does she hope to achieve?'

‘She wants me to move back in for a year. My father said he'd pay her uni debt and give us a house deposit if she got me to quit.'

‘So not just move in, but quit on top of all of that?' She shook her head. ‘Then, in a year's time, what would you do?'

‘Be dead.' He closed his eyes. ‘I'd hate my life. You guys would've moved on and replaced me … my father would've won.'

‘That would suck.'

Gemma knew what she was talking about. Her family had never supported her dreams either and her father was a bully, much like his. It was why they had always been close—they understood the battles each faced. Gemma had won hers. He was still fighting. It felt as though he'd been fighting forever. He was tired.

‘You aren't thinking about it, are you?' She mistook his silence as resignation.

‘No …' But he had no money, an impending court appearance and the woman he had been seeing had brushed him off. He'd texted her to apologise for being an idiot. Even though he'd learned more about her, the end result had been more distance. She'd told him flat out she didn't do relationships.

He did. He wanted more than what she was offering. If he texted her again he'd be looking desperate. He had to wait for her to call him. It was killing him. Maybe he should see if she wanted to come out on Tuesday with him and Ripley and whoever else Ripley ended up inviting. It was a good excuse to text her again and she'd have to answer.

‘It's not just me. I know you aren't ready for this.' If he caved in now and did what Lisa wanted, that would be it. He'd never be free and he'd have nothing to live for.

She sighed. ‘I will survive. It would have come out eventually … I just hope that it doesn't blow up in all of our faces.'

‘Most people shouldn't care.' He tried to sound more hopeful than he felt. However, he knew how cruel people could be. He'd see the way Ripley had struggled and been treated at school. But that had been kids—boys trying to be tough and picking on those they thought were weaker. He glanced at Gemma; they both knew some adults never outgrew that stage.

‘And the ones that do, we don't care about.' She gave a fist pump.

He didn't feel the same enthusiasm. ‘Do we have enough fans to be picky?'

She was quiet for a moment. ‘I guess we're going to find out because you aren't quitting. You can't.'

They both knew that he could.

‘Just think of all the tormented songs you'll be able to get out of this.' She smiled hopefully.

‘Nope.' He was never doing that again. ‘I would prefer to never mention her again.' He saw his car up the street and still with its tyres on. ‘Thank you for driving me to my car.'