Out of Heaven's Grasp (3 page)

Privacy. I looked back and forth between them.

Thomas was grinning. “That sounds like an excellent idea.”

It did? What was going on? Were they kicking me out of the RV?

Thomas unwound his arm from Carla and came over to me. “You’ll have a blast.” He reached into his pocket and took out some money, which he handed to me. “Go get a burger or something. You could even go to the movie theater.”

“Movies?” I was shocked. Movies were expressly forbidden. They were the height of wicked worldliness.

He pressed the money into my palm. “Come on, Abby. Go wild. I promise not to tell.”

And so, I found myself standing outside of the RV in the Costco parking lot. I could hear the muffled sounds of laughter from within the RV, and I didn’t know what exactly my brother and Carla were doing in there, but I had some vague idea that it was whatever men and women did together after they were married. No one really talked about it, but I knew that it confused me.

As I stared out over the parking lot, large streetlights burning in the darkness, blocking out the stars overhead, I hugged myself. From what I understood, the feelings that women and men had for each other were sinful and wrong. At least, they were before you were married. But after you were married… well, I was unclear. Many of the elders seemed to say that it was an evil that must be endured for married people. But other married people seemed to, well, enjoy it.

Was it like the French fries from earlier? Tasty and wondrous, but bad for you just the same?

I spotted a truck across the parking lot, and I recognized it.

It looked an awful lot like Jesse’s truck.

Could it be that Jesse was here? If so, that would make a certain kind of sick sense. I was contemplating temptation, and the person who tempted me more than anything was right across the parking lot, just when I’d been given money and an order to “go wild.”

I gulped.

Something inside me, something I was powerless to resist, dragged me across the parking lot to the truck.

As I walked, I tried to convince myself that there was no way it was Jesse’s. There had to be lots of other trucks that looked liked his, and the odds that he’d be here in Lebenet at the same time as me were long.

But as I got closer, I could see that the bed of the truck had a tangle of blankets in it, because someone was planning to sleep there. There was a cover over the bed, but the back was open, and I could see inside.

And then Jesse wandered around the truck, sandwich in hand. When he saw me, he was startled. He dropped the sandwich on the pavement.

“Oh,” I said, rushing forward. “I’m sorry. I made you drop your food.” I picked up the sandwich, but it was ruined. Too dirty to eat. I stared down at it, feeling awful.

“You really need to stop apologizing, Abigail London,” said Jesse.

I gulped again, and I raised my gaze to meet his. All at once, my body seemed kick into a higher gear. My heart sped up, my breath grew shallow, and my face flushed.

He smiled. “What are you doing here?”

“Um… shopping at Costco for the family.”

“Me too,” he said. He looked around. “You alone?”

I pointed at the RV. “I’m with my brother Thomas and his wife. But they, um, wanted privacy.”

Now Jesse blushed. He quickly looked away from me.

I squeezed my eyes shut. Why had I mentioned that? That was the last thing I should talk about in front of Jesse. I shouldn’t be talking to him at all, in fact. We were alone, and it was against the rules for unmarried men and women to be alone. Actually, it was against the rules for me to be out here alone without a chaperone. Everything was topsy-turvy and confusing. I was still holding Jesse’s dirty sandwich. I flung it on the ground.

Out of nowhere, courage surged through me. I tossed my hair back. “My brother gave me some money. I should buy you dinner. It’s my fault you lost your food.”

A sly grin crept over his features. “You want to buy me worldly food?”

“Well,” I said, “unless you think ravens are going to come down like they did for Elijah. You can’t starve.”

He scanned the night sky. “Yeah, I’m not seeing any ravens.”

“Look, if you think it would be too sinful—”

“I never said that.” He grinned at me. “Besides, who’s going to know?”

That was what my brother had said. I felt guilt shoot through me, but it was tinged with a rush of excitement, and I couldn’t tell which was stronger. I felt giddy and free. I could stare at Jesse as long as I wanted here, and there was no one to tell me it was wrong.

He looked out across the parking lot. There were clusters of different restaurants surrounding the Costco lot. “Where should we go?”

“I…” I really had no idea. I pointed. “That one.”

“Applebees?” he said.

I shrugged. “Maybe they have apples?”

He glanced at me. “You ever do this before?”

I shook my head. “But Thomas told me I should go wild.”

Jesse laughed.

“What about you?” I asked. “You ever done it?”

“No.”

We walked across the parking lot to the restaurant. There were other people getting out of their cars—people in wordly clothes. The women wore pants and had short hair. Their faces were painted garishly with makeup. The men were clean-shaven, in jeans and t-shirts. They all openly gaped at us in our simple, homespun clothes. I wore a simple dress, and Jesse wore a flowing tunic and trousers. But people had been staring at us all day, and we were used to it.

We followed the worldly people into the restaurant, watching closely to see what they did so that we could mimic it.

But it didn’t help, because we were still confused. The woman at the door asked us, “How many?”

We’d both watched the other people answer this question, but we didn’t know where they were getting their numbers. Was this some kind of worldly code that we didn’t understand?

I looked at Jesse. He looked at me.

And then he looked back at the woman. “How many what?”

The woman laughed. “How many of you? Just two?”

“Oh,” I said, realization dawning.

“You guys are those Jesus hippies, right?” she said. “We see you guys in the Costco all the time, but no one ever comes in here to eat.”

Neither of us knew what to say. What were Jesus hippies?

She just chuckled. “Don’t worry about it. This way. I’ll get you a table.”

I wasn’t sure what fascinated me the most about the place. Maybe it was the smooth wooden table tops or the bright, electric lights. Maybe it was the individual, disposable packets of sugar and things I’d never heard of like Sweet and Lo. Maybe it was the brightly colored menus we were given, with pictures of huge portions of food all over them. My mouth watered as I gaped at it.

Jesse and I were still staring at the menus when a woman came by and asked what we wanted to drink.

I only knew of one worldly drink name from Carla earlier that day, and so I said. “Coke. We’ll have Coke.”

“Pepsi okay?” the woman said absently.

Pepsi? “Um… what’s that?”

She looked up at me, and it was as if she was seeing me for the first time. “Whoa,” she said. “You guys are from that cult.”

I winced.

Jesse got red again.

“You don’t know what Pepsi is?”

I shook my head.

“It’s the same as Coke,” she said. She bit her lip. “Well, we’re not supposed to say that, because it’s a brand thing or whatever, but trust me, it’s the same.”

“Oh,” I said.

Jesse still looked confused, and I didn’t really feel any better about what was going on. Maybe this whole thing had been a mistake.

The woman looked back and forth between us, furrowing her brow. “I didn’t think you guys ever went to restaurants.”

I blanched. Even out in the world, we were being reminded of how we were rebelling. I started to get up. “Maybe this was a bad idea. We should go.”

“Oh, hold on, wait,” said the woman, her eyes wide. She lowered her voice conspiratorially. “Are you guys like breaking the rules?”

My face got hot again.

But Jesse just grinned. “Yes, actually.”

The woman grinned too. “Awesome. That is so cool.”

I slowly sat back down again.

“So, have you ever been to a restaurant before?”

We shook our heads.

She was still grinning. “Well, that’s okay. Don’t worry. I’m Missy. I’m your waitress. Do you guys know about waitresses?”

We didn’t say anything.

“I’m going to take care of you,” she said. “Don’t worry about anything. This is going to be great, and you’re going to love it.” She grabbed the menu. “So, aren’t you guys like vegan or whatever?”

“Vegan?” said Jesse.

She nodded. “Yeah, like no animal products, right? No meat, no milk, no eggs?”

“Oh,” I said. “That’s right.” We didn’t eat meat because of the bible story of Daniel in captivity. He and the Israelites had only eaten vegetables and water and become stronger than the others. We believed that eating only plants was better for our bodies, which was ultimately better for our spirits and souls.

“Well,” said Missy, “there’s not
a lot
on the menu that’s vegan, but—”

“Maybe we don’t have to follow that tonight either,” said Jesse.

Missy’s eyes sparkled. “Oh, you guys are little rebels. I love it. You know, my sister has a store in town and she sells a lot of the clothes that you guys make, so that’s why I know some stuff about your beliefs. I’m sorry I said it was a cult. I guess that was kind of rude.” She made an apologetic face. “Anyway, I just want you to know that I think it’s really cool that you’re trying new stuff.”

I was starting to feel a little better. We’d always been taught that the worldly people were all either possessed by demons or under the thrall of demons. But Missy didn’t seem like a horrible, evil person. She was even a little bit nice, helping us figure this out.

I looked back at the menu, which still seemed overwhelming. What was it that my brother had said? Something about… “Do you have burgers?” I said.

“Oh, yeah, definitely.” Missy flipped the menu over. “Right there. They come with French fries.”

More
French fries? I smiled.

* * *

I’d never tasted meat before, and I really liked it. There was something amazingly decadent about the food, with all its brash flavors. Everything seemed more intense than the food we had at home. It was all sweeter and saltier. It tasted so good, but there was way too much of it. I could barely eat half of the burger and half of the French fries before I was stuffed.

I sat back in the booth, my hand on my stomach, feeling more sated than I ever thought I had in my entire life.

Jesse was still eating. Of course, I’d already had dinner tonight, and he hadn’t had anything, so I guessed it made sense that he was hungrier than I was.

He set down his burger and wiped his mouth with one of the paper napkins. “This is amazing.”

“I know.” I grinned. We hadn’t been talking much, not since the food came. We’d both been completely mesmerized by eating it. I groaned. “But we’re probably going to go to Hell now.”

He shook his head. “Nah. Lots of guys do stuff like this when they come to Lebenet. The Albertson brothers go to McDonald’s every single time. They said the first time they ate there, they were both afraid that God was going to strike them dead or something. But so far, they’re all right.”

“Really?” The Albertson family had always struck me as godly and pure. I couldn’t believe it. Was everyone in the community really a secret hypocrite?

He munched on a fry. “I think it’s pretty normal for the younger generation to rebel a little bit. I never have, because it’s not worth it to disgrace my family. My father’s still trying to get another wife, and if anyone found out I wasn’t walking the straight and narrow, it would make him look bad.”

Guilt surged through me again. “Oh, I’m sorry that I brought us here, then.”

“You and your apologizing.” He laughed. “Seriously, it’s okay. I wanted to come here. I wanted to spend time with you.”

I blushed. “You did?”

He nodded. But then he seemed to get a little bit shy, and so he took another bite of his burger, and looked down at it while he chewed.

I looked down at my plate. It had been so good, and I wanted more of it, but I was so, so full. I picked the bun off the top of the burger and slid the meat patty onto the plate. Using my knife and fork, I cut off a piece and popped it into my mouth. I closed my eyes as the flavors burst on my tongue. That was amazing.

“Listen, it’s not all about my dad, anyway,” said Jesse. “The truth is that it’s less fun to be rebellious all by yourself. I’m the oldest boy in my family, so I’m always here on my own. Maybe I’ve just been waiting for someone else to misbehave with.”

I understood that. “Well, I’m glad it was me.” I was having the most fun that I thought I’d ever had in my entire life. And even if it was a sin, at that moment, I didn’t really care.