Out of Rhythm (Face the Music Book 1) (2 page)

What was Kirsten going to give her? In her private fantasies they made up, hugged, kissed and got busy. Her nipples peaked against her bra. She couldn’t help being attracted to Kirsten, no, but she could stop herself from acting on it. She had to if she wanted Kirsten back as a friend. And she missed that friendship. The one person she’d always been able to talk to about anything, and yet she’d kept the biggest secret because she’d been worried about what Kirsten would say. Her fears had been well grounded.

Kirsten hesitated.

‘Oh my God, you are not
still
fighting over that guy.’ Ed put a hand on his sister’s shoulder and one on Gemma’s. ‘It’s been months, and you two have been friends for years. Get over it.’

Gemma gave him a pained smile. He had no idea, which was the way she wanted to keep it. While everyone knew about the falling out, she’d let them jump to their own and very wrong conclusions about the reason; Kirsten hadn’t corrected them either.

‘He’s right.’ Kirsten gave her a tight smile then stepped forward and embraced Gemma.

For a heartbeat she couldn’t move. If she touched her, would Kirsten think she was groping her? Cautiously Gemma put her arms around the woman who had once been her best friend, who had been responsible for making Ed listen to her play guitar and sing. When she had joined the band, things had clicked and suddenly Selling the Sun went from trying to get gigs around the Perth scene to being invited to play, and then getting that elusive first recording contract.

The party to celebrate their first official release had been when she’d kissed Kirsten. It meant that all of the excitement that had happened afterwards she hadn’t been able to share. Her parents didn’t want to know, they reminded her that she was wasting time and that travelling all around with the guys was no proper way to behave. Her mother had once asked if she was sleeping with them all. Because she cared or because her father had demanded an answer? Probably both.

Kirsten didn’t flinch or pull away. She gave Gemma an extra squeeze before letting her go. ‘Are we good?’ Uncertainty flickered in Kirsten’s blue eyes.

Were they? There was so much that wasn’t being said, but then so much had been said after the kiss that should never have happened. So much that couldn’t be unsaid. And while she often wished she could take it back to have her friend back, the rest of the time she couldn’t help but think of Kirsten as more than a friend. No one knew her as well as Kirsten.

But some things weren’t meant to be.

‘Yeah, we’re good.’ Being friends was better than nothing. She almost believed that.

They weren’t good. Kirsten knew that, she could see it in Gemma’s face. She was tense and uncomfortable. She looked as though she didn’t want to be here even though the party was for her as much as it was for Ed.

Kirsten knew why. The last party that had been here had ended in an argument and she’d said things that she shouldn’t have. Mostly out of shock. Until it had happened she’d never realised that Gemma had wanted to kiss her…that she’d enjoyed it had been the real twist. It was her reaction that she hadn’t known how to handle. So she’d backed right away and not spoken to Gemma. In hindsight that was the worst thing she could’ve done.

If she was confused, what about Gemma? Kirsten needed to be the one to put things right. While Gemma had apologised for kissing her, she needed to apologise for being a total bitch about it. Their relationship was stronger than that, wasn’t it? Once she would’ve agreed, now she wasn’t so sure. Perhaps too much time had passed.

No, that she didn’t believe, but she needed to act. There were things she wanted to say to Gemma that couldn’t be said in front of her brother and his friends…Gemma’s band mates. What had started as a hobby and a bit of extra money for them had become real, and she’d missed most of the excitement because of her fight with Gemma.

She regretted everything that she’d said.

But she hadn’t forgotten the kiss. She wasn’t sure she regretted the kiss, which only added to the turmoil. She’d contemplated what might have happened next if she’d gone with it rather than of pushing Gemma away. The idea had aroused her, but by that time Gemma had been on the other side of the country and they hadn’t spoken in weeks. Not everything could be said over the phone. Plus what was in her head wasn’t real. Maybe it was simply one kiss and Gemma had been experimenting. If she’d been going to experiment, she’d pick Gemma in a heartbeat.

Lithe and usually smiling, Gemma was the kind of girl who should’ve been popular at school. Instead she’d muddled around somewhere in the middle, as if she preferred to be invisible. Now her life was on stage, in the bright lights for everyone to see. Kirsten knew there was a whole lot that people didn’t see. Gemma was very good at behaving the way people expected her to, even if that wasn’t really her.

‘Come inside and catch me up.’ Kirsten smiled and hoped Gemma would see the peace offering and come with her.

Gemma glanced at the guys, shrugged and then followed. This wasn’t the same Gemma that she’d known. Not all of it was her fault though. Some of the tension and uncertainty had to do with the band and the troubles they were facing. Ed had already made an offhand comment about wanting to walk away, but when she’d pressed he’d said he didn’t mean it. Just frustrated and tired and then he’d clammed up about it and she’d let it drop. He’d talk when he was ready.

Was Gemma ready to talk?

They went inside and sat in the lounge room. Gemma took a single chair and leaned back, Kirsten sat on the sofa. Once they would have sat next to each other without it meaning a thing. Now she could feel an undercurrent and it was pulling them further apart.

The Gemma she knew was confident and happy — and her hair was always something cool. Now the red had faded, the regrowth was showing and the fringe was grown out, as if she hadn’t bothered to do anything with her hair since the last time Kirsten had coloured and cut it. She’d been doing Gemma’s hair for years; it had been their thing during high school. Back then Gemma had always trusted her. This woman was closed off and reluctant to be here.

Gemma sipped her beer and looked at her, hair hanging over her brown eyes as though she didn’t want to be seen. ‘I’m sorry about what happened. I was out of line.’

Kirsten shook her head. ‘You caught me by surprise and I overreacted. I’m sorry about everything I said. We were both fairly drunk...’ She’d been working herself up to talking about this to Gemma all day and now all she could manage was limp excuses. The
I was drunk
line. She hated it when guys used it. ‘I shouldn’t have acted that way.’

‘Yeah.’ Gemma took another swig. ‘So we move on, it happened. It won’t happen again. Promise.’

That was part of the problem. She kind of wanted it to happen again. To see if the memory she had and the imaginary follow-on were as good in the flesh as they were in her mind. While she’d never admit it to anyone, thoughts of Gemma had gotten her off. Which was as confusing as hell considering she’d never looked at a woman that way, ever. Six months ago she’d have said she exclusively liked guys. Now she wasn’t sure.

Was it a drunken thing for Gemma or had she kissed other women? Kirsten glanced at her best friend since kindergarten. If Gemma were into women, she’d have realised…wouldn’t she? Gemma would’ve said something…maybe.

As people wandered into the house and retrieved more drinks or snacks, Kirsten bit her tongue. It wasn’t her place to ask, but if Gemma trusted her enough to talk she wouldn’t freak out. ‘So has it been fun travelling around Australia?’

Gemma rolled her eyes and tipped her head back against the chair. ‘It’s not very glamorous when you play and move on straight away. I was praying for the times we got more than one night in a place.’

‘But you’re doing what you wanted.’

‘It’s harder than it looks. Once that contract comes in and people’s expectations rise and…’ Gemma shook her head. ‘It’s not how I expected.’

‘But you guys are working on the next album.’

She nodded cautiously, then sighed as if she were shedding a great burden. ‘We suck.’

‘What?’ That wasn’t possible. Kirsten and Gemma had spent their early teens listening to Ed’s songs at home. It was Gemma who’d suggest a few changes and it was then she’d realised that Gemma was far better at music than she seemed. She may have arranged a set-up so Ed could listen and talk to Gemma. It had worked…although then she’d had to share her best friend with her brother — at one point she was sure Gemma and Ed would hook up, but they never had — and his friends.

‘Everything we are writing is a giant pile of suckiness.’

‘I’m sure you’ll get there.’ That explained why Ed was so antsy.

‘At the moment, the odds of writing a second album are about the same as one of us cracking and killing the others. My money is on Mike. You got to watch the quiet ones.’

Kirsten laughed, but it felt kind of forced and hollow. ‘It’s not that bad.’

‘It is that bad.’ Gemma drained her beer. ‘And I know I sound so whiny. I have what people would do anything for and I’m bitching about how hard it is.’

‘Yeah, must be tough sleeping until lunchtime and then playing for sixty minutes.’

Gemma tossed a cushion at her, but she was smiling. Her first real smile for the day. Kirsten didn’t want her to lose it. She wanted things to go back to how they were and she knew one sure way to start back on that path.

‘Why don’t I do your hair?’ Just like it used to be. Gemma had let her try all kind of things. While she’d been doing her apprenticeship it had been fun. Gemma the wanna-be rock star and Kirsten the almost hairdresser. At least one of them had enough guts to dream big.

‘No one’s touched my hair since you.’ It was a soft admission that carried a world of meaning.

‘I can tell, and you’re famous, you need to look fabulous. You can tell them I did your hair and then I’ll become hairdresser to the stars.’ That had sounded better in her head, but Gemma grinned at her and it was as though nothing had happened and they were the best of friends again.

‘You do know your brother still uses clippers all over.’

Ed thought keeping his hair military short was a sense of fashion. ‘That’s because he has no style. You and Dan are the cool ones.’

Once, a long time ago, she’d fancied Dan. But Ed had made sure that would never happen; she’d hated him for that then. With Gemma in the band she’d felt like an outsider at times.

Gemma shook her head. ‘Don’t tell him that, his head might explode.’

‘Lisa’s not here?’ Kirsten had been expecting to see her. Lisa had been a fixture for the last three years. She’d been expecting Dan to pop the question and be the first one married.

‘Yeah, don’t use the L word near him. She dumped him and he’s very fragile.’

Oh. He hadn’t seemed hurt…but that did explain the awkward pass. Six months ago Lisa and Dan had been talking rings and now it was over. ‘My brother doesn’t share any gossip.’

The gossip she’d really wanted to hear about had been how Gemma was going. But she was afraid that if she’d asked Ed outright he’d have told Gemma she was asking, and that would have been worse.

‘Did Dan cheat?’

Gemma shook her head. ‘Not that I know of. But I think Lisa was convinced he was. They argued on the phone a lot toward the end. It’s hard being away from home all the time. I don’t think she could handle the separation.’

It sounded like she really couldn’t trust Dan.

‘Does the band have groupies yet?’

‘There’s always some chick wanting to jump Ed.’

Of course there was, he and Gemma split the vocals so he was out the front. ‘He’s my brother; I really don’t need details.’

And what about Gemma? Did she get guys trying to sleep with her? Or girls? Hairdressers didn’t get grateful clients throwing themselves on the floor and offering their bodies up.

‘It gets old fast. Or maybe I’m not cut out for this.’ She shrugged and let her hair cover her face again. ‘I don’t know anymore.’

Kirsten got up and sat on the arm of Gemma’s chair. She gave her friend a hug. ‘You’ll get through this. You’re coming off a massive and exhausting year.’ But even as she reassured Gemma, she knew that it was something that ran deeper that was bothering Gemma.

Despite the apologies, there was still too much unsaid.

After everyone had left and Kirsten had helped her parents clean up, she went looking for Ed. He was sitting in his room picking at the strings of his guitar and staring into space.

There was a half empty beer on his bedside table and his suitcase was open and partially packed on the floor, as if he expected to up and leave again. She knew that wasn’t going to be happening. He was home for the summer — except for when the festivals started.

She remembered going to the music festivals with a huge group of friends and he’d be there saying it would be him up on stage one day. Now he didn’t seem thrilled.

‘Working on something new?’ When she was younger he’d always let her listen. Gemma had too. Without either of them in her life, the last six months had been quiet and colourless.

‘Nope. Just making noise.’ He reached for his beer and took a swig.

‘Gemma said the second album was tough going.’ She didn’t know what else to say.

He nodded. ‘Glad you and Gem fixed things up.’

Kirsten wouldn’t go that far but they were both trying. ‘She also said Dan and Lisa split.’

He nodded again. ‘That was all bad. I thought we were going to have to cancel shows or come home or something.’

‘But you didn’t.’

‘We couldn’t. We need to be professional and together. Dan knows that and he pulled it together.’ He plucked at the strings again. ‘She couldn’t have picked a worse time though. Two days before the ARIAs. I think she wanted him to come home. To choose between us and her.’

‘And he chose the band.’

‘Yep. He did that in spite of the fact we haven’t written anything worth playing.’

‘I don’t believe that…I’ve heard you play a lot of crap. Remember
The Dog Ate my Shoe
?’

Ed grimaced. ‘I was fourteen, and you loved it.’