Out of the Shadow (25 page)

But the pain wouldn’t stay cooped up for long. He needed an outlet and he knew he’d find it behind a set of drums. He started pounding, letting loose as a rhythm flowed through his veins. Perspiration began to collect on his brow and the back of his neck but it didn’t deter him. He hoped maybe he could sweat out some of the hurt that Ally had inflicted on him. Maybe then he’d be able to think clearly. Maybe he’d be able to eat something substantial. Maybe he’d be able to sleep at night.

Twenty minutes later, he noticed his dad, Jay, and Richie watching him from the doorway. He stopped, wiped the sweat from his brow with his shirt sleeve, and set the sticks carefully on the snare drum.

“
Hey, what’s up?” he asked, his expression casual.

“
Just listening to the master,” Nate quipped as he walked into the room and perched on a chair. “What were you playing?”

“
Nothing,” he said, lifting a shoulder. “Just messing around.”

“
Yeah, sure you were,” Jay said, concern lingering in his eyes. “I haven’t seen you go off like that since…well, it’s been awhile.”

Cole knew Jay had been about to say that Cole hadn’t drummed so hard since his mother had died and he was probably right. But he didn’t want to get into the source of his pain at that particular minute – not with Richie and Jay hanging around. He’d hoped to speak to his dad privately. As much as he liked Richie and Jay, and even though they both treated him as if he was their own – he preferred confiding in his father. Besides, Jay was Ally’s father.

“
What are you old people doing?” he joked as he tapped his fingers on the snare drum, making the sticks dance. “Did you come to watch me enviously? Wishing you were young again?”

“
Jeez, Nate,” Richie said as he opened the fridge, grabbed a bottle of water, and tossed it to Cole. “Cocky kid you got there.”

“
I know,” Nate said, considering Cole carefully. He nodded at his son. “You staying for dinner?”

“
Yeah,” Cole said. “Richie never taught RJ how to cook so it’s probably slim pickings at my place.”

Richie grinned at him and clapped Jay on the back. “Speaking of food, I’d better get home. Are you sure you don’t mind dropping me off?”

“
Nope,” Jay said. “I’ll see you Saturday, Cole.”

“
See ya,” Cole said. He picked up the sticks and rolled them between his fingers as his dad waited for the door to shut.

“
What’s the matter, kid?” Nate asked, his expression grave.

Cole tapped the sticks together, drawing oxygen through his nose as he fought the burning sensation behind his eyes. He didn’t want to break down and cry like a child in front of his father, yet the feeling was always there.

“
I’m not sure what’s going on, Dad,” he said, staring at the two pieces of wood in his hands. “Things aren’t so hot with Ally right now.”

“
I sort of figured,” Nate said. “Jay thought maybe so, also. Ally has been sort of moody the last couple times Jay has talked to her.”

“
She kissed someone else,” Cole said, not wanting to drag Robby’s name into it just yet. “She was upset over that stupid magazine article and went to some party. She got drunk and…” he sighed. He quickly explained what happened, admitting to his father that it might not be such a big deal but it was killing him. “And I don’t know what to do about it.”

“
Did you two break up?” Nate asked.

Cole nodded half-heartedly. “Sort of. I just told her I couldn’t be with her at this time.” He sighed and shoved the sticks in his back pocket so he could push his hair back. “I just need to sort through all this and figure out what I want to do.”

“
That’s exactly what you have to do, son,” Nate said. “You need to work through your feelings and figure out if you’ll be able to forgive her.”

“
I just can’t think straight.”

Nate got up and walked around the drum kit. He placed a hand on Cole’s shoulder. “Then tell her that, Cole. Tell her to give you a chance to wrap your head around it then when you get things sorted, you two can talk.”

Cole nodded, scrubbing his face. He was very near tears and he swallowed frantically in hopes of stifling them. He wished he could just let it all out like he used to when he was a kid and his mother did stupid stuff that upset him, but he couldn’t. He wasn’t a child anymore.

He swallowed again and cocked his head, offering his dad a tiny smile. “I’ll try that. I’ll talk to her tomorrow and tell her that’s what I want to do.”

“
Cole,” Nate said, squeezing Cole’s shoulder. “Does she like Robby?”

“
I don’t know,” Cole whispered. “She said they’re just friends.”

“
Robby just doesn’t seem like the type to hit on any woman, especially one that is involved with a friend of his,” Nate said with a frown.

“
He didn’t,” Cole said as another bolt of pain shot through his heart. “Ally said he was just helping her out and she was the one who…you know.”

“
I know,” Nate said, wrapping his arm around Cole’s shoulders. “And I’m betting she’s feeling pretty horrible about the whole thing. I’m sure she’s just as miserable as you are.”

“
Yeah,” he said, brightening a bit. “Come on. I’m curious to see what chicken recipe Stacy settled on.”

Nate nodded and followed his son up the stairs.

***

Ally spent the next few days throwing herself into her course work and practice, and her nights crying rivers of tears, usually on Shannon’s or Jamie’s shoulder. Her heart was cracked, pieces chipping away as each day ended without a phone call from Cole.

She’d poured the entire story out to Jamie when he’d driven her home from Cole’s house, but she hadn’t admitted everything to Shannon, who remained confused as to the sudden breakup.

Jamie kept her updated on all things RJ and Cole and she knew they were preparing to fly to L.A. to do some work with Rhys. They wouldn’t be back until close to Thanksgiving and she couldn’t stand to think about leaving things in their current state.

She woke early Saturday morning, and didn’t budge from her blankets. She stayed in bed and watched as the light seeping through her blinds slowly changed from nonexistent to dim to dreary. When she finally tossed the blankets back, she showered leisurely, dressed, and decided to take a walk around the campus.

She kicked at the leaves littering the sidewalk as her heels scuffed the concrete. Her mind was a blur of images and ideas and she had been struggling to make sense of everything. Certainly she’d been right to tell him the truth even though it didn’t feel right in her gut.

She cut across campus and slowly walked to the athletic complex. She climbed the bleachers and sat, wrapping her arms around her waist, staring out at the empty football field. The light wind blew at her damp hair and she lifted her face to it.

She missed Cole. She missed him in a horrible way. When he’d been on tour, she’d missed him but she’d missed him differently. He’d still been hers, for one thing. And she knew that she could pick up her phone and dial his number at any time. But not now. Maybe not ever. She’d not only possibly lost her boyfriend but perhaps her best friend, too.

Her phone rang and knocked her out of her self-pity. She dug it out of her jacket pocket and her heart lurched when his name popped up on the screen. She answered warily.

“
Hello,” she said.

“
Hey, Al,” he said, his voice weary. She wondered if he’d been sleeping.

“
Hi,” she said, her hands trembling. “How are you?”

“
Fine,” he said in a clipped tone. “Listen, Al, I’m leaving for L.A. in a few hours and I wondered if you wanted to go for a ride with me this morning. I think we should talk before I leave town.”

“
Sure,” she said. “Um, when?”

“
Is now okay?” he asked. “I could be there in ten, fifteen minutes.”

“
I’ll meet you in the parking lot,” she said. He agreed and ended the call. She stuffed her phone in her pocket and stared at the goal posts, her evil, vindictive mind calling up memories of football games at Meridian Valley – particularly the one she’d attended with a broken leg in which Cole had sat with her, his arms around her, and helped her back to her room when the pain grew to be too much.

“
I can’t think about that now,” she mumbled as she stood up, wiped the dew off the back of her jeans, and climbed down the bleachers. She took her time walking across campus, knowing she’d beat him, and tried to push the worry and anxiety from her heart. It did no good to fret over things and wonder what he had to say – she’d find out sooner or later.

She did beat him to the parking lot but didn’t have to wait long. He pulled up to the curb and opened the door for her. She climbed in and buckled her seat belt, afraid that if she looked at him, she’d crumble into a heap of tears.

“
I thought we’d just go for a quick ride,” he said. She nodded, nibbling on the inside of her cheek.

He didn’t drive far – just a few miles to a small park – which was sort of a relief since neither one said a word. He slipped into the parking lot, put the car in park, but didn’t kill the engine. Instead, he fiddled with the key ring hanging from the ignition – a pewter key ring with his name engraved on it. A small gift from her.

“
Al,” he said softly.

“
I’m so sorry, Cole,” she said, her head bent. She twisted the ring he’d given her around and around her finger, still not able to look at him. “If I could change things, I would.”

“
I know,” he said. He reached across the console and pried her hands apart. He laced his fingers through hers. “And I know you love me just like I love you.”

She chanced a quick glance at him and was frightened by his pale pallor. “Cole…”

“
Let me say this, please,” he begged, squeezing her hand.

She nodded, aching to yank him into her arms. She hated the pain that lined his face. Instead, she watched as he ran his free hand through his hair and drew a long, deep breath. This is it, she thought, here we go.

“
Ally, I can’t even think straight. This is killing me,” he started. “I just want to be able to sort all this out but my head is all messed up. I’m betting yours is the same way.” He didn’t wait for her response. “Anyway, I just think we should take some time to think about stuff, you know?”

“
I don’t have anything I need to think about,” she protested. “I know I screwed up but I also know what I want and that’s you. I love you, Cole. I want to be with you and only you.”

He squeezed her hand again. “Al, I need to figure out how I feel about this mess. I need to get over it and move past it but I just can’t yet. I just need some time, okay? I just thought that maybe we should take a break while I’m in L.A. and when I come home we’ll get together and talk.”

She hated his idea. She thought it was horrible. She wanted no part of it, but she thought the alternative might be worse. She sighed, bit back the tears, and nodded as she turned toward the window. She couldn’t bear looking at him any longer.

“
Don’t cry, Al,” he said as he cupped her cheek and forced her eyes to his. “Please.”

“
I don’t want to lose you,” she said as fat tears rolled down her cheeks.

He pressed his lips gently to hers. “Just give me a little time, please.”

“
I will,” she said. Her bottom lip trembled as her heart shattered.

“
Thank you,” he said. His fingers burned her skin as he continued to palm her cheek, his muddy brown eyes boring into her tear-filled eyes. Something akin to regret flashed through his and for a moment, hope rose in her heart, but whatever it was she’d seen in his eyes died quickly. “I have to get you back to school. I have to get home and get ready to go.”