Outlast the Night (11 page)

“Because Caine and Macklin are together?”

“Because they’re open about being together,” Jeremy said. “I always wondered about Mr. Lang and his foreman, but it wasn’t something anyone talked about. Caine and Macklin aren’t hiding. They might not walk around holding hands or kissing or anything like that where people can see them, but you can’t live on this station and have any doubts about their relationship. And that’s special.”

“Always?” Sam asked. “When did you start thinking about being gay?”

“When I was a teenager,” Jeremy said. “The other boys on the station all wanted to sneak around the jillaroos’ bunkhouse to try to catch a glimpse of the girls naked. I tagged along because it was what was expected, but I far preferred hanging out with the jackaroos. Most of them didn’t think twice about walking around their bunkhouse half undressed or more. I wasn’t a little kid, and I had all the same equipment they did, so what was there to worry about?”

“Shame on you,” Sam scolded, but he couldn’t stop the smile at the thought of an adolescent Jeremy spying on the jackaroos in plain sight. “They had no clue, did they?”

“Of course not,” Jeremy said. “I was always careful to leave before I gave anything away. It sure made for some good fantasy material, though.”

“Remind me not to take a shower while you’re in the bunkhouse,” Sam teased.

“I wouldn’t do that now,” Jeremy promised. “I had no sense of boundaries when I was fourteen. I have a little better sense of propriety at thirty-four. I have the courtesy to wait until I’m invited these days.”

Sam flushed again, this time at the thought of someday working up the courage to invite Jeremy to join him in the showers. Maybe in a few months, when living on the station had gotten rid of some of the flab on his body. The thought of seeing Jeremy, though, had quite the appeal. They were more or less of a height, although Jeremy was maybe an inch taller, but the similarities pretty much ended there. Jeremy was built. That was the only word for it. Not like a bodybuilder, but like hard work and a lifetime in the outback. His shoulders were broad, and if the rest of his arms corresponded with the glimpse Sam had gotten of his forearms, they would be solid. The clothes Jeremy wore around the station weren’t designed to show off his physique, but they fit well enough to give a hint of equally toned muscles everywhere else. Sam’s imagination didn’t have any trouble filling in the rest.

“Did I scare you off?” Jeremy asked.

“What? No, just remembering something,” Sam said quickly. Too quickly, if the slow smile that spread over Jeremy’s face was any indication.

“So what about you?” Jeremy asked. “When did you figure it out?”

“I think I probably always knew,” Sam admitted, “but I only stopped pretending, even to myself, about a year ago. I married Alison to appease my father. Neil came by his homophobia honestly. I liked her, she liked me, it seemed like the best I was going to get, and it even worked for a while. Not great, but not terrible either. Then I lost my job and couldn’t find another one, and she lost patience with me. Everything went to hell, and I figured I didn’t have anything else to lose, so I went to a gay bar and let someone pick me up. It was a shit thing to do, but it proved what I’d always tried to deny.”

Jeremy just nodded, an inscrutable look on his face.

“Well, now that I’ve totally killed the mood,” Sam joked, trying to lighten the pall that had settled over their conversation, “I suppose I should get back to work.”

“No,” Jeremy said, “you should come outside with me for a couple of hours. Chris isn’t using Titan today, so it’s time for your first riding lesson.”

“I’ve got work to do,” Sam protested. “Those files won’t sort themselves.”

“No, but I helped you sort all morning,” Jeremy reminded him, “and I’ll help again later if you want. You need some fresh air. You’ll work better later for taking a break now.”

Sam wasn’t sure he bought that logic, but the idea of spending a few hours outside with Jeremy, even making a fool of himself, as he was sure he would, was far more appealing than going back to sorting old records. “Okay. Let’s go see what you can teach me.”

Chapter 9

J
EREMY
led Sam out to the paddock where the horses stayed when they weren’t being ridden. “Have you ever ridden a horse before?”

Sam shook his head. “Never really had a chance. It wasn’t something that came up in my line of work.”

Jeremy chuckled. “No, I can see that, although some people ride for pleasure too.”

“Neil was always the athletic one, not me.”

Jeremy ducked between the fence posts and walked over to the bay gelding Jesse had suggested when Jeremy asked about a good horse for a beginning rider. Jeremy had ignored Jesse’s smirk at the question. “Come on, Titan,” he said, grabbing the horse’s halter. “Come meet Sam.”

Titan followed Jeremy docilely to the edge of the fence. “Say hi, Sam.”

Sam held out his hand tentatively. Titan snuffled at it, lipping Sam’s palm eagerly. “He wants a treat,” Jeremy explained. “He’s apparently a favorite with the jackaroos because everyone’s always bringing him apples and carrots and things.”

“You should have told me. I would have gotten something from the canteen.”

“Here,” Jeremy said, offering Sam the apple he’d snagged on their way out. “He’ll appreciate it more than I would. Keep your hand flat. Let him take it from your palm.”

Sam did as Jeremy said, put the apple in the palm of his hand, and extended it to Titan again. Titan snatched it, biting it in two with one chomp of his huge teeth.

“That’s bloody scary,” Sam said.

“Nah, he’s not a biter. I asked,” Jeremy reassured him. “He’s just a glutton.”

“So what now?” Sam asked.

“Now we saddle up and let you get used to seeing the world from a different angle,” Jeremy said. “I’ll grab the tack. You stay here and get better acquainted. He’ll be your mount, so you’ll want to get to know him.”

Jeremy left Sam with Titan while he went through the shearing sheds to the tack room. He grabbed everything he needed and went back outside in time to see Titan head-butt Sam, knocking him back several steps. Sam laughed and scratched beneath Titan’s forelock. The sound hit Jeremy like a ton of bricks. It was relaxed and carefree, the happiest sound Jeremy had heard from Sam since they’d started talking. Even the few times Sam had laughed the day before hadn’t been as easy. Jeremy resolved to hear more of that sound, whether by making sure Sam spent plenty of time with Titan or by learning how to elicit it himself. Sam hadn’t answered him yesterday when he’d asked who had given Sam such an inferiority complex, but the man laughing with Titan now wasn’t thinking about negative self-image or anything other than the sheer enjoyment of a cool fall day and a big lug of a horse who loved anyone who brought him treats. This was the man Jeremy wanted to get to know.

Now he regretted sending Arrow with Chris and Jesse that morning. He wondered if his dog would have the same effect on Sam as Titan had. If so, Jeremy wasn’t letting Arrow out of Sam’s sight.

“Looks like you’re making friends,” Jeremy said, setting the saddle down on the top rail of the fence. As soon as Sam realized he was there, Jeremy could see the walls go back up behind Sam’s eyes. He cursed inwardly, but he couldn’t very well teach Sam to ride from a distance.

“He’s very friendly,” Sam said.

“That he is,” Jeremy agreed. He climbed through the fence again and grabbed a hard brush. “Give me just a minute to brush him down so he won’t have anything to rub sores under the saddle and then we can tack him up and get started.”

“He doesn’t look dirty,” Sam said.

“No, but he spends his days outside, so there’s always dust and dirt on his coat. It’s always better to be careful. Think about how you’d feel if you had something in your shoe and then had to walk around that way for hours.”

“Yeah, that wouldn’t be pleasant.”

“Which is why we always brush the horses before we tack them up,” Jeremy said. He finished up and grabbed a hoof pick to check Titan’s shoes. When those were clean too, he took the saddle pad and laid it across Titan’s back. “Hand me the saddle.”

Sam lifted the heavy stock saddle off the fence rail and handed it to Jeremy. He hefted it onto Titan’s back and cinched the girth. Titan let out a huff and shook his mane.

“I’m not sure he likes that,” Sam said.

“Probably not,” Jeremy agreed, “but he’d like it even less if the saddle wasn’t secure and kept slipping around on his back.” He slipped Titan’s bridle over his ears and handed the reins to Sam. “Always walk on his left side with your right hand on the reins under his chin. From what everyone said, Titan’s not likely to try anything or be bothered by you standing on his other side, but you might as well develop good habits now for when you move on to other horses.”

“You seem pretty sure I’m going to move on to other horses,” Sam observed.

“You work on a sheep station,” Jeremy replied. “You’ll pick up enough that you’ll be riding other horses before long. It’s just the nature of the situation.”

“If you say so,” Sam said. They led Titan to an empty paddock.

“Okay, up you go,” Jeremy said, helping Sam mount. “How do the stirrups feel?”

Sam shifted around in the saddle a bit. Once he was settled, Jeremy checked the length of the stirrups and made sure his feet were positioned properly. He felt Sam start in surprise when Jeremy ran his hand up Sam’s calf the first time, but Jeremy didn’t let that deter him. He really did need to make sure Sam was settled correctly so he didn’t fall and get hurt, but he wasn’t above taking the excuse to touch Sam either.

“Okay, keep your heels down,” Jeremy said. “If you were to fall, you don’t want your foot to get stuck in the stirrup. That’s a good way to get dragged.”

“Maybe this isn’t such a good idea,” Sam said.

“It’s a perfectly good idea,” Jeremy insisted. “If you do what I tell you and pay attention to your form, you won’t get hurt. It just takes practice and paying attention.”

“If you’re sure,” Sam said.

“I’m sure,” Jeremy said, patting Titan on the rump. “Tap his sides a bit with your heels to get him walking.”

Sam did as Jeremy directed, and Jeremy settled back to watch Sam’s reactions to the movement of the horse, to the new experience, to everything about it. He didn’t bother giving more instructions at the moment. If Sam couldn’t figure it out for himself, Jeremy could help him out in a few minutes. For now, though, he let Sam mess around on his own.

Without constant conversation to remind Sam that Jeremy was there, his expression relaxed again, showing some of the wonder he felt. Jeremy figured that was worth his silence, especially when Sam turned to him and grinned excitedly.

“So what do I do now?”

Jeremy explained how to use the reins to tell Titan where to go, and then he sat back again and watched. He was pretty sure he could spend hours watching Sam smile and not get bored of it.

They spent the next two hours with Sam guiding Titan around the paddock and various obstacle courses Jeremy set up so he could work on his steering skills, and with each minute that passed, Jeremy could see Sam relaxing more.

“Are you ready to go back in?” Jeremy asked eventually, hiding his delight when Sam’s face fell. If Sam enjoyed riding that much, he’d be easier to persuade the next time Jeremy came to steal him away for a lesson.

“Already?”

“It’s been two hours. You’re going to be sore tomorrow. Riding is harder work than you realize.”

“It doesn’t feel like I’ve done any work,” Sam said.

Jeremy grinned. “Get off Titan and see how your legs feel then.”

Sam slid off Titan’s back and didn’t manage to bite back a yelp when his legs gave out beneath him. Jeremy caught his arm to steady him.

“Okay, maybe two hours was too much for my first lesson.”

Jeremy laughed. “Go lean on the fence. I’ll untack Titan and put everything away. Take some Nurofen tonight and soak in a hot bath. It’ll help relax your muscles. You’ll probably feel it for a couple of days, but it’s like anything else: use the muscles and they’ll get used to it.”

Sam hobbled to the fence while Jeremy untacked Titan and led him back to the other paddock. As he was returning to get the tack so he could put it away, Caine and Macklin rode back in. Caine took one look at Sam and shot Jeremy a grin. “Have you been abusing my new office manager?”

“Just giving him a little riding lesson, boss,” Jeremy replied with an answering grin. “I figured the more he knew about how the station worked, the better he’d be able to handle all the paperwork.”

“Did you find a lot of storm damage?” Sam asked from where he continued to lean against the fence.

Jeremy wasn’t as interested in Caine’s answer as he was in the smile that crossed Caine’s face so fast it was barely there before he replied. Yep, whatever else they’d found, they’d definitely taken advantage of the time alone.

“Hey, Caine,” Jeremy said after Caine had finished detailing the storm damage, “Sam was thinking about moving out of Neil’s house and into the bunkhouse to give the newlyweds some privacy now that he’s not just a guest and is going to be staying on, but we thought we should check with you first.”