Outlast the Night (13 page)

They could be friends. Sam would love to have a friend like Jeremy, but if Jeremy kept putting the possibility of more on the table, Sam would end up wanting it. Oh, who was he kidding? He already wanted it. He just didn’t understand it and so couldn’t believe in it. To have it within reach and lose it would be the worst kind of torture.

“Sam?”

“Sorry, just thinking.”

“Let me guess,” Jeremy said. “You were wondering what I could possibly see in you and trying to figure out how to make it hurt less when I change my mind.”

Sam flushed. “How do you do that?”

“It’s not that hard,” Jeremy said. “I already know you don’t think of yourself as being attractive. You’ve already asked me how I could possibly find you interesting. Which means one of two things: either you’re trying to figure out how to let me down gently, or you’re trying to talk yourself out of going along with my plan.”

He leaned in so close Sam could practically feel his breath. He ached to lean forward and see what it would feel like to kiss him, but he didn’t close the distance between them.

“If you’re trying to let me down gently, don’t,” Jeremy said. “If you really aren’t interested in anything more than friendship, just say so. I’m a big boy. I can handle it. If you’re trying to talk yourself out of it, stop. Nothing’s going to happen until your divorce is final, so there’s nothing to talk yourself out of.”

“I wasn’t trying to let you down gently,” Sam admitted.

Jeremy flashed that grin again, the one that made Sam’s stomach flip. “Good. Everything else can wait.”

Sam still wasn’t convinced, but arguing with Jeremy was like trying to hold on to smoke. He’d just have to guard his heart so that when the six months were up and Jeremy changed his mind, it wouldn’t hurt too much.

“Jeremy?”

Jeremy straightened up. “Yes, I’m here,” he called back.

Chris and Jesse came in a moment later, wiped their feet on the mat by the doorway, and pulled off their boots. A beautiful brown kelpie with bright blue eyes came bounding in after them, right up to Jeremy.

“Hi, Arrow,” Jeremy said, scratching the dog’s ears. “Did you have a good day?”

“He was a lot of help,” Jesse said. “Thanks for letting us borrow him.”

“You’re welcome,” Jeremy replied. “Sam, have you met Arrow yet?”

“No,” Sam said, holding out his hand to the dog.

“Go on, boy,” Jeremy said. “Go say hi to Sam.”

The dog padded across the room and sniffed at Sam’s hand before plopping down at his feet and leaning his muzzle against Sam’s leg. Sam smiled as he scratched behind Arrow’s ears the way he’d seen Jeremy do. “He’s beautiful.”

“I’ve had him since he was a pup,” Jeremy said. “I trained him myself.”

“And very well,” Jesse added.

“You want a beer?” Jeremy asked. “I owe you after what I drank at your place the other night.”

“I wouldn’t say no,” Jesse replied. “If we aren’t intruding.”

“Not at all,” Jeremy said. “Sam decided the bunkhouse was better than his brother’s guest room, so we’re just getting him settled in here. Nothing to intrude on. You sure you don’t want anything, Sam?”

“Fine, I’ll take one,” Sam said, relaxing now that Chris and Jesse were there. Jeremy wouldn’t push when other people were around, and Sam wouldn’t mind making a few more friends. If this was going to be home now, he needed to get to know as many of the year-rounders as possible.

Jeremy passed around the beers and then settled back in his chair. Chris and Jesse took one of the couches and started describing their day. Sam sat back and just listened. He didn’t really know any of the people or much about the jobs they had been sent out to do, but that didn’t matter. The easy camaraderie of sitting around at the end of a long day was more than enough for him. He’d learn. He’d meet the rest of the year-rounders, and Jeremy would teach him about the kinds of jobs the jackaroos did, and eventually he’d be able to join in instead of just listening.

“So what did you do today?” Chris asked Jeremy when he and Jesse were done with their tale.

“I taught Sam to ride,” Jeremy said.

“Impressive if you taught him in just one day,” Jesse replied.

“He taught me how to get on and off without breaking my neck and how to guide Titan around the paddock,” Sam corrected. “I wouldn’t want to go anywhere without a fence just yet.”

“On Titan, you’d be fine,” Chris assured him. “A few months ago, I’d never been on a horse either. I won’t claim to be an expert yet, but I ride well enough that they let me out of the valley now on a horse other than Titan.”

“He gets stuck with all the blow-ins?” Sam asked.

“I don’t know about all of them,” Chris said, “but I know Caine rode him when he first got here, and then I did, and now you are. He’s steady and reliable and not prone to antics. It makes him good for those of us who need a little extra patience.”

“And then there’s Ned,” Jesse said with a laugh. “Biggest son of a bitch on the station. The only person I’ve ever seen ride him is Macklin. When Macklin’s on his back, he’s as docile as Titan. When anyone else gets near him, he turns into a bloody wild brumby.”

“I’d better leave him to Macklin, then,” Sam said. “I could barely handle Titan. I don’t want to think about a horse only Macklin can handle.”

“I’d like to try riding him sometime,” Jeremy said. “If Macklin agrees, of course. I understand that he’s Macklin’s horse, but what good is he if no one else can ride him? I mean, Arrow’s my dog, and I like to think he works best for me, but he’ll go out with someone else if I send him.”

“I don’t know,” Jesse said. “I’m just telling you what I’ve seen. The year-rounders don’t try, and the new guys who did over the summer all ended up on their arses on the ground, even the ones who actually had some experience. I didn’t try. I’m not a glutton for punishment.”

“What did Macklin say about that?”

“He said if they were fool enough to try after being warned, it was their own damn fault for being idiots,” Jesse said. “He never tells anyone they aren’t allowed to ride Ned. He just warns them Ned doesn’t like anyone but him.”

The bell outside the canteen tolled, calling everyone to dinner. They tramped across the road to eat. The canteen seemed huge with fewer than half the number of bodies filling it as the day before. Sam filled his plate and joined Jeremy, Chris, and Jesse at one of the tables. A few minutes later, another group of men came in. Sam couldn’t help but notice they sat as far away from Jeremy as possible.

“Do they really hate you that much?”

“They don’t know me,” Jeremy said. “They hate Devlin, not that I really blame them, and they assume because he’s my brother, I must have been part of his schemes. They’re not hurting me. I’ve already made friends, and Macklin and Caine trust me enough to have me here. The rest is just icing on the cake.”

“It’s not right,” Sam insisted.

“No, it isn’t,” Jesse agreed, “but it’s not something we can fix just like that. It’s a matter of time and trust and them figuring out that Jeremy being here isn’t going to change anything.”

Seth and Jason came running into the canteen. “Chris, Jesse,” Seth called, “Patrick says we should come over to his place after dinner. Carley made dessert.”

“Are Sam and Jeremy included?” Chris asked.

“I don’t know,” Seth said. “Patrick didn’t say.”

“Yes, they’re included,” Jason piped up. “Dad always says it’s rude to invite some people and not others, so yes, they’re included.”

“Then we’d love to have some of Carley’s dessert,” Chris said.

“Cool,” Seth said. “Come on, Jase. Let’s get some dinner.”

“That’s how attitudes change,” Jeremy said with a smile. “One person at a time making a difference.”

Chapter 11

S
AM
spent the next day alone in the office. He’d seen Jeremy at breakfast, all kitted up in his Driza-Bone. He’d apologized for not being able to spend the day with Sam again, but Macklin needed him and Arrow. Sam had been disappointed, but what could he say? Jeremy had been hired to work the station, and Sam’s job was the books. The good news was that he’d finally found the station’s insurance policy. The bad news was how out of date it was. Caine wasn’t around to talk about it, though, so Sam set it aside for the next time Caine was free and went back to sorting papers.

The canteen was empty at lunch, even the kids on the station choosing to eat somewhere else, so Sam decided to take his sandwich back to the office with him. It was far too depressing to sit alone in the canteen.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

The booming voice startled Sam so much he nearly dropped his coffee. “I was going to take my lunch back to the office.”

The big aborigine humphed at that. “Come in here where it’s warm. Everyone deserves a break.”

Sam followed the other man obediently into the kitchen. It was considerably warmer there than in the canteen, and it smelled wonderful. “What’s for dinner? It smells fantastic.”

“Shepherd’s pie,” Kami said, “and no jokes about how appropriate that is. I’ve heard them all, and they’re still not funny.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Sam promised. “I love shepherd’s pie. My mum used to make it on cold days when we were kids.”

“It sticks to your ribs and warms you up when it’s cold outside,” Kami agreed. “You look like you could use a little feeding up.”

Sam ran his hand self-consciously over his stomach. “This doesn’t need any help, thanks.”

Kami looked at him critically. “Somebody’s been lying to you, boyo, if they told you that. Your face is thin and your skin looks pinched. I’ve seen men look like that before, and it’s always because they aren’t eating right. You’ll get plenty of exercise around here. You eat proper, or you’re going to make yourself sick.”

“Not much exercise in sitting in an office all day,” Sam retorted.

“Maybe not, but you won’t stay in there forever. Caine will want to show you something, or Macklin will ask for an opinion on a project, and the next thing you know, you’ll be out there working right beside them, and that’s if your brother doesn’t drag you out first.”

“Why would they want to do that?” Sam asked.

“Because they can’t imagine anyone not loving this place as much as they do,” Kami replied. “And since they’re right about that far more than they’re wrong, they keep doing it.”

Sam couldn’t begin to imagine what input he could realistically give on anything that didn’t involve finances, but Kami seemed pretty convinced. “Jeremy did start teaching me to ride yesterday. Of course he ended up having to do something else today.”

“Ah, so that’s the way the wind blows, is it?” Kami asked. “Don’t let your brother’s opinion sour you on that boy. I’ve known him and his family since before he was born. He’s the best thing to ever come out of that station, unlike his nitwit brother.”

“I know Neil has his blind spots,” Sam said. “I do my best not to share them.”

“That’s good to hear,” Kami said. “I wasn’t sure he was going to make it when he found out about Caine and Macklin. Does he know about you and Jeremy?”

“There isn’t any ‘me and Jeremy’,” Sam insisted, flushing despite himself. “He’s been kind to me the past couple of days while Neil’s been off the station. That’s all.”

“Then why are you the color of one of my Thai peppers?” Kami demanded. “People don’t flush like that for no reason.”

“He was kind to me,” Sam insisted.

“And it’s been some time since anyone has been, is that it?” Kami asked. “You have the look about you.”

“Why does everyone keep saying that?” Sam asked. “Just because I’m not oozing confidence out of every pore doesn’t make me abused or neglected or whatever everyone seems to think I am.”

“No, it doesn’t,” Kami agreed, “but I know a thing or two about it, having lived through it myself. I recognize the signs when I see them, and I see them all over you, in every self-deprecating comment and every defensive gesture. You’re safe here, Sam. No one is going to raise a hand or a voice to you. No one is going to tear you down for being who you are. I know you have no reason to trust it yet, but Lang Downs is a safe place. Michael Lang started taking in strays from the moment he founded this station seventy years ago. Macklin, your brother, me… we’re the latest in a long line of people who came here to lick our wounds and realized this was the Promised Land. Caine’s carried on his uncle’s tradition. Ask Chris if you don’t believe me. You and Jeremy are the newest, but you aren’t the first, and you won’t be the last. Not while Caine and Macklin run this station. So you can accept that now or you can keep fighting it and delay being happy that much longer.”

“That’s the first time I’ve ever heard you say Uncle Michael’s name,” Caine said as he walked into the kitchen. “No, I wasn’t eavesdropping. I figured I’d refill my coffee before I rode back out to where I left Macklin.”

“When you got here, he hadn’t been gone a year yet,” Kami explained, “and it’s considered disrespectful to speak the names of the dead before a year has passed. More than a year has passed. Go on, get out of here. Sam and I were talking.”

Caine smiled at Sam. “Now you know who really runs things around here. We all live in fear of Kami.”