Outsider (5 page)

“I’d
like to, though,” Toni said.

“Sorry,
honey, but Eric’s already taken,” Rebekah said, visibly bristling.

Toni’s
face turned the color of the red napkin she was using to dab up stray drops of
Diet Coke. “Uh, I didn’t mean . . . I would never . . . I
just—”

Reagan
patted Toni’s hand, hoping to calm her. To Rebekah, she said, “I think she
meant she would like to write an interactive biography about them. Like the one
she’s doing for Exodus End.”

Toni
nodded. “That’s what I meant.”

Rebekah
relaxed into her chair. “Well,” she said, “that might be sort of fun.”

The
food arrived moments later, and they were all too busy stuffing their faces to
talk much. Even though she was ready to return to her men, Reagan was glad
she’d suggested this girls’ day out in New Orleans. She missed all her friends
back in Los Angeles, and even though she’d always been a tomboy, she still enjoyed
hanging around with other women. She liked every one of Sinners’ ladies and was
already quite fond of Toni as well. She hadn’t expected to like Toni—mostly
because she considered Toni a journalist and didn’t like people to stick their
noses into her business—but Reagan already considered her a friend. And she
knew how much Toni needed female friends her own age. But it wasn’t pity that
had made her ask Toni on this excursion—though she had considered burning the
woman’s entire wardrobe so she’d have no choice but to buy new clothes. It was
genuine trust and affection. Toni was the only journalist that Reagan trusted
with the knowledge of her relationship with two men. Reagan knew the reclusive
sweetheart would never do anything to hurt someone she cared about.

“Are
you coming to the after-party tonight?” Reagan asked Toni, who paused with her
soup spoon halfway to her mouth.

“Me?”

“Yeah,
you.”

“I
already got enough footage of the after-parties,” she said.

“Good.
Then I can get you slobbering drunk without feeling guilty. Aggie, do you think
you can have a corset ready for her to wear by then?”

Aggie
shrugged. “Probably.” She popped another bite of bloody steak into her mouth.

Toni’s
eyes widened, and she shook her head at Reagan. “I couldn’t possibly wear a
corset in public.”

Reagan
laughed. “We’ll have to see about that.”

Trey
buried his face in the sleeping baby’s neck and inhaled deeply. He wasn’t sure
what it was about the scent of baby powder that made him feel so at peace with
the world, but he could lie there on the bed with little Malcolm sleeping on
his chest for hours. He pressed a kiss to the soft fluffy black hair of the
perfect human Brian had created with his loving wife and rubbed the baby’s back
while Malcolm slumbered, completely unaware of how cruel the world could be. It
didn’t bother Trey that the reason he was babysitting his godson was so Brian
could fuck Myrna senseless. Well, didn’t bother him much. He supposed new
parents needed alone time more than anyone.

Ethan
came out of the bathroom rubbing a towel over his short black hair. Steam from
his shower billowed through the open door behind him. He stopped when his gaze
landed on Trey.

“Now
isn’t this homey?” he said with a twisted smile, before scanning the room. “Didn’t
I hear Reagan come in?”

“She
took one look at this precious baby and ran off to help that nerdy chick find
something to wear after the concert.”

At
the sound of Trey’s voice, Malcolm stirred, shoving a tiny fist into his mouth
and sucking. Within seconds, he went still again, relaxing against Trey’s
chest.

“You’d
like one of those of your own, wouldn’t you?” Ethan asked, nodding toward
Malcolm.

“Hell
no,” he said, but his swelling heart didn’t agree. “This is enough baby time
for me.”

Ethan
sat on the edge of the bed next to Trey and gently stroked the soft fluff
covering the baby’s head. Malcolm’s hair always stood on end no matter how much
any of them tried to flatten it.

“He
sure is cute,” Ethan said.

“He
looks like his father.” Trey grinned down at Malcolm’s adorable sleeping face,
which resembled Brian’s a little more every day.

Ethan’s
hand went still on Malcolm’s head and he stood, going to an open suitcase for a
shirt.

“Reagan
doesn’t want kids,” Ethan said.

The
hard edge to his voice made Trey squint at his broad back. Had he said something
to offend him?

“I
know,” Trey said quietly so he wouldn’t disturb his sleeping godson. “We don’t
have any business bringing a child into the world. Not when we’re involved in
such a complicated relationship.”

“I’m
not stepping aside so you and Reagan can play house.” Ethan’s motions as he
jerked his shirt on over his head made Trey think he was angry. Or upset. But getting
Ethan to talk about his feelings was damned near impossible.

“No
one asked you to step aside. I’m one hundred percent committed to both of you.
Aren’t you happy?”

“Yeah,”
Ethan said gruffly as he strode across the room, disappearing into the suite’s
living room.

“I
think something’s bothering him,” Trey said to Malcolm, who gave the fist in
his mouth a few sucks before going still again. “Can I lay you in your basinet
while I try to get him to talk to me?” Trey inched toward the edge of the bed
and slowly rose to a sitting position. Malcolm’s face twisted in displeasure,
and he released a loud cry of protest. Trey sighed in resignation and reclined
back into the nest of pillows, patting Malcolm’s diaper to get him to settle
again.

“Ethan,”
Trey called. “Can you come here for a sec?”

After
a moment, the tall dark hunk appeared in the doorframe. “What?”

“I
think we need to talk—”

Ethan’s
strong jaw hardened. “Later. I have somewhere I need to be right now.”

“Where?”

Ethan’s
gaze flicked down to the baby cradled against Trey’s chest. “Somewhere.” He turned
away.

When
the suite’s door banged shut a moment later, Trey took a deep breath and released
it in a frustrated huff. He slapped around the side table trying to get a hand
on his cellphone without disturbing Malcolm. Finding it, he did his best to
send a call with one hand. He could use some advice, and there was only one
person he trusted to shoot completely straight with him.

“What
do you want?” Dare answered, trying to sound annoyed, but Trey could hear the
smile in his big brother’s voice.

“I’m
babysitting.”

“Congratulations.”

“Everyone’s
deserted me. Come keep me company.”

Dare
chuckled softly. “You never could stand to be alone.”

“I’m
not alone,” Trey said, still patting Malcolm’s bottom with his free hand. He
just felt alone. “Malcolm doesn’t talk much, though. Not yet anyway.”

“Quit
your moping. I’m on my way.”

The
call ended in his ear.

Trey
scooted off the bed so he could let Dare into the room when he arrived. Malcolm
didn’t appreciate the shift in position. Startled, his tiny hands flew open,
and again he wailed a protest. Trey lifted him so his head was nestled against
his neck and bounced slightly. The weird thing was, Trey didn’t like babies
with the exception of
this
baby. This baby was precious to him. He still
thought Brian and Myrna were dumb for picking him as Malcolm’s godfather and
trusting him to care for their little one, but it warmed his heart to have a
tiny perfect person completely dependent on him. That didn’t mean he wanted a
kid of his own.

The
moment Dare arrived, he claimed Malcolm for himself, scooping the baby out of
Trey’s arms and holding him in the crook of one arm. “Is he hungry? Wet? Does
he need to burp?”

“I
didn’t call you to take over babysitting duties,” Trey said. “The two of us are
doing just fine.”

Dare’s
green-eyed gaze settled on Trey’s eyes. “Well, something is bothering you. You
only call me when something’s not right.”

“That’s
not true.”

Dare
snorted on a laugh. “Yeah it is. So what is it this time?”

Trey
considered arguing—maybe he just wanted to chill with his brother for a little
while—but it was no use. Dare was right. Something
was
bothering him,
and he had called his big brother to help him sort through his troubles.

“Ethan.”

“Ah,
Mr. Tall Dark and Broody. Is he acting all jealous of Brian again?”

“I
don’t know. We were talking about having babies.”

Dare
chuckled and stroked Malcolm’s ruddy cheek. “Well, that should defy all laws of
biology.”

“We
were actually talking about
not
having babies. With Reagan, obviously. I
don’t have the right equipment to carry one. And then he got pissed for no
reason and left.”

“You
had to have said or done something to set him off.”

“All
I said was Malcolm looks like his father, and then he said Reagan doesn’t want
kids and that he’s not stepping aside so we can play house—whatever that
means—then he said he had somewhere to be and left.”

“He
seems to be feeling left out.”

“I
don’t know why. We all try to stay on equal footing.”

“Maybe
that’s where your trouble lies. Maybe he doesn’t feel special to you. Maybe he
feels like an accessory to Reagan, like the only reason you care about him is
because Reagan allows him—and only him—to be included in your relationship.
Maybe he feels you’re just using him for sex.”

“It’s
not like that at all,” Trey insisted.

“I’m
no expert on polyamorous relationships.”

“Me
neither.” Trey raked his hands through his hair and flopped down on the sofa
while Dare paced from sofa to windows humming softly to Malcolm.

“Honestly,”
Dare said after a moment. “I think he’s simply jealous of Brian. He probably
thinks you want what Brian has—wife and son. Or maybe he thinks that you want
to be Brian’s wife.”

Trey
lifted a pillow from the sofa, prepared to launch it at his brother, but thought
better of it when he remembered Dare was holding Malcolm. He clutched the
pillow between his hands and pulled it against his belly. “I don’t want a
regular wife-and-kids lifestyle. Not ever. I’ve told him and Reagan I don’t
want that. I’m so content and happy in this relationship. I don’t know how to
make them feel the way I do. They both seem to be struggling.”

“Reagan
too?”

Trey
nodded. “At least I know what her issues are. She talks to me. Ethan? Ethan
never wants to discuss anything emotional.”

“That’s
because he’s a guy.”

“I’m
a guy,” Trey pointed out.

“A
weird one.”

Trey
threatened to flatten him with the pillow.

“Hey,”
Dare said, lifting his infant shield. “Drop your weapon. Baby on board.”

“I’m
not weird.”

“You
love three people with all your heart.”

“Two,”
Trey corrected.

Dare
leveled him with a challenging stare. “Three.”

Trey
hugged the pillow against his chest again. “I don’t love Brian anymore.”

“Right.
But I don’t doubt you could simultaneously love five people with all your
heart. Or ten. And that’s weird, Trey.”

“Everyone
knows I’m a man whore. Sed was one before Jessica, but no one gives him grief
about it.”

“This
is entirely different from having multiple sex partners, Trey. You are in
love—deeply in love—with several people. Most of us don’t—can’t—function that
way. That’s why you’re weird. It’s second nature to you. You don’t struggle
with it or even question it. It’s just part of who you are.”

Trey
hauled himself off the couch and reached for Malcolm. Dare had doted on the
baby enough. It was Trey’s turn to cuddle with the little guy.

“I
called you over here to make me feel better, not worse,” Trey said as he
shifted Malcolm out of Dare’s arms and into his own.

Dare
laid a hand on Trey’s head just as he had a thousand times in the past when
Trey had come to him seeking advice or approval or just to be around someone he
knew would be in his corner no matter what.

“Your
open heart is a gift, Trey. It killed me watching you struggle to keep it shut
all those years while you waited for Brian to come around. You’re finally
discovering what you needed all along, and I’m glad for you.”

Trey’s
heart swelled up into his throat. That was what he needed to hear from Dare.
Why he’d called him here. He could always count on Dare to say exactly the
right thing and make him feel like he could rise above anything trying to pull
him down.

“But
it’s still weird,” Dare added with a laugh and slapped him in the side of the
head.

“Gee,
thanks.”

“Not
that you should change. Just realize not everyone can function the way you do.
Maybe it’s okay for Reagan and Ethan to struggle with this relationship. It
means they’re willing to fight for it, right, even if it’s not easy for them.
They want it.”

Trey
had a lot to think on. He didn’t know if Dare was right, but his opinions made
sense to Trey. Maybe he could somehow help Reagan and Ethan. He wanted them
both to be happy. He loved them both so much. He didn’t know if he would survive
letting someone else he loved go the way he’d let Brian go. That was Trey’s
struggle. Not loving more than one person—that was easy for him. Letting go?
That was damned near impossible.

“Feel
better?” Dare asked.

Trey
shrugged. “I guess.”

“I
should have become a shrink,” he said. “If I charged you every time you came
looking for advice, I’d be a millionaire.”

“You
are
a millionaire,” Trey said with a grin.

“Oh
yeah. You got anything to drink around here?”

Trey
was glad Dare was sticking around to keep him company. He really didn’t like to
be alone.

“Check
the fridge. Just don’t drink any of the milk. It’s Myrna’s.”

“You
sure Malcolm won’t share?”

Dare
turned and laughed when he saw what must’ve been a look of disgust on Trey’s
face. Just thinking about consuming Myrna’s breast milk made him want to hurl.

When
Malcolm’s parents came to collect him about an hour later, he’d been changed,
fed, burped, bathed, and redressed after a spit-up incident, and thoroughly
spoiled by both Mills brothers.