Overcome (26 page)

Chapter 54

Parker

Laughter coming from Kamberlee’s room caught Parker’s attention. It wasn’t that it was odd for it to be floating through the hall, but it was the deep sets of laughter that went along with it that caught him off guard. Before Parker pushed into his bedroom, he stepped across the hall and the door eased open when he gave it a light knock.

On the floor, in the center of the sunshine yellow room sat Spencer, Owen and Kamberlee, surrounded by black and white composition books and photo albums spread open. Parker couldn’t help but feel a little jealous and left out watching his siblings getting on without him.

Spencer was the first to spot him, one of the notebooks open on his lap. He sat against Kamberlee’s bed, his legs straight out. His socked feet crossed. Owen was leaning against the daybed opposite, the one Carly slept in. The thought of that night brought a warm sensation in his stomach. How he felt her heart beat against him. How she made a slight whimper right after she fell asleep. He didn’t sleep much that night. He listened to her breathing and kept her warm against him until his alarm went off. 

One of Owen’s elbows was propped up on the mattress and one knee was up while the other was bent on the floor.

Kamberlee was right in between them, her legs crossed and her hair in a braid over her shoulder. “Hey Parker.” Her voice was bouncy again. It’d been a few weeks since he’d seen her bubbly. He was happy to have that Kamberlee back.

“Come on in. Join the party.” Owen slapped the empty spot on the carpet beside him.

“What’re you doing?” Parker stepped in a little further.

“Dad let me clean out mom’s things. I found a whole drawer full of journals, photo books and scrapbooks of us.”

Parker looked at Owen then Spencer as if they would have a clearer answer. It’s normal for Kamberlee to do something like this, but what did his brothers have in it?

“Just don’t read the journals between eighty nine and ninety two.” Spencer scrunched his face.

“Okaaaayyyy.” Parker eased down in the midst of them.

“Mom was a little freaky and she didn’t censor herself in those days.” Owen’s eyes were wide and he held one of the notebooks in the air.

Kammie burst out in a fit of giggles. “I think they’re romantic … well some of them.”

“You’re gross.” Spencer tossed a journal at her.

“How many are here?” Parker looked at the piles stacked behind Kammie.

“I didn’t count them but it looks like she kept every journal she ever had.” Owen said.

“I never remember her journaling.” Parker looked in a circle around the room, at each one of his siblings. “Did you ever see her writing?”

Spencer and Owen both shook their head and mumbled something along the lines of ‘no’.

“I never actually saw her, but knew she did it. She tried to get me to start journaling. But it always seemed too much like school to me.” Kamberlee said, as if that wasn’t was reading was like.

“Yeah.” Parker grasped one of the notebooks. He was so close to his mother’s inner thoughts, but somehow it didn’t seem right. “Don’t you guys feel like you’re invading her privacy?”

The room went silent.

“If she didn’t want us to know, why did she write it down?” Owen’s voice was soft and just above a whisper.  “I mean who else did she write it for?”

“I think she wrote it for us to keep her memory alive,” Kamberlee chimed in.

Spencer just stared into space as Owen and Kammie replied to Parker’s concern.

“I don’t know, man, but I can’t deny it hasn’t helped me deal with …” Spencer stared right at Parker, “… things.”

Parker looked back down that the notebook. He couldn’t bring himself to open, even just to get a peek into her mind and keep her alive for another moment.

“Look, I’m sorry I’ve been such a bonehead.” Spencer slugged Parker in the shoulder causing him to lean sideways. “It was stupid of me to be jealous of you.”

Parker glared at Spencer and rubbed his sore shoulder.

“These helped me see myself through mom’s eyes. She didn’t care more about you than she did me. She cared about all of us in different ways, but not any more than the other.”

Parker squinted trying to see if that was really Spencer talking.

“How’s Carly?” Spencer finally asked.

“Concussion, she has to take it easy for a few days.”

“Sucks to be you, dude.” Owen laughed, slugging him from the other side. Parker didn’t miss his brothers abusing his shoulders. “It’s like that time that mom cut dad off until he agreed to marry her.”

“What?” Kamberlee leaned up on her knees and swiped the book from Owen’s lap.
“I gave Kurt an ultimatum today, enough with his fear of commitment. We’ve been dating for three years now. We’re out of school. He is well on his way to establishing his business. My grandma reminded me of the saying why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? I found that the perfect analogy for him considering he is in the dairy business. As of today, until there is a ring on my finger he will not be getting any milk from me.”

Kamberlee could barely finish reading the passage without giggling. Spencer groaned. Owen surprisingly chuckled. Parker tilted his head at him, his lip curled in disgust.

“What?” Owen held his hands up. “Just be thankful she didn’t go into details about the
milk
in that one.”

Owen tapped on the composition book in Parker’s lap. His finger rapped the date in white title space. “Don’t worry. That’s safe. It’s after I was born.”

Parker’s heart sped up and his fingers shook as he opened up the pages. The book smelled musty like it’d been sitting in storage for a couple decades.

Giggles came out of Kamberlee before he began to read.
“It seems we’ve succeeded more in giving Owen a partner in crime instead of a sibling. Spencer scaled the kitchen cabinets today while Owen raided the freezer. I walked into a floor sundae as they both sat on the ground. Owen in his undies and Spencer in his diaper, eating ice cream, cereal, and powdered sugar off the hardwood with their hands. I think they had more on them than they got in them.”

Parker fought back a laugh.

“Wait, it doesn’t say that.” Spencer reached across the room to swipe the book from Kammie, who was shaking with giggles now.

Parker looked down at the page he’d opened to.

Today, Kurt’s little brother, Danny, stopped by.

Parker swallowed the lump in his throat. What were the chances she’d be talking about his real dad?

I understand he loves his brother, but I tried to tell him he’s enabling him. This time he needed money to pay for his girlfriend’s abortion. Not only was I livid about giving him money, yet again, but I can’t even begin to think of helping with an abortion.

Parker’s heart raced judging by the date … he quickly did the math in his head. Unless Danny was sleeping with more than one girl … the baby was him. How did he not end up aborted? He was thankful he wasn’t, but if Danny had the money. Parker’s gut twisted and the contents of his stomach began to rise.

When I look at little O with his chubby cheeks and his stubby fingers and feel this baby inside me I can’t imagine the horror of someone wanting to kill them. Kurt says it’s what’s best for the baby, that Danny and Mindy would no way be suitable parents. But it isn’t that child’s fault. What about adoption? If I wasn’t expecting myself, I’d volunteer. I don’t think I could handle two babies and a toddler.

The lump in Parker’s throat slid up.

“Park, you okay, man?” One of his brothers called behind him. He didn’t know which one. Sometimes their voices were identical.

He knew he shouldn’t have looked in the book, though he couldn’t stop now. He shook his head as the blue penned words turned into a blur.

The book slid out of his grip. “This is crazy.” Owen spoke, bringing Parker’s attention off his own empty hands. “I had no clue …” Owen’s face was pointed toward the paper.

“It’s not like I was planned.” Parker’s voice rasped. “And dad
was
right. Danny and Mindy weren’t suitable parents.”

“Yeah, but he was going to pay. He
did
pay for it.” Owen said with wide eyes.

Parker’s mind was a fog and he wrinkled his forehead as if in thought. “If dad gave him the money why wasn’t I aborted?” Parker spoke between long breaths and stared into the air at nothing.

The room silenced and Parker heard the whirring sound of the air conditioner kick on.

“I’m glad you weren’t.”

Parker had to look up at that, because of the three of them, Spencer was the last one he’d expect to say that.

“We can read on and see.” Kammie pushed up on her knees and leaned over Owen’s shoulder.

“I don’t think I can.” Parker was grateful the book was no longer in his lap.

“You should talk to dad about it.” Owen cupped Parker’s shoulder.

*****

Parker eased into his dad’s office. His head was down, his fingers rubbing his temples. He still had his work clothes on. The tie and jacket were gone and his stripped-button-up-shirt sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. The sound Parker made opening the door was enough to get his attention. “Parker,” he leaned back, letting out a deep sigh. He placed his hands on the arms of his chair.

“Dad,” Parker spoke through the lump as he took a few more steps into the room, making his way to the leather chair across from the desk. He held his breath waiting for the conversation to begin. His dad just watched him, wrinkles in the corners of his eyes, his brows lowered. He reached up and scratched the side of his head. Then he leaned forward again, his elbows falling on his desk, his hands folded in front of him. A glint of light reflected off his gold watch.

Parker’s heart drummed in his chest as he waited for his dad to speak again, but the only thing he could think of was him signing the check to murder him. Parker had never given abortion too much thought before, but now that he knew he might not even exist, his thoughts toward the whole issue changed.

His dad leaned up and rested his elbows on his desk. He rubbed at his temples again. Questions bounced around in Parker’s head as he watched.

“I’m sorry,” Kurt’s voice was rough. “It’s been a long year, hasn’t it?”

“You paid to have me aborted?” Parker could no longer sit there without saying something.

Kurt whipped his face up. His mouth pursed and brow wrinkled under his disheveled, graying hair. “Did Mindy tell you that?”

Parker’s knee bounced. His elbows propped on the arms of the chair and he twisted his hands together. “No.”

It was as if they were having a stare down. “If not Mindy, who?”

“Kammie found mom’s journals.” Parker moved his hands to the arms of his chair and tried to blink back the stinging sensation in his eyes.

Kurt sighed and dragged both hands through his hair and down the back of his neck where he kept them folded. He looked up at the ceiling. “I thought it was for the best.  I didn’t know.”

“You didn’t know what? That he wasn’t going to use the money for the abortion?”

It seemed like forever before his dad responded. “No, I was trying to do Danny a favor. He was a drug addict, Parker. Mindy wasn’t fit either. I didn’t think it was fair for you to have to grow up like that. But honestly I also just wanted Mindy out of Danny’s life for good.” Parker didn’t respond. “Listen, I’m thankful for whatever happened that stopped them from going through with it, because I can’t imagine our lives without you.”

“You wouldn’t have lost your business partner without me.” Parker bit down on the inside of his cheek.

The chair squeaked as Kurt leaned forward again. “That wasn’t your fault. Who’s to say that she wouldn’t have seduced Spencer and accused him of the same if you weren’t here?”

“I don’t know.” Parker pressed both lips between his teeth.

“Hey, I may have handed money over for that, but I didn’t know you. Put yourself where I was. I was just trying to get my brother back. I can’t say I did everything right. Your mother was correct, I was enabling him. Think about the guilt that I feel knowing that the drugs he overdosed on were probably bought with my money.”

Parker nodded, “Yeah, I guess that makes sense.”

“I’m sorry you found out like this. I didn’t ever think it would come up.”

“Yeah.” Parker didn’t know what to say to that. How would you tell someone you paid to have them aborted, but it never happened? “Did you get your money back?” Parker attempted a laugh.

“Better, I got another son.”

Parker’s knee began to bounce again and he stared at the hardwood floor. “Dad, I wanted to ask you something.”

“You mean that wasn’t it?” One of Kurt’s eyebrows were cocked when Parker looked up.

Parker let out a breath that had a trace of laugh in it and ran his palms over the fabric on his thighs. “No, you … you know how I’m taking that gap year and all?”

“Um hmm. May I remind you, that the deal was you were going to work this year and go to school next, no matter what.” Kurt glanced at his phone when it buzzed on his desk. Parker was surprised it had taken it that long to ring.