Packed and Ready to Go (20 page)

“
I saw you coming back in with Marco. You two looked pretty cozy.” She sat and crossed her legs. “I thought you were on vacation this week.” Her high pitched voice was filled with suspicion.

“
I am. But I can in to get some stuff and he—”

“
Yeah, yeah, Tracy’s human.” She threw her hands in the air. “After what you’ve been telling me about Walter, I’m not surprised. You two make a good-looking couple. I think he’s got a thing for you.”

“
I haven’t done anything that can’t be printed on the front page of the paper.” I paused. “But I feel guilty because I certainly want to.” I know I had a silly dreamy look on my face, but I couldn’t mask my emotions. Whatever whacky thing going wrong in my head and heart that caused these feelings would straighten out soon. I was sure of it.

“
All I can say is, think about it before you do. If Walter finds out, he won’t be nearly as forgiving as you were.”

I shook my head. Ursula was right. I wouldn’t cheat on Walter. And I wouldn’t leave him. But I wondered how many sacrifices I had to make. Did I have to live my life regretting the choices I’d made? I was only enjoying my daydreams for as long as I could. “Anyway, I need to get out of here and run some errands before the soirée tonight.”

“
Look, before you go I need to tell you something.” She paused.

“
Oh shit, Ursula, I don’t like the sound of this.”

“
I’m leaving the company.”

“
What? Why?” My hand flitted around the desk not certain where to land. Ursula had been in shouting distance of me since grade school. Growing up, we lived a few doors from each other. We went to Spellman together. We started working at the company within weeks of each other—her first, then me. She was an extension of me. The sister I wanted but never had.

“
Tracy, I’m in love with Anthony and—don’t lecture me okay? I’m going to take a job in Philadelphia.”

“
In Philly? Why?”

“
Anthony and I are getting very serious. We think this is the best thing. He helped me find the job.”

“
Why doesn’t he take a job in Philadelphia so you can stay here?”

“
Don’t do this.” Ursula shook her head. “We talked about it and he was willing to leave. We were both looking for jobs. I found this one first. Plus it pays more and offers more opportunities. I’m not moving away, I just won’t be working upstairs from you. That’s all.”

“
You sure you want to do this?” I reached for her hand. “Are you really sure?” I knew she wouldn’t change her mind.

“
I’m sure. It’s a bigger company. I’ll be Director of Finance with an opportunity to make Vice President. That’s if Anthony and I don’t decide to start a family.” She looked at me with a twinkle in her eye.

“
Not you, too. You’re older than me, you can’t be serious. You don’t even like kids.”

“
I’m just kidding,” she laughed. “You know I don’t want children. Being a godmother is good enough for me. I adore Crystal.”

I sat back in my chair and took a breath. “Is he going to marry you?” I tried to negotiate with her, equating marriage with love. My marriage didn’t have any resemblance to love lately.

“
Maybe you ought to ask if I’m going to marry him.” Ursula placed her hands on her hips and looked indignant.

“
Are you?”

“
He’s asked and I’ve said yes.” She laid her left hand on my desk, flashing a huge diamond ring.

“
Oh Ursula, get outta here! When did this happen?” I dashed around the desk and swept her into my arms.

“
Last night. We’re thinking about getting married next year.”

“
I thought you were never getting married.”

“
I know, but—”

“
How many carats is that ring and who helps you carry it around?”

“
It’s three carats. Isn’t it exquisite?” She wiggled her freshly manicured fingers.

“
Ursula, it is absolutely fabulous. And even though I’m upset that you’re leaving me here all alone, I really am happy for you. I really am.” My voice sounded genuine, but Ursula couldn’t see the havoc tearing at my insides. The fortress of friends and family that held me up was slowly crashing into rubble.

“
You won’t be alone,
you’ll
have Marco,” she giggled.

“
Oh girl.” I poked her. “But you know…”

“
Yeah, yeah, I know, you’re married.”

We sat in my office talking about her relationship with Anthony. She couldn’t stop gushing about all the wonderful things they did together, how he was willing to do anything she wanted. How they stayed at her house eating microwave popcorn while they watched
Schindler’s List
. She’d asked Carla and me to watch it with her years ago, but we always had an excuse. She was bursting with happiness. She reminded me of me when I started dating Walter. We could have rolled the clock back twenty years to when Ursula and I sat in our cramped dorm room. I was the one gushing about Walter while she had her nose wrinkled with questions.

She stood to leave. “See you in a few hours. Don’t be late.” She hugged me. “Stop looking so sad. I’m only getting married, not moving to Hong Kong.”

“
Yeah, but everything is changing. Changing so fast.”

I couldn’t budge from the chair. After she left, I continued to sit opposite my desk with my hands folded in my lap, staring. As long as I sat there, time stood still. Crystal was my little girl, Walter loved me, my parents weren’t getting older, and my best friend lived close. I could slow time just for a moment if I didn’t budge from my seat, setting the world back in motion.

By the time I had roused myself, then bought gifts for Ursula and Carla and had them wrapped I was almost late for my hair appointment.

When I arrived home Carla and Ursula were already there along with a caterer. The living room was transformed into a spa with a massage table. The smell of eucalyptus scented candles and oil permeated the air and smooth jazz filtered through the stereo. The family room was turned into a salon with a manicure and pedicure station. Water bubbled in the foot tub. A multitude of nail colors lined the mantel.

The savory smell of delicious food filled the house. I drifted into the kitchen to see what activity was going on in there. The kitchen island was laid out with seared foie gras. I immediately loaded some on some a cracker and popped it into my mouth. The delicate pate melted on my tongue. Poached Maine lobsters, tempura soft shell crab, and braised short ribs looked just as tempting on the far counter, but I resisted the urge to gorge until the party was in full swing.

With the precision of a welder, the chef ignited a torch and began caramelizing the tops of individual chocolate c
rème brûlée
. They smelled so decadent, I had to push myself out of the kitchen. Leave it to my two best friends to create such an elaborate soiree.

I heard Ursula and Carla squealing in the dining room.

“
Hey, you guys.” I breezed into the room and kissed each of them on the cheek. The two small pills that I popped on the way home had me feeling good. “Everything looks great.” I surveyed the room. “What are you two so excited about?”

“
Did you see that ring on Ursula’s finger?” The excitement in Carla’s voice matched the look in her eyes, all glossy and happy. “It is huge! It is absolutely huge!” She held up Ursula’s hand for me to see.

“
I know. It is, isn’t it?”

The three of us were quiet for a nanosecond. Then we hugged each other again. We all had tears in our eyes.

“
Ahhhhh.” Ursula jumped around the room in her four-inch heels and pencil skirt. “I’m getting married and I’m so happy. I can’t believe this.”

Carla and I stood back and let her have her moment. I said a silent prayer that the joy she felt in that moment lasted her a lifetime. Someone deserved to be head-over-heels happy.

“
Okay. Okay.” She shook her arms and jumped from one foot to the next. “Tonight is about Crystal and I will not steal her joy. So don’t say anything to her about this. She’ll be so excited about everything she’ll probably never notice the ring.” She looked to Carla and me for confirmation.

We nodded.

“
Oh good, ’cause I can’t stand to take it off, even for a night.” She stomped her feet in quick succession as she pumped her fist in the air, like she was doing an African tap dance.

When she finally settled down, I said, “Everything looks so nice, you guys really outdid yourselves. The food in the kitchen smells so good I want to start sampling now.”

“
Don’t you dare! Crystal called, she’s on her way. Toni, Keisha and Donna Lee are already upstairs changing into their pajamas.” Carla shook her hips. “How do you like mine?” She did a graceful pirouette so we could see her lacy outfit with her trademark plunging neckline that exposed her generous cleavage.

“
Honey, your boobs are huge, look at you popping out of that top. You sure you aren’t lactating already?” Ursula teased.

Carla dropped her head. Pain filled her eyes.

“
Carla I was only kidding,” Ursula said.

“
Look, I might as well tell you this now. Today the doctor said my ovaries don’t release an egg every month.” She caught her breath. Making the statement must have been painful. “The likelihood that I’ll get pregnant is slim. That’s how she said it—slim.”

“
Oh, Carla. Be strong honey,” I whispered in her ear. “She said slim chance. That means it
could
happen.”

“
Tracy, I’m not gonna sit around and pine for something that might not happen. There are thousands of children out there waiting on a Mommy and a Daddy. I’m sad that Javier and I might not have our own child,” she drew a deep breath, “but we will keep on screwing like crazy and keep on trying to have our own. But we’ll adopt if we have to. It’s okay, really it is.” She shook her head. “I’m okay.” She wiped her nose on the back of her hand then smiled a sad grin. “Javier and I talked about what we’ll do next, and we’re okay. Really I am. If we have to adopt we will,” she said with forced cheerfulness.

“
Carla, I wouldn’t have teased you if I’d known,” Ursula said.

She waved her hand to indicate she was finished with this topic for now. “Hey, somebody get me a tissue. Can’t you see the snot running from my nose?” She laughed.

I handed her the box.

“
Did Walter tell you I saw him this morning?”

“
No, we only talked for a few minutes this evening. Where?”

“
At Dr. Johnson’s office, this morning.”

“
Who is Dr. Johnson?”

“
My ob-gyn. Javier and I go every week for testing and prodding and poking and torture. This morning, Walter was sitting in the waiting room just as pretty as you please. He said one of the secretaries got sick and he had to take her to the doctor.” Carla positioned her hands on her hip like I was supposed to have the right answer.

Fear inched down my spine until it settled in my gut, while my right eye twitched. I fought to keep my face neutral. Something stunk, but I didn’t know what.

Not one inch of me would allow this evening to turn into another soapy scene like the one I had dragged the three of us through a few weeks before. Walter wasn’t the type of person to do a good deed unless it benefited him. Maybe he was trying to impress his boss by trying to appear sympathetic.

I almost laughed at the thought. In the most chipper voice I used for Sunday morning welcome, I said, “I hope everything turned out okay.”

The two of them gave me doubtful looks that I ignored.

“
I better get upstairs and change so we can get this
soirée
started.”

“
Did you tell Carla about your special lunch today?” Ursula insinuated.

“
A special lunch?”