Packed and Ready to Go (23 page)

I looked at Sasha, who stood beside the bed wringing her hands. I reached for her hands to hold them still.

“
No, we’re going through some turmoil at work, but I’m handling that quite well.” I shifted my weight again. “Look, doctor, I can’t stay here overnight. Is there some other way we can get these tests taken care of? Can’t I just go somewhere and have the test taken?”

The doctor ignored my question. He scribbled notes on the clipboard. “Something triggered the attack. Have you started any new medications lately?”

“
No.”

“
Heart disorders sometimes run in families. Is there a family history?”

“
No.” I couldn’t mask my impatience.

“
How about stimulants? Has there been an increase use of caffeine?”

“
No. None of those things.”

“
Like I said, we’ll run some tests.”

“
Doctor…by the way what is your name?”

“
Delaroy, Dr. Delaroy.”

“
Look, Dr. Delaroy, I cannot stay another night. Please write me out a prescription for something and I’ll see my family doctor to get the tests you suggest.”

“
Walter, don’t you think you should listen to the doctor?”

“
Look, both of you, I can’t stay another night. I’ll see a doctor tomorrow.”

“
Fine. I’ll write it all up in your release papers. You’ll have to sign a document releasing the hospital from any liability if something happens to you.”

“
Just bring me the papers and let me get out of here. I need to leave.”

“
The nurse will be here in a minute with the papers, and then you can go home.” He looked at Sasha. “When you see your dad overdoing it, you have to remind him to slow down, to take it easy.” He walked out of the room.

“
Did that asshole say
Dad
?” I swung my legs over the edge of the bed.

Sasha patted my hand to dismiss the comment. “Forget about it.” Her smile was anemic.

“
Please tell me you brought some clothes for me to wear home. I want to put on real clothes.”

“
In this locker.” She pulled the suit and shirt I’d worn to work the day before. I dressed as quickly as possible, feeling like a thief. The icy fingertip of my mother pressed on my chest.

Chapter Eighteen – Walter

I felt like I had been paroled from prison as Sasha and I stepped out into the oppressive June heat. I stopped to look up at the sky. I inhaled what seemed to be the freshest air in the world before grabbing Sasha’s hand. We walked to her car. The pain in my chest subsided a little.

At Sasha’s house, I showered and changed clothes. Before joining Sasha in the kitchen, I perched on the edge of the bed. The mussed sheets felt warm to my palm. Life threatened to swallow me whole without providing an escape. Even though I didn’t love Tracy with that burning passion that I once had, life with her was simple and uncomplicated. With her, I wasn’t always expected to perform, I didn’t have to try so hard, or suck in my gut whenever she was in the room. The thought of raising another child scared the shit out of me. Instead of directing my path, I always seemed to be following someone else’s direction. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t getting my footing right. My mother’s words echoed in my head as I rubbed my hands over the sheet. “
Don’t be foolish, boy.
”

“
Fuck,” I uttered to myself as I finished dressing and went downstairs.

“
You feel okay?” Sasha’s eyes were red, like she’d been crying.

“
I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” I sat down to the plate of eggs and bacon she placed on the table. I pushed the eggs away but ate the bacon. “Once the wedding is over and the layoffs at work are done, I’ll be able to relax. Maybe we’ll go on a trip just before the baby comes,” I said with a mouth full of bacon.

“
Uh-huh.” She gave me weary smile.

“
What?”

“
Stop making promises, Walter. Right now I only want one thing. One thing in the whole world and that’s you. Permanently.” She sat across from me and held my hand.

“
I know. Soon. We’re this close.” I measured with my thumb and index finger. “Look you must be tired. Why don’t you call Ella and let her take care of the store today.”

“
That’s a good idea. I am exhausted.” She pushed away from the table. Her stomach looked twice as large as it did last week. The sight of it made me rub my chest.

“
You know I’m going to be out of pocket for a few days. With the wedding and all. Call me if it’s an emergency. I’ll try to call you every day. But I won’t be able to come by.” I stared into her eyes. “You understand, don’t you?”

“
As long as it gets us closer to being together forever, I can handle it. It’s only for two or three more days, right?”

“
Right.” I was getting so good at lying I was beginning to believe myself. In two or three days something magical was bound to happen.

She waved good-bye to me as I pulled out of the driveway.

Beverly was already at her desk when I walked in the office. “Your wife called, she wants to talk with you as soon as you get in. She said to call her at home.”

“
What did you tell her?”

She arched her eyebrows. “I told her I’d give you the message.” She handed me the message and turned around to her computer.

“
Thanks, Beverly,” I said.

She didn’t look up.

I placed my briefcase on the desk and turned my computer on before dialing Tracy’s number. I’d checked my messages and knew I was in for a lot of questions. “What’s up?”

“
Good morning, Walter. How are ya?”

“
I’m stiff from sleeping here on the couch, but I’m fine.”

“
What kind of excuses are you going to give me about not answering your phones last night when I called?” There was no anger in her voice.

“
I told you I was going to be working. Why did you call?” I had enough edge in my voice to let her know I didn’t feel like being cross-examined.

“
Walter, where were you last night?”

“
Right here asleep on the couch. Why didn’t you come down here again looking for me? Or maybe you could have sent that loud mouth bunch of friends of yours to hunt me down.”

“
Why didn’t you answer your phone?” She asked again in the same even tone. “Even if you were screwing somebody, can’t you stop long enough to answer the phone?”

“
Tracy, I was exhausted, I put the phones on vibrate so I could get some sleep. Why did you call?” My irritation grew.

“
Carla told me she saw you at the doctor’s office. What was that about?”

I knew that loud mouth was going to tell Tracy before I could blink. With everything thing going on I didn’t know what to say, so I decided to give a very casual reply. “Yeah, and what else did she tell you? Did she tell you what I was wearing? Every fricking time I turn around you’re questioning me or tracking me down. Damn woman, you’re worse than my mother.”

“
What was that about, Walter? Why were you there?”

“
I was there with one of the administrative assistants.”

“
Walter, you never do anything so altruistic, so why were you there? Is this assistant, your lover? Is that who keeps you so busy you can’t answer your phone, or return your calls, or come home at a decent time, or make love to me?”

“
Whoa, boy. Here we go.”

“
Yeah, here we go. You won’t go with me to a doctor, so why did you do it for someone—”

“
Listen Tracy, she got sick at work, she couldn’t drive. What should I have done? Tell her to crawl on her hands and knees to get to the doctor? You need to stop being so damn suspicious all the time.”

“
You need to stop giving me reasons to be suspicious all the time. Oh yeah, and do you remember writing a check for the wedding for five thousand dollars? The name doesn’t sound familiar to me. It was someone named Sara or Sasha Somebody.”

I hoped she didn’t hear me suck in a gallon of air. “I-I think…I’m not sure. It sounds familiar, maybe for the extra chairs or something. I’ll look into it.” I smacked my forehead, how could I be so stupid? Was the stress was getting to me? That payment should have come out of my personal account.

“
I’ve got the piece of paper somewhere with the name on it.” I heard papers shuffle in the background. “I’ll find—”

“
Don’t worry about it, I’ll check it out. You go ahead and do whatever you and Crystal have planned for today. I’ll even make it home early tonight so we can celebrate her last night as a single woman, together.” I switched to presentation mode, using my authoritative voice so she’d stop delving into the black hole I’d created.

“
Crystal might not be here. She’s doing something tonight with her girlfriends. I think she’s staying with one of them tonight.”

“
You’re stuck with me tonight.” I forced a chuckle.

“
Yeah, who the hell did I piss off?” Her voice was flat.

“
That’s cold, Tracy,” I teased. “It’ll be our special night. I’ll even give you a foot massage.”

“
You’re on, buddy. And it better be longer than two minutes. Oh yeah, my parents arrived this afternoon so they could be here for the wedding breakfast.”

“
My mom gets in tomorrow. Are we ready for her?”

“
Are we ever ready for Nellie?” She disconnected the call.

“
Shit, shit, shit.” I slapped my forehead. How the hell was I going to explain this one? The easiest thing to do was to pack up my stuff, move to a new town, change my name and disappear into a crowd.

I realized I was still wearing the hospital bracelet. I twirled it around my wrist several times. How careless, if someone at work, or Tracy, saw it, I couldn’t even begin to explain this incident. I shook my head before cutting it off and burying it under some papers in my trash.

The phone jarred me away from the list of management cuts.

“
Have you called the doctor yet?” asked Sasha, breathing hard.

“
No, I’ve been pretty busy here today. I’ll make the call in a day or two.”

“
Why don’t you let Beverly make the appointment for you?”

“
Because I don’t want everyone knowing my business. I’ll handle it. Stop worrying.”

“
If you could have seen your face last night you wouldn’t be so flippant with me. I thought you were dying.” She didn’t pause long enough for me to respond. “I miss you already.”

I needed some time alone, to slow down long enough to think. I sighed.

“
I heard you sighing, Walter. I guess you think I’m being a pain, don’t you?”

“
No, no, it’s…it’s been a hectic day and I’m a little exhausted. The wedding is on Saturday and then you and I can start making plans.”

“
Do you mean it, Walter? Are you talking long term plans? Like marriage, or just getting you moved into this house?”

When did Sasha start pulling in the opposite direction of Tracy? Seldom did either of them ask me what I really wanted.

“
Sasha, please don’t do that. I was there last night.” I shifted the phone to the opposite ear.

“
You were kinda here. Mostly you were in the hospital.”

“
I’ve got to go now.”

“
Will you call me tonight or Saturday morning?”

“
I’ll call you every chance I get,” I promised.

“
You know I love you baby? I just want us to be a family, to be together.”