Packed and Ready to Go (29 page)

She kissed the palm of my hand and led me upstairs. She slipped off her dress, turned back the sheets on the bed and crawled in on her hand and knees. With her arms extended, I climbed in the bed, too.

“
Isn’t this why you came here today?”

“
Is that what you think?” I asked, as my erection grew.

“
Do you love me, Walter?”

I nodded. I didn’t trust myself to speak.

“
Walter.” She started to say more then changed her mind. I stripped off my clothes and climbed on top of her, without putting my weight on her stomach. I ran my tongue down her neck, between her swollen breasts. She arched her body off the bed.

“
Oh baby,” she moaned.

I found her soft wet core and drove my tongue inside. I continued to stroke her nub until she shuddered uncontrollably and held me tight. For now everything was okay. I climbed on top of her and pushed into her warm wet center. Her muscles contracted around me, making it hard to hold out. She slammed her hips against me, demanding more and within minutes I answered her call.

I’d slipped away from Tracy every day to spend long, erotic afternoons with Sasha. She was so fanatical about me leaving Tracy I thought more frequent visits would appease her enough to buy me a little time to settle my life.

Her stomach grew bigger almost overnight. Already Sasha had to adjust her walk to accommodate her fullness. The pregnancy made her radiate a golden glow that was worth looking at all day.

Sasha came into the living room and plopped next to me on the sofa. She rested her head on my shoulder. “You’ve been here three days in a row.” Her voice sounded dreamy and filled with the longing that made me nervous.

“
Tracy is so distraught over her father’s death, she doesn’t miss me. With all the people coming and going, she doesn’t know who’s in her mother’s house. This has been one of the most relaxing weeks I’ve had in a long time. Like I’m on holiday.”

“
It’s going to be like this all the time. In just a few more days. ” She took my hand and placed it over her navel. “I think the baby has started to move. Feel that?”

“
When did it start?” Against the palm of my hand I felt the faint push of the baby.

***

The jet stream shifted just enough on the day of the funeral to release us from the grip of humidity that had hung in the air. The temperature was bearable enough to allow us to stand at the gravesite without sweat soaking through our clothes.

Tracy and her mother sat in small white folding chairs facing the coffin-size hole in the ground. From my vantage point behind Tracy, I watched her twist the lace handkerchief around her index finger. She drew the delicate fabric so tight the tip of her finger grew red. She slowly released the pressure, then began the process all over again. Frances continued to cry. The soft sobs never stopped. It had become white noise to me. Tracy didn’t shed a tear.

The blanket of white roses that covered the bronze casket scented the air. Carl would have been impressed with the dignity of the ceremony. The freeloading relatives who kept dropping by the house to gobble up the food would have angered him. While Tracy looked thinner, a couple of relatives looked like they had gained a few pounds.

I tightened my grip on Tracy’s shoulder, signaling her to release her finger from the handkerchief tourniquet. She set her finger free and reached up to pat my hand.

I shifted my weight from foot to foot. My week of peace and freedom was coming to an end. Sasha’s words sounded more like a threat than a statement. I was getting closer to the gallows.

Tracy had dropped hints that her mother needed to come live with us now. As much as I cared for Frances, I didn’t want to live in the same house with her. Instead of one pair of eyes scrutinizing my activities, there would be two.

The silence in the limousine was broken when Frances released a loud sob, turning up the volume on the white noise. Tracy pressed her nose against the window. Her shoulders tensed, but she ignored her mother.

I slid across the seat. “Frances, we’re here for you. You’re not going to be alone.” I cradled her in my arms and gave her a reassuring pat.

“
I can’t believe Carl won’t come in the house and call my name anymore. Or turn over in bed and rub my back late at night,” she managed between sobs. “What am I supposed to do? I’m all alone.”

“
It might not be easy, Frances, but it can be done. Carl would want you to go on,” I tried to reassure her.

After the limousine deposited us in front of the house and disappeared around the corner, I stood between Tracy and her mother. It was time for me to return to my regular life and figure some stuff out.

“
I’m going into the office, Tray. I’ll come back tonight to pick you up if you want to come home tonight.”

She nodded and helped her mother up the stairs.

A neat stack of messages sat on the middle of my desk, and 183 new e-mails demanded my attention when I walked in the office. I threw my briefcase on the corner of my desk and pulled out my chair. It was a huge risk being out of the office for five days during a major restructuring. But being there for Tracy and spending afternoons with Sasha gave me the rest the doctor had prescribed.

Beverly strolled in my office with a stack of folders in her arms. “How is Tracy doing?” Unlike some of the other people who had cornered me on my way inside Beverly was sincere. She could have been the fourth person in Tracy’s loudmouth pack and fit in quite well.

“
She’s taking it pretty hard. Her mother is a wreck.”

“
What can I do?”

“
Can you clear my e-mail messages?”

“
I meant for Tracy.” She dropped the folders on top of the other piles of papers on my desk.

“
Yeah, that’s what I thought. Fill me in on the week.”

“
It was pretty quiet around here. All the bigwigs were behind closed doors all week. You have a meeting with Joe this afternoon at two. In his office.” She spun around and left without saying anything else.

“
A meeting with Joe, great,” I muttered. The moisture collecting in my armpits accompanied the heavy pressure in my chest. I inhaled a deep breath, trying to remember the relaxed feeling I’d enjoyed before. I pushed away from the desk and placed my arms over my head. After several minutes of standing at my window watching the cars whiz along Trooper Avenue, I picked up the phone and returned calls.

The lunch hour passed and I remained at my desk. I called Tracy at her mother’s but after several rings it went to the answering machine. I disconnected without leaving a message, and then dialed Sasha’s number.

“
How’s your wife?” The sarcastic tone said she was trying to pick a fight.

“
She’s doing fine. She’s at her mother’s and thinking about going back to work soon.”

“
Now you can tell her, right? We can be together like we were last week?”

“
I have a meeting with Joe in a few minutes,” I blurted.

“
What about?” I heard her shuffle paper. “Isn’t that your boss?”

“
Yes. I guess he wants to talk about the office restructuring. I’ve been out of the office. He needs to fill me in on everything.”

“
Now that everything is back to normal, you can—”

“
Look, you have to trust me. I have every intention of telling her. But, even you can see why I had to wait. Please get off my back, Sasha. It won’t be long.”

“
Fine, Walter. But things are different now. I’m different.” Her voice softened. “I know. I know. See you tonight?”

“
Yeah, tonight.”

“
I love you so much Walter,” she said.

Her lighter tone eased the tension in my neck. One glance over my shoulder revealed the same messy desk from this morning. I only managed to shuffle papers from one pile to another. With a deep sigh I picked up a pad and headed for Joe’s office. I rubbed my palms against my slacks, ignoring the rumble in my stomach.

“
Joe, good afternoon.” I stepped in with a fake smile plastered on my face.

“
Walter, thank you for coming.” He moved away from his desk and sat with me at the conference table. “Sorry to hear about your father-in-law. How is Tracy?”

“
She’s doing better.” I crossed my foot over my knee.

Joe adjusted his tie. “That’s good. That’s good. I know how hard it is to lose a parent. When my father passed away I was devastated. I kept wishing I could spend a few more days with him.”

I nodded, placed my foot back on the floor and shifted in the hard chair. Joe didn’t schedule this meeting to talk about our parents or to find out how Tracy was doing.

“
Anyway,” he continued. “You know we think highly of you here. This was a very hard decision. We’re going to let you go.”

My stomach dropped. I straightened my back and picked up my pen. “Excuse me?”

The incident with that woman a few months ago didn’t help your case. This is a small company, we’re like family. Your lack of discretion made the partners wonder about other shortcomings. They don’t think you’ll fit in with the path we’re taking for the future.

“
It’s not a reflection on how you’ve performed your job. Besides, we’ve decided to focus on emerging markets in Asia. With your knowledge and experience, you’ll find another assignment in no time at all. Of course you’ll receive the very attractive executive exit package.”

“
A few weeks ago you said you didn’t think I had anything to worry about. I’m forty-two, Joe. I don’t want to start looking for job.”

He held his hands, palm sides up. “It’s out of my hands. But you have until the end of the month. I wish I had better news.” He stood up and walked back to his desk.

By two-thirty, I was back in my office. I shut down my computer but didn’t place my laptop in my briefcase. After turning off the lights, I closed the door and walked out of the office past Beverly without a word.

Chapter Twenty-Three – Tracy

I bolted up in bed. Moisture pasted my nightgown against my back. I swung my leg over the side and studied my hands as a flood of memories rushed back to me. All mushed together in my dream was the bridal dress, the five-tiered cake, champagne, flowers, a bronze coffin and a skeleton.

Separating Crystal’s wedding from my father’s death made my head throb. Every vision I had of my daughter in her beautiful gown was accompanied by a vision of my father in final repose.

I heard Walter fumbling around in the kitchen making his brand of coffee. I jumped off the bed and dashed to hall.

“
Walter, can you make me some coffee too? I’m going to work today,” I yelled over the banister.

“
Are you sure you’re ready? You were pretty restless last night.” He walked to the foot of the stairs, still holing a canister of coffee.

“
I can’t sit around the house any more. Visiting my mother every day won’t help her to pull her life back together either. Yeah, I’m sure.” I couldn’t tell him I wanted to see Marco. The guilt of wanting to talk to Marco stabbed at my conscience, but I could squash the need.

I showered as quickly as I could. My favorite pair of black Ralph Lauren slacks slipped on with ease. They were loose enough in the waist for me to grab a handful of material. They didn’t cut me in the crotch. Not eating for over a week agreed with me. I found a cream capped-sleeve shirt and pulled it on.

I checked my image in the mirror and swiped my cheeks with blush. The puffiness under my eyes had subsided. Gone were the darkened circles that labeled me a tragedy. I looked normal.

I wanted to talk to Walter before he left. He was a new man. Maybe one I could love again. When I walked into the kitchen he handed me a mug of coffee. “I expected you to take another week off,” he said.

“
I know, but what would I do?” I blew into the cup before taking a sip. He fixed it just the way I liked, mild and sweet. “You were my savior. I don’t know what we would have done if you couldn’t have taken off to help me and Mother.” I snuggled against his shoulder.

“
No problem. I love you.” He looked down at me.

“
My family kept you on your toes. There were times when you were gone for hours. I hope you got frequent flyer points for all those trips to the grocery store.”