Parker's Island (20 page)

“No
, I’m not sick; I’ve
just a
lways had a
sensitive stomach.  Remember, your mom
cook
s
; my mom
re-heats
!”

“Can I see you tonight
?
”
h
e asked, laughing
and agreeing about
my mother’s lack of
culinary
skill. 

“
Yes
!
” I said emphatically.

“
I’ll p
ick you up at 6:00
.
”

“I’ll be ready.”

I
had given a lot of thought about what the right reason was for Brian to kiss me.  I
had
asked him too
.
I thought that was reason enough.  After dinner, we went to his house.  We played a few games of Chess, but I was definitely no competition for him
,
so we moved on to Wii
S
ports
.  I had to laugh when I beat him at bowling, boxing and tennis. 

“It’s a good thing they don’t have
football
on the disk, or you’d be in a world of hurt
,
”
h
e said, taking it all in stride.

“Maybe
you
would
!  Seth can’t beat me either
,
” I laughed, knowing that the only sports I stood a chance of beating Brian at were on the Wii.  He was very big, but he was also very lean and muscular.  I found myself staring at him, wishing once again that he would kiss me.  It felt good to finally feel this way about Brian.  I had always been over-come with a yearning for Logan from the day we met.  With Logan, it was electric.  It was an immediate desire. 
But this was different. 
The feelings I had for Brian had grown slowly over time.  And as I looked up at him, I realized he no longer seemed like a buddy, or a brother, but a man that I desired.
             

He must have felt me staring, because he
looked at me with what I was sure was a yearning as well.  He quickly recovered and asked what I wanted to do.  “You still have an hour before you have to be home.  Do you want to go get some ice cream?” 

The mere mention of the words ice cream sent me reeling to the bathroom.  I stood over the sink, splashing cold water on my face
,
until the urge to vomit subsided.

“Are you okay?”
Brian asked from outside the door.

“Yes, I’m fine.  I think dinner and all the jostling from the video games got to me.”

I opened the door only to find Brian and his mother standing there, looking concerned.

“Are you okay
,
Delaney?”  Mrs. Walters asked me, noting how pale I was.

“I’m fine.  Those stupid video games ma
k
e me dizzy and
nauseous
.  M
y brother always laughs at me
because of
it
,
” I said, embarrassed by my weakness.

“Are you sure that’s all it is?”
s
he asked, looking at me funny.

“Yes.  I’m fine.” 

“Okay
,
”
s
he said and strolled off to finish watching a movie with Brian’s dad.

“Do you
want me to take you
home?”
Brian asked me, looking a bit
concerned as well
.

“Do you want me to go?” I asked, looking up at him, the nausea gone, but the desire returning.

“No.  I never want you to go.”

“Let’s go to your room.  Your parents won’t care
,
right?”

“No, they won’t care, but that may not be such a good idea.” 

“Why?  Are you afraid of me?” I asked, playing with him now.

“Very
,
”
h
e said, only half joking.

“Why?” I asked, seriously.

“Because you have the power to crush me at any
given mome
nt
,
”
h
e said, honestly.

“I don’t want to hurt you
,
Brian.  Are you
ever going to trust me again?”
I asked.

“I trust you.  It’s me I don’t trust.”

“I trust you
,
”
I said, touching his arm.

“You’re under the impression that I have a
n endless amount of
willpower, but its’ diminishing as we speak.”

I figured it was now or never.  I took his hand and led him into his room.  I closed the door and
turned to him. 
I took a deep breath and asked,
“Brian,
why wouldn’t
you
kiss me
the other night?”

“I told you
.  Y
ou didn’t have the right reason.”

I walked over to him
, put my hands on his chest
and said, “So you still won’t kiss me?”

“No.”
  He backed up until he was against the far wall
, standing rigid
.

I
was openly throwing myself at him and he wouldn’t even loo
k at me.  “I don’t understand.
I ask
ed
you to kiss me the other night and you refused.  I’m here, standing in your room, again asking you to kiss me and
still
you won’t. 
Why?
”

“I told you why
,
”
h
e said,
bre
athing a bit faster, but refusing to b
u
dge.

I was confused,
“
Brian,
I don’t
know what the right reason is…
all I know is that I want you to kiss me
,
” I said
, frustrated
.

“That’s the right reason
,
”
h
e said
breathlessly
, closing the gap in an instant and pulling me to him.  He kissed me very softly at first, then deeper.  I kissed him back.  It was nice
,
I thought, not really
certain of
what
I was expecting
.

He pulled away from me, his eyes still closed.  “Oh God
,
Delaney
.  Y
ou don’t know what you do to me!”

“I’m sorry
,
” I said, sensing that maybe this was the pain Molly mentioned.

“Sorry for what?  You can’t help how I feel about you.”

“I don’t want to cause you any
more
pain
,
” I said, looking down.

“Um, I wouldn’t call
that kiss painful, would you?” h
e asked, not understanding what I meant.

“No, it was very nice…
for me.”

He thought about what I said for a minute, and then said, “You don’t think it was nice for me?  Well, actually nice doesn’t even begin to describe it.  But why would you think it would cause me pain?
  You wanted
me
to kiss you
, right?
”
h
e
aske
d, looking confused.

“Yes.”

“I’m not following you
,
Delaney.  Why would kissing you cause me pain?”

“I, I
don’t know…
Molly just said that you looked like you were in a lot of pain.”

“Do I look like
I’m
in pain?”
h
e asked, stroking my cheek.

“No.  Not now.”

“I’m lost.  Exactly when was I supposed to be in pain?”

“I don’t know.  She just said that you looked like you were in a lot of pain.  She said that you obviously wanted to kiss me, and that I shouldn’t make you wait too long
,
” I admitted, shyly.

“Get your jacket.  I’m taking you home
,
”
h
e said, and
stormed
out of his bedroom.

He was silent all the way to my house.  He wouldn’t even answer direct questions.  He pulled up to my house, came around and opened my door, and walked me to the porch.  He waited for me to get my keys out and
he
opened my door.  But, instead of his polite goodnight, he headed back to his car without a word.

“Brian!” I yelled after him.

He didn’t stop, so I ran after him.

“Go inside
,
Delaney!”
h
e said, very angrily.  I had never seen him
this
angry before
, not even when he found me with Logan
.
 

“Brian, what did I do?”

“It’s what you didn’t do!”

“What didn’t I do?”

“You didn’t really want me to kiss you
.  Y
ou only
told me you did
because of what Molly said!
  Because
it was
what you thought I wanted!
”
h
e was irate.

“That’s not true.  I did want you to kiss me.  I did, I do!”

“Stop lying to me!”

“Brian, please believe me
. 
I’m not lying.  I did want you to kiss me.  I swear I did!”

“I don’t believe you!”
h
e said, once again heading toward his car.

“BRIAN!” I yelled, but it was too late, he was already driving away.

I enjoyed my dates with Brian, but it seemed each night our dates ended
on a sour note,
leaving me vastly confused
.  I knew
Brian’s anger
was my fault, although I wasn’t sure exactly what I had done.  I needed to talk to him
, clear the air but I had no idea what to say. 
‘
How can I convince him that I wanted the kiss?
’
I thought to myself on the way
upstairs
to
my
bed
room
.

The next morning I woke up early for church, once again feeling sick to my stomach.  This time I knew why I was feeling sick.  I had hurt Brian and I desperately needed to talk to him.  I called his cell phone but he didn’t answer, so I called his house.  “Hi Mrs. Walters
.  I
t
’
s Delaney
.  M
ay I speak to Brian
,
please?”

“I’m sorry
,
dear
.  H
e went out early this morning.  He said he needed some fresh air. 
Did you try his cell phone?”

“Yes, but he didn’t answer.”

“
Is everything okay with you two?”
s
he asked, sensing my urgency as well as being very intuitive where her son was concerned.

“I just need to talk to him
,
” I said, too embarrassed to explain anything.

“Well, we’re going to church in a little while.  I’ll tell him you called.  I’m sure he’ll call you
when we get home
.”

“Thank you.”

While Brian was at church with his family, I was sitting next to my mother and brother tying to concentrate on my father’s sermon. 

“Why wouldn’t he answer his cell phone?  What did I do?” I berated myself throughout the entire sermon and couldn’t wait for church to end. 

“Mom, would you mind if I skipped br
unch
this morning?” I asked, needing to talk to Brian.

“Delaney, we always have br
unch
together as a family after church
,
”
s
he said, telling me in her own way that I was expected to attend our traditional
Sunday
meal
.

“Please mom?  I really need to talk to Brian
,
”
I said, with desperation in my voice.

“Delaney, I think you may be getting too serious about Brian, and he obviously is very serious about you.   You’re very young, and you have your whole life ahead of you.”