PAYBACK (A Bad Boy Romance) (8 page)

I
awoke
to the sensation of something prodding me in the back.

I groggily shifted but the hard thing continued to poke at me.

My eyes focused and I remembered everything that’d happened last night.

The brutality, the sweetness, the betrayal.

The unprotected sex.

And I knew that thing pushed against me was Cason’s penis.

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to will away the instant arousal that followed the knowledge that he was ready and hard for me.

I needed to keep him off of me. I wouldn’t have sex with him again.

But even as I made the vow, my body was softening, preparing to yield, yet again.

I hungered for the exquisite feeling of Cason mastering my body. It was like an addiction, worse than any drug because there was no cure, no way to make the yearning stop with him there.

I was trapped by my own desire. I turned and saw that Cason was awake.

Those eyes burned, branding me.

I would never meet another man like Cason.

Good, bad — it didn’t matter — Cason was one-of-a-kind.

“You’re awake,” he said, leaning to take my lips in a sweet, tender kiss that crumbled my defenses instantly in spite of my attempt to build a wall. “And you do snore, baby girl.”

I risked a small smile. “And so do you. I guess we’re even.”

A fragile moment, as ephemeral as a soap bubble on the wind, built between us. His eyes, soft with sleep, lost their edge. I reached up to tentatively touch the stubble on his jaw. He nipped gently at my fingertips.

I was afraid to speak for fear of ruining this rare moment between us.

“Kiss me,” I whispered, lifting my lips to his.

Cason obliged, taking my mouth again with the most deliberate of actions. I felt the hard muscles in his abs contract as he shifted his weight on top of me. I sank into the mattress, loving the feel of his solid body on mine.

And when he entered me, I willingly opened my legs, wincing briefly at the slight twinge from my body that reminded me I was unaccustomed to such activity.

But I loved it.

That was my shameful secret that I would die before admitting.

Cason inside me was the epitome of bliss.

Even if he wasn’t a good guy, even if he was using me.

And that was the worst part.

I wanted him so badly.

I lost myself to the building pressure, knowing that mind-bending pleasure would come soon. Cason had shown me what my body was capable of and I craved the heaven he could give me.

I clutched my arms around Cason’s neck as he labored above me, sliding in and out of my slick passage, sweat dotting his forearms as he flexed his hips to drive himself deeper inside.

“
Cason
,” I cried, unable to stop what was coming. I closed my eyes and tumbled gratefully into that abyss, mindless, simply a vessel for pleasure.

And once again Cason filled me with his seed, pumping wildly as he came hard.

I thrilled at the guttural shout Cason emitted as he found his release. The sound was incredibly sexy as I knew I was the one who sent him over the edge.

Me.

The girl who no one noticed, managed to make this hot, dangerous man shudder in my arms.

Oh God, what was happening to me?

Cason slowed, his breath coming in deep gasping pants, shocking me when he remained firmly lodged inside me.

He lifted onto his elbows to stare down at me, pulling my damp hair from my eyes.

“You’re beautiful,” Cason admitted, as if it bothered him. The subtle frown pulling at his brows made me want to finger smooth them away. “And incredibly sexy. You deserve better.”

The admission struck a deep chord. I felt more drawn to him than ever. I saw hurt and pain in his eyes, regret and guilt, which was at odds with the words that’d come from his mouth earlier.

I took a chance and said, “It doesn’t have to be like this.”

His sigh held the weight of the world in that one sound. “Yes, it does.”

But I didn’t believe him.

“You’re not as bad as you pretend to be,” I told him.

Cason shook his head at me. “Baby girl, when people show you their true colors…believe them.”

“I do,” I returned softly. I did see who Cason was, beyond the bad-ass, emotionally-stunted persona to the sensitive, strong and dedicated man beneath.

“Yeah? And what do you see?”

“I see a man struggling with what he wants to do and what’s expected of him.”

He chuckled. “You see all that?”

I nodded.

“What if you’re wrong?”

“Then I’m wrong. But I’m not. There’s something happening between us, Cason. I can feel it. I know you do, too.”

I must’ve pushed a sensitive button. His gaze immediately narrowed but when I expected him to snap, the fire suddenly drained, leaving a conflicted soul behind.

“Holly…what am I going to do with you? I brought you to this place and treated you like a common whore. How can you say that you see anything but a man who is rotten to his core?”

How could I explain something that I didn’t understand myself? All I had to base my conviction on was the feelings he created inside me.

He was right, I shouldn’t feel anything for Cason but hatred for the way he’d treated me. Call me crazy, I sensed he was fighting against character and struggle drew me to him.

Cason had taken my virginity. But I didn’t regret it. Not one second. I couldn’t imagine wanting anyone else to touch me first.

And Cason was right…I would never forget him…no matter how much time passed.

He was branded into my memory, into my soul.

But Cason looked eaten with regret and that killed me.

I braved rejection as I begged, “Take me away from this place. Take me someplace nice. I promise I won’t run.”

My earnest promise was real. I wanted to be with him.

“How do I know this isn’t a ploy to get free?” he asked, wary.

“You have to trust me,” I answered with a small smile.

His sardonic look only increased his allure. “You and I don’t have a lot of that to spare between us.”

I nodded. “True. But we have to start somewhere, right?”

Conflict crossed his features — as if he were struggling just as I was with feelings he shouldn’t have — but he finally agreed with a short nod. “Where do you want to go?”

“Anywhere with you.”

It was the simple, unadorned truth, even if it was wrong for both of us.

I shouldn’t want to spend quality time with Cason. I should be using my feminine power to get free but I couldn’t. I truly wanted to see the real Cason, not the cruel jackass he wanted me to believe was the real him.

Was I being naive? Had Cason shown me his true colors earlier but I wanted to believe in an illusion to save my pride?

Maybe.

I had to take that risk.

Cason kissed me again, harder this time. I gladly gave him what he wanted. I opened my mouth, accepting the invasion of his tongue as we danced together.

Before long, I felt him stir against my leg and I marveled at his stamina.

This time, I eagerly rolled to my belly and he slid inside me easily, the slicked passage still dripping with his seed.

It was a sloppy mess but felt so good.

Cason seemed to agree. He came quickly, losing himself a second time inside me.

I sighed as he rolled off me.

Suddenly, Cason rose and helped me from the bed. “Let’s get you cleaned up so we can get out of here.”

Giddy to leave this place, I hurried to the bathroom, shocked when he followed.

“Let me,” he insisted, taking the wash cloth from my hand, wetting it and gently cleaning my folds. Being tended to by Cason was far more intimate than sex ever could be, though I was shocked by the realization.

Cason tenderly wiped away the evidence of his seed, rinsed the cloth and started again.

Emboldened, I relieved him of the cloth and returned the favor, washing his penis, taking careful note of every aspect of his manhood. I loved the way it grew to such a strong length yet the skin covering the shaft was like silk.

“Careful, or we’ll never leave,” he warned. I looked up to see Cason regarding me with an emotion I’d never seen before. My breath hitched. This was what people meant when they said they could drown in someone’s eyes.

I was underwater beneath his gaze, completely lost.

I knew whatever this was had no rhyme or reason for either of us.

A current of tension crackled between us like a live wire and if we were careless, we’d both end up burnt.

But maybe that’d been the point all along.

To disintegrate in a blaze of glory, never to be the same again.

If that were the case, I accepted my fate.

For now, I just wanted to be with Cason.

And I no longer wanted to question why I was so weak.

N
othing was going to plan
.

I was fighting myself.

Holly was under my skin in a way I hadn’t considered happening.

It was a hiccup in the overall scheme that I wasn’t sure I could recover from.

But I couldn’t deny that Holly was starting to mean something to me.

Even if I wanted to push her away, my need for her eclipsed everything else.

How was it possible?

In the space of two fucking days?

I didn’t believe in love at first sight.

And I still didn’t.

But I had to admit that there was something between us that bordered on obsession.

There was a sweetness about Holly that I craved but didn’t deserve. Even after everything I’d done, she embraced me with open arms.

I half hoped Holly was trying to dupe me into a false sense of security because then at least I could take solace in the fact that I deserved being tricked.

I was so pathetic I desperately wanted to make things right, even though I knew I couldn’t.

I couldn’t erase what I’d put her through, couldn’t return her virginity.

A selfish part of me growled at the thought of never seeing her again.

Holly was the ultimate prize, not the bait as I’d originally thought.

And when she smiled at me like she was doing right now…the world disappeared.

“Is there something wrong with my face?” she asked, fearing a blemish.

I wanted to answer she was perfect but I didn’t have the right to feel that way about her. I’d fucked things up in royal fashion and I didn’t know what I was doing anymore.

“You’re fine,” is what I finally said.

The plan had seemed a helluva lot more simple when I’d cooked it up in my head.

I hadn’t even considered for a second that I might find it hard as hell to follow through once I saw her.

We walked out the back door and found the car. Climbing in, I started the engine and we pulled out of the parking lot, onto the street.

“Why’d they let us stay the night?” she asked, curious as she blinked against the sun. “Is that a thing here?”

“I pulled some strings. And no, that’s not a thing. Someone I was very close to, used to work here.”

I could tell she wanted to ask more questions but I was grateful when she didn’t. I wasn’t ready to talk about Shay and Christine.

Not yet.

I had no business sharing such personal things with Holly at all. Things were already muddled.

I’d made a colossal mess of everything and I didn’t know how to recover.

I should’ve been more jacked up about it, but there was a ball of heat radiating in my chest and it grew each time I looked at Holly.

What did it mean? I didn’t want to know.

We stopped long enough to get something to eat at the corner market and then headed out of the city. I wanted to get away from everything that reminded me of my goal.

I didn’t know where we were going. I just wanted to drive.

Holly seemed content to ride.

We headed out of the city and ended up at a secluded beach, which used to house an army base.

The base was long since gone and the beach had stopped attracting tourists but the view was pretty damn good.

I held Holly’s hand as we climbed the bluff, the white sand giving under our feet while the beach grass swayed in the breeze. White caps danced on the water and nothing but the sound of nature surrounded us.

“It’s beautiful,” Holly said, smiling.

I was momentarily dazzled by the brilliance of her simple joy. When had I stopped noticing the small things such as a beautiful beach on a clear day?

When seeing it through her eyes, everything seemed new.

I nodded, pleased that my choice had been good, and we found a comfortable spot on the bluff.

Here, it was easy to forget the hell we left behind.

The wind played with Holly’s hair, whipping it playfully as she fought to keep from eating the wayward strands.

I laughed and helped tuck her hair behind her back.

“Better?”

“Much,” she answered.

We broke open our food and ate while listening to the waves. It was the most peaceful, stolen moment I’d ever experienced.

Finished, Holly laid back on the sand, smiling as I leaned over her. “We should’ve brought a blanket.”

“I didn’t know we’d end up at the beach,” I admitted but I liked the flecks of sand clinging to her legs and arms. She looked fierce and untamed but only I knew just how wild she could be.

I would’ve been content to soak up every minute of unfettered happiness with her, even knowing in my heart that I didn’t deserve it.

Holly’s smile faded as she asked, “Why do you hate my brother so much?”

I wanted to tell her. But a part of me wasn’t willing to sully the moment.

She gazed up at me with total trust. “Please, tell me.”

I looked away, my gaze finding the sea and locking there. I supposed I owed her at least that, seeing as I could offer her little else.

“Your brother used to frequent the place we just left. My sister’s best friend, Shay, used to be a waitress there. Butcher took a liking to her. But Butcher also liked to hurt women.”

Shame crawled into her eyes and I almost stopped but I needed to tell her why I’d set all of this in motion.

“Once Shay realized Butcher was a bastard, she tried to dump him but Butcher wasn’t through with her. He beat the shit out of her. She called my sister, Christine for help. But Butcher had a plan for Shay. As soon as Christine arrived to help her move, Butcher shot them both. Shay died but Christine is lying in a coma with brain damage. If she wakes up, she won’t be the same person. My sister is gone.”

Holly gasped in horror. “I’m so sorry,” she said, reaching for me. “I don’t know what to say. I wish I could do something to help. No wonder you hate Butcher,” she murmured, her eyes glistening. “Did you file charges?”

“Butcher runs the Ice Town Rebels, the biggest, most well-organized gang in New York. Any report to the cops would’ve ended up in the trash. He has the money to grease palms needed to make things like this go away.”

Holly didn’t deny it. “My brother knows a lot of people,” she murmured, distressed. “I can’t imagine the pain you’re in. You must love your sister very much to be willing to go to such lengths to avenge her.”

I nodded, swallowing the immediate lump in my throat. “Yeah, Christine and Shay were best friends since they were kids. It’s been hard to deal with. Christine was always smarter than me. She shouldn’t be the one lying in a hospital bed, wasting away.”

Holly rose up to press a kiss to my lips. I accepted the sweetness like a starving man.

When I released her, I was truthful for the first time since I’d stolen her from campus. “I’m going to ruin him, Holly. And then, I’m going to deliver him to the Feds for crimes they don’t even know he committed.”

A subtle frown creased her brow. “How?”

“I’ve been tracking Butcher for months. I’ve got people on the inside, eager to take him down. He may run the Rebels, but he isn’t loved.”

“My brother scares people,” she admitted. “He isn’t exactly friendly.”

“So what’s your story? Why’d he tuck you away from everything? He had to have a reason.”

Holly reflected a moment then said, “I like to think that he was fulfilling a promise to our father to take care of me. He may not have honor in many things but he treated me well.”

“He isn’t a good man,” I told her. “He’s fucking evil. The shit I’ve seen him do…turns my stomach.”

“I understand. I’m not defending him. I’m just stating how he treated me.”

“I can guarantee that man doesn’t have a good bone in his body. If he protected you, it was for a reason.”

Holly frowned. “Well, I am his only family.”

“Are you?” I countered, causing her to blink with confusion. “Holly, why did no one know about you?”

“Someone knew, how’d you find out?”

“By complete accident. I admit, it was the ace I needed but only a few in his inner circle know that you exist. Do you have any pictures of your father?”

“No,” she answered. “Butcher isn’t the sentimental type.”

“How about your mother?”

She shook her head. “He said our father destroyed all the pictures. I had no reason to doubt what Butcher said was true. I mean, honestly, I never knew anyone but Butcher. He was my family.”

“Something feels weird about it,” I admitted. “Kids just don’t show up out of nowhere. Do you have a copy of your birth certificate?”

Holly became flustered. “No.”

“Then how’d you get into college?”

“Butcher took care of everything. I didn’t even get to pick the school. He did but because he was paying for it, I didn’t complain. Not to mention, it was a great school so I just went with it.”

“And how would you feel if you discovered Butcher wasn’t your brother at all?” I asked.

“I don’t know. If that were true…that would mean my entire life has been a lie.”

“And how do you feel knowing that I’m going to destroy him?”

“I don’t know about that either,” she admitted. “You’re saying that Butcher killed that girl and put your sister in a coma. But I just met you. I’ve known Butcher my entire life. Why should I believe you over him?”

It was an honest question. She was smart. But I had one chance to show her that if someone was lying, it sure as hell wasn’t me.

I leaned in and kissed her, slow and thorough. My hands traveled down her front to cup her sweet mound. I broke the kiss to say, “I’m a lot of things but I’m not a liar. I can take you to the hospital where my sister is, I can show you where Shay is buried but most of all, I can promise you that if you look in your heart, you’ll know the answer. Deep down, you know your brother is a bad man.”

“You told me
you
were a bad man,” she reminded me, her voice a breathy whisper. “If you haven’t lied to me…what does that mean?”

“It means I was prepared to do a bad thing for a good reason. Someone has to take him down. I’d rather die trying than live my life knowing that I did nothing to avenge my sister.”

Holly held my stare as if measuring my words against what she felt in her heart.

Her expressive face plainly showed she was wrestling with what I’d told her. But she was right, we were practical strangers and yet, there was no denying something between us.

“I know we don’t make sense. Hell, Holly, I’m still trying to wrap my brain around what is happening between us and I don’t know what is coming but I do know that one way or another, Butcher is going to pay.”

At this point, all I had was honesty to give her. I held my breath in fear that it wouldn’t be enough.

Then she shocked me by saying, “Then let me help you.”

I stared, unable to believe what I’d heard. “You would betray your own brother?”

Holly’s brow creased as she reflected her answer, then concluded firmly, “It’s not a betrayal if he earned the consequence of his actions. If what you say is true, he’s had this coming a long time.”

I didn’t know what to say. I certainly hadn’t expected to gain Holly’s help in taking down her brother. Was this a game to earn my trust?

A seed of doubt began to germinate. I’d hurt Holly. Maybe this was her way of punishing me for what I’d done.

I wanted to trust Holly but I hadn’t done anything to earn that trust so why would she offer it?

I pulled away.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, sensing the wall coming down between us.

“Holly, you can’t play a player,” I quipped, casting my gaze out toward the waves. “Why would you help me? C’mon, give me some credit. I know I don’t deserve your help in anyway after what I’ve done to you. I purposely did those things so you would hate me. Now, you’re saying that after everything you’re still willing to betray the only person who cared for you?” I snorted. “Baby girl, that’s a hard one to swallow.”

“You don’t trust me?” Holly returned with an incredulous snort. “That’s rich. You’re right, you’ve done nothing to earn my trust but if I choose to believe you…you ought to be grateful and just say thank you.”

We were at a stalemate.

I’d hurt her feelings by questioning her motives but I couldn’t very well blindly hand over my plans to the one person who could ruin everything.

“I have to think of Christina,” I said finally because that’s all I had. “My sister deserves justice. For fuck’s sake, so does Shay.”

“My brother was scheduled to pick me up after finals. I’m to come home after graduation. Right now, he doesn’t know anything has happened. Take me back so I can get the information you need without arousing suspicion.”

If Holly were being truthful with me, she was right; Holly could get to information that I couldn’t. Information the Feds could use to lock up Butcher for good.

Right now, I was playing fast and loose with circumstantial evidence and it could all blow up in my face.

I’d do anything to see that bastard off the street.

But would I trust the girl I’d tried to ruin?

Like I said…this was a hiccup I hadn’t planned for.

Fuck, in all honesty, I don’t think I ever could’ve planned for Holly.

She was a game-changer in every sense of the word.