PAYBACK (A Bad Boy Romance) (9 page)

I
knew
how absurd my offer sounded.

I understood why Cason didn’t immediately jump at my offer.

His reticence bruised my feelings but I supposed he was being cautious.

“Tito said you were part of a different gang…who do you run with?” I asked.

Cason shook his head. “Does it matter?”

“I guess not but I’d like to know.”

He sighed and tossed a shell he’d found in the sand. “Cold Heart Crew.”

“I haven’t heard of them.”

“We don’t have the same press as ITR,” he said with a sardonic half-smile.

“Well, that’s not necessarily a bad thing,” I told him.

Cason brushed a tender kiss across my lips and I couldn’t help but melt a little.

How was this the same man who’d been so brutal with me in the beginning?

What if I liked that brutality?

“Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” he asked, zeroing in on a private subject that always made me feel lacking. “Are all the guys around you blind?”

I sucked in a quick breath. And just like that I melted some more. The way he saw me,
really
saw me, was addictive.

“Dating has been difficult,” I answered, feeling every bit the forlorn girl I’ve always been. “I’m not the cultural standard for collegiate beauty. And, to be fair, I spend a lot of time in the library.”

“Fuck that. I’ve never been to college but you’re fine as hell. You shouldn’t be wasting away with dusty old books.”

“I love books,” I said with a shrug. “Books don’t judge.”

“I suppose so. I never got into it,” Cason said, looking away. “School sucked.”

“Why?”

Cason’s discomfort became visible. “Just wasn’t my thing.”

I sensed an underlying pain beneath the cavalier words. Cason was intelligent even if he wasn’t book-smart. Cason was probably one of the millions of students who’d fallen through the cracks of the educational system.

“What did you want to be when you were a kid?” I asked, curious.

He barked a short laugh. “Well-fed?” Cason sobered and shrugged, saying, “Honey, I never had time to think about stuff like that. I was just trying to keep Christine and I together. We bounced from foster home to foster home because our parents were fuck-ups. The Cold Heart Crew became my family and they take care of their own.”

I caught a vision of a little boy, facing off against a world that’d trampled him, trying to protect a younger sister when he was too young to shoulder that burden. How could I not feel for that boy?

“I love words. I think something with research would be great,” I shared. “But to be honest, I hadn’t actually nailed down what I wanted to do. I would need to live multiple lifetimes to do all the things that I dream about.”

Cason graced me with a genuine smile. “Baby, whatever you chose…you would rock. You’re just that kind of girl.”

His quiet confidence in me — a woman he hardly knew — was staggering.

Hadn’t I craved someone to believe in me as Cason did?

Damn him. As if he didn’t know exactly what to say to break through my walls.

I blinked back sudden tears. “What is happening between us?” I asked, baffled. “Is this real? Or are you messing with me?”

Cason’s expression shuttered and my stomach clenched. “Let’s talk about something else,” he said, climbing to his feet.

He held out his hand to help me up. His arms encircled my waist. The solid wall of muscle behind me soothed my ragged nerves. Being in his arms felt like home.

“I don’t want to go back to that place,” I said.

“You’re not,” he answered as I turned around in question. His gaze was like the chop of the ocean waves, turbulent and dangerous. “You’re going home.”

He was going to take me up on my offer.

My spirits lifted tentatively. Did this mean he trusted me? Or was he testing to see if I would betray him?

There was only one way to prove to him that my word was good.

“Tell me what you need and I’ll find it for you.”

Cason dipped to kiss me, his tongue mastering mine. I sank into his embrace, feeling safe for the first time in my life.

Butcher had sent me away on the pretense of protecting me but I hadn’t felt safe, only abandoned.

Now, ready to do something life-changing, I wanted to cling to him and never let go.

Maybe I was losing my mind.

I shouldn’t want him so much.

I shouldn’t want to help him.

But it didn’t matter how many times logic and reason were introduced into the argument, when I looked in his eyes or succumbed to his touch, I lost all sense of what I “should” do.

All I knew was what I wanted.

And I wanted Cason.

I
dropped Holly off
on her campus and watched her go. It wasn’t until she was safely inside her apartment, did I leave.

Not that I wanted to but I couldn’t afford to be seen with her.

I didn’t know if Butcher had eyes on campus, but I was willing to bet that he did.

I met Tito back at my place, feeling as if I’d either made the biggest mistake of my life or I’d hit the jackpot.

Except I didn’t know which feeling was true.

Tito walked into my place and fixed with a dark glared. “What the fuck? Have you lost your fucking mind? You let her go? She’s going to go straight to Butcher and our asses will be cooked.”

“Maybe,” I agreed. “Or maybe not.”

Tito threw up his hands as he paced the floor. “Ahhh, great. Now you’re a philosopher. Wake up, Cason! She played you. Somehow she managed to get under your skin and dance to her tune instead of the other way around. I knew I should’ve been the one watching her, not you. You had a cock-stand the minute you saw her. Fuck, man!”

I didn’t begrudge Tito’s frustration. I may very well have signed both our death warrants. Only time would tell.

“She’s going to come through for us.”

“And why would she do that?” Tito demanded. “Because we treated her so well? Because we’re two swell guys who just happened along? No, Cason. We fucking kidnapped her, tied her up, and you shackled her to the wall in a sex dungeon. Yeah, that’s the recipe for love at first sight.”

“No one said anything about love,” I cut in, shifting as I suffered the heat of Tito’s incriminating points. “But I think there’s more to Butcher’s relationship with Holly than meets the eye.”

“What are you talking about?” Tito asked.

“What if…bear with me for a minute…what if Butcher wasn’t her brother at all?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Tito groaned, sinking into the worn chair by the door. “What do you mean?”

“It was something Holly had said to me. She doesn’t have any recollection of her parents because they died when she was too young and she’s never seen any official documents stating she is who Butcher says she is. Plus, Butcher handled all the details of getting her into the university. You and I both know that Butcher isn’t above taking a kid that wasn’t his to use for his own purposes.”

“But he treats her like a princess,” Tito pointed out, trying to find the flaws in my half-baked theory. “Why would he do that for a stranger?”

“What if he was…saving her for himself?”

“You mean, like, a wife or something?”

“Yeah.”

“But she thinks he’s her brother.” Tito made a face. “That’s disgusting.”

“But if he’s not…then there’s nothing stopping him from putting his plan into play.”

Tito whistled under his breath as the import of the twisted theory came into focus. “That’s some fucked up shit.”

I agreed. “And if that’s the case, Butcher has been lying to her all her life. Trust me, that’s going to go over like a lead balloon with Holly.”

Tito leaned forward, bracing his upper body with his elbows on his knees. “C’mon man, what’s going on with you and that chick? You’re different. I’ve never seen you so obsessed with one woman. You’ve got that look in your eye like she belongs to you or something. That’s dangerous, man.”

I couldn’t explain my feelings.

Tito would never understand, anyway.

I did feel different.

I wasn’t the same man who’d plotted Holly’s kidnapping, nor was I same man who’d coldly planned to ruin her to get at her brother.

I still wanted to take Butcher down but I didn’t want Holly in harm’s way while I did it.

Making a decision, Tito said firmly, “You need to get out. Have a beer. Let the smoke clear from your fucking brain. Let’s hit up Dolly’s and see if we can’t lose ourselves in booze and women.”

But I didn’t want other women.

I wanted Holly.

The thought of another woman touching me left me cold.

Even repulsed.

But if I admitted that to Tito, he’d question my sanity. I loved fucking women. All shapes and sizes. I never discriminated. And I never gave up the chance to dip my wick in some hot pussy.

But that was all over now.

I wanted Holly and that was it.

I wanted to hear her sweet cries as I punished her ass, then soft moans as I lovingly trace faint lines into the red wheals with a gentle touch.

Holly was hotter than a New York summer and she was completely unaware of the power she could wield over men.

Her tits were pillowy perfection and her hips made me drool.

That feminine silhouette was smoking hot.

I wasn’t lying when I told her, the men around her must’ve been blind to miss how gorgeous she was.

Maybe I ought to be thankful for all those books she liked to read because they’d kept her cloistered away for me to find when the time was right.

Her love of books made me want to learn to love them, too.

Except I was dyslexic as fuck, which made reading excruciatingly frustrating and gave me a headache.

But I would find a way for her.

And all this I would do, if she didn’t betray me.

The fact was, I didn’t know if I was being a schmuck. Maybe I was plain stupid for letting her go but there was no turning back from the way I felt about her.

Whether she betrayed me or not, I wouldn’t be able to follow through with my original plan.

So, I had to take a chance.

A chance that Holly felt the same as I did.

And if that wasn’t the scariest chance I’d ever taken in my life…I didn’t know what was.

Tito, realizing I wasn’t coming with him, shook his head as he grumbled under his breath before slamming out the door, “Pussy-whipped son-of-a-bitch gonna get us both killed. I need a fucking drink and a wet and willing woman ASAP. I’m gonna make the most of my last twenty-four hours, motherfucker. I suggest you do the same.”

I closed my eyes.

Let the waiting begin.

M
y apartment felt foreign
.

Even though I was surrounded by everything my life had been, my books, my pictures, my Post-In Note forest above my desk, I felt like a stranger in my own place.

Everything had been put on fast forward. I’d catapulted past the usual stages of college life, skipping the usual stuff that made for great stories later, and landed in a story of my own that I never would’ve believed three days ago.

Cason.

I was still in awe that he’d brought me back.

I could completely screw him over.

Payback for what he’d tried to do to me.

I would be completely justified.

Anyone else might do it in a heartbeat.

But I wasn’t just anyone.

I danced to the beat of my own drum and always have.

I used to think that put me apart because I was damaged but now I realized, my differences were what made me unique.

I would never fit in with people I had nothing in common with and that was okay.

I wanted to find my own tribe of weirdos to hang with.

And I wanted Cason standing with me.

My breath caught as I thought of the baby that might be growing inside me right now.

A little piece of me and Cason, melded together in a perfect tiny package.

God, I wanted to be pregnant.

I wanted to hold that sweet bundle of perfection in my arms and give it all the love I’d been denied.

I wanted to see Cason’s expression as the doctor placed our baby in his arms for the first time.

Was any of that possible?

Was it a fairytale I couldn’t possibly turn into reality?

Butcher would have Cason killed if he found out.

My brother had always been oddly protective of my innocence. When I was younger, I thought his actions were admirable, the one way Butcher could show me that he loved me, but now, with the seeds of doubt sprouting in my head, I didn’t know what to think.

I had finals to deal with — time hadn’t stopped while I was off experiencing the love of my life on fast forward.

Sighing, I dragged myself to the shower to clean up — a real clean up rather than a whore’s bath — and when I was done, I had every intention to crack the books but fatigue won out instead.

Falling to my bed, I dropped off almost immediately, dead to the world.

Except my head was filled with dreams of Cason.

His scent, his smile, his stern expression when I was driving him crazy…

All of him.

I would take whatever he could give me.

J
ohnny entered my office
, a look of extreme relief on his scraggy face.

“Boss, she’s back,” he said, causing me to wait for him to elaborate. “Holly is back in her apartment.”

“Where was she?”

“I don’t know. But she’s back. Maybe she spent a few days with friends?”

“She doesn’t have any friends,” I reminded Johnny with a glower. “Find out where she was.”

“Sure thing, boss.”

Johnny left me alone to solve the puzzle of Holly’s little disappearing act. I steepled my fingers as I ran through scenarios and possible action.

She had a boyfriend.

(I would kill him.)

She had a social life.

(I would end it.)

She was trying to skip town.

(I would find her.)

Holly’s life belonged to me. I had nurtured her, provided for her, given her every advantage.

Now it was time to pay her dues.

I’d waited longer than I thought possible but my patience was at an end.

Soon enough, Holly Brannon would become Holly Brannon for real.

I couldn’t wait.

A smile found me.

It’s all about the long game, people.
Putting plans into motion for a larger pay off, rather than immediate gratification.

My ability to see several steps ahead was why I was running the largest, most organized gang in New York.

I had money but I lacked respectability.

Holly would help me gain that final missing component.

She was pretty but not too much so. Plump and sweet with a trustworthy demeanor.

A perfect wife for the new me.

Politics were the new arena I wanted to conquer and image was everything.

Ohhh, Holly, my sweet girl. You will make my dreams come true.

I was so pleased with how things were going, I didn’t even need a blow job to release the tension. Besides, that last whore had been pretty ruined, I chuckled at the memory.

It would be a miracle if she could shit on her own again. Ahh, well. Whores were a dime a dozen.

It was time I elevated my extracurricular activities as well.

Maybe I’d try monogamy for a time.

I liked that idea.

One woman, made just for me. I would gift her with my fidelity.

No more whores, strippers, or hot trannies.

In fact, I was willing to go without until I had Holly wrapping her luscious lips around my cock.

I was feeling downright magnanimous.

Ringing for my secretary, she hustled in, looking anxious.

“Yes Mr. Brannon?”

“Take the day off, sweetheart. You’ve earned it.”

She bobbed a grateful nod. “Thank you, sir.”

I grinned and grabbed a cigar.

Life was good when you were the king.

All that was missing was my queen.