Pegasus: A Novel (21 page)

“You almost fell tonight,” he said severely, with a look of agony in his eyes. “I
saw it, you stumbled.”

“I was distracted,” she said apologetically. “I caught it very quickly.”

“And if you hadn’t?” He questioned her, his eyes never leaving hers for a second.

“I would die,” she admitted, aware of the pain in his eyes.

“No, I would,” he said softly. “Don’t forget that.”

She nodded, and quickly so no one could see it, he touched her hand, and then kissed
it. “I love you,” he whispered to her.

“I love you too,” she whispered back, and was gone.

After Santa Barbara, they went to Solvang, a funny little town modeled on a Dutch
village, with windmills, and from there they went east to Las Vegas, which the crew
always enjoyed. They only had one night there, so they had very little time to gamble,
but they managed, and went to the casinos before and after the shows. They had a matinee
to do as well.

And then they headed for the last leg of the tour. They had been on the road for seven
months, a little less than in previous years, as they headed south and east on their
way home. They only spent one night in each town, which was grueling for the roustabouts
to set up and tear down, all in one day. More often than not, they worked straight
through the night to tear it down, so they could leave again in the morning and move
on.

They went all through the South, stopping in nearly every state, which would finally
lead them to Tampa, Florida, for their last night.

All through September, the entire circus and the world had followed the war news from
Europe, when finally Great Britain, France, New Zealand, and Australia declared war
on Germany. And everyone
in the circus was terrified for their relatives in Europe, and so was Nick. It particularly
affected the people in the circus since so many of them were from Europe, especially
Germany, and various Eastern European countries.

Despite the shocking news, they continued the tour and finished in Tampa on October
30, although their mood was subdued. Nick had had no news from Alex or his father
for several weeks, and the letters he’d gotten after war started had been heavily
censored, with official stamps and seals on them, but they’d gotten through, since
the United States was not at war with Germany.

Nick had been worried about his father since he left, and he never said it in his
letters, but Nick was concerned for his health. When Paul wrote to him now, he sounded
old, and discouraged about the state of the world. And it could only get worse now,
with Germany at war with much of Europe. He hoped that Alex would write to him again
soon—he usually gave him more news than Paul. All Nick’s father ever did was reassure
him that as soon as things calmed down, he and the boys could come home. But it was
clear now to Nick, even more so than it had been, that that wasn’t going to happen
anytime soon. Maybe never, if Hitler remained in power. And Nick couldn’t help wondering
how his mother had fared in the random removal of Jews to concentration camps in the
past year. He wondered if she had fled, too, and could only hope that she had, even
though he didn’t know her.

Nick and Christianna had managed another romantic night together in a charming bed
and breakfast in Savannah, Georgia. The Ukrainian girls covered for her again, and
Nick confided to her how worried he was about his father, and she was deeply sympathetic
and always gentle with him. Her family was anxious about their relatives in Poland,
too, although most of them were in the States,
with the circus, but they still had relatives in Warsaw, who were at great risk now
with the war on.

Christianna was still under the spell of Nick’s lovemaking after the stolen moments
they shared, and she stumbled on the high wire again on the last night in Tampa. And
when she slipped, it nearly stopped his heart. It had been a close one, and the crowd
had gasped as they watched, and Nick nearly cried. They argued about it afterward,
as they had several times now, and he always made the same plea for her to stop working
on the high wire without a net.

“Don’t ask me that, Nick,” she said finally in frustration. “I can’t stop doing it.
I have no choice. If I stop, we have no act, and we’d have to leave. My father isn’t
going to let that happen, nor will my brothers. They depend on me. This is what I
do. Just like you do with your horses.” Her eyes were two deep pools of sorrow gazing
into his. She didn’t like causing him pain, but had no choice. No one in their family
had ever worked with a net. The Markoviches were known for it, and their daring feats.

“And your father and brothers are entirely willing for you to risk your life, all
of them.” He got angry every time they discussed it, and she always vowed to herself
that she wouldn’t talk to him about it again. He didn’t understand, he was not a circus
person, and he’d only been there with them for less than a year.

“So you’re not going to give it up?” he asked bluntly.

“No, I’m not. So maybe we shouldn’t talk about it all the time.”

“Probably not, if you’re not going to be reasonable about it. And I know your family
certainly won’t be.” He was seriously upset, because her working without a net filled
him with terror, for her and himself. Nothing was resolved, and they were cool with
each other the next day when they got back to Sarasota. Neither of them would concede,
let alone take action about it. But the tension between
them relaxed again as they settled into Sarasota for the winter break and no longer
had to perform every night and travel every day. The issue was shelved for now, during
their break, and they were all focused on the war news, none of which was good. Nick
listened to the radio constantly to get all the news he could of what was happening
in Europe. It appeared to Nick that Hitler wanted to rule the world, which had occurred
to everyone by then.

Nick was often quiet now when he was with Christianna, thinking of his father and
Alex, wondering how they were holding up in the face of the war. He felt guiltier
than ever now not to be there to help.

“I’m sure they understand,” Christianna said soothingly, as they talked about it late
one night. “You couldn’t stay.”

“I don’t know why they would understand,” he said honestly. “I can’t comprehend it
myself. It makes no sense to me at all. It never did. I should be there with them.”
But he was here now and the others were in Europe, living it, and no longer safe.
And there was nothing he could do, for them, or anyone else. He was too far away.
And as she looked at him, Christianna could see the loneliness and helplessness in
his eyes, and her heart ached for him. It made her want to console him for all he
had lost, if she ever could. Their relationship had grown stronger, and the bond between
them was continuing to bring them ever closer to each other.

Toby and Lucas were happy to be back in Sarasota, too, and had had a seven-month geography
lesson traveling across the States. Lucas played with the clowns every day after school,
just as he had before they went on tour. In the year they had been there, Lucas had
become a circus child—he hardly seemed to remember their previous life. He was seven
now, and he had friends all over the circus, among the children and adults. Lucas
never met anyone he didn’t love, or who didn’t love him. Toby was far more reserved,
and he
and Katja were still in love, in a gentle and respectful way. They spent long hours
talking, doing homework together, and kissing whenever they could. They were sixteen,
after all. And they attended the same school.

It was pouring rain in Sarasota one November afternoon, when Christianna appeared
at their trailer, soaking wet, and asked if he and the boys would come to dinner with
her family. With nothing else to do, her brothers had been grousing about Nick all
week, making comments about how fancy and what a snob he was, and she wanted them
to see for themselves that he was a decent person, surprisingly modest, and always
kind to her. She was tired of their snide remarks. She said her sisters-in-law were
cooking dinner that night, and it would be a simple meal of Polish sausages, dumplings,
steamed vegetables, and the things they liked to eat and knew how to cook. She hoped
Nick wouldn’t mind.

“I was going to take the boys to the cook tent.” He smiled at her. He tried to take
them out for hearty meals whenever he could, they were growing boys, but sometimes
they ate whatever was on hand. Nick got tired of the mess tent and readily admitted
that he still wasn’t much of a cook. Fortunately Gallina and Sergei were generous
about inviting them to join them, often for deliciously prepared Czech meals, which
he and the boys thoroughly enjoyed. “We’d love it.” He thanked Christianna for the
invitation, and she told him to come around seven.

The camp had been bustling recently with talk of Warsaw surrendering to the Nazis
a month before, which had many of them panicked. And Nick was sure Christianna’s family
was upset about it, too, and there would probably be talk of it that night. There
had been fights recently around the circus on that subject. Sentiments were running
high, and fears for loved ones at home in their countries
of origin affected them all. Some of the Polish gymnasts had attacked a group of Germans
at the commissary, and John Ringling North had sent out a general memo warning everyone
to behave, whatever their national allegiance, or sympathies with the war. There was
a British troupe with another horse act that had come to blows with the Germans too.

Word had gotten out that Nick and his sons had been forced to leave Germany, due to
a Jewish connection of some kind, so the anti-German contingent left him alone. Without
that gossip about him circulating, he would have been at risk for attacks, too, but
thus far there had been none. And he was careful never to talk about politics except
with Christianna, Gallina, or Sergei, who were his closest friends. It was no secret
that he hated Hitler, and he had good reason to, but most of the time, he kept it
to himself. It seemed smarter that way. One of the tiger acts was run by two Germans
who were sympathetic to Hitler, and Nick stayed away and made no comment to them.
He wanted no trouble here. There was enough at home. He was worried sick about his
father, and Alex and Marianne. Their letters took much longer to arrive now, and he
was without news for longer periods of time, except what he saw in newsreels in local
movie theaters, which he went to whenever possible, so he could stay informed of the
latest news from Germany, or what he read in newspapers, but most of the smaller towns
they’d been in barely mentioned the war in the press. America wasn’t involved, and
in the rural areas, no one cared.

The Markovich family occupied four trailers, and Nick and the boys arrived promptly
at Christianna’s father’s trailer, as Christianna had told him to do. Nick had managed
to go into town and buy flowers for her aunt and her four sisters-in-law, and a small
bunch for Christianna, and a bottle of vodka for the men. He hadn’t wanted
to show up empty-handed, and her aunt in the wheelchair was wreathed in smiles when
he handed the first bouquet to her.

“Thank you for having us to dinner, Miss Markovich.” He knew the aunt had never been
married. She had been injured when she was still young, barely eighteen, although
she was in her fifties now. She was Sandor Markovich’s sister, and he had always taken
care of her, long before he was in a wheelchair himself. She sewed costumes for them,
kept track of their money, and babysat their children for them, and she had been like
a mother to Christianna after her mother fell. She was a cantankerous old woman, and
Christianna said she was not a happy person, but she was very attached to her, more
so than to her brothers or their wives, who weren’t always kind to her, and Nick suspected
they were jealous of her since she was the star now. Her brothers’ wives weren’t part
of their act, but they resented her anyway, for her looks and grace, her youth, and
her skill on the high wire. And they would have resented her even more if they’d known
about her relationship with Nick. They thought he was too good for her. And the fact
that they were the stars of the show together now made them both the target for other
people’s envy. And the adoration of the crowds for Christianna didn’t sit well with
them either. It just fed the flames of the jealousy they already harbored against
her.

The smell of sausages and European cooking was strong, and it reminded Nick instantly
of the smells in their tenant farmers’ homes. He had always liked it, and longed to
be invited to dinner at their homes when he was a boy, instead of the more elegant
fare they served him at his house, like goose and venison and duck and pheasant. His
father loved to hunt, and they often ate game. He had preferred sausages as a child,
and Lucas’s face lit up immediately when he saw what they were serving for dinner.
It was very much like
German country food, and familiar to them. And Nick was perfectly content to eat a
simple meal, and get to know her family better. He scarcely knew them at all, but
her family was definitely considered the royalty of the circus world. And Christianna
had the dignity of a princess when Nick and his sons walked in and handed all of the
women their bouquets. It was royalty meeting royalty.

Her brothers were pleased with the vodka when he handed it to them—he had bought as
decent a brand as he could find at the small market near the fairground.

The men talked about the war for a while, and one of her brothers asked him why he
had left Germany. He hadn’t heard the rumors about Nick, and Christianna hadn’t explained.
She stayed among the women as they prepared dinner and left the men to themselves.
Her aunt was having a lively conversation with Lucas about wanting to be a clown when
he grew up, and she told him he should be a trapeze artist instead, which didn’t appeal
as much to him. And Toby was sitting politely listening to them, answering questions
when he was asked. He had told her that he wanted to be a veterinarian for horses,
which sounded dull to her.