Perfect Fit: Book 4 of the Fated Hearts Series (6 page)

“JJ wasn’t doing the calling, Chase was.” Hmm, that caught me by surprise. “Chase told me that they would go months or even years without having sex, but when they did it was always him seeking JJ out, as if that made me feel any fucking better.” Gray’s grumbling brought a quick smile to my face, which I quickly hid. It made me feel better, even though I refused to evaluate why at that particular moment. “JJ practically came right out and told me he was in love with Chase the night of the charity ball when I nearly ruined everything when I stupidly downplayed my relationship with Chase to Devon at the charity event.”

“Oh.” Whatever brief joy I had felt evaporated into thin air. “That was a few months ago, Gray. I’m sure he’s realized that Chase belongs with you and has moved on.”

“That’s not how love works, Miller. You just don’t move on at the snap of a finger because the person you want is in love with someone else. Depending on how much you love that person, you might not move on for a very long time - if ever.”

“Oh.” I sounded as deflated as I felt, but luckily for me Gray still thought I was concerned about his circumstance and not my own. Why would he think any different? He had no idea that I was twisted up over a guy who played the field as much, or more, than I did. Jag and I had one night that probably didn’t even register on the scale of importance to him. Besides, it wasn’t like I wanted to date him or anything so there was no reason for me to sit there and pout into my pizza.

“Yeah,
oh
.” Gray puffed out a frustrated breath before he said, “I trust Chase completely and that will have to enough, because JJ isn’t going anywhere. Chase said that he is JJ’s only family and he will not turn his back on him just because I didn’t like their
past
arrangement.”

I hated to hear that JJ didn’t have any family of his own, and not just because he was irritating my best friend. I had a mother, father, brother, sister in-law, a gorgeous niece, and a precocious nephew that I adored with all of my heart. I cherished every moment spent in their company and I couldn’t imagine going day to day without them in my life. Damn if Gray didn’t hand me another piece of the Jag puzzle that I wanted to solve even more. Was that the reason for the vulnerability I saw in him after he fell asleep?

“That is outta here,” Gray yelled as one of the Nationals’ players hit a home run. Indy barked happily as if he knew what the fuck was going on and maybe he did, but more likely it was because Gray fed him a piece of pepperoni in celebration.

Gray was completely unaware that he had rocked my world with his revelations that night and I hoped to keep it that way. I meant what I said to Jag, no good would come of Gray and Chase learning about what happened between us. It was probably a good thing that it wouldn’t be happening again. The thought wasn’t as comforting as I had hoped and I found myself reaching for my beer instead of the pizza, as I no longer had an appetite.

CHASE’S DINNER INVITATION
was a huge surprise, but the news he had shared with me was even more surprising. We had exchanged texts quite a bit and I saw Chase and Gray at Ava’s wedding, so I knew things were going really well for them once they got past their argument over that worthless piece of shit, Devon. Still, moving in together was a huge step.

“I never thought I could find this kind of happiness,” Chase said, staring off into space. “I knew it happened for other people, hell, I even helped set some of them up. I just didn’t think it was meant for me.”

“I knew.” My words captured his attention and he turned his soulful brown eyes on me. “I always knew you were meant to find this kind of love just as I knew that I could never be the one to give it to you.”
Whoa!
I had never really planned on delving back into the reasons why Chase and I didn’t work out, even though he deserved more of an explanation than I gave him then or was willing to tell him at dinner that night.

I knew Chase almost better than I knew myself and I just didn’t think he could handle the truth of what happened during Christmas break all of those years ago that ruined our burgeoning relationship. I couldn’t take the chance that he’d somehow blame himself when all of the responsibility rested on my shoulders. He had forgiven me, we moved on, and I needed that to be enough. “You were meant for Gray, who knows how to treat you the way you deserve.” I smiled as I thought about Gray’s sappy west coast antics to win Chase’s love back, although he had never lost it. Chase belonged to Gray the moment their eyes met, regardless of the horrible circumstances of that meeting. “I am very happy for you.”

“You’ll always be part of my life. You know that right, J?” I could tell he was trying not to get too emotional, because he paused to choose his words. “You never really explained what happened all those years ago and I never pushed you. I found a way to accept what you were willing to give me and I moved on, but I’m not sure you did.” His words were a shock to my system. Did he mean he thought I was still in love with him or hung up on the incident that changed my outlook on the world forever and led to our breakup? I opened my mouth to ask, but he raised his hand to stop me. “Whatever happened to you during Christmas break our freshmen year of college still has a grip on you and I fear that it’s holding you back. I’ve accepted that you don’t want to talk to me about it, but I wish you’d talk to someone. Life is too short not to live it to the fullest and that means experiencing how it feels to truly love and be loved.”

I knew that he was right and that I clung to my past in an unhealthy manner as a reminder to myself of what happened when I dared to grab ahold of more than what was meant for me. I took a chance once by daring to dream and love by pretending I wasn’t born under some kind of cursed moon. That dream screeched to a bloody, hateful halt and I was not willing to try again. The reasonable, mature adult that I was trying to become reared its pragmatic head occasionally to protest that I was being ridiculous and used the tragedy from my past as an excuse to keep an emotional distance from everyone. It cautioned me that if I didn’t put my heart out there then I could never experience the true happiness that Chase described.

There were times that I did want to experience the happiness I had felt with Chase years ago – the sweetness of a kiss, the joy of sharing a laugh, and the warmth of a body beside mine as I slept. I had been in love with the idea of Chase for so long that I didn’t realize that was what my feelings had become until I saw the way Gray and Chase looked at each other. They had real love, not the boyish infatuation of happier times that I had carried in my heart for so long.

At first, it hurt me to see Chase move on from us - even though we hadn’t been
us
for many years - because some stupid part of me had still hoped that maybe some cosmic shift in the universe would occur and lift the albatross from around my neck. Then I realized that old adage about loving someone meant you wanted the best for them was absolutely true. I was Chase’s past, but Gray was his future and accepting that dulled the pain. Eventually, I came to the realization that I loved Chase, but I wasn’t
in love
with him. It took me awhile to get to that point, but it felt freeing once I did.

“I’ll take your council under advisement,” I replied, but with a cheeky grin so he knew I wasn’t upset at him or felt he had overstepped the boundaries I had set in relation to talking about my past. Chase loved me and wanted what was best for me.

“I just want you to be happy, J.”

“I am happy.” Chase narrowed his eyes in skepticism. Well, I was content for the most part, but there were moments of happiness. I loved my career and then there was Miller’s visit, which really made me happy – even though it was just sex. My heart lurched as I remembered how the light touch of him sweeping my hair off of my forehead woke me and how I pretended to stay asleep to avoid any awkwardness. There was something really sweet about the way he covered me up before he left, but that didn’t change the fact that we hooked up and nothing more.

“Ok,” Chase said in surrender. “I’ll mind my own business.”

“Do you need help moving?” I wanted to change the subject, but was surprised at the path I took.

“That would be awesome. You can get to know Gray better,” Chase replied, beaming from ear to ear. Inwardly I cringed, because getting to know me was probably the last thing Gray wanted to do. Outwardly I smiled, because I’d do just about anything to make Chase happy.

That was how I found myself standing inside his apartment looking into two sets of hostile eyes the following Saturday. Gray, I understood. He saw me as a threat and I would do my best to put him at ease unless he proved to be an asshole and then I’d push his buttons – harmlessly, of course. Miller’s hostility came as a complete surprise. Those eyes once twinkled with mirth or darkened with desire when cast upon me, but right then they were cold and distant. It was like I wasn’t looking at the same man.

“Oh, hey, J,” Chase said, walking out of the back hallway with two boxes in his arms, “you’re just in time to do some heavy lifting.”

“Let me help you, babe,” Gray said, moving over to take the top box off of the stack.

“Thanks, honey.” I was only there for two minutes and was ready to gag from the sweetness. I questioned my sanity for subjecting myself to this lovefest. “Oh, you and Miller haven’t formerly met have you? Dr. Miller Brexler, meet my good friend, Jagger Jackson, attorney at law.”

“They’re two manwhoring peas in a cluster fuck pod,” I heard Gray mutter as he and Chase exited the apartment. I would have laughed, but I was still thrown over Miller’s chilly demeanor.

“Doctor, huh? Well, I have this ache that…”

“Save it.” Miller’s snarl cut off what I had intended to say. “First, I’m not that kind of doctor and second, what the fuck are you doing here?”

“I came here to…”

“… fuck things up for my friend. Look, we have plenty of help so why don’t you just make your excuses and leave.”

“Wait a goddamn minute,” I replied angrily. “Just who the fuck do you think you are?” I didn’t realize that I had advanced on him until we were nearly chest to chest. “Neither you nor Gray decide who Chase gets to keep as a friend. He’s a grown man who is fully capable of making his own decisions, Doc.” I loved that Miller had to tilt his head back to look into my eyes.

“Is he choosing to keep you around as a friend because he wants to or is it because he feels bad that you don’t have anyone else?” His words were like a sharp dagger to my heart. I jerked back a step from him as if he landed a physical blow to my body instead of a verbal jab. My only consolation was the look of horror that spread across his face as soon as he realized what he said. He opened his mouth as if to apologize, but he didn’t get the chance.

“He has me,” came a furious female voice behind me. I couldn’t help but smile that Ava was ready to swoop in and save the day. Ava was Chase’s best friend and my friend by proxy, even though there were plenty of times that she wanted to strangle me. I often had that effect on people. This time her fury was aimed at Miller and I was feeling pretty pleased about it.