Perfect Fit: Book 4 of the Fated Hearts Series (9 page)

Miller made me forget. He took away the pain and numbness and made me feel. I wanted to hold onto that, but at the same time I was too afraid to try.

That night at the university marked the anniversary of the worst day in my life, the day that every hope I had for happiness exploded into so many pieces that there was no hope of piecing it back together. It was a night I usually got smashed in attempt to hide from the pain, but I would wake up the next morning and remember that my selfishness eight years ago cost me the life of someone I loved so much; someone who trusted me to keep him safe and I failed. I wanted to feel miserable and alone for the rest of my life, because I didn’t deserve any better.

Somewhere along the way I stopped wanting to be miserable and alone, but I didn’t know how. I had built so many barriers and blockades to keep everyone away that I wasn’t quite sure how to take them down. Did I slowly remove them one at a time or just kick them all down one right after the other? Handing my phone to Miller was my attempt at slowly removing the barriers, to tip my toes in the dark, murky waters to see what lurked beneath the surface. His non-response wasn’t awe inspiring, even though our goodbye kiss held so much promise. I made the first move last time and I needed him to make the next move.

In the meantime, I decided to get a cat to combat the loneliness. I had gotten acquainted with Chase and Gray’s cat, Oliver, the few times I had been over and found his purring to be comforting. I also loved his smartass personality, if you could say that about a cat. I even reached out an olive branch to Gray by way of asking him where he adopted Oliver. I thought by complimenting his choice in cats would somehow work in my favor. I figured that he’d be less hostile since he and Chase got engaged, but it seemed like he hadn’t warmed up to me yet. In fact, Oliver taking a liking to me seemed to make things worse. Gray started thinking I was after his man
and
his cat.

I felt some of my sadness ease over the thoughts of tormenting Gray a little later that afternoon. I had been invited to their house for pizza and beer while we watched the first round of NFL playoffs. I wasn’t sure who else was invited, but my heartbeat picked up at the thought of seeing Miller again. Would it be awkward? Would I avoid making a fool of myself over him again? Would I be petulant and demand to know why he hadn’t called me? I hoped to hell I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing how much he got under my skin.

I took my time grooming myself just in case he made an appearance. Just in case he wanted to apologize for his absence by dropping to his knees to blow me later when we could be alone.
A guy could dream, right?
I believed in being prepared for any occasion, which was why I stopped at the drug store on my way to buy more lubricant packets.
Just in case.

I turned down the family planning and personal hygiene aisle and came to a screeching halt when I saw Ava standing in the aisle studying the boxes in front of her. I couldn’t help but smile at her long trench coat and Hollywood style sunglasses she wore. I wasn’t sure if she was trying to disguise herself or if she was about to start flashing people. She leaned over to get a closer look at the boxes instead of picking one up, as if she were afraid it might bite her.

“You could read it better if you took off those sunglasses, Ms. Monroe,” I said, comparing her to the famous blonde bombshell. Ava clutched her chest and gasped before she spun around and faced me. Then she promptly burst into tears. “Ava, what’s the matter?” I asked. I walked to her and wrapped my arms around her. I couldn’t recall a time I had seen her cry in all the years that I had known her. “Surely, it can’t be that bad.” I looked over at the display she had been studying and saw that they were early pregnancy tests.

“I-I-I’m not ready for this, J.” She began to cry a little louder so I hugged her tighter. “I had hoped it would be just the two of us for a little while longer.” Two women had entered the aisle and were giving me the evil eye as if I was the one who knocked her up and made her cry. “I want to have kids, I really do, but I…”

“It’s okay, Ava.” My words were met with more sobs. “Does Brandon know yet?”

“No.” Her voice sounded small and broken. “He’s waiting for me to come back home so we can go to his brother’s house to watch football.” Ava pulled back from my chest and tilted her head back so she could look at me. “What if he’s mad at me for being careless, J? I take my birth control really seriously and I don’t know what happened. Maybe I’m just late. I don’t want to say anything to him until I know for sure.” I couldn’t take her serious with those damn glasses on so I slid them up onto the top of her head. Her blue eyes were so burdened with worry that I nearly slid the glasses back down.

“This is Brandon we’re talking about, Ava, he’s not going to be mad at you. The man worships the ground you walk on. He’s almost as sappy as Grayson Wright.” Ava gave me a wobbly smile at the comparison, because she knew it was true. I used the sleeve of my coat to wipe off the tears from her face. “Besides, it takes two to get pregnant and if he was so hell bent on preventing pregnancies then he should’ve worn a condom in addition to the birth control you are taking. Buy your test, take it home, and tell him what you’re going through. Brandon wouldn’t want you worrying about this all alone. Hell, he’d probably hold the stick for you to pee on.” Ava laughed loudly at my ridiculousness.

Ava stood on her tiptoes, but I still had to lean down so she could land a kiss on my cheek. “I love you, J.” It had been a very long time since someone had told me they loved me; I didn’t quite know how to respond. I did know that those three words were a balm to my desolate, dry soul. She pulled back quickly and gave me her genuine, megawatt smile before she pivoted and grabbed the first test she saw on the shelf. “You’re so right. I’m going to go home and tell Brandon what I suspect is going on with my body. I’ll pee on the stick by myself, but I’ll let him hold my hand while we wait for the results. Thank you. I’ll text you later and let you know whether or not you’re going to be an uncle.”

“Thank you, Ava.” It meant a lot to me that she wanted to include me in her new family. A year ago, I might have scoffed at the sentiment, but something gradually shifted inside me and I wanted to be a part of something bigger than my shallow existence.

I was still smiling when I arrived at Chase and Gray’s. My happiness was met with a set of narrowed eyes behind black-rimmed glasses when Gray answered the door. “Howdy, Clark. These are for you.” I handed him a bottle of the cheapest, nastiest wine I could find and a bouquet of half-dead wildflowers I had purchased for him as a gag gift. He probably wanted to bash me over the head with the wine to kill me so he could throw the flowers on my grave. The irritated smirk he wore made it all worth it.

I planted my ass on the couch while he took my gifts into the kitchen. I could hear him muttering every step of the way. Oliver jumped onto the couch and began rubbing his head on my arm to get my attention, as if the fifteen pounds of fur and fluff wasn’t enough to gain my notice.

“You sure are a pretty kitty,” I said to Oliver, as I scratched his head between his ears. He closed his eyes and purred even louder. I could feel Gray’s hostility growing more and more when he entered the room; I couldn’t help but play it up a bit. He was such an easy target after all. You’d have thought I was stroking Chase by the way he glared at me. “Smart too, aren’t you?”

Gray sat on the loveseat and did his best to ignore me while I baby-talked to his cat just so I could see his jaw muscles twitch from him clamping down so hard. As much the guy irritated me, I had to give him credit. I don’t think I would have been nearly as accepting as he was if the situation was reversed, so I decided to cut him some slack. He was really trying to make an effort so I’d have to meet him half way.

“Seriously, Gray, where did you adopt Oliver?” He turned and studied me to see if I was being serious or just yanking his chain again.

He must have seen something that he liked, or at least found acceptable, because he said, “River’s Crossing Pet Shelter. My stepfather works with them a lot and he recommended them to me. They have a lot of animals that need homes and it was really hard to walk out of there with just one cat.”

“Thank you.” His response was a simple nod, but it was enough. It seemed that we took a slight step forward and I was grateful for the ease in tension.

Chase came in with snacks a few minutes later. He laid them down on the coffee table and curled into Gray’s side on the loveseat. I had to admit they were as cute as fluffy kitties together, but I wasn’t going to confess that out loud to either of them. As they snuggled, I found myself wondering where Miller was and what or who he might be doing.
Why did snuggling people remind me of Miller?
It was a Saturday afternoon and maybe he had other things or people to do. I didn’t have to ponder much longer because he showed up a little bit later and he wasn’t alone.

“Everyone, this is Kit.”
Kit? Short for Kit Kat? Or, as in Miller was the Knight Rider?
I sat mutely as Miller made a big production of introducing Gray and Chase to his boy toy. There was a brief pause when Miller turned his attention on me. I stared into Miller’s bottomless blue eyes and hoped like hell he couldn’t see the disappointment I felt. Then he opened his mouth and said, “This is JJ and he’s Chase’s ex-boyfriend.” With just a few words, he destroyed the tiny amount of progress I had made with Gray that afternoon with his little reminder. It didn’t escape my notice that he referred to me as JJ, a name he once said seemed to immature to him. Did he mean that he thought it now suited me? Why?

“Oh,”
Kit
said. “Hi.” He gave me a little finger wave, which I returned in kind. Where the fuck did Miller find this joker?

His little stunt did more than irritate Gray though. It made it crystal clear that Miller couldn’t get past my previous relationship with Chase either. I would always be nothing more than a fuck buddy in his eyes. In fact, I couldn’t believe he didn’t introduce me as just that instead of the kinder label of ex-boyfriend.

Having no other option available, I scooted down to make room for them to sit on the couch. Oliver meowed loudly to denote his displeasure with the intruder’s arrival before he jumped down and left the room. Kit sat down beside me, which was probably better than Miller, but the kid made me uncomfortable by staring at my profile for long minutes at a time while I tried to ignore him by watching the game.

“What?” I finally asked grouchily when I couldn’t take it any longer.

“You remind me of Bruce Wayne.” His remark was met with a snort from Gray and a huge belly laugh from Miller. “Seriously, you have that square jaw and that sexy dark broodiness about you. I could totally picture you in a tux or a bat suit.” That shut Miller up pretty damn quick. Kit, who was turning out not to be so bad, looked at Chase and said, “You got to date Batman and now your marrying Superman. How cool is that?”

“Where exactly did you two meet again?” Gray asked Miller.

My phone beeped in my pocket and I knew it was probably a text from Ava. They didn’t need to know that and I needed an excuse to get the fuck out of there. “There’s the signal for help. I’m needed elsewhere,” I said before Miller had a chance to respond to Gray’s question.

“Oh, I hope you’re able to stop whatever villain is wreaking havoc all over our fair city,” Kit said, playfully.

I rose from the couch and turned to face the two men who remained seated. My eyes remained on Miller’s when I replied to Kit’s remark. “It’s not that kind of emergency, kid.” I took immense pleasure in watching the smug smile slip from Miller’s face. “Night all.”

“Night, J.” Chase was the only one to reply as I made my hasty retreat.

It was ten degrees outside, but I didn’t bother putting on my coat. I needed the frigid air to cool off the fury I had building inside me. I started up the car and retrieved the message I received in the house. As I suspected, it was from Ava.

Thank you for your support today! You’re going to be an uncle later this year. <3

You’re going to be an amazing mom! <3

I pulled up the internet on my phone and did a search for River’s Crossing Pet Shelter. I could’ve gone out and hooked up with a random stranger to try and fuck Miller out of my system, but my house would’ve still been a lonely place to go afterwards. According to their website, the shelter was open for another two hours so I aimed my car in their direction. It felt like I was knocking over another barrier in my attempt to find a bit of happiness for myself. Hopefully, this one turned out to be better than the one I knocked down for Miller.