Perfect Fit: Book 4 of the Fated Hearts Series (13 page)

Maybe I should’ve been embarrassed that Jag discovered my dinosaur stationary that my mother gave me for Christmas, but all I could concentrate on was that he was coming back to me. My dick perked up and my body came alive at the thoughts of a birthday orgasm. Jag had told me earlier in the week that I could have any kind of birthday orgasm that I wanted. My mind nearly overloaded with images of all the dirty things we could do.
Maybe I could talk him into staying all day and giving me multiple orgasms.

It didn’t take much convincing. Jag came back with two cups of coffee and a variety of pastries, but the only thing I wanted to eat was him. He read the desire in my eyes and set the items on the bedside table to be forgotten for a very long time. What started out as playful birthday spankings turned into the most erotic sex I had ever had. There wasn’t a part of me he didn’t worship with his entire body. He brought me to the brink of an orgasm only to hold me back from falling over the edge. When he finally let me come, it was the most explosive experience of my life. Once I gathered my breath, I wanted to do it all over again, but I wanted to be the one to drive him insane with a burning need so powerful that it shook him to his core. He gladly gave his pleasure over to me and it was the best birthday gift I had ever received. I don’t think we left my room until late in the afternoon, and it was only because we needed something more sustainable than sugary foods.

We grilled out steaks and finished our movie marathon curled up like lovers on my couch. Neither of us put a name to what we were feeling or discussed it out loud. It seemed we had both made a conscious effort to silently acknowledge that our feelings had moved beyond just sexual gratification. What I felt for Jag was definitely more than friendship, but I wasn’t willing to admit to myself that I was falling in love with him. I had never experienced anything like those emotions before and it felt like I was adrift in the middle of the ocean without any sort of life preserver. I was awed by the sheer beauty and power of the ocean surrounding me, but terrified of what I couldn’t see beneath the water’s surface. I felt like I was floating and drowning at the same time. Was that how love made a person feel?

Gray was the one person who I wished I could talk to, but it was out of the question. He couldn’t be objective when it came to Jag. He was convinced that Jag was still in love with Chase and nothing anyone said would change his mind. I knew that only time would fix the problem, but that wouldn’t help me when I needed it right then. I didn’t want to wait months or years for Gray to come around. So, I decided to just keep my thoughts to myself and see where things took us one day at a time.

THE MORE TIME
I spent around Miller the harder I fell for him. It was impossible not to be charmed by his every word, touch, and kiss. Talking to him about my past eased so much of the burden I had been carrying on my shoulders for so long. Before I unburdened myself to Miller, it felt like I had a dark cloud of doom floating over my head that prevented the sunlight from reaching me. After telling him about my past, I could finally feel the warmth of the sun on my skin.

Our sexual relationship had changed as well; our connection felt more intense. We spent more time drawing out each other’s pleasure instead of fucking furiously while we chased our orgasms. The touches and kisses lingered and more time was spent on foreplay. Every inch of Miller’s beautiful body was burned into my mind. I knew there was something very different with Miller from our very first time, because we maintained eye contact during sex. That wasn’t how random hookups usually went. I would bend them over and fuck them six ways to Sunday, but I never once looked them in the eyes. It was too personal. With Miller, it was personal from the very start and I was fooling myself when I chose to believe differently.

What I didn’t know was how Miller felt about our arrangement. We had spent several more nights together since the first sleepover, taking turns so our animals didn’t feel lonely. In fact, Miller brought Indy to my house with him when he slept over. It almost felt as if we were forming a little family of our own, but I wouldn’t let myself dwell on those thoughts and get my hopes too high. It was a good thing that I kept my feet planted firmly on the ground, because if not, Miller would have surely knocked me back to earth.

Miller made it abundantly clear that he still did not want anyone to know about our
arrangement.
Fuck, I hated that goddamned word. He said it would only confuse people and fire up their matchmaking ways. I told him we were grown ass adults and it wasn’t anyone’s business. I just didn’t like feeling like I was his dirty secret, but I kept that thought to myself. I figured a sure fire way to kill our
arrangement
was to start acting like a needy person. It hurt though. It was hard enough to hide the feelings I had developing for Miller from him, but I wasn’t sure I could pull it off in front of Chase.

It took me a long time to erect the arrogant, bored mask that everyone would expect me to wear at the bachelor bowling party. I didn’t want to go, but I didn’t want to disappoint Chase who wanted me there. I knew he battled Gray over our friendship and I didn’t want it to be for nothing. I pulled my big boy briefs on and went to his party, but unfortunately all of my hesitating made me a little late.

The first thing I saw when I walked into the bowling alley was Miller sizing up Xavier as if he couldn’t wait to try him on for size. It was the first time I had seen Miller interacting in a group of people since the alumni event in December of the previous year. I didn’t like seeing him flirt with Senator Thompson, and because of that, I might have led the good senator to believe I wanted to reacquaint myself with his body when all I really wanted to do was get him away from Miller. The possessiveness that I felt that night drove me to take Miller like a crazed animal in his office. It paled in comparison to the way I felt when I saw the look on Miller’s face when he chatted up Xavier.

Luckily for me, Gray recognized what was going on and intervened. I wouldn’t admit this out loud to anyone, but I was quickly becoming one of Grayson Wright’s biggest fans. Not only did he treat Chase like a prince and make him deliriously happy, but he saved me from making an ass of myself that night. I had no doubt that if Xavier gave him the green light, Miller would’ve taken him for a ride. The thought made me physically ill. Miller walked away from the group and headed to the bar and I almost left the bowling alley. I could text Chase the next morning and apologize for missing his party and blame it on work, but Gray’s eyes locked on mine at that moment. He said something and nodded his head in my direction causing those around him to look at me.
So much for a quick escape.

I wanted to believe the regret I saw in Miller’s eyes when he rejoined the group was a plea for me to understand that he was just flirting, but in actuality it was probably regret that his plans for the night just got foiled. My eyes landed on Chase and I forgot all about my disappointment and anger. Chase radiated a happiness so bright it nearly hurt my eyes. I couldn’t help but smile as he practically levitated off the ground from all the bliss he was experiencing. That party was about him, to honor his bright future with the man he loved, so I forced myself to focus on him and not Miller.

“Hey, cutie.” I pulled Xavier into a one-armed hug and ruffled his hair. I looked into Xavier’s dark eyes and noticed the lack of sparkle that was usually present. Whatever kept him away from home for so long had really done a number on him. I recognized that look as one that I wore for many years growing up in an unstable and often violent home. I hated whoever hurt Xavier so badly that only a sliver of the guy I knew remained.

“You’re still so fucking annoying,” Xavier said, as he jabbed me in the ribs with his elbows until I turned him loose. The crooked grin he wore on his face as he straightened up his hair told me he wasn’t as annoyed as he let on.

I looked up and my eyes locked on hostile gray eyes that were assessing me as a threat. I had been around Ben a few times at the gatherings I attended at Chase and Gray’s. He seemed like a nice enough guy, but he sure as hell didn’t like me touching Xavier in any way. Xavier wasn’t home yesterday when I talked to Chase, so that little shit had been home for less than twenty-four hours and already had two sexy guys chasing after his tail.

“Let’s get to bowling,” Gram said coming up behind us. “Lennie wants to go home soon so I can tuck him in.” Chase and Xavier nearly threw up in their mouths while the rest of us hooted over her theatrics. I loved that crazy lady even though she wanted to throttle me on many occasions. There was no pretentiousness about Agnes Simmons. She put herself out there and dared the world to say something to her. She was a woman who took in a broken and beaten Xavier when he was just a little guy and raised him like her own. As much as I admired her confidence and boldness, I loved her huge capacity to love even more.

The beers started to flow, but I kept myself to just one since I’d be driving. It was obvious Miller wasn’t too concerned about driving as he knocked them back pretty damn fast. Because it was expected of us, Miller and I started making jokes about monogamy and marriage.

“I mean, don’t you get sick of having sex with him?” Miller slurred his words as he pointed to Gray. “I’m not saying you suck in the bedroom,” he explained to Gray, “well, I’m sure you suck there and other places too, but what I meant was Chase having sex with just you. Forever!”

We listened as Chase and Gray cooed over how lucky they were to have one another. As happy as I was for them, I was fucking miserable inside. Miller and I had been seeing each other exclusively for several months, or so I thought. That was what we agreed to and I never questioned him. Then I recalled the lusty way he appraised Xavier and had to wonder if I was the only one staying true to our exclusiveness as promised. The uncertainty I felt created turbulence I had a hard time handling, so I used those feelings of irritation and projected them towards my distaste for commitment and monogamy. Besides, I wasn’t about to be the weak one in this sexfest partnership I had going on with Miller, so I had to put my two cents in.

“I might puke in my mouth,” I said to Chase and Gray as they smooched and fawned all over each other. Only I knew that my words were actually addressed to Miller, who still flirted with Xavier every chance he got.

Miller mistook my statement as an agreement with his assessment over committed relationships and held up his fist for a bump. I obliged him rather than leave him hanging and tried to ignore the zip and zing of electricity that jolted up my arm after I bumped my fist to Miller’s. I could tell he felt it too by the widening of his gorgeous blue eyes and the parting of his lips. It was all it took to remind him of all the nights we spent pleasuring each other. It should’ve been enough to ease the irritation I felt, but it didn’t.

I spent the rest of the evening ignoring Miller as I tried my best to kick his team’s asses. There were many times I caught him staring at my ass and legs when I turned around after releasing my bowling ball. Miller had confessed to me how much he loved my long legs and I would’ve gladly wrapped them around him, but I was anything but turned on by his behavior that night. I had never seen him get drunk before and I had to say that it wasn’t appealing in the least. People drinking casually didn’t bother me, but I found drunkenness to be a huge turn off. I refused to engage in a drunken fuck with him.