Perfect Fit: Book 4 of the Fated Hearts Series (15 page)

I doctored my coffee with creamer and sugar while Jag placed the assorted donuts and pastries on a plate. I was so grateful for his presence that I decided not to confess my feelings to him out of fear that he’d leave. I just couldn’t deal with the devastation on top of my hangover, so I wisely kept my mouth shut. However, I did owe him an apology for my behavior at the bachelor party.

“Jag, I am sorry for flirting with Xavier so obnoxiously and for getting drunk last night.” I turned on the couch to face him, because I needed him to see the sincerity in my eyes. He looked up from feeding a tiny bite of a strawberry and cream flavored cake donut to Indy. “My behavior was atrocious and I regret it.”

“It’s okay.” Jag’s casual voice didn’t match his stiff posture and I knew he was either trying to avoid a conversation or he was taking pity on me in my wretched state.

“It’s not okay. I need you to know two things and then I’ll shut up.” Jag nodded his head for me to continue, but he couldn’t hide the skepticism in his eyes. “I flirted with Xavier because it was expected of me. He was a hot, single guy who I would flirt with under normal circumstances. If I didn’t, Gray would’ve pounced and the whole night would’ve been him interrogating me about who I was seeing and whether or not it was serious.”

“Okay.” The sad resignation I heard in his voice was like a stab to the heart. I had hurt him by insisting that we deny us and by my callous behavior the previous night.

“I’m not done yet.” I took a deep breath before I continued. “Flirting with Xavier felt all wrong to me, Jag, so I tried to bury my discontent in alcohol. I know how much you hate drunkenness and I can promise you that it won’t happen again. I haven’t done this for more than ten years and this misery reminded me of why I didn’t allow it to happen anymore.”

“Come here,” Jag said as he turned and reclined against the arm of the couch. I laid on my side between his legs and rested my head on his chest. He ran his long fingers through my hair and massaged gentle circles into my scalp and temple.

I fell asleep against his strong chest and stayed that way for a few hours. When I woke, my headache was gone and the guy I had fallen in love with looked at me with forgiveness in his eyes. I should’ve told him right then what I was feeling, but I chickened out.
One more day
, I told myself because I was convinced that once I told him the truth he would walk.

I gave my body to him at the same time that I silently gave him my heart and hoped that he could feel the difference in my touch and the way my lips lingered on his flesh. I made love to him instead of just fucked him. We had been moving closer and closer to lovemaking every time we were together. My toes curled tightly once he finally slid inside me. The expression in his eyes gave me hope that we could have more, but I still wasn’t willing to risk it. Afterwards, I returned to my spot against his chest and pushed the world and my worries away so I could bask in him - us.

It had seemed like a turning point for us and the weeks that lead up to Gray and Chase’s wedding were wonderful. We spent most of our free time together and I convinced myself that Jag returned my feelings, but was just as nervous as me when it came to divulging them. I decided that I would tell Gray the truth after they returned from their honeymoon trip. Until then, I let things go so that I didn’t mar their big day by bringing up he who shall not be named. Once I could be honest with my best friend, I would tell Jag how much I had fallen for him.

The day of the wedding was gorgeous with just the right amount of sunshine, but with low humidity. I arrived at the church and went in search of Gray so I could have a private word with him before the ceremony.

“Your bowtie is a little crooked,” I said as I gave it a slight adjustment. “I might tease you mercilessly, Gray, but I am so happy for you today.” His smile was so radiant it was almost blinding. “Chase is the best thing to ever happen to you and I am so proud of you for taking the chance and putting your heart out there. The two of you are really inspiring to the rest of us jokers stumbling around through life.” I pulled Gray in to a tight hug and slapped his back several times. “I love you, Gray.”

“I love you too, Miller” Gray returned the backslapping and pulled back away to look at me. “I can’t wait until you stop running and let some amazing guy catch you.” I gave him the look that he was expecting because it was easier to fall back into my normal routine than tell the truth that I had already been caught. “Loving someone the way I love Chase makes it all worth it, buddy.”

Preston entered the room just then, preventing me from saying anything else. “Gray, Pastor Simms wants the best men to take their places at the altar. I’m going to go get Xavier and get into position.” Preston hugged his brother and bumped my fist before he left the room.

Chase and Gray decided to only have their brothers stand up beside them during the ceremony. Gray wanted me with him, but if he included his best friend then Chase would’ve wanted to include his best friend too. There was no way in hell that Gray would allow Jag to be included in his wedding party.

“This is it,” I said to Gray. I saw happy tears welling up in his eyes because the day meant so much to him. It was something he had wanted for many years and his dreams were finally coming true. It was truly a touching moment that I was grateful to witness.

“I’m ready.”

One final hug and I left his room to take my seat on the side of the church designated for Gray’s friends and family. I tried to stop myself from looking, but I couldn’t resist seeking out Jag’s face in the crowd. He smiled tentatively when our eyes met. I regretted that he hesitated because I knew my stupid rule was the reason. It was something that I could easily fix when he came over after the wedding.

The ceremony was beautiful and poignant. I heard so much genuine adoration in their voices and saw such raw emotion on their faces when they exchanged their vows. Tears flowed throughout the church and I found myself tearing up too. It was hard not to respond in the presence of the genuine love the two men shared.

I stood in the line to congratulate the newlyweds and watched as they were hugged by one person after the next. I saw Jag approach the couple and held my breath as he gave Chase a hug and offered his hand to Gray. The air expelled from my lungs in relief when Gray smiled crookedly and shook Jag’s hand.

I watched Jag’s tall form walk away from the church and wished we were riding to the reception together. I also wished we were sitting together and could dance together. I had really fucked things up and my only consolation was that there would be other events for us to dance together in the future.
If
we had a future.

Jag was seated on the complete opposite side of the reception from me. He was seated with Ava and her husband, while I was seated with some work friends of Gray’s, including Ben. I didn’t have to worry about it being awkward with Ben because he couldn’t take his eyes off of Xavier. Toasts were given and then we all watched while Xavier sang to the newlyweds as they had their first dance as a married couple.

I made the mistake of looking over at Jag and wished that I hadn’t. He watched the couple with an expression that could only be described as longing. The food I had just consumed turned sour in my stomach as I realized that Jag had not been honest with me. He
was
still in love with Chase and would never return my feelings. As unhappy as I felt, I refused to let it show or give in to the urge to drink away my misery. I wouldn’t let him or anyone else see how unhappy I was feeling. Instead, I tried to figure out a way to end things with Jag before I got hurt worse, if that was even possible.

I sat alone at my table and watched people celebrate all around me. I think the only person, other than me, not dancing the night away was Jag, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at him again. I didn’t want to see him pining away for another man. I wanted all of his focus and emotion aimed at me and was ill prepared for anything else.

My skin began to itch with irritation over the situation so I decided to step away to get a fresh breath of air. I hadn’t made it very far down the hallway before I heard the echo of his shoes on the marble floor as he followed me. A small part of me wanted to speed up and run away from him because I knew I couldn’t resist him once his hands were on my body. The part of me that needed his touch stomped the fuck out of the sane part of my existence. My need for Jag won the battle and I slowed down so that I could be caught.

Instead of pushing me through the door to go outside, Jag pushed me into some sort of large cleaning closet. “I need you, Bones.” My heart pinched painfully because it knew he only wanted a physical release in attempt to forget the person he truly wanted.

“Jag, this isn’t the right place. We could easily get caught.” I threw that up as an excuse not to make a complete fool of myself. He would take my body and make me beg for him while he would pretend I was someone else.
Was I truly that desperate to have him at any cost?

“Bones, I’ve gone along with your idiotic decision to hide our relationship. We’ve sat on the sidelines and watched everyone else dance and be happy while we pretended that we didn’t want to be in each other’s arms.” Jag walked me backwards until my back was pushed up against a metal shelving unit that held cleaning supplies.

“That’s not how it looked to me and everyone else out there.” Jag scowled at me in confusion. My heart lurched painfully in my chest and it felt like it stopped completely before stuttering to a start again. I knew my next words might be the nail in our coffin, but I couldn’t just give in and have sex with him without saying how I felt. “It looked like you couldn’t take your eyes off of Chase while they danced. You looked at him with so much longing that it…”

“Don’t.” His reply was practically snarled as he cut me off. “Do not tell me how I feel. I’m so sick and fucking tired of everyone thinking that I can’t get over Chase. I already told you that I’m not in love with him. What more do you want from me.” As mad as he was at me, he couldn’t pry his body away from mine and I couldn’t stop mine from responding to his nearness. “Did you ever think that just maybe I wished it could be us dancing in front of everyone else?”

“No, why would I think that?” He jerked back like I hit him, but I refused to back down. “What indication have you given me that you want anything more than what we have right now? I thought you were happy with the way things were between us. You don’t believe in love, dates, and sappily-ever-afters.” I threw his words and beliefs back at him in that closet.

“Bones.” His voice was pleading for me to understand, but what did he need me to grasp? “I’m sorry if that is the impression I gave you and everyone else in that room. If you want me to, I’ll go in there and take the microphone away from the DJ and announce to everyone that I wasn’t pining after Chase, but wishing I could dance with you. I don’t want to put a stupid fucking label on what we have, because I hate labels. I think what we have has worked really well for us and I don’t want to ruin it. I want you, Bones. Just you. I think about you all the time and I wish we were together when we’re apart. I…”

I didn’t let him say another word, because what he said was enough. I pulled his head down at the same time I lifted mine so that our mouths met halfway. My worries and jealousy dissipated beneath the spark of desire that zipped through my body. My fear of getting caught also vanished and I found myself lowering his zipper and fondling his erection through the cotton fabric of his briefs. No one had ever made me feel that alive and I clung to that emotion as if my very life depended on it.

I spun us until Jag’s back was pressed against the shelving and I lowered myself to my knees in front of him. I knew how much he loved receiving head and I loved giving it to him. I kept my eyes locked on his so there could be no doubt who was worshiping Jag’s cock with hands, lips, and tongue.

“Bones, I’m not going to last long with you sucking my cock like that… Jesus… so damn good.” I felt him shaking as his body prepared to unload his cum into my hot mouth. I reached between his legs and rolled his firm balls in my hand before I tugged them firmly just how he liked. “Miller.” My name barely passed through his gritted teeth before he released inside my eager mouth. I cleaned him thoroughly before I tucked his softening penis back inside his underwear and zipped him back up. Jag grabbed me under my armpits and pulled me to my feet. “Your turn,” he said before he kissed me.

It didn’t take him long to work me into a frenzy with his mouth and hands once he dropped to his knees to return the favor. I looked down into his brown eyes and the intimacy of the moment combined with the threat of getting caught had me revved up and unloading on his tongue in record time. I would’ve been embarrassed by how fast I came but the wicked, smug smile on Jag’s lips told me how glad he was that I lost control for him.

By the time we righted our clothes and hair, the grooms had already left the reception to start their lives together. I was disappointed that I didn’t get a chance to see them off, but not the reason why I missed them. I said my goodbyes to the others as if I hadn’t just been in a closet getting my jollies off with Jag and went home and waited for him to show up.