Perfect Fit: Book 4 of the Fated Hearts Series (19 page)

“I refuse to turn into a lovesick sap.” My protest sounded weak even to my own ears and Gray’s laughter confirmed he wasn’t buying it either.

Gray’s expression sobered and I knew I wasn’t going to like what he said next. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt. I’m not sure he’s capable of a healthy relationship and I want better for you.”

“I’m a big boy, Gray. I know what I’m doing.” The look I gave him let him know that my relationship with Jag wasn’t a debatable topic. There was nothing that Gray could say to dissuade me from seeing him. I saw the resolve in his eyes.

“Point taken. Let’s get downstairs so we can rescue our food from Preston. I had to put him in charge of the grill and we’ll be lucky to find anything edible.”

“We can always order pizza,” I offered as I followed my best friend down the stairs.

“Always thinking, Doc. I love that about you.” Jag was waiting for me at the bottom of the steps and he looked hesitantly between me and Gray. “He’s all yours, buddy,” Gray said to Jag, punching him playfully in the shoulder. Jag and I both breathed a sigh of relief that Gray wasn’t making this hard on either one of us.

“Bones, if it’s okay with you I’d still like to stay late so I can talk to Chase. I think you were right about me needing to come completely clean so I can really move forward with my life.”

“Of course,” I replied. “I’m very proud of you, Jag. I’ll be wherever you need me to be and do whatever I can to help you through it.”

Jag pulled me into his arms and held me tight as if he didn’t want to let go. “I know I can always count on you, Bones.” His faith in me never failed to make me smile.

CHASE WAS SILENT
for several long moments after I told him the truth about why I had abruptly ended our relationship. He just sat there with his eyes closed as if he was trying to process and absorb the horrific story. I somehow kept my shit together a lot better than when I had told Miller, but then again my confession to Miller was the first time I had ever spoken about what happened except for the police officer who had to break the news to me.

I just stared at the way the pool lights threw reflections all around and allowed him the time he needed. I had lived with the truth for nearly nine years while he had known for closer to nine minutes. I looked into the house and my eyes connected with Miller’s. The affection in his steady gaze calmed me like nothing else could. Miller’s patient and complete affection healed a broken part of me that I never thought could be mended. I felt like telling Chase the unvarnished truth was the final step to becoming the man that I always wanted to be. I kept my eyes locked on Miller’s and looked forward to when I could be alone with him again with our menagerie of pets.

“Did you – do you – blame me because I asked you to stay?” Chase’s broken voice pulled my attention away from Miller and had me focusing on him. Chase was chewing his bottom lip as he waited for me to answer. I saw the hurt I had always wanted to avoid in his soulful eyes. I knew he’d blame himself and I couldn’t leave his house until I made him believe that I could never blame him.

I reached across the distance between our loungers and took both of his hands in mine. It was a risky move that could ruin the burgeoning trust I had been building with Gray, but I needed the connection. I just had to trust that Miller could reason with him and prevent him from coming outside.

“I never blamed you for one second, Chase. Not once. If you believe nothing else that ever comes from my lips again, I need you to hear me and believe me right now.” I paused to reign in my emotions. “I wanted to stay with you and celebrate the holiday, so you asking me to stay a few extra days was the best present you could’ve given me that year.” I squeezed his hand and offered him a smile that I hoped was convincing. His brow was still deeply creased and I knew I needed to explain more.

“I blamed myself because I dared to dream of a better life for myself than I thought I deserved.” I told him about my mom’s addiction to alcohol and abusive men followed by her attempt at a better life once she found out she was pregnant with Will. I explained that I had started to believe, for once in my life, that I wasn’t the white trash that people called me. “I thought it was fate’s way of reminding me of who I was and where I came from and that I wasn’t good enough to clean your shoes, let alone deserve your love. I might’ve been able to save them both had I been there.”

“Or, you could’ve died, J. I’m so very sorry about what happened to Will and your mom, but I can’t be sorry that you didn’t die too.” His voice broke and I could tell that tears threatened.

“That’s what Miller said too.”

“We’ll get to you and Miller in a bit,” he said wryly. “We’ve been through a lot together, and yes you broke my heart when I was eighteen years old.” His words caused me to tense, which he must have felt because he gave my hands another reassuring squeeze. “You’ve also been the best friend a guy could ever ask for, J. It might have taken us awhile to get over our broken romance, but what came out of it was a friendship I’ll cherish for the rest of my life. It’s one I fought my husband to keep and I’ll keep fighting him if that’s what it takes. I wish you had trusted me all those years ago and let me know what happened so I could’ve helped you through it.”

“You would’ve blamed yourself and I couldn’t stand the thought of you being guilt-ridden over things that I felt were my responsibilities. I handled it the best way I knew how at the time. Looking back at the incident through a grownup’s eyes I can see how wrong I was by not telling you. Thank you, Chase for being my friend even when I didn’t deserve it.” I cleared my throat to buy myself time so I could choose the right words. “You’ve grown a lot since you’ve met Gray. You’re much more confident and assertive than you used to be. That’s the example of what being in love with the right person does for us; it makes us grow and become the best versions of ourselves. I’m truly glad you found that with Gray.”

“You’ve found that with Miller.” It was a statement and not a question. Chase cocked his head to side and studied my face while he waited for my response. If I even tried to lie to him, he’d know. I confided something huge with Miller, which told Chase that my relationship with him went way beyond just physical.

“I have.” It was true; Miller made me a better man. I could’ve said more, but it wasn’t right for me to tell Chase how I felt about Miller before I told the man himself. I was on the receiving end of one of Chase Wright’s radiant smiles because I had reached a pinnacle that he feared I’d never accomplish. It wasn’t from lack of trying on his part though. “We better get back in there because I’m not sure how much longer Miller can hold your husband back. I mean, we’ve been out here holding hands for quite some time.”

Chase dropped my hand and looked through the patio door where his husband stood beside Miller. I could feel the heat of Gray’s glare from across the pool and I could only hope that he’d calm down once he had a chance to talk to Chase.

“It’s okay for you tell Gray what we discussed. I don’t want you to feel that you need to keep this a secret from your husband. I’d explain it myself, but I’m suddenly really tired of talking.” I needed the quiet comfort of Miller and I needed it right then.

“Ready?” I asked Miller once I walked inside their house.

“Wait a minute,” Gray said in protest. “You don’t think you owe me an explanation after holding my husband’s hands and making cow eyes at him for over thirty minutes.” Gray turned to Miller with a sneer. “I don’t understand why you’re wasting your time with him, Miller. He’s just going to use you and toss you aside like he did Chase and all the other guys who were too blinded by his good looks to see him for the user that he is.”

There was so much I wanted to say to him right then as the blood boiled in my veins, but what I said to Chase was true. I was all talked out and all I wanted right then was time alone with Miller. “I’m glad you think I’m good looking, Clark.” I walked away from them without another word.

“It’s okay, Miller. I’ve got this under control.” I heard Chase say.

I let myself out the front door and unlocked my car. I was too whipped to drive so I decided to ride shotgun. I leaned my head back against the headrest and closed my eyes. It wasn’t but a minute or two before Miller climbed behind the steering wheel and adjusted the seat.

“A couple of inches makes a difference in some instances,” he teased. I opened my eyes and turned to look at him. “Don’t listen to a word Gray said. He doesn’t always know as much as he thinks he does.” Miller started the engine, put the gear in reverse, and backed out of the driveway. “I hope he likes sleeping on the couch because he has one pissed off husband.”

“Fuck! That isn’t what I wanted to happen.”

“Then Gray should learn when to shut his big fucking mouth and trust his husband.” There was an edge to Miller’s tone that had me wondering just what Gray had said to him before Chase and I returned. “None of what happens between them is your responsibility.” Miller reached over and took my hand once he shifted the car in drive.

“Take me home, Bones, and make me forget.”

We stopped to pick up Indy on the way to my house. Miller getting his ass chewed by his dog for being gone so long brought a smile to my face. “I tried to come home hours ago, little buddy.” The dog cocked his head to the side as he often did. It was if he understood exactly what I was saying, because the look he gave Miller afterward was priceless.

“He lies, Indy!” Miller slugged me painfully in the arm. There we were, two grown ass men, standing in Miller’s living room talking to a dog like he was a human and understood us. I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Maleficent and Ursula puffed up like attack cats the minute I set Indy down on the foyer floor. They stared each other down for half a minute before the cats scrambled, knowing full well that Indy would hotly pursue them. It was the game they played every time they were together. I never took the cats to Miller’s house on the nights that I stayed over. Miller offered to put litter boxes in the utility room for them, but I explained to him that the cats didn’t take to car travel very well. I learned the hard way when I took them to the vet for their shots. I laughed as I heard Indy’s playful bark as he chased Mal and Urs through every room in the house.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I knew he was referring to my conversation with Chase. I would gladly tell him every detail, but not right then.

“Can we talk tomorrow? Right now, I just want to curl up on the couch watch a movie or something.” Miller smiled with understanding and reached for my hand, tugging on it so that I’d follow. I expected him to head into the living room, but instead he headed toward the stairs that led to the bedrooms. “Jesus, I’ve completely lost my balls somewhere along the way. What have you done to me, man?”

Miller reached over and cupped my package through my pants. “They’re right where they’ve always been. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to curl up and watch a movie with me. If it makes you feel better, then I’ll take it a sappy step further.” I nodded at him to continue. “Let’s take a long, hot soak in your tub and then we’ll climb into bed and watch a movie.”

“Mmmm. That sounds perfect, Bones.” Hot water and a naked Miller in my arms was just what I needed. To hell with the pressure to project a ridiculous level of masculinity and testosterone all the fucking time. Bones knew all about my virility and didn’t require any chest thumping to impress him.

“The doctor knows best,” Miller said playfully.

“Funny, I thought the saying mentioned a father know best, not a doctor. Besides, you’re not that kind of doctor. Remember?” I used his own words against him.

Miller whipped around on the step and cupped my dick through my pants again. “I specialize in boners too, but they don’t give doctorates for that kind of expertise.”

My cock was already at half-mast and he had barely begun to touch me. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him that I was in love with him. He had brought so much light and happiness into my life and I wanted him to know how much he meant to me. I opened my mouth to attempt to speak the words, but they were cut off when he captured my mouth in a passionate kiss.