Perfecting the Odds (33 page)

Was that
really just this morning
? She looked down for a moment then met his eyes. He stared at her with contemplation and fear.

“
No wait, Michael. Let me guess? You’re dying, right?” An odd chuckle escaped her mouth before the angry tears burned tracks down her face.
Please, God, no
, she prayed inwardly.

Michael shook his head rapidly and began to walk toward
Karis, but she abruptly lifted her hand to stop him from coming closer. His touch would shatter her, even now.

“
I had... I
had
cancer… more than ten years ago, but I’m fine now,” he admitted as Karis’s mouth fell open. Before Karis could fully register his comment, Michael gestured to Diane. “Diane can confirm that the cancer is gone because she handles my follow-up visits.”

Karis
instantly felt physically ill for the second time that day. The puzzle began to form a clear image. That look when she thought he was lying. How much he seemed to understand Robert. His look of unease had her recalling his insecurity. Not feeling a man. The faint scar on his abdomen. For a moment, little bits of sympathy flickered in her mind. He had cancer. The pain. The treatments. He could have died.

“
Karis--.”

“Testicular?” she interrupted.

“Yes,” he said quietly, incredulity crossing his face.

“Both?

“No.”

“A prosthetic replacement?”

“Yes.”

Karis nodded and calmly said, “Makes sense now. Your insecurities, I mean. Still, they’re…” Michael would have called that comment a low blow if he hadn’t sworn he her heard her whisper, “unwarranted” and then saw a glimmer of compassion or perhaps residual love flicker within her eyes. God, he loved her. The Karis he knew couldn’t help but release every true emotion she had, especially honesty.

She shook her head and another strange chuckle escaped. “People couldn’t write this shit.”
As she reached for the wall, a black curtain fell before her eyes. Michael yelling her name the last thing she heard; the sharp pain on the back of her head was the last thing she felt. But it didn’t hold a candle to her heart’s breaking wide open.

“Karis? Can you hear me? Wake up.” A burning stench filled Karis’s nostrils as she rolled her head back and forth over the hard floor, amplifying the pain in her skull. “Karis, you fainted. Wake up. You hit your head pretty badly. I need to take a look.”

She
forced her eyes open and peered into the fluorescent lights above her. Diane held her head, and Michael knelt beside her, his hand stroking her arm. She jerked it away. “I’m fine…I’m leaving,” she said, attempting to stand, but she instantly felt faint again. Michael caught her and pulled her to his chest.

“
Karis, please, I know you’re angry, but you can’t leave like this,” he pleaded.

She wrench
ed her body free. “Get the hell off of me, Michael.” She placed her hand on the wall to steady herself. She met his eyes directly. Despondent, they begged her to listen to him. And, god, she wanted to, but today in Karis’s shitty world, compassion would not be victorious. It just wasn’t possible.

“
Here’s some honesty for you Michael. I know you’re not used to such a foreign concept, but give it a whirl,” she sneered. “You’re the
worst
kind of liar because you lied even when I gave you a chance to come clean. I know one thing really well. I know what lonely feels like, and loneliness because you lose love? Well, that son-of-a-bitch rips apart your insides like you’re its feeble plaything. Welcome to my fucking world.” She took one more step toward him. “I will never...” But she couldn’t utter the words sitting razor sharp on the tip of her tongue.

She instead drew
a deep breath and turned toward Diane. “I’m sorry for this display, the cursing…here, at your workplace.” Then Karis rushed down the hallway toward Eve’s room.

With each step,
Karis’s head reeled with an amalgam of dizziness and throbbing pain. Disbelief? The understatement of her lifetime. At least when Robert withheld the truth, he feared her reaction to the news, that he may not know how to help her, or how his illness would affect their family. But, Michael? He knew her past, witnessed her reaction to the pain, but he still chose to lie to save himself-- a damn narcissistic choice just because he didn’t want to be without her.

Even though her head pounded with unbearable pain, the knife lodged in her heart was far worse. One tiny twist, and she swore the damn thing would disintegrate. Figures, she thought. And she’d almost believed the shattered pieces had begun to converge. They’d just confessed their love for each other. And for the first time ever, she thought that Michael’s love held the strength to close the gaps around heart. But almost instantly, when he revealed his secret, a huge fissure cracked wide open; it stole her breath and spread a blistering surge throughout her body.

What pissed her off the most? Fresh anger pilfered its residence within her. Did she really wear a sign that read Attention, Hot Bastards: Save Me From the Pain? And the worst part by far? She couldn’t confide in Eve. Karis wouldn’t dare hinder Eve’s recovery with her own drama.

She was going this alone, but in some ways, that was Karis’s same ol’, same ol’.

***

Michael
stared at her back as she walked away. He had never seen someone filled with so much rage, but Karis had displayed it in front of him twice. She was miles away from him, distancing herself from the pain of his deception. He knew she
chose
the emotion she held most dear, vengeful anger. But Michael still felt their connection twist unbearably, nearly crushing his heart. She had characterized that feeling exactly.

He turned to Diane then
hung his head for a moment before walking out of her office, straight to the exit of the hospital.

Karis
left him. And he fucking deserved it.

Then next few days were a blur. Between holding vigil next to Eve-- for fear she would regress--helping her with physical therapy, and calling to check in on her children, who had, for the time being, staked residence with the Lewis’s, Karis barely had time to think about her own wretched misfortune. Barely. Michael had texted her each day that week.
I love you
was all they said, but it was enough to have her balling for a good hour each time.

She missed him, desperate
ly. He was supposed to one who eased her loneliness, but now in her own personal hell, she feared she’d had all wrong, all along. And without Eve to confide in, she felt more alone than she ever had.

F
inally after nearly a week in the hospital, Eve recovered enough to be discharged, and Karis begged her to stay at her home. Of course, Eve refused, explaining that she wouldn’t be able to heal if she depended on Karis to care for her. Considering Eve was a gimpy invalid until her ankle healed, she finally acquiesced to Karis’s one daily visit and a gopher for errands. As Karis pulled up into Eve’s driveway, she turned to her, Karis’s face filled with pity and supplication.

“Please,
Eve, stay with me, just until your ankle heals.”

Eve
turned, but instead throwing a snarky remark about their agreement, Eve blindsided her. “Karis, I know you care about me and want to help me, but I can do this, with your help of course. And remember, I have a nurse coming twice a week until all the wounds heal.”

“But, why would you want to do it alone? Come on, please
come to my house. The kids and I will be at your beckon call.” Karis knew she had selfish reasons for her begging. Even though she still wouldn’t tell Eve about Michael’s deception, having her around would serve as comfort. And maybe Eve’s presence would be enough to stop Karis’s crying jags that seemed to sporadically arise, nearly balling her into fetal position in any hidden location she could find.

“You
are helping me, Karis. I’ll look forward to your visit each day.”

Karis
sighed heavily. “Fine, but you have to promise to call me each morning to let me know you’re okay.”

Eve
rolled her eyes. “I’m pretty positive I’ll make it through the night. I don’t plan to die in my sleep.”

“I’m overreacting. I’m just so worried
,” Karis whispered, tears brimming in her blinking eyes.

Eve
leaned across the seat, pulling Karis into a haphazard embrace. “I love you, too. I promise I’ll call.” Eve then furrowed her brow and tilted her head. “Hey, how are you and Michael. You haven’t talked about him in days. Actually, now that I think about it, I haven’t seen Professor Sex-on-Legs in a while.”

Karis
’s expression shared her sentiments before she even spoke. “We’re over. It just didn’t work out. Don’t worry about it. You need to focus on recovery.”

Eve
shook her head and narrowed her eyes, reading her best friend like a book. “I know exactly what I need to do, Karis. But I’m not talking about me. I’m talking about you and Michael, the one you called God-like, the one you claimed was perfect for you; the one I swore you were falling for. What happened?”

Karis
sighed again. Damn, she shouldn’t have been so open with her about him, but Eve was a master manipulator and could pull information from a frickin’ monk if she had to. “Nothing. It just didn’t work out. End of story...Let’s get you in the house and settled before it gets too late.” Karis jumped out of the car before Eve had a chance to respond. Too tired to fight her now, Eve decided to let it go for the time being. But her sister-sense told her that their break up was not insignificant--it was huge--and she was determined to find out the truth very soon.

***

After helping Eve get situated at her home, Karis headed to the Lewis’s to retrieve her children. They had stayed there nearly five nights; she was sure they would be included in their family portrait this Christmas. There was no denying she was blessed to have such supportive friends, but admittedly, she was anxious about being in the same room with both Jason and Diane long enough to start a conversation about her relationship, or lack thereof, with Michael. Because their interactions the past week included short clothing drop offs and clipped conversations, Karis and Diane hadn’t had the opportunity to discuss what happened in her office. And, quite frankly, Karis had no intention or desire to have that awkward discussion this evening. She didn’t hold ill feelings toward Diane, but she also knew her husband was Michael’s friend and boss, and she wasn’t about to start some marital war.

Karis
knocked on front door of their beautiful home, nestled on the outskirts of town, far from the bustling city life. Jason swiftly opened it, donning a wide but clearly forced smile. “Hello, Karis. Come on in.”

“
Thank you,” she said, returning a similar smile. “So tell me the truth: are my children driving you crazy yet?”

He
chuckled and shook his head, visibly grateful for the banter to cut the tension. “No, you’re children are delightful. Well-mannered, happy. What more can a parent ask for?”

H
er brow creased in disbelief. “You’re too kind, Jason. I’m sure Grace corrected you about fifty times, even if you didn’t need to be corrected.”

“
Actually, one night at the dinner table, she did tell me I was being verbose when discussing my day,” he confessed, chuckling softly.

“Now, that’s my Grace.” Just as
Karis spoke her name, Grace came bounding around the corner and jumped into Karis’s arms.

“Mommy! I missed you so much.
How’s Aunt Eve? Is she better? It was so much fun here, and Mrs. Lewis is such a good cook--much better than you are--and Mr. Lewis played Legos and Polly Pocket, and we camped out on the bedroom floor, and ate homemade pizza, and watched movies. I stayed up very late one night--.”

Karis
emitted a full belly laugh and halted her rant. “Okay, okay, Grace. Slow down. I missed you too.” She placed a kiss on her forehead. “Where’s your brother?”

“Probably
playing some dumb video game,” she responded, trying to pull Karis down the foyer hallway toward the living room.

Diane rounded the corner. “No need to stay in the foyer,
Karis. Please join us in the kitchen. I just poured some wine.”

Jason smiled and gestured
for her to walk, and Karis reluctantly followed Diane into her kitchen. Seizing the opportunity to continue playing, Grace bolted toward the living room.

L
ike Michael’s, the Lewis’ kitchen would make any chef’s fingers itch to play. Travertine tile lined the floor, and the pine cabinets filled three of the four walls. A neutral-toned granite countered the lower cabinets and ran around the perimeter of the room. A large island with a prep sink set neatly in the middle of the kitchen. Being an avid baker and cook, Diane had double ovens and a professional-grade six burner gas stove, all stainless steel. But Karis’s favorite element was the refrigerator. Its façade matched the pine cabinetry and when opened, looked as though it had room enough to cater an army of people.