Perfectly Imperfect (Perfectly #1) (5 page)

We begin kissing again
, and I rip off his boxers to free him. He bends down and into me making me moan loudly calling out his name. He feels so good inside me. He begins to move fast in and out of me, and I move my hips with him meeting every thrust. It’s rough, and I like it, but it is also passionate.

He takes my nipple in his mouth again, driv
ing me crazy with his tongue as he thrusts into me. My nails dig into his back, giving in to the feeling coursing through my body as I let go and find my release. My walls enclose around Grayson, and I feel him still as he reaches his climax with me. “Mia,” he whispers my name, and I moan his. I am holding on to him for dear life as my body shudders with my orgasm, waves of pleasure rolling off me. We’re a hot, sweaty mess, extremely satisfied.

We lay on the couch for a while, him softly running his fingers through my hair, and me relaxing into him. As I begin to dose off, I feel Grayson shift and carry me to my room. He lies down next to me. He puts his arm around my middle and pulls me into him. I stiffen at his heartfelt gesture, feeling a little too comfortable in his arms. We’re just friends. Friends cuddle, right?

“Ugh, what are you doing to me Grayson?” I ask rhetorically.

“The same thing you’re doing to me.” He says, but I refuse to look at him afraid I may see more than what a few simple words could mean.

I wake up the next morning alone in my bed. Where’s Grayson? Maybe he left for work already. It’s still early, but he’d have to go home and change. I look around my room and see his phone in the nightstand so he must still be here. I walk into the kitchen looking for him and find him at the table with two coffee mugs. “Déjà vu,” I say quietly.

He smiles at me, “Your coffee’s ready. I figured you’d have to go to work and would want a cup before getting ready. How’d you sleep?”

“Thanks. Yes, coffee is always a must, especially this early. I slept surprisingly well. You?” I respond, taking my lower lip between my teeth.

“I’m glad to hear that. I guess sleepovers aren’t that bad. I slept great.” He beams at me and his eyes sparkle with delight. “You don’t have to be nervous, stop chewing your lip or I’ll remove it myself with my own teeth.” He winks at me sending a rush through my body. 

He’s happy this morning, and deep down I know it’s because I slept in his arms without argument but try to push that thought away. The lines are starting to haze. Maybe Steph is right. Grayson and I aren’t friends. Is it inevitable that eventually we’d end up together, or end up hurting each other? 

“I gotta go. We’ll talk, okay?” He says as he stands up putting his coffee mug in the sink and leans in to give me a peck on the lips.

“Yeah,” I murmur, feeling surprisingly sad about his departure. It’s ridiculous. He has to go to work and I do, too, but I always feel so comfortable around him. It’s like he doesn’t care who I was or where I came from, he just likes me for being me, free of judgment. He knows that I sleep with people, have my mommy issues, yet still accepts me no questions asked. And the scary part is that he fits in my life so perfectly, so completely, a piece of him in me that was missing.

Before he leaves, he turns to me saying, “It might surprise you, but I don’t tend to do sleepovers either. It’s different with you, though.” His eyes darken a little with specks of green, and they look uneasy with his admittance. Maybe we’re more alike than I thought.

He leaves and I get ready for work, hoping my writer’s block is lifted so I can finish my assignment by this afternoon.

Sitting in my office writing my article, Steph peeks in. “Hey, Mia. How did it go last night? I saw you left with Grayson.” She winks at me
, and I roll my eyes. I’m biting my lip and let go before she notices.

“Good. We had sex and slept. Same as always.”

“He slept over again? On a school night?” She jokes.

“Yes, Steph. He slept over on a weekday. Get over it.” I snap.

She jerks back a bit hurt at my tone. “I’m just kidding, Mia. Relax it’s not the end of the world, and I am the last person who would judge you.”

“I know. I’m just confused. Maybe you were right.”

“What?! Can you repeat that again? I was right about what exactly? Stop biting your lip; you’re going to chew it right off. You must be in deep.” She smiles and walks further into my office taking a seat on one of the two chairs I have in front of my desk.

“You were right that maybe we aren’t friends. Maybe he does have more feelings.  He cuddled with me in bed, and I let him.
Cuddle!
” Even this surprises me. It’s like when I am around him I’m not as aware of my guard.

“You didn’t pull away?” She asks genuinely surprised.

“No, I was comfortable. It felt right, but I can’t let him in. I’ll just hurt him. Eventually I’ll run, and he’ll be left heartbroken. I can’t do that to him. It isn’t fair. Maybe I should just let him go now before it’s too late.” I remember what he said before he left, how I was different, and the small twinge of fear I saw in his eyes. I know Grayson is no saint, but I guess I thought he was more put together than me. Now I suspect that we have even more in common than I had realized.

“Give yourself more credit. You are capable of loving people. You are sweet, compassionate, beautiful, smart, and loving. You’ve got to get over the idea that you hurt people around you and you aren’t worth what people deserve. You still have me around, right?” She smiles with pride. She knows she’s one of the few people I actually have in my life who sees the real me.

“But what if I end up like my mother. I saw what she did to my dad. I saw how his heart broke, and he drank himself to sleep everyday.”

“For that reason alone I know you would never do that to someone you care about. You aren’t your mother. You’ve learned from her mistakes, and have found a different path. Albeit, sometimes that path has been rocky with some less than good decisions, but they’ve made you the person you are. You saw what your mother did to your dad; you aren’t going to purposely do that to Grayson. You have tried so hard to avoid that same scenario, that you’ve pushed people away. And of course the one person you decide to let in a little bit ends up being a douche. We both know
, though, that Chase was just a long-term fuck buddy that was selfish and wanted to control you that’s why he said you guys were monogamous.” She looks at me with her game face on. Dr. Steph has entered my office.

“Yeah.” I let out a long sigh. She’s right. I need to stop comparing myself to others, but the fear of becoming them is greater. It’s easier to not care.

“Sorry. I don’t want to stress you out when you have that deadline, but all I’m saying is for you to give him a chance and prove yourself wrong.”

“Thanks, Steph. I know. I just need to think.”

Chapter 5

I continue to replay this morning with Grayson and my talk with Steph, confused about how it felt to sleep with someone in my bed and the comfort of this morning. It was like he belonged there, in my bed, in my apartment, in my arms. And that thought scares the crap out of me. I should just tell Grayson that being friends isn’t going to work. I need to protect myself, but I also know there’s no way he can’t not be in my life.
I need him in it the same way I need oxygen to live.

Fortunately, I am able to get work done and finish
before my deadline. Toni seems pleased with my work. I continue to impress her with my dedication and wit. I know she’s aware that I am working really hard, but being reassured that I am doing a great job is always nice. My phone vibrates as I’m packing up for the day. It’s Grayson.

Hey, want to grab a quick bite? It’s been a hell of a day.

Sure. Leaving work now. Not a date. Where do you wanna meet?
I reply knowing that I need him in my life somehow and being friends is the safest way.

Haha… no date, don’t worry. Wait for me. I’ll meet you at your building and we’ll walk together.

Okay, see you soon.

I wait a few minutes in my office and head down to wait for Grayson outside. I need some fresh air anyway, it’s been a hectic day and I didn’t even go out for lunch. I also need to clear my mind.
The thoughts swirling in my mind are overwhelming to say the least. I feel like there’s a constant battle going on inside me, the Mia Civil War. I see him approaching and smile. I feel safe when he’s around. He looks good. One thing’s for sure, he’s hot, and I woke up to him this morning.

As he gets closer, I notice his hair is all disheveled and his eyes look tired, the turbulent green overpowering the peaceful blue. Even like this he’s hotter than any other guy I’ve met. I just want to run my hands through his hair. Most girls may never admit this, but we are a lot like guys at times. We also think about sex a lot, we just aren’t as aggressive or obvious.

“Hey, you okay?” I ask knowing what his response will be. He mentioned having a bad day, but I guess I wasn’t expecting to see him so upset.

“Hi. I’m okay. Better now. Thanks for meeting up.”

“Anytime.” And when I say that I think I mean it. I feel an unexpected need to comfort him. “Let’s go eat. I’m hungry. There’s a burger place nearby. Is that alright or you want something different?”

“That’s perfect. Let’s go, Sweet Pea.” He puts his arms around my shoulder and pulls me in for a hug. He lets go
, and we walk towards the burger joint. 

That small gesture stirs things within me I never thought I’d feel. I feel that
electrical pull I felt when I first met him, inexplicable but it’s a tightrope bonding us. 

We get to the restaurant in comfortable silence, walking side by side. We sit and order, and he still hasn’t said anything. I want to know what has him so thrown so I can help him, but I don’t want to push. Maybe he doesn’t want to talk about it, maybe he wanted to forget about it another way, by
fucking. That’s probably why he called, to distract himself. I feel a small pang. We are supposed to be friends; surely you talk to friends about what’s upsetting you.
Snap out of it, Mia! Fucking is what you’re good at.

“How was work?” I ask unsure if I should talk.

“It was alright. Kinda a crappy day.” He gives a small smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. 

“Grayson, are you sure you’re okay? Wanna talk about it?” I reach over the table and squeeze his hand to comfort him.

“Don’t worry, Mia. It’s just work stress. Some asshole is trying to blame me for someone else’s fuck up on a site I’m managing. I just want to hang out and not think about it right now.”

“Sounds good. What are you doing this weekend?” I try to make light conversation.

“You.” He smiles at me with that devilish grin I love and feel the heat rise in me. I blush slightly and begin chewing my lower lip.

“We’ll see about that, Cowboy Casanova. You’re going to start messing with my game if I keep taking you home.”

“You know I’m the best.” He raises an eyebrow challenging me to disagree. I love how we can be so natural with each other, even after sleeping together. There’s no awkwardness. If anything, it’s solidified our relationship.

“I can’t argue there.”

We eat, talking about different topics, laughing and teasing each other. I am proud to say that Grayson looks much happier than when we first walked in. Mission accomplished. We finish, pay and head out.

“Thanks for coming, Mia. I appreciate it. I owe you.”

“You don’t owe me anything, Grayson. That’s what friends are for, right?”

“Very true.” He gives me a tight hug
, and I wrap my arms around his waist. It’s such a comfortable place to be. I look up and see his eyes soften, and they’re back to his aqua tones. I’m tempted to kiss him, but I hold back. I break the eye contact and let go. I need to keep myself in check. I don’t know what’s going on, but I don’t like feeling so vulnerable with someone. “Good night.”

“Bye, we’ll talk.” He kisses me on the forehead and walks off.

The rest of the week goes on normally. Grayson seemed more positive the few times we spoke and the whole situation got cleared up at work.

Come Friday, I am beyond exhausted. It’s not like me to pass up any social outing, but I just want to curl up on my couch and sleep. I guess all the late nights at work have caught up to me.

I get home and turn on the TV to watch some mindless shows that will let me rest and relax. I wake up a couple of hours later disoriented with a pounding headache. It’s dark out, and the light from the TV is feeding my splitting headache. I can’t move and feel chills race down my body. This is so not the time to get sick!

My phone rings next to me, making me cringe. “Hello?”

“Hi, Sweet Pea. How are you? I just ran into Steph, but I didn’t see you with her. She said you went home?” It is more of a question, and I could hear his confusion.

“Yeah, I’m not feeling too good. I’ll be fine by tomorrow, hopefully.”

“What do you need? I’m on my way over.”

“Grayson, don’t come over. I don’t need anything, just sleep. Stay where you are. Get some for the both of us.” I try to joke but feel like doing anything but humor someone.

“No, no. The bimbos can wait. I’m going over now.”

“I can’t get up to answer the door. Plus, I just want to sleep.” I say hoping he doesn’t show up. The last thing I need is
for him to come and see me at such a helpless moment. I can barely keep my eyes open.

“I’ll use the spare key. That’s fine. I’ll be there in case you need anything.”

“How-?”

“Did I know about the spare? How do you think I lock the door when I have to leave in the early morning?”

“I don’t know. Whatever. You don’t need to come.” I’m shocked at his admission. I guess I never thought about how the door was locked after he would leave the weeknights he would stay over.

Things are starting to get complicated. I don’t need anyone taking care of me. Even less my hot friend, who I screw, seeing me vulnerable.

I dose off again to these thoughts hoping Grayson takes me seriously and changes his mind, although I doubt it.

I wake up with a start and find ocean blue-green eyes staring at me. I jump away forgetting where I am or what’s going on. “Relax, Mia. It’s just me. Sorry I didn’t mean to scare you. You’ve been out for a li
ttle bit, and I was checking if you had a fever.” He carefully puts a strand of hair behind my ear. I can just imagine what the wild mess of curls looks like right now.

“Oh, okay,” is all I can manage to say. My body hurts and I’m cold. I shiver, and immediately Grayson covers me with a blanket. Why is he here? “Grayson, go home or go out. I will refuse for you to ruin plans because I am sick. You could be out right now having some drinks and finding someone to take home.”

“Mia, I already told you I wasn’t going anywhere. This is where I want to be. You obviously aren’t doing too well on your own. I can drink and fuck anytime. Don’t be so stubborn.” I pout but am too tired to argue. “Plus, I like watching you sleep. You look peaceful. You let down your guard.” I roll my eyes. Great, just what I need. Grayson thinking he’s getting to me. “Don’t make eyes at me. It’s true, you aren’t defensive when you’re asleep.”

“Whatever.” I squint trying to block the light from the TV. Grayson must notice because he stands to turn it off. “Thanks. That light was killing me head.”

“Anytime, Mia. Like you said, that’s what friends are for. If I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t. Just rest.” He sits on the edge of the couch brushing my hair with his fingers. It’s so soothing. “Does that hurt your head?”

“No it feels perfect. Thanks.”

“Have you taken any medicine?”

“No, I haven’t been able to get up.” 

“That’s what I thought. I bought some just in case. Here have this.” He hands me a glass of water and two pills.

“Thanks.”

He lies down next to me on the couch and pulls me into him rubbing my back. It feels way too comfortable and safe, but I can’t get myself to move or speak as the medicine kicks in. I just sleep again.

The next time I wake up it’s daylight
, and I’m on my bed wearing a t-shirt. I feel better. Grayson’s arm is wrapped around me, my back to his chest. He must’ve brought us over at some point. I try to make a break to the bathroom, but his arm tightens around me. I don’t want to wake him up. Who knows at what time he went to sleep taking care of me.

I stay put enjoying his body heat. He looks peaceful in his sleep. Why does Grayson feel so safe? I’ve never felt so at ease with someone before, especially someone I’ve slept with, not even Chase. Then again, I’ve never been friends with someone I’ve slept with. I’m breaking my rules with him and that scares me.

Grayson stirs and opens his eyes, “Good morning. How’d you feel?”

“Much better. Thanks.” I reply shyly turning around to face him.

“Do you need anything? More medicine? Coffee? It cures everything, right?” He gives me a crooked smile and his eyes twinkle. He almost looks proud of being my caretaker.

“Yeah, coffee. I’ll make some. I want to get up and walk. I feel stiff.”

“I’ll go with you.” We both get up from bed and make our way over to my kitchen.

We drink our coffees and Grayson moves around the kitchen preparing breakfast. He has insisted on cooking, saying I haven’t eaten since yesterday and have been taking medicine. “Do you always cook breakfast for your sick hook-ups?” I ask teasing.

“Nope. I can say I never have. Actually, I’ve never played doctor to anyone, besides my brother, before. Consider yourself lucky.” He smiles. “And you know you’re more than just a hook-up, so stop referring to yourself as such.” He adds deadpan, his expression serious. If I didn’t know better, I’d think the thought of us being more than friends scares him as much as it does me by that last comment.

We eat our breakfast in somewhat awkward silence and clear the table. I excuse myself to take a shower, feeling the wall I built around my heart rise a little taller. I want to wash off all the germs I feel crawling over my body, and I can’t help but shake off the uneasy feeling about Grayson’s comment. I know I’ve always been the one to deny any form of real commitment, but seeing his serious expression about it caught me off guard. He’s usually more carefree about us.

I am engrossed in my thoughts and trying to analyze why I felt so uneasy when Grayson spoke about me being more of a hookup with such a glum expression, when I feel him push up against me and run his hands down the curves of my body leaving my skin burning with desire. I turn around tracing my hands over the ripples of his stomach, up his chest and around his neck pressing myself to him. My eyes meet his and they darken. There’s so much promise in that gaze, and we stand holding each other as the water cascades on us. Grayson kisses me gently, but before he can pull away I deepen the kiss, pulling him into me. We get lost in each other, exploring our bodies and communicating without words.