Permanent (Indelibly Marked) (Volume 1) (33 page)

She shook her head.

His heart hit the floor.

“Come on, Rachel.” Mr. Stevens came out.

“I have to go.” She waved and got another long look at Carson. “I wish you would have kept the Mohawk.” She ran after her father.

Shane spun on his heel and faced Carson. “They knew about me.”

“I cut my hair for nothing.” Carson slapped him.

He rubbed his hands along his head, searching for the shock of hair that was supposed to be there. “I didn’t care if she was blonde or brunette or anything, I just wanted her.”

Emily came out from the kitchen. “You said she couldn’t accept us.”

“I don’t know.” He paced back and forth. “I have to do this audit thing.”

“I’ll call the guy.” Carson lifted his phone.

“No.” He ran to Carson and took the phone. “I have to do this. Myself.”

“Then what?” Emily hit his shoulder.

“I don’t know. She broke up with me.” He covered his eyes. “She doesn’t want me. But I can’t do this with anyone but her.”

*~*~*

“I promised you that if you came home I would give you part of the business.” Her father sat across from her in their hotel room.

Lindsay stared down at her skirt that matched her sister’s and mother’s. No wonder they were always outcasts. The floral wonder ensemble boasted summer pinks, yellows and blues.

“Look how beautiful the two of you are.” Her mother came out of the bedroom with Rachel. “Simon you should really get a picture of the two of them together.” She touched Lindsay’s hair. “It looks much better curled and back to its real color.”

She sighed. Her hair color didn’t matter anymore.

“We should get going soon.” Her mother flitted between the pieces of luggage.

“I will be proud to call you my partner.” Her father continued his conversation.

“Thank you.” A tear rolled down her cheek.

“You don’t want to work with me, do you?”

She lifted her head. “It’s not that.”

“Tell me.” Her father leaned across the table.

She tried to speak but couldn’t get the words out.

“Lindsay, you need to tell me.”

“Simon.” Her mother came over. “Don’t make her cry.”

“Go check our tickets.” Simon waved her away. “I need to talk to Lindsay. Tell me. I can’t stand to see you like this. You haven’t left the hotel since you got here.”

“I was supposed to be the accountant for the tattoo industry.” As the sentence hung in the air she realized how stupid it sounded. “When you came out here, I was going to ask you to help me set up my own business.”

“I didn’t think you could be happy in California.” He blew threw his lips. “Maybe I didn’t want to lose my little girl.”

“It doesn’t matter.” She didn’t have Shane, which meant she had nothing. “He lied to me.”

“I think the man was probably terrified to show you.”

“You always say your clients can’t lie to you.”

“I never loved any of my clients. Those letters had to be eating him up and it snowballed.”

“I know how that feels.”

“You know, in a way the two of you did the exact same thing.”

She wiped her eyes. “What do you mean?”

“You changed to fit in, he changed to fit in. He withheld information, and so did you.” He strummed his fingers on the table.

For the first time in days her heart seized with something other than sadness and pain.

“I see two people who wanted so badly to be together, they did anything to make it happen against the odds.”

“What are you trying to say?” For days she tried to let go of any hope she harbored, but was there hope?

“Just telling you my observations.”

“His audit’s today and I left him when he needed me most.” A fresh batch of tears began. “He’s always been there for me.” She never returned the favor. Once again she never heard him out. All she did was put him in a box. She couldn’t expect him to come after her again, not when she didn’t give him any reason to. “I left them all.”

She opened up her ledger. One side said she could go back to Ohio, fulfill every expectation, and become a partner in her father’s accounting firm. Eventually she would meet someone nice and then their children would end up wearing matching dresses until one of them escaped to California. It was a sure investment. Sound and stable.

She closed her eyes and ran the other side of the ledger. It involved risk, running back, ripping her heart open, and praying Shane still wanted her. But that side also had joy, excitement and the man she loved. She gasped and put her hand over her mouth. She loved him. How could she leave? “I didn’t want to get hurt again.”

“You left, not him.”

“I have to go, Daddy.” She wrung her hands together.

“I understand.”

“I have to find him.” She grabbed her purse and turned trying to make a plan. “I’ll go to the apartment. He’ll be there, or the shop.”

“That’s not fair.” Rachel got up. “All I wanted to do here was see the shop, and all I got was tourist traps and crying! This trip sucked!”

“If I go to the audit, I need you, Daddy. You said you’d help.” Lindsay held her hand out to her sister.

Her father stood and hit the table. “These airline tickets will cost me a fortune!”

Rachel wrapped her arms around Lindsay’s waist.

“Go find your guy and your mother and I will meet you there.” He pointed.

“Come on.” Rachel tugged her.

“What if …” She faced her father.

“Then you’ll know.” He opened the door for them.

They ran out and she tried not to think about that ugly what if. She needed to get to Shane before he got to the audit.

*~*~*

They drove up to the apartment building and with both Shane and Carson’s cars in the lot, she let the cab go.

With her sister in tow, she raced up the stairs and took a deep breath before she knocked on the door.

“I want to drive with Carson.” Rachel smiled.

She knocked again and looked at her watch. His car was there. Carson’s car was there. Where were they? “Shane.” She pounded on the door. “Please.”

“I don’t think they’re here.” Rachel looked in the window.

“Oh God, the cab.” She left them stranded! She ran her hands through her hair.

“You look much better as a brunette.”

“Who’s that?” Rachel looked down the stairs.

She turned. “Dillon.”

“He’s cute.” Rachel grabbed her hand.

“No he’s not.” She shook her head.

“They’re not here.” He sauntered up the stairs. “You annihilated him.”

“Dillon, please.”

“Did you have a change of heart?” He put his hand in his pocket.

“Do you care?”

“If you did, I’ll get you to the shop.”

“I have to go to him.” She took off her sunglasses. “Please.”

He tilted his head. “Let’s go.”

They made their way to Carson’s car and he helped Rachel in the back seat.

“Did your mom make those dresses?” he asked.

“She pays me to wear them.” Rachel smiled. “I have extra clothes at school.”

“Rachel.” She spun in her seat.

Dillon gave her a high five and got in the car.

“Why are you doing this?” She fastened her seatbelt.

“I need to. I lost my job and left them when I couldn’t make good on my promises.” He started the car. “Then I lost my job there. Both coasts rejected me.”

“Why did you really come back?” She stared straight ahead.

“I have nothing and I need them.” He shook his head. They drove to the shop in silence, and before she got out, he stopped her. “Lindsay.”

“It’s not my story to tell.” She nodded.

“Go to my brother.”

“Thank you.” She took her sister, watched him drive away, and froze when she faced the shop.

Part of her wanted to turn away but she couldn’t back down. The important thing was finding Shane and telling him how wrong she’d been. She pushed on the door and peeked inside. Her gaze darted around the room, and the nausea building in her stomach amplified and coupled with a stomachache when she saw the three friends she left.

“No one should ever doubt my greatness again.” Carson pointed in her direction and held his hand out. “Pay up.”

“I never bet against you.” Ivan elbowed Emily.

Emily dramatically looked at her watch. “Yes, but I am closest to the time.” She put her palm out.

Lindsay watched in confusion as Carson and Ivan put money in Emily’s hand. At least they had returned to their normal clothes, hair and makeup.

Emily closed her fist around the money but glared at Lindsay. “Last week I would have asked my business manager if winnings from a bet counted as income or personal property.”

“What would you do this week?” Carson leaned toward Emily and cupped his hand over his ear.

“I don’t have a business manager. She walked out on me,” Emily snapped.

She braced herself on the door. She didn’t expect them to welcome her back with open arms, but she wished they had. Then again, if she stood on the other side of the counter she would be acting the same way.

“That’s weird, same thing happened to me.” Carson turned his back to her and Emily joined him.

She held her sister in front of her and caught Ivan’s stare.

“Is there something you needed, Lindsay?” Ivan put his hands on his hips. “Shane’s not here.”

He called her Lindsay and he never called her that. She’d never been sure if Ivan knew her real name. Where was Ivan’s joke, or hug or at least a smile? She was no longer welcome, which also meant that she was no longer welcome in Shane’s heart. She pursed her lips trying to hold the tears back and shook her head.

No matter what Shane thought, she was going to find him, but she had lost the right to ask them for help. She managed to take a breath and straightened up. “I’m sorry.”

“Did you forget his audit was today?” Ivan raised his arms.

“Not for one second.” She pressed her fingers to her temple.

“You don’t know what you did.” He walked to the back of the shop.

“He wouldn’t even let any of us go with him.” Emily faced her.

She knew what that meant. Since they took her under their wing, she hadn’t known what it was like to be alone.

Carson crossed his arms. “Why are you here?”

She held her hand up, trying to stop this freight train of horrors, even though she deserved it. Funny, it was the first time she ever felt out of place there. “We’re going to go.”

“Are you going to find Shane?” Emily yelled.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I need to be there.” She opened the door not wanting to create a bigger scene.

“The night Shane was late to get you, I was so mad at him.” Emily came around the counter. “I didn’t know how he could do that to you. I think the two of you are such a perfect couple.” Her one time best friend approached. “Can I ask you a question?”

She nodded and wiped her eyes, not wanting to be crying the last time she saw them.

“Do you love him?”

“I love him more than anything and I threw it out.” At least they would know she accepted responsibility. She was the reason they were not together.

“Then let’s go. We’ll get you there.”

She shook her head in disbelief.

Emily pushed the two of them out, but pulled her sleeve. “When you dropped Shane you also dropped us, and I don’t like losing my best friend that way.”

Carson jiggled his keys. “Yeah, we don’t.” He held his hand out to Rachel.

For a moment she stared at them in disbelief then she burst out crying. “I’m sorry. I messed up.”

They both hugged her.

“Can I just say that I was wrong about everything, and ask not to explain until after I talk to Shane?” They didn’t make fun of her.

Carson gave her a thumbs up and led Rachel to the car.

“I need to get to that meeting.” She grabbed Emily’s arm. “It’s downtown!” Only in Los Angeles could a six mile drive take forty minutes. The audit started in forty five minutes.

“What were you doing before?” Emily retrieved her bag of makeup. “Were the two of you in a play or something?”

“My mom has issues.” She shook her head.

“It’s cute, it just needs something.” Emily took off her belt and wrapped it around her. “But I love your hair.”

“Really?” She wrinkled her nose. “Shane won’t.”

“He never liked blondes, he likes you.” Emily interrupted. “None of us care what you were. We only care what you are.”

Carson pulled Emily’s car around and got out. “Let’s go or the audit will start without his accountant.” He looked down at her and gave her his jacket. “I think this may complete the look.”

She put on his leather jacket and slipped into the back seat with Emily. “I don’t look like an accountant.”

“Yes you do.” Carson and Emily said in unison.

“What?”

“No matter what you do, you always look like an accountant. What do you want to look like?”

Carson filled in the blanks. “She came from Ohio to Los Angeles. She wanted to look like she thought a California girl would look. She didn’t want us to know she was just the straight A student from the middle of nowhere.”

Emily finished up. “She was the geek who turned chic, although geeks are chic anyway.”

“They are?” Rachel looked back at Emily.

“Absolutely.” Carson smiled and drove.

She looked down at that awful dress with Emily’s belt and Carson’s jacket. She had a bit of each of them to give her strength.

“Go.” Emily hit the back of Carson’s head.

“Where would you like me to go?” Carson yelled.

“Out of the driveway.” Emily leaned forward.

“Okay.” Carson moved about an inch ahead. “There’s a jam.”

She covered her eyes and tried not to panic. She had her friends here, and they would get her the six miles to Shane. They knew the back streets.

“Go another way,” Emily demanded.

“I will as soon as I get out of the driveway.”

She wiped her forehead. Her friends may have found a soft spot for her, but what she wanted was Shane, and everything hinged on getting to that audit. He went alone. She had to show him she hadn’t abandoned him.

They didn’t move for another several minutes.

“The audit will be starting any second.” Emily whispered to Carson but everyone heard.