Persona (10 page)

Rolling onto her stomach, she sobs into her pillow and hates what she is suddenly.

***

Moira is so out of it at school, that she doesn’t even remember coming into the building. She finds herself at her locker before she wonders if she saw Marty on the bus. Not knowing if she actually talked to anyone wakes her up a little bit. But nothing could make her feel better, not after seeing Peter last night. Just thinking about it brings tears to her already puffy eyes, so she lifts the hood to her sweater up so no one can see her.

She feels like she has no strength today, and her messenger bag feels heavier than usual. Maybe she should have stayed home today, and she almost remembers her father saying something like that last night. But she can’t be sure, doesn’t matter though, since she’s already here. Walking away from her locker without even opening it, she makes her way to her first class.

For most of the day Moira just wanders from class to class not really paying any attention to what’s going on. She thinks she might have even fallen asleep at some point but she can’t be sure. She comes too again when she gets to gym, since she has to change her clothes. Feeling naked without her hoody, she numbly follows the other girls into the gymnasium. When she gets through the door, her senses register the scent of cinnamon. But she is too out of it to really let it bother her, and lets it go to the back of her mind to forget about. Blindly, she makes her way to the bleachers when a hand on her shoulder stops her.

She finches away before she can stop herself, then turns around to see Spencer behind her.

“God, Moira. Are you all right?” He says in shock of her appearance.

“No, I’m really not.” She says in a whisper.

He steps up to her with ease, and pulls her to him. With his arms around her, Moira relaxes instantly and lets out a deep breath and sinks into him. Placing a hand on her head, he holds her tighter and whispers words of comfort to her. She doesn’t really hear what he says, but she gets the meaning behind them. He pulls back slightly, as more of the class gets seated on the bleachers.

“What going on?” He asks, as he gently leads her to sit down.

“I’d rather not get into it, if that’s all right.” She says softly.

As the teachers come forward and explain they are playing volleyball like yesterday, Moira’s mind clears of the fog that’s been holding her all morning. She feels lost and confused, like she just woke up and doesn’t know what’s going on. Spencer is like a reassuring presence though, and she’s grateful to have him nearby. When she gets up to join the girls on the other side of the court, she smells cinnamon again and it’s stronger now.

Instinctively, she looks around for Liam, and finds him across the room watching her. Instead of being mad at him like yesterday, she just feels emptiness about him. She doesn’t have the energy to worry about why he affects her the way he does. His eyes follow her as she finds a place to stand, and she can almost sense something haunted in them. Her persona prickles beneath her skin, and his eyes flash violet. Then he blinks, and they are grey again. Moira feels dizzy when she looks away, and she finds it hard to fight off her persona.

She starts to get lost in the fog again, but now her senses are overwhelmed with the spicy scent of cinnamon. Feeling like she’s trapped inside of herself, her persona pushes at her skin with a strength she’s never felt before. Time passes and she doesn’t know how long, but when she is about to let her persona win, something hits her head. She’s stunned for a moment, before she falls backwards to the hard floor.

Not protecting herself, she smacks into the floor hard and has to blink away black spots from her vision. When she sees clearly again, she’s staring right into Liam’s violet eyes. He’s leaning over her, and Moira can almost see the cinnamon scent around him like a heat blistering in the sun. It doesn’t choke her this time though, but calms her instead. Her skin tingles for a second, but he blinks and his eyes change again, and the sensation leaves her. She can hear the rest of the class around her, but she’s just focused on Liam. He reaches for her arm to help her to stand, and when he touches her she feels a shock run through her. Like she touched an electrical socket, and it makes them both pull back from one another.

His eyes go wide, and he looks surprised to have felt something. Before Moira can ask him about it, Spencer comes up behind him and shoves him out of the way.

“Dude, what the hell?” Spencer spits out at him.

“I don’t know what you mean, man.” Gaining his balance, he faces Spencer.

“Like hell you don’t. I saw you hit the ball at her.”

Moira sits up slowly, and only feels slightly dizzy, so she pulls herself to her feet. She can see most of the class in taking interest in their situation, including the teachers. They are making their way over, and Moira knows if Liam and Spencer keep it up, they will both get into trouble.

“I’m alright Spencer it was just an accident.” She says, but she’s looking question at Liam.

Did he hit her with the ball? She can’t know for sure, since she was pretty out of it before. If he did, he might have done her a favor.

“Mo’s right, I didn’t mean anything by it.” Liam shrugs and walks off back on his side of the net.

Moira pushes Spencer to follow him, before they get into trouble, and she watches them go. Her life keeps getting more and more complicated, and not in a good way. How can Liam just show up here and make her feel like this? She doesn’t know if it’s a good feeling or a bad one, but it’s definitely something. Spencer is picking up on it too, and it’s making him jealous. This should make her feel like he cares, but it just makes her apprehensive. Making herself focus, she pays attention for the rest of class. She already has a headache now, no need to make it worse. Ignoring both boys, she breathes through her mouth to get rid of the cinnamon.

***

Moira walks into the cafeteria later on and relishes in the fact that even though her friends don’t know the truth about her, it’s comforting being around them. There’s almost this buzz she feels when she’s near them, like calling to like or something. She never really paid much attention to it before, but is glad for it now. It makes her feel less alone, with everything that’s running through her mind lately. Which is why when she gets closer to the table, she pauses mid step. They are all there, but so is Liam. The now familiar cinnamon spice smell is almost hovering in the air around him, and she can taste it in the back of her throat. After gym, she’s not in the mood for his strangeness, especially since he might have intentionally through the ball at her. Not to mention, that he might not be who he said he is. Something about his mother doesn’t add up, and he must think the same about her father.

Before she can turn around, his eyes snap up to her, like he senses something in her. None of the others notice her, and they don’t see the flicker of violet in his grey eyes, like she does. He blinks though, and the color is gone, but the scent gets stronger. Her skin tingles in a familiar way as she continues toward the table against her better judgment. Liam’s eyes follow her, and she can’t look away, she has the unsettling feeling like he’s watching his prey. But she doesn’t know if that’s a good or bad thing yet, since she’s not entirely sure he’s one of them. He hasn’t mentioned anything, but then again neither has she. Not for the first time, she wonders why he smells so differently than everyone else. Raven and the others never have a unique smell to them, and her persona never goes out of control around them either. She has the opposite of comfort around Liam, but at the same time it’s like being drawn in against her will.

Besides always watching her and being friendly-ish, he’s never let on that he has a similar effect, so Moira tries to ignore him as she sits at the table. Ray and Daisy are on either side of her, with Marty and Raven across next to Liam. They were all wrapped up in some comic book debate, and didn’t pay attention when Moira sits down, except Liam. Who hasn’t taken his eyes off her.

“You know, you could say you’re sorry.” Moira states as she puts her messenger bag on the table and reaches inside for an apple.

Liam smirks at her while leaning across the table and says, “For what am I apologizing for?”

“Oh come on, it’s pretty obvious what you did. I just don’t know why.”

“I didn’t do anything, the ball just slipped But if I did, you’re not hurt so what’s the problem?” To prove his innocence, he points to her head to show not a mark is on her.

Raven stops talking to Marty, and they both turn to look back and forth at them, trying to figure out what they are talking about.

“What’s the problem? You threw a ball at me, on purpose I might add.” She getting more irritated now, and can feel her skin tingling, and takes a deep breath to calm down.

Liam laughs, and leans back some to look at the others, like what she’s saying is the most hilarious thing in the world.

“It’s not that strange, since we’re playing volleyball and on different teams. It’s not really my fault you didn’t pay attention.” Liam shakes his head, and takes a swig of his water.

Moira doesn’t know what to say to that, since it is halfway true. She was distracted, but she can’t help getting angry for some reason. She can’t really stay mad at Liam though, it did come at a good moment for her to be hit. She could have lost control, but still, he doesn’t know that. Does he?

“Rough gym glass?” Raven asks, as she not so subtly scoots closer to Liam.

“Nah, Mo here was just practicing catching balls with her head.” He winks at her from across the table.

Her friends laugh, and ask if she’s thinking about going pro. She scoffs and looks away, just in time though, because Spencer is walking into the cafeteria. She feels as if the whole world slows down suddenly, and with flutters in her stomach she watches in saunter over to his friends table. She can’t help loving the way his clothes fit perfectly over his body, as if they were molded to him. His shaggy blonde hair falls into his eyes, as he looks at her when passing by, and he has to toss his head a bit to see. His face lights up when he sees her and gives her his best all out smile, and she feels like she’ll melt at any moment. Smiling back at him, she waves, and he winks at her before looking away.

“Moira? Hello, earth to Moira? I said are you still going out with him tonight?” Raven asks.

Moira gets pulled out of her Spencer haze, and turns to find everyone at the table looking at her. With heat rising to her cheeks, she feels mortified. Her skin tingles again, and too embarrassed to hide anything, she lifts her hoody up and hides her face in her arms.

“If you’re seeing him, then why isn’t he sitting with you Mo?” Liam asks.

“Oh that’s because we’re the unpopular folk.” Ray grunts, and Moira can hear him shuffling his homework around on the table.

“Dude, that’s not why, but it is another factor.” Marty chimes in.

“I think its romantic, they have a forbidden love.” Daisy sighs beside her.

“Forbidden? That’s the most ridiculous thing I ever heard. He’s just embarrassed to be seen near us, Dais.” Raven says.

“Now that’s ridiculous. Mo and I don’t have a problem with you, do we?” Liam taps Moira on the head, just to make sure she hears him.

Moira grunts in response, and is it just her or is he insinuating something? She quickly squashes the thought though, since she already feels paranoid today.

“That’s because you guys see that WE are actually the cool ones, and everyone else are the losers.” Raven says sweetly.

This sends Ray and Marty into snickers, and Moira can’t help to think that it is kind of true. Even if her friends and she have a weird disease, they are more normal than the people that don’t.

“That being true, doesn’t hide the fact that Spencer is a tool.” Liam adds.

“Of course he’s a tool, he’s jock isn’t he?” Marty quips.

“Be nice you two, this is Moira almost boyfriend we’re talking about.” Daisy reprimands them.

Moira groans into her arms and peaks out to glare at them. They are all laughing at the thought of her dating Spencer, except for Liam that is. He and his weird cinnamon smell are watching her with something close to jealousy. That can’t be right though, she thinks she must be off today, there is no way he’s be jealous. But, what if he was? She doesn’t have time to find out, because the bell rings and they all gather they’re things as they get up. Moira takes her time though, because she has chemistry next with Spencer. She glances around the cafeteria looking for him, so they can walk together, but he’s already leaving.

As she makes her way out of the room, waving to her friends, Liam paces beside her.

“Is your boyfriend too good to walk with you?” He practically whispers in her ear.

His smell envelopes her, and makes her dizzy before she has time to ignore it. With her skin tingling she glares at him.

“It doesn’t matter, we can sit together anyway.”

“Yeah well, I wouldn’t trust that douche if I were you.”

“What’s your problem with him anyway?” She asks as they dodge around a couple kissing in the hallway.

“No problem, he just seems sketchy is all.” He tries to appear nonchalant, but she can see how his shoulders tense beside her.

“If you ask me, I’d say you’re the one being sketchy.”

“I’m always sketchy, Mo, never forget it.” He says with a wink, as they reach the classroom door.

“Oh I already know that. Li.” She tries to sound as flighty as him, and this makes him chuckle as he steps away to go through the door.

As soon as she follows behind him into the room, the cinnamon spice smell he always carries gets swallowed by the chemical fumes. Another reason why she thinks it’s him that carries the smell, but the thought disappears when she sees Spencer sitting at a table alone. Grinning like a moron, she starts to head over, but he holds up a name tag indicating its assigned seating. Pouting, she scours the room to find her name. The room is slowly filling, and kids find their seats, and she sees a free spot next to Liam at the front of the room. With a sigh, she thinks there is no way fate could be this rude to her. But true enough, when she walks over, he hold up her name tag beside his. When she reaches for her name tag, her fingers brush his, and like in gym she feels a static charge at contact.