Persona (12 page)

Somehow, more tears fall from her eyes, and her brother gently rubs her back and tells her it’s alright. In the back of her hazy mind, Moira knows it will never be alright. A blackness crawls into her mind then, and she feels herself sucked down into an abyss.

***

Moira wakes up early Monday morning, to her brother Damon lightly shaking her shoulder. With a sigh, she rolls away from him and pulls the covers over her head. She doesn’t know if she’s ready to get out of bed yet, or if ever at all. When Damon sits down at the edge of her bed, she feels like crying again. She has never felt like he was her brother more than she had this weekend.

She would probably still be curled into a ball on the front lawn, if it wasn’t for him. He carried her inside, stayed with her the whole night, and even longer than that actually. He made sure she ate and drank, while she stayed bed ridden. He even covered to their parents when she never showed her face out of her room. He asked her a couple times what happened, but she never went into detail. Just said it had to do with her secret. And he didn’t push her to say more either, which made her feel relieved.

Now though, she wished he’d go away, since he wants her to get up. There is no way she can face everyone at school today. Who knows what rumors are going around about her? Damon reassured her all weekend that no police have come looking for her, if that’s what she’s worried about. He did say that her friend Marty has been calling, but she couldn’t face talking to him. He covered for her thankfully, and she’s very grateful for him.

“Moira, you can’t stay in bed forever. Dad is going to start to think something is up, if you don’t leave your room.” He says with a sigh, as he lightly touches her back.

Moira rolls over and tries to glare at him, but it doesn’t work right. Her eyes are still puffy from her outburst on Friday. She doesn’t know if she can ever have enough tears to cry again, and hopefully she doesn’t have to find out.

“I’m scared.” She says in a hoarse whisper.

“I know. But, I’ll give you a ride okay. I’ll be with you, and if Spencer says anything, I’ll kick his ass.” Damon says with a smile.

Laughing slightly, Moira feels her heart swell. She never knew it could be like this between the two of them. In the ten years since they stopped getting along, she didn’t know what she was missing. Now she doesn’t know what she’d do without him. At least she has one person that truly knows everything about her, and that’s something that means a lot to her.

Eventually, she drags herself out of bed and manages to takes a shower. Not bothering to dry or style her hair, she just throws it up into a messy bun. She doesn’t know if it’s the cooler weather, or the way she is so empty, but she hasn’t been able to get warm all weekend. So, she dresses in jeans and her warmest sweater she has. Deeming herself school presentable, she finds Damon downstairs ready to go.

She doesn’t know who is more shocked that she and Damon are leaving together, her dad or Caroline. They both stare at them with shocked expressions, as they leave the house. If it was under different circumstances, Moira might laugh at the absurdity of it. But not today, she hardly knows what’s going on. She’s not foggy or hazy, she’s more hollow and not really aware that anything is real. The drive to school is a quiet one, and that lets her mentally prepare what school is going to be like. She knows without a doubt, that Spencer and Quinn had to have told everyone about her. It had to have reached her friends by now, and she can only imagine what they’re reaction is going to be. Not a good, she’d bet.

By the time Damon pulls into the student parking lot, Moira still isn’t ready to go inside. But he doesn’t give her the chance to chicken out though, and he swiftly gets out and comes around to open her door.

“Come on big Sis, you can do this.” He says reassuringly.

Nodding in agreement, she stiffly gets out of the car and starts for the school. She stands in the detector line with Damon, and tries not to look around to see if anyone is watching her in a certain way. He doesn’t seem tense, so she assumes the coast is clear. She makes it inside the building, and once inside that’s when she notices the looks. They are a cross between disgust and curiosity, and that’s when she knows her cover has been broken.

Moira freezes, and tries to back up out the door, but Damon pushes her onward. If she had the energy, she might have hit him. Instead, she lets him guide her through the watchful hallways and up to her locker. He doesn’t leave her side the whole way, and is like a protective presence. That is until they reach her locker, and find someone waiting for her. It’s Raven. Moira comes to a stop in front of her, and before she can say anything, she tells Damon to leave them alone. He looks between them, not sure if he should, but in the end he walks away.

Moira goes to her locker and opens it, not sure if she even needs anything inside. She can feel Raven’s eyes boring into the back of her head, and knows she can just ignore her. When she peaks around her locker at her, Raven is glaring at her with her arms crossed.

“How could you lie to me Moira?” She demands.

“I’m so sorry, but I had too.” She says in a small voice.

“So you had to lie to us, and make us think you were something you’re not? That’s bull.”

“I know, I wanted to tell you every day.”

“That’s another lie. If you really wanted too, you could have.” Raven says, as her eyes glisten with unshed tears.

Before Moira can say anything else, Raven turns away and starts down the hall in the other direction. Sighing, she closes her locker and leans back against it. Now she wishes she made Damon stay with her. She has no idea how she’s going to get through the day like this. In every direction, people are staring at her, and she wants to yell at all of them.

Knowing it’ll be worse if she shows up late to class, she pushes herself away and forces her feet to carry her toward the stairs. When she does though, she sees Spencer and Quinn coming down the hall towards her. Suddenly, everything that happened on Friday comes crashing back into her. With tears in her puffy eyes, she rushes for the stairs, not caring that she bumps into people as she passes. She can’t face seeing Spencer again, she just can’t.

When she makes it to her history class, the room is still relatively empty and she finds a seat in the back. She lays her head down at the desk and closes her eyes, wishing the floor would just swallow her up. It doesn’t though unfortunately. It does however make her hear the footsteps approaching her. Peaking up from her arms, she sees Marty coming over to sit beside her. His face is blank, but she can only imagine what he’s thinking about her.

“You weren’t on the bus this morning.” He says quietly.

He didn’t really ask a question, so Moira doesn’t say anything. They stare at each other though, and her heart quickens in terror of what he’s going to say next. She doesn’t know what she will do, if he’s as mad as Raven. She can’t lose her best friend.

“I was starting to worry when you didn’t call me back you know. Then Raven called me last night, and filled me in as to why” He adds.

Moira holds her breath for what’s coming, and her eyes fill with tears again.

“Why didn’t you every say anything to me Moira? I would have understood you know. I mean, I do understand.” He quickly looks away, before glancing back at her with a sad smile.

“I know what it’s like to want to hide what you are, and I would have kept your secret.”

With tears sliding out of her eyes, she whispers, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth. I wanted to every day, I swear it.”

He leans over to her and lightly brushes her tears away.

“You don’t have to be sorry. Spencer is the one who will be sorry. I knew that guy was trouble.” He says through gritted teeth.

Marty’s eyes change to a deeper green, and she knows he’s close to losing it from his anger. Slowly she peels one arm free, so she can grasp his hand on her cheek.

“Don’t do anything Marty, alright? It’s not worth it, the damage is already done. I don’t want you getting into trouble over me.”

He doesn’t say anything, just gives her a small smile and squeezes her hand before pulling away. The bell rings then, and class starts before she’s ready. She hopes Marty doesn’t do anything, but deep inside her she kind of hopes he does. Spencer pretty much deserves it. It makes her feel slightly less hollow to have Marty on her side, and that he’s alright with who she really is. But she still has the rest of the day and more friends to get through first.

Chapter Eight

By the time gym comes around, the whole school is talking about her. She hears the whispers and feels the constant stares wherever she goes. It takes all the strength she has left, to keep her persona at bay from all the stress. Somehow, she managed to make it through the locker room to change her clothes, and not attack any of the girls. Who were all watching her like a hawk the whole time.

As soon as she gets into the gymnasium, she picks up on the cinnamon smell and inwardly groans. She doesn’t know if she can deal with Liam on top of everything else. It’s already hard to fight her persona around him on a good day, but today might break her. She contemplates turning tale and running, but then her eyes land on his from across the room. He was sitting on the bleachers, but at the sight of her, he stands up and starts towards her. The closer he gets to her, the stronger the smell gets, and the stronger it gets, the more notice she takes to feeling her skin tingle. Whining softly, she tries to keep in control, but then he’s standing right in front of her, and the expression he wears takes her breath away.

His grey eyes look like deep storm clouds, and his jaw is tenses as if he’s trying to stay in control too.

“I heard what happened Moira. I swear I’m going to kill that dickhead.”

His eyes flash violet and she notices his hands are clenched at his sides.

“Why do you even care?” She asks, really wanting to know.

Before he can answer though, the rest of the class gather at the bleachers, including Spencer. Who is watching her with interest, not even trying to look guilty. Moira flinches under his gaze, and wants to run and hide. Liam turns around and glares at him for her, and not touching her back, he guides her to sit down the farthest from Spencer.

The teachers, who are oblivious to anything going on among the students, inform them that they are starting tennis this week. They are to group together in pairs and team up against one another. Moira’s not sure how it happened, but she paired up with Liam and they faced off with Spencer and another girl. Liam’s cinnamon smell is like a comforting presence now, and she wraps it around herself like a warm blanket, as she ignores the looks Spencer is giving her.

Half of the game goes all right and mostly because Liam takes the lead and hits most of the balls that come her way. But when it’s her turn to serve, she can’t ignore Spencer’s laughing eyes. She can feel everyone watching her again, and it all feel too much to bear. When she lifts the ball to throw it in the air, she sees Spencer say something to the girl while pointing to her, and they laugh together. Knowing they are talking about her, she finally snaps and lets her anger out of its hiding place inside her. Feeling her whole body vibrate with her persona, she throws the tennis ball into the air and hits it with the racket as hard as she can.

The ball flies through the air so fast, Spencer doesn’t have time to move or to hit it, and instead it hits him squarely in the chest. The hit knocks him off his feet, and he slams onto the hard floor before Moira realizes she aimed for him. She doesn’t feel anything except for retribution, as she sees him laying still on the floor. She can hear the shouts of alarm throughout the room, and distantly realizes her persona had pushed itself out without her knowing or feeling it. Before she has time to wonder if she’ll get into trouble for this, Liam grabs ahold of her arm, sending shocks through his touch. She tries to pull away from the stinging static of his hand, but he holds tight and pulls her towards the girl’s locker room.

Once they get inside, he spins her around to face him and grabs both of her shoulders and shakes her hard. The cinnamon smell grows to a new level of strong, that it feels like a weight pressing down on her senses.

“You’re not allowed in here Liam.” Moira says distractedly through sharpened teeth.

He glares at her now, and his eyes fully change from grey to a bright violet. As Moira gapes at him, his light hair darkens to a chocolate brown. The hands holding her shoulders get tighter and she can feel his sharpened nails dig in to her slightly. The electric feel of his skin on hers burns, but he doesn’t let her go.

Through pointed teeth, he says, “Mo, you need to calm down. I can’t control myself when you’re like this.”

Moira doesn’t know what he’s talking about, she is calm. But deep down she knows that’s not really true, since her persona is still fully alive in her. She feels weirdly numb though, and feels like her persona switched with her normal self. She can distantly feel her normal traits beneath her skin like a hum, but she has to concentrate to get them to feel stronger. That’s new, she thinks to herself.

“Damn it, Moira. You have to be better than this. You’re going to be in serious trouble, you know that right.”

Her eyes water and she feels like he’s punishing her for something he wanted to do just a while ago. Distantly, she knows she should feel bad for probably hurting Spencer, but he did deserve it. And then Liam grips her tighter, and she realizes he meant using her persona like she did in class.

“You should prepare yourself for-” He starts.

Before he can finish telling her what she should prepare for, the locker room door opens. With wide eyes, Moira sees the two guards that are usually stationed at the metal detector’s walk into the room towards her.

***

As soon as the door opened, Liam had dropped his hands from her arms and quickly pulls back her persona. If she weren’t scared about what the guards were doing here, she might have been impressed with the speed in which he did it. As good as she is at using her Persona. She has never been able to do it that fast before. Unfortunately for her, she’s too out of it still to reign hers back in before the guards see her. Liam steps in front of her and fixes her with a worried expression.