Phil Parham (7 page)

Life is stressful for most of us, and we need to build in a designated time for relaxation. This is also a great way to create and reinforce bonds with your children. I love to spend a rainy day indoors with my kids and read a book together. It's a great feeling.

Wear a seat belt.
When my children were little, we had a ritual before we started the car. We had a checklist that Phillip and I went through and our kids responded in unison. It went something like this: “Snacks? Check! Sunglasses? Check! Mirrors adjusted? Check! Veggie Tales CD? Check! Seat belts on? Check!” The last check was always the loudest one.

Putting on your seat belt is such a simple thing, but many parents still forget to do it. To this day my kids still police me about “clicking in,” and they always make sure to click in themselves. Model safe behavior for your children. Wear your seat belt.

Deal with stress appropriately.
This is a tough suggestion for any parent, but think about this: Children learn how to cope by watching their parents deal with stressful situations. Stress usually comes from life changes such as getting a new job, moving to a new town, dealing with illness, and switching schools. Most people don't like change, even if it's good for them. The kind of change is not as important as our reaction to it. Your reaction will determine the outcome of your situation.

Even when you don't think your children are watching you, know that they are. And they are also learning from your behaviors. If you yell and scream when you're upset, they'll learn to do the same. If you are even-tempered and levelheaded, they will react in similar fashion. When conflict arises, teach your children to discuss things calmly and rationally. Exhibit calm and rational behavior such as patiently listening to all sides of an argument and showing respect for all parties involved. One thing is certain: stressful times will come. It's up to you to handle them the best way possible.

Maintain close relationships with your spouse, family, and friends.
Being socially well-rounded is critical to leading a balanced life. While it's necessary to spend quality time with your children, you should also spend time with other people you are close to, such as your spouse, your sister, or your best friend. This teaches your children that healthy and nurturing relationships are a big deal. They help us grow and develop and give us an opportunity to practice love, mercy, and kindness. I like what Anthony Robbins said, “The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships.”

Phillip and I have regular date nights without the kids. We don't do this because we don't enjoy or want to be around our kids. We do this to cultivate our relationship so we can become a better wife and a better husband. In turn, we become better parents. Our children appreciate that Phillip and I want to spend time together as a couple. They really get a kick out of it.

We also invest in our friendships. Our world does not revolve solely around our family or our problems. As human beings, we all need each other.

Make a difference in the lives of others.
It is our God-given responsibility to help others who are less fortunate than we are. The Bible says,

What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, “Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead (James 2:14-17).

If you are a believer, you have a responsibility to help those in need. This is an act of faith that takes our belief beyond words and creeds. It moves us toward action. God made us to take care of others. I've found this to be a cyclic thing. When you start doing good to others, you'll notice others start doing good to you. When you help out someone, you'll find help just when you need it.

Teach your kids this cardinal lesson. Set the example for them. Do something that, as the movie title says, pays it forward. It can be as simple as picking up trash at your local park, volunteering at a charitable organization, or helping a neighbor mow her yard.

Most of us have been blessed beyond measure. God is pleased when we are faithful stewards of what we have. Teach your children to be generous, charitable, and aware of others. They will likely keep those same characteristics as adults and therefore live a more meaningful and enriching life. There is no greater gift than to help someone who is less fortunate than we are. The rewards far surpass anything tangible or material.

These are just a few areas in which you can be a role model. Don't get overwhelmed if you feel as if this list means you have to turn your life upside down. Take one recommendation at a time and focus on making the right adjustments in that area. You could start by shutting off the TV every now and then or throwing out all the junk food in your house. Once you think you have overcome an area, start working on another. If you find you are dealing with something that's too hard to change on your own, get outside help. Find a therapist or support group to help you.

We can no longer simply wish for change in our families; we have to initiate that change. I'm not saying it's going to be easy. It's like John Porter said, “People underestimate their capacity for change. There is never a right time to do a difficult thing. A leader's job is to help people have vision of their potential.” Your job as a mother or father is to lead your children by example. Show them what is possible for them. Help them see the vision of a healthy and fit lifestyle.

When God gave you your children, He entrusted you to take care of them to the best of your knowledge and ability. When you set a good example for your children, you are actually honoring and serving God in your actions. Trust Him to give you the strength to make the changes necessary to make your family the best it can be.

Here is a simple assessment to gauge the quality of your health. I recommend talking with your family doctor to determine if you are at a healthy weight and what, if any, medical problems you may have as a result of any excess weight.

Read these questions and review your answers (with a doctor if possible). Identify some areas that you may need to change or improve.

1. What is your blood pressure? __________. You can have your blood pressure checked by your doctor or visit a local pharmacy that offers self-service blood pressure stations. Compare your number to the chart below. Is it in a healthy range?

 

National Institutes of Health, August 2004

 

2. How much do you weigh?__________. Most of you have a scale at home or can get weighed at your doctor's office. Compare your number with the chart on the next page. Is it in a healthy range? To calculate your frame type, place your thumb and index finger around your wrist. If your finger overlaps the thumb, you are “Small Frame.” If they touch, you are “Medium Frame.” If they do not touch, you are “Large Frame.”

3. What is your body mass index (BMI)?__________. We talked about this in the previous chapter. The Department of Health and Human Services has a nifty BMI calculator that's easy to use (
www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/
). Just plug in your height and weight and it will figure it out for you. This site will also tell you if you have a healthy BMI.

4. Do you drink at least eight glasses of water a day? If not, you're not drinking enough water. Do you drink soda or other sugary drinks instead?

5. How many hours do you spend watching TV, socializing online, or surfing the Internet? Be honest with yourself. Can you cut down on some of this time to engage in activities that are more active, healthy, and mentally stimulating?

Use your answers as a barometer to measure the kind of example you are setting for your children. If you need to improve some aspects of your lifestyle, I encourage you to work on them during this “Challenge.” Don't feel bad if your assessment isn't so great. Use it as a learning tool to start developing better health habits.

• Set the example. Role-model good health for your children.

• Be passionate about a particular healthy activity or a general healthy lifestyle. Get excited about it so your kids will catch your enthusiasm.

• Talk to a physician or evaluate your own health to determine what areas you can improve.

• Take small steps to increase the quality of your health each day. Believe me, your kids will notice.

We've got a lot of learning to do when it comes to what we put in our mouth. In the next chapter, you'll learn how to eat, what to eat, when to eat, and the best and worst foods for you and your family. Don't worry. Eating healthy is not boring or tasteless. We're going to make this as delicious for you as we can.

4

A Note from Phil

I
wish my parents had taught me about good nutrition. Though my mother put plenty of vegetables on the table, we weren't given any guidance about what food was good for us and why. I ate what I liked, and my parents reinforced that behavior. If it tasted good, I ate it. If I ate it, they bought it.

As a parent, it's crucial to know the building blocks of good nutrition so you can teach your kids how and what to eat. Good nutrition is not a diet; it's a lifestyle. Proper eating habits and lifestyle modification are things you can learn to do that have lasting benefits.