Phil Parham (6 page)

3

A Word from Amy

I
'm sure most of you are familiar with the saying, “Do what I say and not what I do.” I've found that far too many parents have this mentality when they're instructing or guiding their kids. And it's usually when they're trying to get their children to do something that they're not willing to do themselves.

We warn our kids not to smoke, though we smoke two packs of cigarettes a day. We demand they get good grades, though we are slacking in our job. We preach the dangers of alcohol, though we make sure to keep a six-pack of beer in the fridge. We scold them for drinking too much soda, yet we have a stash of cookies hidden in the back of the cupboard. We encourage them to play outside as we sit on the couch watching
Oprah
and clutching the remote to our ever-growing belly.

We give good advice to our children and warn them of potential danger because we know it's for their benefit. It's not as though we're sending them a wrong message, at least not verbally. But if we don't back our words with our actions, our well-intentioned suggestions are meaningless.

It seems that sometimes we expect more of our children than we expect of ourselves. We hold them to a high standard, but we have no bar of expectations of our own. I've preached countless messages to my kids that I have been unable to reinforce with my behaviors. But I've learned something in that process. You can't expect your children to do things you are not willing to do. You have to set an example for them to follow. You have to be the leader who paves the way if you want them to make the right choices.

Many years ago I taught a program for three year olds at my church. During the training class, the director said something I'll never forget: “Children will always rise to the level that you expect of them.” In other words, if you establish boundaries and rules and expect your children to follow them, they will rise to that level.

But let's be honest. How can we establish boundaries, rules, and standards that we are not willing to follow ourselves? It's like a police officer who has a record of drinking and driving arresting someone for a DUI. We can't set expectations for our children and believe they will rise to those expectations if we are hypocrites. It simply won't work. We need to look in the mirror and realize that change in our family starts with us. No more excuses. If we want our children to change, we have to change too.

I applaud you if you are setting a good example for your children. You've won half the battle in raising them up to where you want them to go. The Bible says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it” (Proverbs 22:6). This verse speaks volumes.

What do you think is the best training for your kids? Not just telling them what to do, but “training” them. You are living by example. You are showing them the ropes. You are teaching them how it's done through doing the right things yourself.

When I was a little girl, my mother had a plaque on her wall that depicted a beautiful poem, “Children Learn What They Live” by Dorothy Law Nolte. It talked about how children will learn unhealthy and damaging behaviors from their parents. If their mom or dad exhibits anger, the child will learn how to be mad. If the parent is critical, the child will learn how to condemn. Likewise, if the parent is positive, the child will learn how to maintain a good attitude. If the parent is supportive, the child will learn how to be confident. Whatever attitudes and behaviors characterize the parents will be reflected in their child.

I like this poem because it reminds me that our children will be influenced by the environment we surround them with. What we do matters more than what we say. Think about your home environment. What do you project in your actions and behaviors that your child might emulate or be affected by? Good things? Or not-so-good things?

In this journey to transform your life and live your dreams of being healthier, happier, and more fit, inspire your family by leading by example. Make the right choices. Do the right things. And watch how your family will notice and start to emulate your healthy habits.

Have you ever met a family that had such a strong passion about a particular activity that it almost defined who they were as a family? Know any families who are college football fanatics, for instance? Come football season, they decorate their cars with stickers sporting their team's logo, they wear their team's jersey, they paint their faces with their team's colors on game day, they schedule their life around game days, and you can find them tailgating at every home game.

The kids who are raised in this type of family weren't born with such a huge passion for football. It was created in them by watching how excited their parents got when football season rolled around. It was created in them by being enveloped in the hype. Somewhere along the line, football madness became a normal part of these kids' family life. They are the football family. It's just what they do.

I know so many families who share similar passions. I know a family who is really into building houses for the homeless. Another family I know loves camping. You can be passionate about almost anything.

I think the best thing to throw your passion into as a family is health and fitness. You can make eating right and exercising a part of your family identity so it becomes synonymous with who you are.

Over the last several years, I've had the privilege of running in and hosting several races. I'm always excited to see mothers and fathers running with jogging strollers or running with their older kids at their side. These parents are role modeling a healthy lifestyle for their children and igniting a passion for an activity their children will likely engage in as they get older. These families run. It's what they do.

Being healthy can be something you and your children just do. Ignite the passion and set the pace. You won't be disappointed.

By now, most of you understand that establishing good health and fitness habits in the home begins with you. But exactly how do you do this? What are some starting points? This book answers those questions in the next chapters, but here are a few simple steps you can take to lead your family in the direction of a better you. Most experts in the health and medical fields suggest that doing these things will help build a healthy lifestyle.

Eat a healthy, well-balanced diet.
By maintaining a healthy diet, you decrease your risk of obesity, diabetes, hypertension, heart disease, and some cancers. This fact is supported by studies from the American Heart Association, Centers for Disease Control, American Diabetes Association, and American Cancer Society. All of these agencies agree that a healthy diet is the key to preventing life-threatening diseases.

We'll talk about this more in chapter 4, but here is a main key to good nutrition: eat more natural foods and fewer processed foods. Stick with fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean meats. Don't keep packaged or junk food in the house. If you have unhealthy food or snacks around, you and your kids will be more likely to eat them. We have a bowl right on the kitchen counter that is always full of all kinds of fruits. We also store in the fridge little baggies of veggies (such as baby carrots) that are quick and delicious to snack on.

Exercise regularly.
According to the American Heart Association and the American Diabetes Association, exercise also helps decrease the risk of obesity, heart disease, diabetes, and hypertension. Not only that, but it helps boost your immune system. It reduces stress. It helps keep the blood circulating through your heart and lungs, which gives you more energy. Exercise even makes you sleep better.

By exercising regularly, you are not only improving your health and happiness, you are also teaching your children they need to be active. Being active with your kids is a great way to be healthy and an opportunity to spend quality time together. Play a round of tennis. Take them hiking. Go for a walk. Play Frisbee in the park. Go swimming at the local pool. They will soon develop a love for fitness and will appreciate the time you spend with them. Our family loves to go for a walk around the neighborhood after dinner. It gives us a chance to stretch our legs and catch up on the day's happenings.

Spend less time watching television.
By turning off the TV, you and your child will have more time to do other things together. Instead of staring at a screen watching other people live their lives, you can learn a new hobby, play a sport, read together, or go old-school and simply get out in the fresh air and play. (We'll talk more about the dangers of watching too much TV in chapter 5.)

An article in
Science Daily
⁴
connects childhood obesity with watching too much television. It offers the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) suggestion that children watch no more than two hours of television a day. Also, an article found on
www.kidshealth.org
(September 2010) indicates that spending time with your children each day makes them more likely to make healthy choices.

Television, computer, video games, iPods, Nintendo DS—all this new technology meant to entertain our children is causing more harm than good. Unplug these devices. Take the batteries out. Participate in activities as a family that stimulate the mind (such as reading, board games, going to a museum, or visiting an art gallery) and—try this on for size—engage in good old-fashioned communication.

And remember, don't just limit your children's TV or video game time, limit your TV time as well. Instead of watching your favorite reality show or HBO drama, go for a walk or take your child to the bookstore or the playground.

If you choose to drink alcohol, drink responsibly.
If you don't drink, great. If you do, make the choice to limit your alcohol intake. According to the Centers for Disease Control
⁵
, alcohol is a factor in 41 percent of all deaths in the United States from motor vehicle accidents. Excessive alcohol consumption is associated with approximately 75,000 deaths per year.

I know we can't make our kids not drink when they get older, but we can set the foundation to prevent underage drinking. Don't drink and drive. Don't use alcohol to fill a void in your life or to numb yourself from pain. Model the right behavior in front of your kids and show them the dangers of alcohol. Phillip and I live by the principle that anything in excess is not good (this includes drinking alcohol), and we make sure we communicate this to our kids by example.

Don't smoke or use any tobacco products.
This is an easy one. The American Legacy Foundation reports that children of smokers are twice as likely as kids from nonsmoking homes to try a cigarette or smoke regularly. Extensive research has been conducted on the dangers of cigarette smoking. Smoking can cause asthma, lung disease, and even lung cancer. Smoking also has hazardous secondhand effects.

If you smoke, now is the time to quit and show your family that you are motivated to improve yourself even if it's hard work. Don't be a prisoner of cigarettes or tobacco. It doesn't affect just your health; it affects the health of your children as well.

Read.
Reading is a favorite hobby in the Parham household. Our children have grown up watching Phillip and me cuddle up with a good book at the end of the day. This has developed in them a love for reading. The American Literacy Association tells us that reading is the foundation of learning and knowledge. I found that reading is a great way for me to relax and unwind after a long, hard day. It's certainly better than eating ice cream, downing a glass of wine, smoking a cigarette, or watching TV.