Pieces of Lies

PIECES OF LIES

Angela Richardson

Copyright © 2012 by Angela Richardson.
All rights reserved.

ISBN:
978-0-646-90044-5 ePub
978-0-9875055-0-7 Mobi

For my mother Pauline.

Norah

I lie in bed at night, surrounded by darkness that haunts me. It crawls underneath the covers and gets in my head. 

The darkness laughs at me, it makes me remember, it reminds me who I really am. 

And all I want to do is hide, 

and be someone different, 

someone normal, 

someone without fear. 

So I find solace in music that moves me; that fills me with words that speak to my soul, and gives me hope that there are others as troubled in this world, who might know my kind of pain.

With earphones plugged in, my eyes closed tightly, I curl up on my sheets. I listen to
A Beautiful Lie
by
30 Seconds to Mars  
and I think about how I am the person in that song, walking the world in a beautiful lie. I can survive when I’m not drowning in the ugly reality of my own truth.

I feel tears streak down my face because I know that with any kind of lie, it’s only a matter of time before all the pretty walls come crashing down.

Chapter 1

Rude Awakening

Josh waved the black and silver invitation back and forth across my face, taunting me like a childish little boy. His wavy, sun-kissed, chestnut hair moved across his head as if animated, and his toned muscular arms flexed as he moved the piece of paper from one hand to the next. I bit my lower lip instinctively in a flirtatious manner, slightly turned on by the game of snatch and grab. Josh’s eyes went straight to my lips, watching my mouth. He inhaled sharply at my obvious distraction, but it didn’t deter his movements. Josh’s lively disposition, combined with his rough edge of masculinity, made him damn sexy to watch, even though he was being completely immature.

Admiring his playfulness, but still remaining focused on the task at hand, I tried to bend and maneuver myself so I could outsmart his every move in order to swipe the shimmering card from his grasp, but his reflexes were too quick, and I failed in my attempts to free the card from his hand. Josh smirked at his victory, knowing it would make me even more determined, but somehow I could tell that was his intention. I huffed, even stamping one of my feet, which caused Josh to throw his head back and laugh. This made me scrunch up my nose as I eyed him, trying now to think of a new way to beat him in this game.

Josh was wearing my favorite look today, a white linen button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled back to his elbows, and khakis with brown laced up hiking boots. He looked like he belonged on an African safari, riding one of those camouflaged jeeps, bounding out of the jungle all hot and sweaty. How he did not have women hanging off him on a daily basis was a mystery to me, given his beautiful manly appearance and his smooth confident demeanor. It was a very alluring package. The momentary jungle fantasy made me lick my lips, and this time Josh stopped to watch me, not taking his gaze away from my tongue that I was slowly using to massage my full pout. This was my window of opportunity.

“Give me that stupid thing,” I said, finally snatching it from his hold. Josh shook his head, realizing he was lost in his stare and had forgotten himself for the briefest of seconds. 

“See here, it says ‘Josh Hollows plus one.” I pointed to the invitation. Josh’s green eyes brightened as he stared back at me. They squinted mischievously and before I could blink, he had grabbed the paper back out of my hand, folding it up and pushing it into his back pants’ pocket.

“This isn’t a party you would enjoy Norah, it wouldn’t be your thing, OK. Now, this has been lots of fun, but I have to go.” 

He tried to shuffle past me so he could continue walking to class, but I jumped in front of him, forcing him to slam into me. His hard muscular body pushed up against my naturally thin frame and his chest leaned in against my breasts, making his face flush as he steadied himself. He groaned at my persistence. “You don’t quit do you? Move it OK, I’m going to be late.” Josh pushed me aside to walk past again, but this time turning to sneak a peek back at me, grinning cheekily. 

Oh, so that’s the game he’s playing!

“What’s so damn funny?” I demanded. He stopped and turned back to face me, this time with his gorgeous million dollar smile glaring brilliantly, making my pulse skip a beat with its radiance.

“You are always so left field, do you know that? You’ve told me before that you hate the rich and you’ve always generalized them as pretentious and judgmental, yet you want to come to this party to be around them. It’s not going to be like high school Norah. These people are not just rich brats you can instantly dismiss at a wave of your hands. They are the kind of wealthy that will make even
you
, squirm.”

His words only fuelled my curiosity, pushing me even more to make a compelling argument. “Oh Josh, I’m fully aware of the lion’s den I would be walking into, but you know, and I know, that these people wouldn’t intimidate me in the slightest. I just think it would be a very, ummm, interesting experience. Call it morbid curiosity if you must.” 

Josh looked like he was thinking but the expression on his face was unreadable. I couldn’t quite tell, but I was hoping he was caving in to my request. Josh always did have a hard time resisting my excessive pleading when I wanted something. It seemed to thrill him to make me happy.

I thought I saw his face soften but then he instantly returned to looking stern, shaking off his inner monologue. “There is nothing interesting about these people Norah; in fact, you would probably leave the party offended by their egotistical views or loose ethical conversations. You are much better than that.”

I felt a twinge of pleasure at his high praise, but it still wasn’t enough for me to back down. “But it’s a secret society party Josh!”  I sounded a little too enthusiastic.

“Keep it down. It’s supposed to stay that way you know. And yes, I know the idea sounds like all the makings of a scene from a
James Bond
movie, but it’s just going to be a group of stiffs in formal wear, standing around, sipping champagne. It’s really just an over the top mixer.”

I was getting really annoyed. He either really didn’t want me to go or was making me fight for it because he knew I wanted things more when I couldn’t have them. Damn the child in me! I couldn’t pick it –
although, I was betting on the latter.

“C’mon Josh, I’m your best friend, and I scrub up all right don’t I?”

He looked at me with gentle eyes, the kind that when they looked at you, they didn’t have to speak because they spoke for him. I had seen that look many times before. Times when our friendship pushed those romantic boundaries. There had been a number of nights since I had arrived when we had a little too much to drink and our hugs became embraces, and our looks of close friendship were actually stares of a much deeper emotion. I had dismissed the signs purely because I was still nursing a broken heart and thought there was no way I was ready to move on, especially with Josh, my best friend. Yet, when I finally came out of those weeks lost in an alcoholic haze, two things became very clear to me. One, I knew that I was finally ready to date again, and two, I found myself fiercely and quite uncontrollably attracted to Josh in a way I hadn’t thought about since high school.

The silence lingered as Josh's eyes swept over my face and body. “Norah, you are, by far, the most beautiful girl I know. You don’t have to scrub up by any means.”

I blushed, my heart doing a little happy dance over the magnanimous compliment. I was genuinely touched by such a declaration, but then, an odd thought crossed my mind that perhaps he was using it to avoid the real reason he didn’t want to take me. With a furrowed brow, I uttered a little painfully, “So it’s not about being embarrassed to be seen with me because…”

Josh held up his hand and then firmly planted it on my shoulder, gripping it slightly, making sure I had his full attention, “NO! Of course not because of that! They don’t know you here and that is how it will stay.” His face looked conflicted as his mind ticked over about what to say next. “Look, the person I have to bring needs to be…. I don’t know how to put it… uhhh, pristine, like a Stepford wife. The kind of woman who keeps her opinions to herself, and is just something to look at. They are supposed to represent us in a weird superficial way, if that makes sense, which it probably won’t, and you know I can’t explain any further.”

I was now very angry about what he was implying and pushed his hand off my shoulder, offended. “What! So you think me, your best friend in the whole world, isn’t a good representation of who you are?”

Josh’s face twisted hearing the hurt in my voice. “Norah you just don’t understand these people. I just don’t want you to be around them. I’m trying to protect you.”

I was considering his words but I still wasn’t convinced. “I can take care of myself Joshua. I do not need protection. How many times do I have to have ‘that’ conversation?”

Josh sighed, and then put his other arm around my shoulders. I instantly felt calmer. In his hold, I always felt safe and warm. It was one of my favorite places to be. He could already tell that I was getting increasingly annoyed and he didn’t want to continue to infuriate me.

In a calming voice he explained, “This is the last party I have to attend before I’m accepted. You know how important this is for me. They will pay off all my student loans, get me the right contacts and set up my future. Offers like these come around once in a lifetime. I can’t be stupid Norah, I don’t have your…”

I pulled out of his hold and took his hands in both of mine. “Fuck Josh! You are joining a secret society, they are having a secret party and you can bring a guest. A guest! We will have so much fun together, and besides, it might inspire me to do a new dark and twisted piece if these people are as bad as you say they are,” I giggled a bit. “C’mon please! I’ll wear a prettttttty dress.”

This time I placed my palms flat on his chest and moved them so they slid from his chest up and around his neck. He watched my hands as they moved over the soft material of his shirt and then to his bare warm flesh. I rubbed near his hairline, knowing the affect it would have on him. He closed his eyes and breathed heavily. He relished my touch and I knew I could use it to my advantage.

Josh opened his eyes and slumped. I had him. “You know the way you coax me isn’t playing fair Norah, but well, OK, you can come, but don’t come whining to me if you have an awful time. I’ve given you fair warning about these people. You need to keep your opinions to yourself alright. No smart ass comments. You are representing me. This is my final test before I’m officially accepted. You get me?”

I was grinning ear to ear. “Oh this is going to be soooo good! I just received some new boxes so I’ll be wearing something glamorous and designer to make sure you have the very best in representation Mr. Hollows.”

Josh’s face was strained. “Oh, you still getting gifts?”

I took a deep breath and sighed, “Well, that was part of the agreement, and it’s better than the alternative, so I might as well make the most of it.”

I hung my head and stared at the ground, trying to avoid any where my thoughts were taking me, but it was too late, my mind had trailed off thinking of that ‘agreement’. Flashes of anger and sadness bubbled up from inside me. Coming here had provided me with a new beginning and a sense of independence and freedom, but it also came at a painful cost. I knew I had done the right thing, but the way it was all taken away from me so suddenly, without any kind of closure, felt like a constant punch to the gut that I knew would stay with me for a long time to come. My face twisted at the darkness which was lacing my thoughts.

“So, pick you up from your apartment at 8pm?” 

I could hear Josh, but it wasn't registering in my head.

“Norah?” Josh asked, but I was still letting my mind lead me astray. “Norah?” and this time Josh poked me. My body flinched and I snapped out of my daydream-like state,
which felt more like a nightmare,
and back into reality. It didn’t take long to shift my mood back to where it was. I had developed quite the skill in dissociation when thinking about my past. 

Turning my attention back to Josh, and with a very wicked grin plastered on my face, I spun around and with a little triumphant cheer said, “Absolutely.”

Arriving back at my apartment, I burst through my front door with great anticipation about my impending night out with Josh and the mystery that was the Lappell Secret Society. 

I immediately surveyed my place trying to locate the two boxes that were hand-delivered by courier only a few days ago. I had forgotten where I had stored them. The obvious place to start my search would have been the bedroom, but knowing my reaction when the boxes arrived, I probably just tossed them aside into the first nook or cranny that was in my view. I had different reactions at times when I received those ‘gifts’. It wasn’t that I wasn’t grateful, they just reminded me of a whole lot of anger and resentment that I pushed aside when I first got here, and the gifts were just a shining beacon of why I had to try so hard to keep my emotions in check. No one wants constant reminders of something they were forced to give up, especially if that something was supposed to be part of my entire future’s happiness.