Pieces of Paisley (8 page)
I look at Kara, “Hey, you are seventeen and on your own. How does one go about that?” I look pointedly at my mother, Making sure she knows that I have options. She just laughs at me.
“Paisley, I have parents who care more about their friends and social status than their own kid. I was adopted because they were the only ones on the street without a kid and had to somehow fit in. From the time I could walk and talk, I was at boarding school. So, I don’t know how you end up on your own at seventeen; I don’t even know how you end up with someone at seventeen. I have always been alone, so it is second nature to me.” Way to shut me up.
My mom looks at Kara, and I see her plan formulate. Mother-hen mode has kicked in, and Kara is about to get a very opinionated, bossy, over the top mom. She reaches over to Kara and runs her hand down the back of her head and hugs her. She makes Kara a plate of food, and puts it right next to hers. If Kara didn’t seem so happy with it I would feel sorry for her.
I look up to see Jake staring down at me. “Crazy is abundant here.”
“It feels like home,” he says in wonderment. “My mom is the same way.”
“So you aren’t worried anymore?” I ask him, pensively waiting for his answer.
“Not about your mom. Meeting your step-dad scares the shit out of me.” He sighs.
“As long as you don’t drink imported beer, you are okay,” and I realize at that moment that he fits in. He just clicks, and it is like this has been a normal staple in our house, and I know without a doubt, more and more of these Sunday dinners are going to include half the ship.
Dinner conversation is loud and never lacking on any subject. Once cleanup is over, Kara tells Jake she needs to get back to the house because Rick will be off his twenty-four hour duty and will wonder where she is. My mom looks disappointed and so does Jake. Chad jumps in, “Krista, why don’t we head out now, and Paisley and Jake can come later?” He knows Krista always drives at night, she is the day partier, and I am the night one. Once that is settled, we all go in the living room and my mom turns on some stupid crime show. I roll my eyes, but Jake gets comfortable on the loveseat and pulls me down with him.
I see my mom watching from the corner of her eye, but I don’t care. I have my head in his lap, and he is absentmindedly running his fingers through my hair, engrossed in the show. She watches him for a few more minutes before I see her wipe her eyes and settle in her chair, and her attention is pulled into the television. We finish watching the show, or rather they do, because I was too busy trying to stop myself from purring like a kitten. My hair is one way to make me relax, and I love it. The rare times my mom isn’t driving me bat shit crazy I will bring my brush to her and sit down in front of her and have her brush my hair for hours on end, and the way that Jake just knew that . . . I have no explanation.
I get up and say bye to my mom, and she reminds me of my curfew. I tell her I know. We get in Jake’s truck, and he says “Where to?”
“Don’t you want to get back to the house?”
“I am in no rush. I have you alone, and I want to take advantage of it.” I try not to tense up, but I am not ready to go there. He must realize what I am thinking, “Not that way, Paisley. I just want to spend time with you. Someone is always around lately, and I just want to enjoy the two of us for a little while.” I ponder that. Usually my dates or get-togethers are in groups, it is what you do in high school, and so I don’t know how this elevated level of dating or relationships work.
“Sounds good, but I don’t know how we do this,” I explain my reservations to him, and he listens.
“We don’t do anything differently. We just act like Jake and Paisley. No expectations, no questions, no pressure. Can you do that?”
“Yep, now can we get ice cream?” He stares at me for a minute.
“Seriously? That is what you want?”
“Yes, I have a terrible sweet tooth and could live off chocolate alone.” He scrunches up his nose in disgust. “Please tell me you don’t hate chocolate. That is a sin.”
“Okay, I won’t tell you I hate chocolate, but I do.”
“Holy shit, that is un-American. You just crushed my little heart.”
“Baby, I am as American as you get, and I wouldn’t crush your heart intentionally. Dairy Queen?” I nod my head like a seven year old, clapping and hopping in my seat, and he laughs at me. I want to laugh, too, because he thinks I was just living up the moment, but mention Dairy Queen to me, and my inner child stands up and takes center stage.
He doesn’t hate chocolate. He had no problem licking the drips off my chin and then tasting it from the inside of my mouth. He assured me I just made it taste better. We get to the house and all hell breaks loose. Rick is yelling at Kara for something, Krista looks high as a kite, Chad is passed out on the couch, and I want to cry. How did this happen? It isn’t even midnight, and I can’t let Krista drive, and I can’t drive a stick.
“Hey, Pais. We will figure it out. I don’t want you to ask your mom to break curfew since I just met her. I can drive a stick. I will drive Krista’s car, you can follow me in my truck, and then I will drive back.”
“I can’t have you do that. You have already driven there once today. It is too far.”
He kisses the tip of my nose, “You didn’t ask. Now, let them sit out here and be idiots, and we can go in my room.” I don’t feel awkward or scared about being alone with him. Something tells me he won’t hurt me or push my boundaries.
“How often does she smoke that shit?” Jakes asks me, not concealing his disgust.
“Daily . . . she doesn’t do anything hard, though.”
“That is bad enough. You don’t smoke that shit do you?”
Do I lie so he isn’t upset with me? I decide against it and tell him honestly, “Sometimes. Just recreationally, every now and then.”
“I don’t like it.” I don’t respond to him. The silence must not give him the answer he is searching for. “I really don’t like it, Paisley.” He reiterates to me and I find myself promising him I won’t smoke it anymore.
The next few weeks fly by and in that time I get to see what a challenge his temper can be and level of protectiveness is out of control. It can be as simple as a gas station attendant looking at me; he takes it as a challenge to him and our relationship.
“Jake, you need to calm down, he did nothing wrong.”
“The way he looked at you is wrong.” He says, looking directly at the said offender.
“No disrespect man,” poor guy fumbles over his words. Jake is intimidating as hell.
I squeeze his arm and silently plead with him to let it go, just as I have had to do several times; the mall when some guys I go to school with were flirting and joking with me, the movies when my shorts were too short for his liking, and I don’t even want to start on the bitching I heard about my swimsuits. Sometimes it is over the top, but then all he has to do is remind me how much he cares about me, and tell me he has my best interest at heart and I am putty in his hands.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
August
Our relationship is moving along beautifully. We have our issues. He is a bit possessive and his dislike of Krista has taken a forefront in our relationship. School is about to start, and I hate drama. Both of them are always bickering, and I can’t stand being in the middle. Krista is in one ear telling me how controlling he is, and in his defense he isn’t controlling. Yes, he likes things a certain way, but he doesn’t make me bend to his will. He is bitching that she is a bad influence and doesn’t like her behavior. I try and explain it to him.
“Jake, school is starting. Her mom is making her come home, and you don’t understand what it is like for her. They berate her, are physically abusive, and it isn’t as cut and dry as you think. She doesn’t influence me to do anything, and you should know me better than that.”
“We all have to deal with shit, Pais. She is going to bring you down.”
“Really, Jake? You are one to talk about actions. How many times do I beg you not to fight, to walk away from confrontation? How often do you listen to me? We can barely go to a movie or out to eat without you mouthing off to someone. Don’t get on your soapbox and be hypocritical.” Nothing else is said about the fight, but the tension remains.
Next month is their last month in the house, and Jake is edgier than normal. He doesn’t want to lose our privacy, to lose our time. I try and assure him we will make it work; I feel like he isn’t listening and dooming us to hell before even trying. I find myself giving in more and more to his demands. I spend less time with just Krista and we seclude ourselves from the others more often than not. He and my step-dad like to discuss my wardrobe a lot and the lack of coverage that neither of them like. Some days I wonder who the adult in the relationship is between us. I just keep hoping once school starts and we have a set routine he will see things will be fine and restore some order in this relationship. I am doing the one thing I promised myself I wouldn’t and that is enjoying the ride of a relationship.
We are out for our normal Friday night dinner, and I tell him, “When school starts, we have to move date night to Saturday.”
“Why?”
“We have our football games on Friday, and it’s one of the high school rituals I adore. I am actually getting excited.”
“Who goes to these games?”
“You act like you graduated fifty years ago and don’t remember. High school football games haven’t changed in just a couple of years, Jake.”
“Exactly, and I remember our games being the hook-up central. You mean to tell me that you really go for the game?”
“I watch some of it, but it is a way to hang out with my friends.”
“You see them every day at school, so why take away our night together?”
He is acting like a freaking child, and I don’t know where it is coming from. “What is the issue of switching nights?”
“Nothing, Pais. Do what you want.” I see him shutting down in front of me. He won’t meet my gaze, and his mouth is pulled in a firm line.
“No, Jake. It isn’t do what you want. If there is a reason tell me, and we talk and figure it out.”
“I trust you, I just don’t trust the other guys. Krista and Chad are barely seeing each other anymore. I know she will bring other guys around and I can’t be there to protect you. I just don’t want to lose you, Paisley. Everything seems to be changing at once. Moving out of the house, you starting school, going on my first deployment when I have a girlfriend. It is all overwhelming.”
Immediately I lose my appetite. I have a pain burning in the back of my throat from fighting the tears. I was about to get mad at him for being possessive, and now I am wallowing in guilt because he is just as confused as I am. “Baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t take into consideration all the changes. Let’s compromise. No date night changing, and I will just go to Friday night football when you are deployed or have duty.”
He ponders that for a minute, and then asks, “Promise me you will let all those guys know you are taken, Pais? This isn’t a normal relationship. I can’t come to your school functions and until you are seventeen you can’t come visit me on the ship when I have to be there. The next few months are going to be bumpy and promise me you will just hang on tight.”
“Of course, I will. I am not going anywhere unless you tell me otherwise. When are you going to realize, I love you, Jake?” I said it. I said those words that have always frightened me, but I mean them with all that I have. I have been feeling it for some time, but I wanted to be sure and I have never been more certain than this moment, when he stripped down his walls and showed me his vulnerabilities. I always take for granted that he knows what he wants, he is so sure in his decisions, and I never want him doubting us.
“I love you too, Paisley. You are everything I ever wanted, and I am so scared to lose what we have.”
“Hey, I am right here. I am not going anywhere.” I feel like we are making great progress and things can only continue to get better.
Chapter 8
Jake
Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.
August passed by in a blur and now the end of September is looming. Paisley went back to school and while it was hard for us to make time for one another, we did. We were both tired and grumpy. The forty-five minute drive one way was taxing, and when we both have to get up early in the morning, her curfew is ten on school nights, it is grating on us. Tonight is her birthday, and I vow to make it memorable. Her mom extended her curfew until three for tonight only, and I have all her favorites. Chocolate cake, tequila, and wine coolers. The physical part of our relationship is heating up, and I can tell she is ready for more, but I always stop it. I want her to be sure before she gives me herself, because I don’t think I will ever let her go.
Rick has duty tonight so the usual barrage of guys here will be less. I don’t get why he brings them all back when he has his fiancé here because all he does is treat her like shit when they are around him. Kara and Paisley have gotten pretty close, and that makes me feel better. If anyone can help her through the next month when we deploy, it will be Kara. Although she is going to Rick’s grandparents during the deployment, I know she and Paisley will take turns visiting and it will keep her away from Krista. Since she and Chad ended their thing, she is on a downward spiral. I know it isn’t over Chad, they are still friendly and occasionally hook up, but Krista is destructive, and I refuse to let her take Paisley down.