Pieces of Paisley (9 page)
Seeing my girl walk in like she is comfortable here makes my heart soar. She should be comfortable here. There are days I get home from work, and she is sitting here waiting on me with her schoolbooks spread around her and chatting with Kara. The only thing that could make me happier is if she would quit smoking. That is one bone of contention between us that we can’t resolve. She tells me if I quit dipping then I can say something about her smoking, but she still won’t quit. She always points out it is her decision. She dressed for me tonight, conservative just like I like. Don’t get me wrong, she has an amazing body, and I enjoy looking at it, I just don’t like anyone else looking at it, so she has on a school sanctioned outfit tonight, so her shorts are longer and her top is covered. I meet her halfway and pick her up. “Happy Birthday, Beautiful,” I tell her before I take her lips in mine and worship her mouth. When she wraps her legs around my waist and deepens the kiss even more, the world comes to a stops. Only the biting words of Krista telling us to get a room break our spell.
Paisley laughs it off, and as much as I want to tell her to mind her own business I promised Pais tonight I would keep the peace. I am going to let the party go on for a little while before I steal her away and give her the present I got for her. I let her mingle, and I hang out with some guys in the kitchen, and she is in my line of vision most of the time. She has found her spot on the couch with a wine cooler and a smile on her face. She and Kara walk outside, and I know she is going to smoke. I bite my tongue determined not to ruin her night. I quickly get drawn into the conversation about sports and when I glance back in the living room, I see Kara but no Paisley. I make my way outside to look for her, make sure nobody is bothering her. When I don’t find her, I make my way back inside.
“Where is Paisley?” I ask Kara.
“Krista was bound and determined to get to Krystal’s and was stoned out of her mind. Paisley and she were arguing about her driving, and I offered to take her because Pais has been drinking, but Krista would not relent. Paisley ended up riding with her, and I couldn’t stop them.”
I am pissed, at both of them, but more at Krista for once again putting Paisley in a bad position. Paisley should have never gotten in that car, but I know in my heart, she was trying to help Krista. “Fuck! This is what I am talking about Kara. She is going to end up hurting herself and Paisley one of these times, and she doesn’t care. I have never met anyone more selfish than her.”
“I get it, Jake. You aren’t going to change Paisley’s mind about her. That is her best friend, and she is protective as hell.” Right then, the door bangs against the wall, and Krista comes in with a sackful of burgers. I speak before I think.
“What the hell, Krista. It is one thing if you want to kill yourself, but leave my girlfriend out of it. You are supposed to be her best friend, and yet you don’t give a shit about her.”
“Lighten up, Jake. We are back in one piece.” She basically ignores me as she walks into the kitchen. Paisley is just looking at me, with her chin trembling, with her voice cracking she says, “I am sorry. I couldn’t let her go on her own. I give up; I don’t know what to do with her anymore. It’s hard constantly being in the middle, and I know she is in pain, but won’t talk about it.”
Seeing her defeat hurts me. “It’s okay, Pais. Please don’t do it again. I was going crazy thinking something could have happened to you. Sometimes you have to let people find their way back, and until they are ready to be found, they are lost to us all.” I am pissed as hell at her friend, but I can’t fault Paisley, her heart is in the right place, I just need her to have more regard for her safety. I decide now is the best time for her to have her cake, and then I can steal her for a few minutes.
“Kara, can you get the cake ready?” She smiles and jumps off the couch, heading into the kitchen. After a few minutes I hear her screaming at someone, and before I can find out what is wrong, Krista comes running out of the kitchen, laughing and covered in cake, like she slammed her face into it.
I push past her and see the cake ruined. “Jake, she just shoved her face in it. No warning, nothing. Sorry, I couldn’t stop it.” I have had it. Now I am absolutely livid and nothing is going to stop me from laying into her.
“You selfish bitch! You can’t let anyone have anything good. You find some way to fuck it up and walk away leaving destruction in your path.”
Paisley is blatantly crying. I know she didn’t like me calling Krista a bitch, but she was. Yet, at the same time, I know she sees what her best friend is becoming. Before anyone else can respond, Krista runs out of the house, and Paisley is on her heels. Just once, I want my girl to pick me.
I walk in my room to get my keys; I am going outside to cool down for a minute. I step outside and freeze in place, Paisley is yelling at Krista. “You didn’t have to do that, Kris. You have choices, and you make the wrong ones repeatedly. I don’t know who you are anymore, and I don’t know why you can’t be happy for me. He isn’t who you would have chosen for me, I get it, but it is my decision. He is whom
I
chose for me, and I am so tired of the bullshit between you two. Just once, can you take my feelings into consideration?”
“I am sorry, Paisley. It was wrong. Everything I have done is wrong. You are wrong, he is exactly who I would chose for you. He is exactly what you need, and I am so jealous I can’t see straight. That makes me a shitty friend, and I hate that. I miss having what you have with Jake. I miss it every second of every day, and it physically hurts to see it.”
“What do you want me to say to that, Kris? You have been my best friend forever, and I care about what you feel, what you need, but I can’t sacrifice my happiness for you. It isn’t fair and I would never ask that of you.”
“I know. I was going to tell you later, but I guess now is as good of time as any. I am going to live with my dad and Jeneane. I will switch schools to finish out my senior year. I leave next week. I need this, I need away from everything.” She turns and walks down to the beach leaving Paisley standing there shocked and heartbroken. I want to be mad, but for once I think Krista is doing what needs to be done. I walk back in my room and grab the jewelry box on my dresser. I hurry back outside, and she is standing in the same spot. She hasn’t moved, and I don’t know if she realizes I am approaching her. She hears me and turns around, once she is aware it is me, she runs into my arms and starts sobbing. This is not the way I wanted her birthday to go, but if I am the arms she runs to when she needs someone, I will take it.
I lift her up and carry her into my truck. I want to give her privacy to get herself together and they created quite an audience during their show down. She isn’t really speaking, and her wails are sending shooting pains through my chest and I feel as if I may rip in half hearing her anguish.
“Beautiful, calm down. I am sorry for all of it. My part in it, her part in it, but mostly I am sorry you are hurt. Come here.” I pull her tighter to me and try my best to calm her. After minutes pass she seems to gain her composure.
“How can she say that to me and expect me to be okay? I don’t know what to do, Jake. She is my best friend, and she is in pain, but causing me pain out of spite isn’t fair. I am so mad and then I feel so guilty for being mad when she is hurting.”
“You have to let her work it out. She has to come to terms with whatever is bothering her, and you can’t fix it. You have to let her go, Pais. I know you don’t want to but right now you aren’t good for each other. You can’t give her what she needs, and she can’t give you what you deserve. It sucks, and I hate it happened tonight of all nights, but you have to believe you will eventually work it out. Just not right now.” She doesn’t want to acknowledge I am right, but she knows I am.
I pull her back to me and just hold her. I want us just to be right now, right in this moment, I want to show her I can be what she needs. She is more than I deserve, and all I want. “I have your birthday present, want to open it?” She gently nods against my chest, and I shift her so she has to look at me. “I love you, Paisley.”
“I love you, Jake.” I hand her the box. I didn’t wrap it, didn’t get a card, but I got her a gift that shows her what she means to me. She opens it and pulls out the solid gold heart on a slim chain. I see her eyes sparkle, and she smiles. “Thank you.”
“This is what you represent to me. My heart, and it is solid because your love fills mine. You are my heart, Paisley, and I want you to wear it always and know I am here with you.” She reaches up and holds my cheek, and ever so slowly leans towards me and takes my mouth in a kiss. In this kiss it feels more, it feels like a promise, a vow, an eternity, she is promising me.
“Can we stay out here for a little while?” She asks me, and I just settle her back and pull her as close as I can get her. She leans up and turns on the radio. Lee Brice is singing ‘Hard to Love,’ and I swear this song is about me, begging her to love me regardless of all the shit I give her.
“Pais, you know when I deploy it will only be three weeks, but I won’t be able to talk to you every day. There will be no reason to write because the letters won’t get there in time, but I just want you know I will be thinking of you. I want you to remember everything during that time, write it down, so you can tell me about it when I get back. I just don’t want to miss any part of your life.” I don’t know why it is so important to me, I just want her to hold on to us, look forward to sharing her moments with me, maybe then I know she won’t forget about me or decide this is too hard for her.
“I promise. My days will be busy, but I am afraid of the nights. I haven’t gone to sleep in almost four months without your lips giving me a goodnight kiss, or your voice being the last thing I hear. It terrifies me, Jake.”
“What scares you the most?”
“You deciding this is too hard. You know the saying a girl in every port.”
“Paisley, have you been researching military terms?”
“Sort-of. We haven’t had sex, and I don’t want you to get away from me and see there is so much more you can have.”
“What if I tell you that you are all I want? I mean it. You. Are. It. For. Me. Which brings up another topic . . . I will be gone for Thanksgiving, and I know your parents won’t let you leave for Christmas, but I want to go home. I miss my mom, but at the same time I don’t want to miss our first Christmas. Tell me it’s okay . . . please tell me you understand.”
She turns so that we are eye level. “Of course, I understand. It sucks, I am not going to sugar coat that, but you sacrifice so much for me, spend all your time with me, planned this night for me. Your happiness matters, and honestly I never really thought about you not going home. I have us in our little bubble, our own little world, sometimes I forget there is outside interference.” That is what I am afraid of; our bubble can burst and she might float away from me. I want more than anything for her to come home with me for Christmas, but I know that is not happening. Her parents give us a lot of concessions, but this one would not fly.
I need to talk to my mom about Paisley. She knows there is a girl, but she doesn’t know the extent of it. I know she will love Paisley, but I don’t know if she will get a fair chance because my mom is still pretty hung up on Lisa and me getting back together. After the lies and manipulations of that girl, not to mention the obsessive cheating with my friend, I don’t know why my mom is still harping on it. She told me we would talk about it when I got home, but I have more important things to talk about with her. I just hope I can get her to see how important Paisley is to me, what she means to me, and in turn give her the chance she deserves.
Chapter 9
Paisley
Love is when he gives you a piece of your soul, that you never knew was missing.
The transition from having our own space and privacy at the beach house to him being back on the ship full time has not been a smooth one. He comes over at least three times a week, but it isn’t enough. I have taken to skipping school a lot when he lets me know he is off work early. It isn’t like we know ahead of time, but getting ready to deploy they are a lot more lax on the schedule. When you are going to be out to sea for three weeks at a time you will have lots of time to get done what needs to get done. If my mom finds out about my attendance I am sure seeing Jake will be cut way back, but lucky for me I have an ace up my sleeve. She mistakenly made my brother in law, Dean, an emergency contact on my school forms. Dean is a big kid at heart, and we are super close. He provided me alcohol for Spring Break, taught me to drive, and basically lets me get away with murder. So, Jake texts and lets me know he is off, I fake sick, call my brother in law, tell the school office I can’t reach my mom, and get out of jail free . . . until my report card with attendance records appear. But I am just taking this one step at a time.
The ship was scheduled to pull out November 2
nd
but now it has been moved up to October 28
th
. . . roughly eleven days away. Today is Columbus Day, and Jake is off all day, his buddy who has duty and won’t be home all day happens to have an apartment that is empty and gave it to Jake for the day. A full day when it is just us, in our bubble, is exactly what we need. I leave the house like I am going to school and arrive at the apartment and am greeted with my sex on a stick man in no shirt, loose fitting basketball shorts and freshly cut hair. It should be illegal to look this good, and I launch myself in his arms. It has been a while since we have been able to have freedom with our touching; we always have prying eyes around us, monitoring our every move.