PORN STARS... More Than Just Moans (73 page)

DeeDee never looked at me as she spoke. She just kept looking at the wet spot on her precious couch. Now as much as I liked DeeDee, and as much as I considered her to be a friend, my anger was to the point of no return. The more I looked at her looking at the unimportant damage to the cushion, the angrier I got. What I was trying to tell her was so much more important than her furniture. I needed them in my corner, as my friends, but I didn’t feel like I was getting that. So in my fit of fury, I did something so disrespectful. I filled up my glass, took a sip, and then poured the rest of the liquor on her couch.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?”

DeeDee was off of the couch before the words finished leaving her mouth. It was then that I realized the depth of my actions. Rage had blinded me to the situation at hand. DeeDee was a friend, a friend that would kick my ass from here to kingdom come.

“Come on Jazzy, that shit was foul,” Jamar said as he stood up and got between me and DeeDee. He had to literally restrain her from reaching me and doing damage.

“Oh, hell no bitch, I’m about to tap that ass.”

I wanted to say sorry, tell her that I didn’t mean to do it. I wanted to plead with her to forgive me, but my pride wouldn’t let me do it.  

“FUCK YOU, BITCH. YOU RUN YOUR FUCKING MOUTH TOO MUCH.”

My phone rang as Jamar did his best to keep her from me. I walked over to my purse, making sure to take the long way around DeeDee, and picked it up.

“I’ll be there soon,” I told Breeze after he asked me where I was at. I hung up the phone happy that I had found a way out.

“Stupid bitch, you better leave my fucking house. I was just telling you the truth, that’s what real friends do. Trying to help you avoid a big ass mistake before you make it, but no, you want to fuck things up before they even get started.”

I was on my way to the door as she spoke and almost made it out, but her words struck a chord and made me turn around.

“NO, you know what real friends do, they listen, they comfort, and they wait to hear the whole fucking story before they put in their two cents. Lanell never showed up because he was fucking his wife, the wife he told me he was divorcing. And to make matters worse, after calling a million times, that bitch picked up and told me that he was in her fucking house as we spoke. He didn’t even give me the common courtesy of calling and at least lying about why he couldn’t come, and he still hasn’t called now. So now what, am I supposed to wait and sleep on a friend’s couch until I make that move to Vegas? Fuck that shit. I’m gonna lay up in a big ass house, do a feature on a sitcom, drive nice cars, and make my money. Isn’t that what you’re doing here, fucking the boss to live a better life? And you have the nerve to turn your nose up at me? FUCK YOU, BITCH.”

Both she and Jamar seemed to be in shock. They didn’t think that my explanation was headed in that direction.

“Wait Jazzy, don’t leave, come back here,” Jamar said with sadness in his eyes and concern in his voice.

“No, I think that I’ve had enough of her for one day. I’m going shopping; maybe we can catch a drink later on or something.”

The sound of my heels clacking against her marble floors echoed loudly. I was damn near running for the door, praying that I made it out before the tears that were forming in my eyes fell. But Jamar had seen them, and he wanted to wipe them away with a hug and a shoulder to lean on, but for me, I just wanted out. I made it to my car before I heard DeeDee calling me back.

“Jasmine, come back, my bad, I didn’t know.”

I got in my car and didn’t look back. I didn’t look back because of two things. I had hurt a friend, I had hurt her because of my own pain, because of my own disappointments, and because I wasn’t dealing with the issue at hand in the right way. It was all bottled up, choking me, causing me to be irrational. I couldn’t face her so soon, so soon after walking out of her house. I needed time to deal, I needed to think, and I needed time to pull myself together. The second reason, well, it was pride. My pride didn’t want to let her see me cry. I didn’t want her to know that her words had gotten the best of me. I didn’t want to show her that her verbal assault was like pouring salt on a fresh wound. And although I should have said, ‘fuck pride’ and run into the arms of good hearted friends, instead, I got in my car and burned rubber. I sped off without the comfort I needed, without the assuring words I was looking for. I sped off without knowing if I had lost one of the two true friends I have ever had.

*****

I really couldn’t enjoy shopping with Breeze like I wanted to. Everything was weighing too heavily on my mind to jump for joy at the eighty five thousand dollar damage I had done on his card, but I tried my best to play it off. Once we got home, I jumped in the shower and tried to wash off the day’s bullshit. I made the water boiling hot, hoping that it would sanitize me and burn away the bad Juju that seemed to be taking over my life. After getting out, I felt lonely, Breeze was there, but I didn’t need nor want him. I need a friend. I needed Jamar. I slipped on Breeze’s robe and went into the bedroom. He was lying in bed watching some game on ESPN. I was hoping that he wouldn’t bother me and just keep on watching his game.

“Damn Jazzy, you smelling good as hell. Why don’t you come on over here and watch the game with me?”

I rolled my eyes before turning around and faking a smile.

“I don’t do basketball, besides, I was about to call Jamar and ask him if he wanted to hang, do you mind if I have some company for a while?”

“Okay, okay, I see how it is. But no, you can do whatever you want. This is your house too Jazzy, you can have whoever you want over here. How many times to I have to tell you this?”

He had gotten off of the bed and wrapped his arms around my waist. I hugged him back wondering if he could feel the coldness in my touch. As I walked out of the room, I looked back at him. Judging by the sadness in his eyes, he had felt every bit of the chill my feelings toward him housed.

“Maybe after he leaves, you and I can put on a good movie like we did at my old place and chill, how about that?”

He smiled, but he couldn’t hide the truth that my rejection had caused.

“Sure thing baby, whenever you ready, I’ll be here, I’m gonna wait.”

He and I both knew that he was talking about more than just the movie.

*****

“I’m so happy that you came,” I stepped aside as Jamar slipped by me and entered the house.

“Is he home right now, cause that’s gonna be awkward?”

“He” was Breeze and I knew better than to tell him that he would be here when I asked him to come.

“I know right, but what can I do? Plus, it’s cool we can go out to the veranda.”

I walked Jamar through the house and hoped that Breeze really did leave us alone. I needed my friend to hear me out and make me feel better. I wouldn’t be able to talk so freely if Breeze was around.

“I can never get over how nice this place is.”

“Yeah, well, all that glitters isn’t always gold; remember that.”

Jamar smiled and shook his head in agreement.

“So, what the fuck was that shit about today?” Jamar asked as he pulled out an already rolled blunt from his pocket. Guess he knew that we were going to need it. I didn’t answer ‘til we were at least half way through the J.

“You know what?” I asked with smoke still in my lungs.

“I don’t even fucking know. Now you know that I would never spill no shit on someone’s couch on purpose, how tacky was that? Let alone to do that shit to DeeDee, what was I thinking?”

I passed the mellow green back over to him after taking in a big old puff.

“You weren’t fucking think at all, she was going to kill your ass,” he said as we both laughed at the thought of me fighting wild ass DeeDee.

“I would have been able to handle my own.”

We both looked at each other and neither of us could stop our laughter. My last statement was not only false, but it was unbelievable.

“I know you can fight and all, but DeeDee, that bitch is like Mike Tyson on crack. She moves fast and carries a mean punch. And she won’t stop until she sees blood or until you’re on the floor and have stopped moving.”

He was right.

“Do you think that she will ever talk to me again?” I held my breath hoping for the best.

“You were bold as hell going at her like that. I think that if it were anyone else…The good thing is that DeeDee really likes you. She always says that you’re like a little sister to her. I think that she was over it the minute you dropped all that heavy shit on us. But if I were you, I would call and apologize. Oh, and don’t ever try that shit with her again. I think that this was your one and only free pass.”

“You don’t have to worry about that, it won’t happen again. I’m just happy that she cooled down before she blew up.”

“So how are you really feeling, about the whole L thing, are you sure he hasn’t called?”

I looked around before I answered him. I wanted to make sure that the would-be night stalker known as Breeze wasn’t around.

“Nope, haven’t heard a word, not one. Now tell me that ain’t some bullshit. After our first time in Vegas, I spoke to him all day every day, now not a fucking peep. Guess he knows that the jig is up, that I found out about him still being with his wife.”

“I’m so sorry, Jazzy; I really didn’t see that shit coming. Isn’t it crazy how you and I are kind of in the same spot, as far as love is concerned? We really do know how to pick them, huh?”

“Like two fucking peas in a pod.”

We smoked and laughed and at times almost wanted to cry. The world wasn’t as bright for neither of us as it was before. And as we wallowed and chuckled at our current space in life, two hours had passed without us noticing.

“Well, I’m gonna head out, gotta go home and fake contentment and blindness to the fact that Tyree’s a cheating asshole.”

“Fake it ‘til you make it, boo.”

We stood up and headed to the door. He reached in his pocket and pulled out his second to last J.

“You can have this, I got more at home. Plus something tells me that you’re going to need it tonight.”

I took it from him as we both looked at the stairs that lead to Breeze.

“Oh, hey, I wanted to ask you for a favor. Before I head out for my audition tomorrow, I have to go to my place and survey the damage. I wanted to know if I could store some things in your garage; that is, if there is anything left after the fire?”

He looked confused and I already knew what question was coming next.

“I just don’t want to move anything personal in here. I still plan on leaving. If I have things here, I won’t be able to just get up and go. I promise they won’t be there for long, I’ll have movers come and pick them up as soon as I get to Vegas, please?”

“You don’t have to beg, Jazzy, you can use my garage for as long as you want. I was just wondering why you wouldn’t want to bring them here, but I get it now. That will be no problem. But I have to tell you, I really don’t think that this is a good idea, living here and all. It just doesn’t seem right. And what if Lanell ever found out? I know that things are crazy with you two, but I just don’t think it’s right for you to be here. I’m just telling you as a friend.”

“That’s why I don’t plan on staying here too long.”

He was right and we both knew it. I gave him a tight hug and watched him as he got in his car and drove away. I was so thankful that he was in my life. I closed the door and headed up the stairs. Once in the room, I lit the blunt Jamar left behind and crawled into bed with my current bedmate.

“So, what do you want to watch?” Breeze asked as I slid into his arms and passed him the weed.

*****

The next morning, I went over to my place and held my breath before I turned the key. I was afraid to open the door and see my place completely destroyed. I pushed the door opened with my eyes closed and just stood there. The vacant smell of smoke and burnt materials invaded my nostrils. My stomach sank to my feet as my imagination ran wild. Finally I just said fuck it and opened my eyes.

“Oh, my God,” I said as a smile crept across my face. I could forget about salvaging any electronics due to water damage, but besides that, most of my things were okay. I walked around and put pink post-it notes on everything I wanted the moving company to pick up. There wasn’t much that I wanted. I was going to be leaving a lot behind. Didn’t want the old memories, just taking my mother’s art pieces and some things I had since Puerto Rico. All together I think I had about ten boxes worth of stuff. An hour later, I had my jewelry box in hand and was ready to head for my audition.