PORN STARS... More Than Just Moans (71 page)

“SOOOOO?”

Damn, I did it again, blacked out picturing what I would love to do to those people who I’ve loved the most but been hurt by the most. They have really made me lose myself in a sense, and think evil things that I have never thought of. Anyone who knew me in the past would tell you I’d never even cussed someone out let alone physically hurt someone, but I guess sometimes the Devil gets the best of all of us. I looked back up from daydreaming and realized he was still waiting to see if I was actually going to cook for him.

“How about this, I’ll call in the order, and then throw some clothes on, drive you down to The Steak House and you can run inside and pick it up since I’m not feeling that good to eat there?”

“But, baby, it’ll be cold by the time we get back.”

“Stop sounding like you’re begging, Tyree, it’s not a good look on you. You can eat in YOUR car on the drive back, get back here, smoke, and then heat the rest up later. Think about it, it’s not rocket science.”

Okay, so my acting skills need major improvement, since I was pretending to be nice, but snapping on him. The more I think about it the more I get disgusted with his dumbass and wonder how I was stupid enough to fall for such a loser.

“Good idea boo, I’ll get ready now and grab my wallet.”

Too easy! That was the start of my revenge.

Once we got back I rolled up, smoked, and ate all at the same time, I know I’m ass backward but I wanted to get away from him as soon as possible. I wished I never smoked that night because I started thinking about everything he did behind my back; filming a porno with Domingo even though I asked him not too, fucking my best friend on numerous occasions, in my house no less, and now getting some bitch pregnant. At first I started to shake my head and laugh to myself because I was in shock all over again, and had to laugh from crying. I kept looking at him like you don’t care about anyone but yourself. Then, I started to get pissed. I wanted to punch him in the face so bad but every time I balled up my fist, I couldn’t do it. That just made me even madder. I started shaking and I got really cold, freezing cold to the point that my teeth were jittering. I had no idea what was happening but the more I dwelled on it the more I shook. My chest started hurting and getting tight, so my initial reaction was that I let this motherfucka cause me to have a heart attack. I put my food down on the coffee table and raised my legs up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them to ball up and try to warm myself up. When Tyree tried to pass me the blunt he could tell something was wrong right away because I saw it in his eyes.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?”

“I don’t know. I’m freezing all of a sudden and my chest hurts; I think I’m having a heart attack.”

If I wasn’t disgusted before, I was now because he moved closer to me and put his arms around me. Then, he started moving them up and down quickly, as if he was trying to warm me up. I wanted to scream “GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF OF ME, LIAR”, but I decided to jump up. I ran to the bathroom because I remembered someone telling me once that if you take a shower it will bring your high down. I figured what the hell, since I was obviously either too high and having a panic attack or I was having a heart attack. I stripped down and got in the shower for the second time within a few hours, but even though the water was warm I was still freezing and couldn’t stop shaking, it was actually getting worse. I quickly jumped out the shower and almost fell, my legs split apart and one hand was on the wall and the other was on the sink as I caught my balance. I shook that off, thinking how fucked up that would’ve been and dried off, ran to our bedroom butt naked, jumped on the bed, and got under the sheets and comforter as fast as I could. After ten minutes I started to warm up but my chest was still killing me. No matter how I moved or tried to lay I felt a sharp pain so I just stayed still. I must’ve freaked Tyree out because he finished the blunt before he came in the bedroom to check on me.

“Damn, J, what’s wrong? You’re tripping tonight?”

“I don’t know but it’s freaking me out.”

“Do you want me to call 911?”

“And tell them what? I was getting high and now my chest hurts? Get the fuck out of here.”

“Damn, I was just making a suggestion.”

I didn’t say anything else I just held my chest and closed my eyes. I never expected Tyree to crawl in bed beside me and hold me. I wanted to push him off of me, but I won’t lie and say it didn’t feel good to know he was concerned, even if it was only for that moment. Plus I was so scared that if I made any sudden movements, I would really cause myself to have a heart attack and die high as fuck butt ass naked, not a good look. Anyway the more I thought about it the more nervous I got. I almost started to cry but my pride wouldn’t let me do that in front of Tyree, so I started praying to God instead.

 I made a promise if He helped me I would never smoke again. I’ll be one hundred percent, at that moment I had full intentions on holding up my end of the bargain, but a true weed head can only hold out for so long. I needed to think about something else besides my heart beating faster than it ever had before, but I couldn’t stay focused on a single thought. My mind was racing my heart beat to see who could move the fastest. I had never experienced anything like it. I was having 20 different thoughts a minute. Till the day I die I’ll never forget what happened next because afterwards I was ashamed, embarrassed, and a few tears actually crept down my cheeks.

“Tyree, take off your clothes,” I said in a panic.

“Say what?”

I could hear the confusion in his voice.

“You heard me, take off your clothes and fuck me.”

“Are you sure you should be having sex right now?”

“I don’t give a fuck. I need to take my mind off of having a heart attack before I scare myself to the point that I actually have one. Feel my chest.”

He put his hand on my chest and again I could tell I was freaking him out. Tyree did what I said, and grabbed the Vaseline off the dresser before getting back in bed. I positioned my body so I was lying on my left side, that way he could lay behind me. I think he was worried about hurting me because normally he’d bang me out but that particular time he slowly slid inside me, moving in and out with slow smooth strokes. Surprisingly it worked. I was able to relax long enough so that as soon as he finished, and I knew that he couldn’t see the tears fall down my face, I laid there and fell asleep.

When I woke up later that night or early in the morning depending on how you look at it my chest was still a little sore and I was scared to move a certain way, but since I wasn’t high, I wasn’t freaking out anymore. I realized I was just having a panic attack. Tyree was out in the living room doing his thing, getting high and playing video games.

“Yo, do you feel better now?”

“My chest still feels kind of tight, but I’m okay.”

“Man, this weed had you tripping tonight baby, you were praying and talking to God begging Him to make the pain go away. I would offer you some, but I heard your promise and I don’t want you to have another bad trip.”

I laughed to myself because I couldn’t believe I actually did that.

“It’s cool, I’m good.”

I left him alone because I still couldn’t believe what happened let alone that I had sex with him again. He was considerate enough though to put my food in the microwave. So I heated it up and ate it in the kitchen alone.

The next few days were okay. I avoided Tyree as much as possible. At work we had to film a few scenes together but luckily they were all threesomes. Tyree and I were the tops so we didn’t have to interact with each other; the bottoms got all the attention. After work I found other things to do to take up my time. I went to the movies alone a lot, I hung out with DeeDee a few times or I just chilled out by the pool by myself thinking and plotting.

Jasmine was sweet enough to call and check up on me every day. So when she called and asked me to go with her for support at an upcoming appearance I couldn’t turn her down. I needed to see her and wanted to get out of the house so it was perfect timing. The club was okay, but it was a straight club. So, I wasn’t getting the attention I craved. I got a couple of looks and had to wonder, I bet he’s DL and thinks I’m hot, or he’s a fan but too scared to approach me because he’s with his boys
.
The funny thing about that was I caught one of his boys checking me out too. I knew after a couple of drinks I’d break the ice and speak. I kept Jasmine company while she changed into her revealing, but sexy outfit. I watched her fix her hair and do her makeup before finally rubbing lotion all over her body.

A couple of minutes before show time I went back out in the club so I could get a front row seat. There was no doubt in my mind that she could dance but I wanted to know what all the fuss was about. As soon as the lights dimmed the men started whistling and hollering as if they were all hard and ready. I didn’t expect her to perform multiple songs and kill them all, but I guess when you’re that good you get a rush out of being on stage in front of a big crowd. It didn’t hurt that they were constantly throwing money on the stage, and putting it on her. I was getting into it and cheering her on “GO GET IT, GET IT GO” until I noticed she was getting up close and personal with a man on the other side of the stage.

The way she was getting down and giving him basically his own private show, while bumping and grinning all up in his face, made my curiosity get the best of me. I had to get up and walk over to see who was fine enough to grab her attention, but I quickly stopped in my tracks and gasped when I realized it was Breeze, our boss for God’s sake. I had to wonder what the fuck was wrong with her. Lanell just brought her a club and now she’s turning on her previous lover, if that’s what you want to call him. I wouldn’t dare, but then again maybe she wanted to show him what he was missing out on, either way I was disgusted with both of our recent actions.

After her performance I stood to the side and got a different perspective of the meet and greet. I watched as she signed pictures, talked to fans, and took pictures. It was nice to see what it looks like from the side lines and it made me appreciate my career even more.

*****

I was doing so good holding up my end of the deal I made with God until later that night when we got back to Jasmine’s condo, damn peer pressure is a bitch, or a friend named Jasmine.

“Please tell me you saw that fine ass motherfucka get in line three times. His ass was thirsty, he kept whispering in my ear, “I’d eat your pussy for days.”

“Eww, not with that foul mouth; did you see those gold teeth or were they just yellow? I couldn’t tell from where I was standing.”

“So you did see him. He was fine, but damnnn, his grill was fucked. YUCK!”

“What was up with that dude in the fur coat as hot as it was out tonight? Please don’t tell me he was a pimp. I hope you didn’t look him in the eyes, because he might think he owns you now.”

“I know right, I signed his picture and pushed it to the side real quick so he knew to keep it moving, but hold up he gave me something for you.”

“FOR ME?”

Jasmine jumped up laughing and talking to herself “I can’t believe I forgot this” as she grabbed her purse. She pulled out something then ran over and flicked it at me, but since my ass couldn’t catch, it fell on the floor beside me. I noticed as I was picking it up that it was his business card, he really was a pimp.

“There you go lover, maybe he can help you out on your “side jobs,” she said while moving her fingers as if they were quotations.

“BITCH, fuck you. I don’t need no motherfucking pimp when I am the pimp; them hoes pay me. Plus, I’m as sweet and good as Now and Laters. While you were doing your thing I figured why not get some now, and got this boy’s number so I could get some ass later. How you like me now?”

I failed to mention the rest of that night. I knew those dudes were cruising me. Behind a club isn’t my place of choice, but with my truck keys in Jasmine’s purse locked up and dealing with a dude who’s scared his boys will walk up in the bathroom looking for him, you gotta do what the scary cat, or should I say alley cat suggests.