PORN STARS... More Than Just Moans (81 page)

“Don’t look at me like that Jamar, I can’t take it. I know that I am a mess, I’m so sorry for dragging you down here.”

He got out of his car and held out his hand to help me to his car. He didn’t answer me until we were both sitting in the car and buckled up.

“It’s not pity Jazzy, just sadness. I know that you’re in pain, just wish I could make it go away. And don’t be sorry, I would drive to the moon for a true friend.”

I said nothing, didn’t have to. I just reached over and held his hand.

“So, where do you want to go?” he asked as he started his car. I thought about it for a minute and knew that I didn’t want to go home.

“Vegas.”

Jamar looked at me as if I was joking.

“I just can’t be around him right now. Are you coming with me, we can fly first class,” I asked trying to entice him.

“Fuck it, I’ve been planning to go out there and see you dance anyway. And when you’re not so drunk, remind me to tell you about that crazy fucker Breeze.”

And with that, we were off to the airport. I didn’t ask what he had to tell me. I knew if it had to do with Breeze, it could wait.

*****

Once we landed, I called the Black Oasis and told them that I was in town. By the time we made it to the hotel, they had the penthouse suite booked and waiting.

“Damn bitch, you living like Beyoncé. Just put in a call and BAM, shit is done,” Jamar said as I walked over to the bar and made us a drink.

“Learn how to move your ass like I do and BAM, you’ll have this too,” I said as I moved my ass in a slow circle. I sat down beside him and handed him his drink.

“Haven’t had enough yet?” Jamar asked as he held up his drink.

“Shit, I’m just getting started. Now drink up, you have a long night ahead of you.”

He didn’t ask any questions. He knew that I needed to wild-out, even if only for one night.

We hit up as many clubs, casinos, and bars as I could find. We stayed at some for an hour, and others for less than 20 minutes. If they weren’t fun enough to distract me, I would leave within a drop of a dime. Vegas provided me with all of the access for destruction I was looking for. I had started to make a name for myself there and no place had I gone to denied me. I danced on stages, in cages, and entered any V.I.P area I wanted. Jamar and I had a ball, but by 7 in the morning, he had had enough.

“Okay, Jazzy, that’s it, let’s go,” he demanded as he grabbed onto my arm. I was on the dance floor bumping and grinding with some random blonde. I was pissy drunk and held onto him for support.

“I’m not ready to go yet, just one more hour?” I pleaded like a child at the park as I pulled away from him.

“Look around Jasmine, there are only about fifty people here, it’s time to give it up, boo.”

I looked around and he was right, but I didn’t want to stop, or slow down. I wanted to ignore the pain.

“You go ahead; I’ll meet you in the room.”

He looked at me as if I was crazy.

“I’m not leaving you alone in this condition, now let’s go.”

This time he grabbed my arm with force. I was out of control and he realized that he had to take on the father role and make me do what he said.

“GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME,” I yelled. I tried to pull away from him but he had a firm grip. He turned me around and made me face him. He didn’t look like the friendly Jamar I knew and loved, no; he was serious and fed up.

“Get a fucking grip, Jazzy. I’m trying to help and love you right now but you ain’t making this shit easy. You think that you’re the only one with problems, well you’re not? Now let’s go before I say fuck you and really leave your ass here like you’re asking me to.”

He started to pull me out of the club and I let him. I’m sure I looked like I was being dragged out of the club by my angry parent but I didn’t give a damn. He was right about everything that he had just said. He dragged my ass the whole way down the Vegas strip. I had to hurry my steps just to keep up with him. He didn’t let go of my arm until we got to the hotel.

Once in the suite, I sat down on the couch too embarrassed to speak. Jamar had been a really good friend to me yet here I was dragging him into my bullshit. He didn’t say much either. I just watched him disappear into the bathroom and thought about dipping out while I had a chance, just to spare him from anymore of my crap. Just as I was getting up to leave, he came back out and told me that he had drawn a bath for me. I walked to the bathroom and took off my clothes as he stood by. There was no need to even think about being naked in front of him, because he had seen everything I had to offer. I slipped into the Jacuzzi tub and tried to relax. I tried to think of anything besides my life at that point but it wasn’t working. It seemed like the more I sat in that tub, the more I had to deal with what was lacking in my life. Tears started to fall and I couldn’t stop them. Jamar climbed into the tub, with his clothes and all, and just let me cry in his arms. He didn’t try and tell me that things would be okay, nor did he give me any shit for feeling so down. He just let me cry, and I needed that.

*****

After crying and bathing, Jamar ordered breakfast. We ate in silence as we both dove deeper into our own thoughts. After we were done, he put me in the bed and gave me an Ambien pill.

“Sleep well Jazzy, then you’ll wake up, and we’ll figure where to go from here.”

And as I drifted off into a well needed sleep, I thanked God that he was my friend.

I don’t know how many hours or days I slept, but when I woke up, the room was completely dark. I could feel Jamar’s warm body next to me and I nestled into him. He truly was my knight, the prince that was there to save me. It didn’t matter that he was gay and unattainable, it just mattered that he cared and loved me without doubt. He was the brother I always wished I had. So I stayed in bed for another hour before the hunger pains started to kick in. I wanted to call down for room service but didn’t want to wake Jamar up. So I slid out of the bed and tip-toed my way to the living area. I walked over to the bar and looked for the menu the hotel provided but was stopped in my tracks. Jamar came walking out of the bathroom and scared the shit out of me.

“Damn Jazzy, you could wake the dead up with that scream.”

He was holding his ears while I held on to my heart.

“What are you; I thought you were…wait.”

If he was out here then who in the hell was in the bedroom? I was confused and it showed on my face.

“I called him once you fell asleep. You’ve been sleeping for a day and a half; did you know that, out like a light?”

Who gave a shit about how long I was sleeping, he knew I didn’t? He was smiling. As if he was waiting for me to freak out and go all Jasmine on him. I swallowed hard. Could it be; could it be HIM?

“What, I mean, how did you get him to come? Isn’t he still mad, what did you say to him, what did he say? Wait…is that really him, Lanell?

Jamar took my hand and led me over to the couch. My hands were shaking and a million thoughts ran through my head.

“After you fell asleep I got your cell phone. I tried calling him from your cell but he wouldn’t pick up. So I called him from mine. At first he thought something was wrong, like you died or something----.”

“So that’s how you got him to come out?” I asked impatiently.

“No, are you crazy? Anyway, he wasn’t trying to hear nothing I was saying, but the more we spoke, the more he listened. I told him the truth he wasn’t trying to hear from you. I broke everything down and told him how you ended up living with Breeze. I also told him that shit didn’t seem right when it came to that fire, but that’s a whole other story.”

“So what did you say to get him to come, you had to have said something more, something that touched him in some sort of way?”

Jamar looked as if he was holding something back, like he knew I was about get mad or something.

“Well I kind of told him how you were falling apart. You know, with the drinking and going crazy in the club. And when I told him about that Huffington guy well, he kind of went crazy.”

“You told him about that?”

My eyes were big and my mouth was open. It was as if I was watching a crazy movie and couldn’t believe what I was hearing and seeing.

“I didn’t tell him his name; I just told him what went down.”

I stayed quiet for a while. If Lanell was there, that had to mean something right? That had to mean that he still cared.

“How did he look when he came in?” I asked as I reached for Jamar’s drink.

“Calm, nervous, pissed, sad, and all kinds of other shit, he looked like he was also really worried.”

Jamar said as I took one deep breath after the other. This was going to be the first time I saw him since Breeze’s house. I wasn’t sure how he was going to react, what he would say, or what was going to come out of my mouth.

“If there’s one thing that I do know, it’s that he’s still in love with you. He flew here on the first flight he could find…that’s love.”

There was sadness in Jamar’s voice when he said that. Maybe that Tyree shit bothered him more then he let on.

“I love him too, even with all of my bad decisions, I love him.”

I got back up and stood at the bedroom door. I put my hand on the doorknob and turned it slowly; I peeped in and saw him, still there, sleeping. I closed the door and went back over to Jamar.

“What was that thing that I had to remind you about?”

He made a disgusted face which raised my interest even more.

“Breeze.”

And that’s all he had to say. I sucked my teeth and threw my hands on my hips.

“What?”

“He came to my house; saw the boxes you left in my garage.”

“Oh, shit.”

“Oh, shit is right,” he said as he fixed himself another drink.

“He came to my house acting all crazy, talking about he was going to hurt me if I was helping you with some grand scheme to leave him.”

“Oh, my god, what did you do?”

“Nothing, I played it cool. But he did kind of scare me. Not in the “ohhh, he’s gonna whip my ass” way. But in the “This motherfucker is off his rocker” way.”

I couldn’t help but laugh, Breeze was really crazy. And what made it worse is that I didn’t even know about this. Breeze never brought it up.

“I just wanted to let you know in case you had to think of something to say, if and when he brings it up.”

“Did he call while I was asleep?” I asked as I looked around the room for my phone.

“A million times, I turned your phone off after I spoke to Lanell. That shit was driving me crazy.”

I turned on my phone and it seemed like Breeze called every other minute. I thought about calling him back just to let him know that I was in Vegas. But when I looked at the door that led to Lanell, I turned the phone back off and looked at the clock. It read 8:30. I hung out with Jamar and ordered dinner. I was hoping that Lanell would wake up and come out but he never did. Guess I was going to have to go in and face the sleeping lion.

*****

The room was still pitch black. I maneuvered my way around the room until I felt the bed. When I made it to my side, I just sat there, then after a few minutes I slipped my hand across the bed, it was empty. I started to panic, where was he? This would have been so much easier if he was still asleep. The light in the bathroom came on and I waited. I could hear every move he made, even over my pounding heartbeat. After he washed his hands, I waited, not breathing and terrified. When the door opened and he saw me, he just stood there. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking and that scared me.