Practice Makes Perfect (22 page)

Scalpel moved from area to area, sniffing and barking.

“Sometimes,” he said, going over to the bed and fingering the quilt, “there were summer storms. When we were little, Derek and I would race in here, climb into bed with them and watch the lightning over the lake.”

“What wonderful memories. You’re lucky to have them.”

Gently he ran his hand down the bedspread his mother had made herself. It was an heirloom quilt. “Come look, Paige.”

She crossed to him.

His eyes blurred, but he needed to tell her. “That’s a piece of her wedding gown,” he said, pointing. “And that’s one of our baseball uniforms, my dad’s varsity letter, Derek’s cap and gown, my first lab coat...” When he finished pointing and describing, he simply stared at the quilt.

Moving as close as she could, Paige slid her arms around his waist. “It’s the most exquisite thing I’ve ever seen. Your whole lives are chronicled there. What a treasure.”

Scalpel came to the bed then and laid his snout on the quilt. He whimpered soulfully.

Ian couldn’t look at the dog. He turned to Paige and drew her to him. Then he buried his face in her shoulder and cried.

o0o

THE RIDE BACK was quiet.

“I’m sorry, we’re later than I thought we’d be,” Ian finally said as he turned up Spencer Hill. The July air was still hot and heavy, reflecting Ian’s mood.

“I don’t have an appointment until one. How about you?”

“Um, I’m doing late duty at our practice. Three to nine.” Restlessly he raked a hand through his hair.

“Nine, huh? Will I see you after?”

“You want to, lady?”

“I want to, cowboy.”

His grin was weak. “There are a couple of babies ready to debut. If they don’t come, I’m all yours.”

She liked the sound of that. “You okay?” she asked.

“Yeah. You were right. I needed to go up there. The catharsis helped.”

“Wow. Scalpel, did you hear that? You’re my witness. He said I was right.”

As they neared her house, he seemed to relax. “I have quite a history displayed in that house. The photos, the quilt.”

“I know. Physical reminders are nice to have.”

“My past is what made me the man I am.”

“You mean arrogant and assuming?”

“Brat!” He ruffled her hair. “I mean confident. Happy. Maybe that’s why I’m so pushy.”

She didn’t respond.

“What are you thinking?” he asked.

“Nothing much.”

“You seemed fascinated by all the mementos.”

“I was.” An uncomfortable shift. “I...don’t have any from my own life.”

“I had so much more than you.”

“Life doesn’t treat everybody fairly.”

“No, I know. But it treated you worse than most.”

“I had Jade.”

He smiled and pulled into her driveway.

“I had something else you didn’t have—my birth mother’s support...”

Please don’t let him bring this up now
. She tried not to stiffen. He was still raw and didn’t need a tiff with her.

“There comes a time,” she said rationally, “when you have to put the past behind you.”

He brushed back her hair. “I know.” He smiled. “I just wanted to say that you’re a wonderful, smart, loving woman, and no one gave you much to build that on. I admire you. A lot.”

“Why, thank you.” She hugged him, held on a moment, then opened the door. “I’ve got to get going.”

She was out on the sidewalk leading to the house when he called out, “Wait a second. I want to tell you something else.” Pivoting, she came back to the car. “Two things, really.”

Trustingly, she smiled down at him.

“First, thanks for what you did today.”

“You’re welcome.”

He stared at her.

“What’s the second?”

“Just this.” He cleared his throat. “I love you, Paige.”

“HI THERE, little guy. How are you tonight?” Gowned but no longer needing a mask, Paige cuddled Sammy Barone to her chest, taking care not to disturb the heart monitors attached to his chest, abdomen and legs. The smell of baby powder and milk soothed her frazzled nerves.

Laurie, the primary-care nurse and a mother of four, smiled down at her. “He’s doing better every day, Dr. Kendrick.” Her smile turned to a frown.

“I can see that.” Paige rocked back and forth in one of the many NICU rocking chairs. “Why the scowl?”

“His mother doesn’t visit enough since she left the hospital.” One of the things Paige appreciated about the staff members was their honesty. They were nurturing and supportive in the extreme, but if something was wrong, they confronted it head-on. “You’ve been here holding him more than she has.”

Paige shook her head. “It’s hard for her with another infant at home. Without the baby’s father to help.”

Laurie held up a bottle. “Wanna do this?”

Paige took it. “Sure.”

“I wish she could have breast-fed him.”

“I do, too. But at least she’s nursing Suzy.”

“She’s too young to have a baby. Let alone two.”

“Maybe.” Paige watched as little Sammy latched on to the nipple. His tiny features were scrunched into a frown until he got a good hold. He’d been fed with a tube, but now he was taking a bottle once a day, and he was doing great with it.

“He calms really well with you, Dr. Kendrick.”

“Years of medical school,” she said dryly.

Laurie smiled as she headed for the door. “It’s more than that. You have a way with babies.” She smiled. “You got any of your own?”

“No.”

“Too bad.”

Paige managed a smile as Laurie left. She gazed down at Sammy and brushed the tuft of light-brown hair on his head. “So, tell me about your day, buddy.” He stared up at her with cloudy blue eyes that kept drifting shut. “Too busy eating? What’s that? You want to hear about mine?” Laying her head back on the chair, she sighed. “Nah, my stuff’s too grown-up for you. It has to do with a man.”

Who’d told her he loved her. This afternoon.

And she hadn’t said it back. The moment had been broken when Jewel had run out of the house and thrown herself at Paige, yelling, “I missed you, Aunt Paige.”

She’d grasped Jewel and held her between herself and Ian like a shield.

His eyes—those wonderful gray eyes—had shown hurt.

“But what did he expect, Sammy? It’s only been a few weeks since we...” Paige sighed. This was stupid. Ian expected
something
in return, rightfully so. But she needed time to mull things over, so when Jade had followed Jewel out, Paige had used her family as an excuse not to respond to the three most important words a man could say to a woman.

Ian had simply driven away. Paige hadn’t talked to him all day; she knew he was working from three to nine, but she hadn’t sought him out. As usual she’d been a coward and wasn’t in any hurry to face him. Suddenly the door to the neonatal visiting room opened. Paige looked up and saw him standing there.

“I thought I might find you here.” His face was lined with fatigue. He wore jeans and a navy polo shirt, and his hair was damp. He must have just showered.

“Have you been at the hospital today?”

“Yes. Two deliveries.” He glanced at the clock. “I still need to check on the patients.” Taking a seat across the room from her, he stared down at the infant. “How’s Sammy?”

She adjusted her arm and angled the bottle. “Better. Gained a couple of ounces.”

“How’s the apnea?”

“A little better. Only a few episodes today.” She looked up at him. “Have you talked to Mary Ellen?”

“Yes. I called her when the NICU informed me she hadn’t been in today.”

“How is she?”

“Not good. She was having a lot of trouble nursing Suzy, so she stopped. And Lena Barone isn’t helping at all. She was supposed to watch Suzy today so Mary Ellen could come here, but she copped out.”

“What about Nora?”

“Mary Ellen’s adamant about not bothering her before the wedding.”

“I’ll talk to Nora.” She looked down at Sammy “He needs to be with his mother.” Paige transferred her gaze to Ian. “How are you? After this morning?”

“Which part of this morning, Paige?” The gravity of his tone underscored what she already knew.

She sighed. They were beyond denial or avoidance. “I meant going to the cottage. But I want to talk about what you said, too, Ian.”

“The look on your face says maybe I don’t want to hear it.”

That surprised her. “It’s not bad.”

“Okay. Shoot.”

“You surprised me, is all. We haven’t been seeing each other that long. It seems early for a declaration like that.”

His expression was one of a man who’d been told he had a serious illness. “I see. Well, that’s a dismissal if ever I’ve heard one.” He stood.

“No, it isn’t.”

“I’m going to leave. I need time to pick my ego up off the floor and try to piece it back together.” He crossed to the door. “I’ll call you.”

“Ian—” She’d spoken too loudly, and the baby began to cry. Paige soothed him. “Shh, sweetie, I’m sorry.” When she looked up, Ian was gone.

As she watched Sammy with the bottle, she began to get angry. Damn it, as usual he hadn’t given her enough time to explain herself. It was his way or nothing. No middle ground.

She finished with the baby and left the NICU. She needed to talk to Ian. She approached the nurses’ station. “Laurie, do you know if Dr. Chandler’s left the hospital?”

“I think he’s in maternity. I was getting off the elevator, and he was going up on it.” She frowned. “He’s always in such a good mood, but he looked pretty upset.”

He is. With me
.

After checking at the maternity desk, Paige found him in the lounge. He was doing one of the puzzles. With a very pretty nurse, who was sitting very close to him on the couch.

The sight of him nestled next to another woman made Paige’s heart constrict. Her first impulse was to turn around and leave. She got as far as the door and stopped.

Not so fast. I’m not letting him go so fast
. She turned back. “Ian, I’d like to talk to you.”

He glanced over his shoulder, his face showing surprise.

The nurse looked at her, too. Neither one of them moved.

Paige smiled at the woman. “Could you excuse us?”

“Oh, sure.” She touched Ian’s sleeve when she stood. “I’ll be out at the station, Ian.”

When she left, Paige shut and locked the door. She longed to escape, but hell, she had some things to say. She crossed to him and sat on the couch. “I know you’re upset.”

“I’m not upset, Paige. I’m disappointed.” He glanced at her. Gone was the teasing lover, the flirt. In his place was a man who had been pushed to his emotional limits today.

“Ian, my feelings for you are deep, but it’s early in our relationship and I—”

“Is that what you think—that I expected you to return what I said to you today?”

“I don’t know what to think.”

“I didn’t,” he said starkly.

“Then why are you upset?”

“Because I didn’t expect you to ignore it, either.”

“I didn’t mean to ignore it. But Jewel came out, then Jade after her.”

“You could have sent them inside. Talked to me about what you were feeling.”

“I didn’t know what I was feeling.”

“That would have been all right.” He picked up her hand and brought it to his mouth for a quick brush of his lips. The gesture was so tender it brought tears to her eyes. “I need you to tell me your feelings, honey, regardless of what they are. And just now, up in NICU, I felt like an intern who’d spoken out of turn.”

“This is hard for me.”

“I know.”

Drawing a deep breath, she leaned close to him. “You scared the hell out of me with that declaration.”

“I—”

“No, just listen. You want to hear what I have to say, then don’t interrupt. I feel things for you I’ve never felt before. It’s more frightening than I can describe. We’re different, Ian. I wasn’t looking for this with you. It’s still hard for me to let you into my life.”

He didn’t say anything.

“You can talk now.”

He sighed. “I’m tired of forcing every issue in this relationship, Paige. It feels one-sided.”

“It isn’t one-sided, Ian. I’ll try to be more open about my feelings. Be patient with me. You’re asking me to change the way I’ve always dealt with people.”

“I need to know that there’s hope for us.”

“Yes, of course there is. I want things to work out between us, Ian. I want a future with you. I’m starting to trust you.”

He drew in a breath. “I know how much
that
means to you.” He leaned over and kissed her gently on the lips. “Let’s go home.” He tried to joke, but his voice was still raw. “You can
show
me how you feel now.”

She glanced at the door. “No other plans?”

“I hadn’t made any yet.”

“Good. I want you all to myself.”

He laughed and grabbed her hand. “I like the sound of that. Let’s go, sweetheart.”

o0o

“HI, IT’S ME AGAIN.” As he spoke into the phone, Ian tapped his fingers on his desk; it was better than kicking the wastebasket. “I’ve been trying to reach you for a couple of days now. Where are you? Call me.
Now
.” Realizing how autocratic he sounded, he added, “Please.” He clicked off the phone and said, “Son of a bitch.”

“Hmm, calling that little nurse?”

Pivoting, he found Paige in the doorway. “Um, no”.” He glanced guiltily at the phone.

Paige frowned. “Who is she, then? Am I gonna have to beat her up?” It took him a minute to realize she was flirting with him.

“I don’t know.” He sat on the desk, enjoying this side of her. “She’s an older woman.”

Closing the office door, Paige leaned against it. “Confess. Or I’ll have to torture you.”

“Hmm. Handcuffs, maybe?”

“Oh, that’s all we need. We tore the covers off the bed last night.”

They had. He couldn’t seem to get enough of her. “Better watch the flirting, then.” He remembered something. “It wasn’t just sex that messed up the covers, honey.”

She started to close down. He watched her visibly fight it. “Don’t, Ian. I can’t do anything about the nightmares.”

“Paige, you know what’s brought these on. They started right around the time Mary Ellen had her babies. Mary Ellen is a Serenity House girl.”