Practice Makes Perfect (26 page)

“Ian?”

She drew back. “I want to tell you something.”

He looked down at her. “What?”

“Just that I love you.”

He didn’t move and his face was shadowed, so she couldn’t tell what he was thinking. Finally he asked hoarsely, “What did you say?”

“I said I love you.”

“What...” He cleared his throat. “What brought this on?”

“I don’t know. The wedding. The tree house. How you hold me at night.” She nodded to the exit. “Things like what you’ve done for Mary Ellen.”

“I...I’m speechless.”

“Well, that’s a first.” Still he just stared at her. “Aren’t you happy?” she asked.

He met her forehead with his. “Are you kidding? I never really believed you’d say that to me.”

“I’m sorry.” She fiddled with his tie. “It just takes me longer to process things.”

As if it had just sunk in, he smiled broadly and drew her close. “Paige.”

The tenderness of the moment overwhelmed her. She let herself sink into him.

“Say it again.”

“I love you, Ian Chandler.”

Smiling, he tucked her under his chin. “Nothing will ever be the same after this, Paige.”

“I don’t think I want things to change too much.”

“Are you kidding? It’s a whole new ball game now. You belong to me, baby, and I’m never letting you forget that.”

His phrasing bothered her. Then he hugged her more tightly, and she forgot the fear and simply basked in her feelings for him. As she caught a glimpse of Dan and Nora standing on the balcony, staring up at the sky, she remembered her earlier thoughts.

It seemed like she was a sap for weddings, too.

IAN AWOKE to a sharp jab in the ribs. “What the—”

“No! Please give her back. Don’t let them take her.”

On the other side of his bed, Paige thrashed violently. He switched on a light, leaned over and shook her. “Paige, honey, wake up, you’re dreaming.” Again.

Tears coursed down her cheeks. The sight broke his heart. “Paige, baby, wake up.”

“No, no...”

He shook her harder. Scalpel came in from the living room. He whimpered at Ian, nosed Paige. “I know, boy. I can’t wake her up.”

Finally, after a few more shakes, she opened her eyes. “Where is she?”

Damn it, he wasn’t going to just sit by and let this happen over and over. “Who, Paige?” he said forcefully.

“Her.”

“Who’s her?”

“My...” She came fully awake then. “Oh, Ian.” Raking a hand through her hair, she sat right up. She noticed the dog and petted his head. “Sorry I woke you guys.”

“Me, too, Paige.”

She raised her brows.

“You can’t keep going like this. These last two nightmares have been the worst.”

She stared at him with big eyes.

“Don’t shut me out now, honey. Part of loving someone is letting him help you.”

Wearily she sank back onto the pillows. “I let you help me more than I’ve ever let anyone.”

“I’m not trained for this kind of thing. Even if I was, I couldn’t do it. I’m not objective.”

“I don’t want counseling. I don’t want to hack this to death with somebody.”

He didn’t say anything. He could understand her not wanting to unearth deeply buried pain. But—

“Look, Ian, I’ve made a lot of progress. These nightmares are the only things wrong with my life. What happened to me affects no other area.”

He thought about her attachment to Sammy Barone, and how she’d agonized over Mary Ellen’s plight. Before he could comment, she said, “Bear with me awhile. This will pass. It’s all the stuff with the Center. With Mary Ellen.”

Reaching out, he grazed her cheek with his knuckles. “I’d do anything for you, Paige.”

“Then trust me on this. I know what’s best for me.”

He tugged her close and slid down so they both lay on one pillow. “All right. For now.” But he’d be damned if he wouldn’t try to come up with some way to stop these nightmares.

o0o

“DO YOU WANT the truth, Paige?” Elliot Emerson sat behind his desk, all business. In the weeks she’d been working with the psychologist, she’d come to respect his ability. And since she and Ian were so obviously a couple, he’d backed off personally.

“Of course.”

“I don’t think Mary Ellen’s going to make it with the twins. Her mother is not only no help, she’s a problem. She yells at her daughter and screams when Suzy acts up. I fully agree with Nora Nolan that Lena Barone only wants the welfare money Mary Ellen gets for her two kids. With Sammy going home this week, the situation will only get worse.”

Paige felt so sad inside it momentarily silenced her. These were not the words she wanted to hear. “Can we get Mary Ellen out of the house? Into a place of her own?”

“I’m not sure she can handle that. She’s only seventeen. Pretty young to be raising one infant, let alone two.”

“What are you saying?”

“I think she’ll end up giving them up for adoption.”

Tears pricked Paige’s eyes. “Maybe it’s for the best.”

Elliot took a bead on her. “You’ve gotten close to the twins, haven’t you?”

“Sammy, mostly.”

“The nurses say you’re there a lot.”

“He’s so tiny. He needs human contact.”

“You and Ian are something.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s visited frequently, too.”

“Really? I didn’t know that.”

“He says the kid needs male bonding.” Elliot chuckled. “He’d probably take that damn dog with him if it was allowed.”

Paige smiled. It was so like Ian. She finally said, “If that’s what Mary Ellen decides to do, how would she proceed?”

“Foster care first.” He picked up a folder. “I’ve been looking into it. There’s not much foster care in Hyde Point or Elmwood to begin with. It will be difficult to find someone to take infant twins, especially if one of them has problems.” Paige was only too aware that Sammy might still need breathing assistance when he was released, which could involve respirators, or at least oxygen.

Paige sighed. “They’ll be split up.”

“Yes.”

“Do you think anyone will adopt them together?”

“It’s likely. Though it might take a while longer.”

Paige stood and smoothed down the lab coat she wore. “Thanks, Elliot. I appreciate your filling me in.”

Elliot rose and crossed the room with her. They stood in the open doorway. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“You seem unusually attached to this family. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. God knows, doctors are human. But I was wondering why.”

You need some help with this Paige. Some counseling
.

“No reason, I guess.”

He placed a hand on her shoulder. “I’m a good listener.”

“Of course you are. You’re a psychologist.”

“A friend, too, I hope. I might be able to help if you have a problem.” He angled his head. “Doesn’t look like you’ve been sleeping very well.”

Oh, God, it showed. She felt ravaged after those nightmares, but thought she was covering well. Even Jade hadn’t noticed she was exhausted.

“I’m fine, Elliot. But thanks for the concern.”

He smiled. “Well, pardon the cliché, but the door’s always open.”

“Thanks.” She left his office and headed for the one she shared with Ian. Elliot’s observation upset her. She hoped she had time to regroup before she had to face Ian.

She didn’t.

As soon as she sat at her desk, Cindy burst in. “Paige, come quick. There’s an emergency in the waiting room.”

Paige flew out the door behind Cindy. “Julie Jameson’s baby is having some kind of seizure,” Cindy said as they hurried down the hallway.

Paige grabbed a blanket as she passed a stack of clean laundry. In the waiting room, she found people crowding around a woman holding a child. Tossing the blanket on the floor, Paige took the baby from the young mother. The little boy was stiff. His movements were jerky, his mouth frothy. His lips were blue. “Cindy, tell everyone to give us room,” Paige said firmly.

The nurse moved people out of the way.

The baby was not breathing. Paige lay him on his back. Gently she tilted his head, lifted his chin. She covered his nose and mouth with her own mouth, all the while praying,
Please, let this work
. She gave the boy a slow, gentle breath for about one and a half seconds. No response. She waited. Gave another. She was just about to check for airway blockage when she saw the child’s chest begin to rise and fall.

Thank God
.

She glanced up at the crowd. Everyone was deadly silent, even the kids who were waiting to be seen. And they were looking at her as if she were God and had just brought Lazarus back to life.

She didn’t feel like God. She felt like a wet dishrag. Could things get any worse?

They did...at about nine that night when her service telephoned her at home. She and Ian were lounging in the pool, trying to forget the stressful day, which had ended for both of them a couple of hours ago. “Dr. Kendrick?” the operator said. “Mary Ellen Barone is trying to get hold of you. I told her I’d contact the doctor on call, but she’s hysterical.”

“I’ll call her,” Paige said, clicking off and punching in the number. “It’s Mary Ellen,” Paige informed Ian as he climbed out of the water and took the towel Scalpel carried in his mouth for his master.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“I don’t know.” She waited as the phone rang. Finally someone answered.

“Hello.” It was Lena Barone.

In the background, Paige heard yelling. A man’s voice. “Shut up those goddamned...” A crash. “I gotta get some sleep!”

“Mrs. Barone, this is Paige Kendrick.”

“Yeah, good.” The woman didn’t cover the phone. Paige heard wailing in the background. She tensed, picturing those tiny babies crying. “Get your ass over here, Mary Ellen.”

Commotion. Lots of swearing. Paige felt her insides churn.

“Dr. Kendrick?”

“What’s happening, Mary Ellen?”

“It’s Johnny, my mother’s boyfriend. He’s mad ‘cause Sammy won’t stop crying. Then Sammy wakes up Suzy, and they both cry. I can’t...I don’t know what to do. I woulda called Nora, but she and Dan are on their honeymoon.” Paige could hear the tears. “What should I do?”

Two hours later, Paige and Ian were back at Paige’s house, sitting, each with a twin in their arms, while Mary Ellen slept on the chaise. At her wit’s end with the whole situation, the young mother wanted the kids to be turned over to foster care tonight.

Ian was pensive, but Paige sensed an underlying anger in him. He gazed down at Suzy. “How can Lena Barone not cherish this beautiful little girl?”

Watching the big man cradle the baby, Paige felt a swell of emotion for him. She hugged Sammy to her chest. Both infants had quieted and were dozing. “I don’t know.” She gulped back the emotion. “How long will it take Social Services to get here?”

“It’ll be a while. Since the family is safe, and we’re doctors, the woman on call said she was going to try to find foster homes right away.”

Paige felt her eyes fill. “I feel so bad we couldn’t do more.”

“We did all we could, Paige.”

Little Sammy’s eyes fluttered open. He stared up at Paige and smiled. “Hi, buddy, you smiling at me?” she asked. He batted her face with his hand.

“He could recognize you,” Ian said. “You’ve spent a lot of time with him.”

“He’s probably got some gas,” she said. “I’m going to miss the little guy.”

“I’m sorry, honey.”

Paige looked over at Mary Ellen. “Me, too.”

Paige was even sorrier when the social worker arrived an hour later. Each of them was still holding an infant. Mary Ellen had already said goodbye to the babies, and Paige didn’t want her to get into another emotional scene so she’d sent the girl inside.

The woman’s face was lined with fatigue as she led them to the car. “I found people to take them.” She smiled at Paige. “Not together, though.”

“We figured that.” She clutched Sammy to her chest. He smelled like baby powder and milk and curled into her trustingly.

Ian put Suzy in the car seat first. When he had her strapped up, he kissed her head gently. “Take care, little one.”

Paige’s throat closed up. He straightened and gently took Sammy from her. “Bye, sweetie,” she said, brushing the baby’s head with her lips. Her eyes filled.

Ian settled Sammy in, closed the door gently, then thanked the social worker.

They watched until the taillights disappeared, then turned around and walked hand in hand into the house.

o0o

PAIGE THREW herself into her work. By Friday she looked ready to collapse, and there was nothing Ian could do about it. Each night she slept less, each day she worked harder. He was beside himself with worry. It was when he was reading his online mail for Right to Know that the idea came to him. An article about a birth mother finding her daughter after twenty years had been forwarded to him. He’d read the story and stored it just as Paige walked into the office; when he saw the dark rings under her eyes in the light of day, he acted on impulse.

“Come here, I want you to see something.”

Sighing, she crossed to the computer. A lot of her spunk was gone, and that worried him the most.

He stood up and eased her down. She watched as he clicked on the RTK icon, then called up the article. “Read this.”

She skimmed it. He leaned against the desk. Watching her, he wondered if this was the right thing to do. He had a fleeting feeling it might not be, but he was running out of options.

“Do you think Mary Ellen should go for open adoption?” she asked after she finished reading.

“Mary Ellen?”

“Yes. Isn’t that why you showed me this article?”

“No, that isn’t why. It’s because you’re looking like Morticia from the Addams family that I showed it to you.”

“I don’t understand.”

He propped his hands on his hips. “Then I’ll spell it out for you. I think you should find your daughter. We’ll use RTK.”

She stared at him.

“You’re running yourself into the ground, running
away
from what’s been stirred up in you. I can’t stand by and watch this any longer.”

Slowly, obviously trying to contain herself, Paige rose. She didn’t look strong, though. She looked very fragile. “No.” She headed for the door.