Practice Makes Perfect (28 page)

Setting a cup of coffee before him, Lynne sat adjacent to him. “Then why are you here at the crack of dawn?”

He glanced at her. “Just to tell you how much she liked the ring.”

Lynne gave him a knowing smile. “Ian, you’ve always been an open book. Ever since you were little, when you were up to something, you always had to confess. Elsa said you’d come to her, talk around the subject and finally blurt out what you’d done, or were about to do.”

He grunted and sipped his coffee.

“Which is it?”

He studied the brew as if it held answers to life’s mysteries. “Both. I’ve done half of it. I’m about to do the other half.” He looked at her. “It involves Paige.”

“Tell me, dear.”

He drilled his fingers on the table, swamped again by the confusion that had driven him from her bed at three this morning.
I trust you, Ian
. “Lynne, I...there are things you don’t know about Paige.”

“Do you want to tell me?”

“I can’t go into details. They’re personal, and she’d have to tell you. But she has nightmares about her past. I think there’s a way to stop them.” He stood and began to pace. “But she doesn’t agree.”

“It should be her choice, Ian.”

“But she’s making the
wrong
choice. The dreams are horrible. I can’t stand by and watch them anymore.”

“So you’ve done something.”

“Yes, I’ve put something in the works—or am about to—that I think will fix all this.”

“Ian, sit down.”

Like an obedient little boy, he stopped pacing and sat back down at the table.

“You can’t fix everything, honey. Life isn’t like one of your puzzles. Despite what you seem to think, you can’t control everything. My guess is you became a doctor because you wanted to fix everything, and that’s good. But this controlling streak you have, this insistence that you know the right thing for others, is dangerous.” She gave him a half smile. “It’s irritating, too, for me. But...it could harm you. It could harm your relationship with Paige.”

“So you don’t think I should do this?”

“Honey,
you
don’t think you should do this or you wouldn’t be here.”

“It’s so hard to watch her suffer when I know I can help.”

“Paige is a grown woman. She should be able to make her own decisions.”

“We’re getting married.”

“Yes, and you’ll be her husband, not her father.” Lynne’s tone was dry.

“Oh, hell.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t want to be her father.”

“Then let her make her own decisions. Be there for her. Encourage her. Even fight about it if you have to, but don’t betray her trust. I think trust is a big deal to Paige.”

“Bigger than you know.”

“Is it too late to undo what you’ve done?”

“Nah, just a little click of the delete button on the computer.”

“Then I suggest you go take care of that.”

He stared at Lynne. She was so important to him. Paige could be just as significant in her daughter’s life. The woman he loved could have so much more and he wanted to give it to her.

But Lynne was right. Paige’s trust was more important. He wouldn’t search for her daughter without her consent.

o0o

PAIGE WAS STILL floating on air when she breezed into the Center that morning. She hadn’t told Ian last night—they were busy with other things—but she’d decided to spend half her time at the Center from now on and scale down her private practice. Again she grinned. She was going to have two children to take care of. Mary Ellen had been tickled pink that Ian and Paige were going to adopt the babies, and of course, everything would be done openly.

She thought of little Sammy who’d clutched at her shirt this morning when she’d gone to the foster family to see him before work. And then she’d visited Suzy, who didn’t recognize her as easily as her brother, but she soon would. Paige and Ian had filed for foster care of both of them, then would start the adoption proceedings.

Placing her purse in her drawer, she stopped for a second. Was it all too good to be true? She had Ian, and soon they’d be parents to two adorable kids. Could life possibly be this wonderful? Or would something go wrong? Everything was so good maybe the gods were going to get jealous and take away her happiness.

No, that was stupid, she thought as she closed the drawer and rummaged around in her desk for her schedule. People were in control of their own fate, not spiteful deities.

There was a knock on the open door. She turned to find Nathan Hyde in the entryway. “Hello, Nathan. Are you looking for Ian?”

Nathan strode into the room, tall and commanding and just a little intimidating. “No, I was looking for you. Didn’t Ian tell you I stopped by yesterday?”

“Um, no.” Like a giddy schoolgirl, she held out her beringed hand. “We’ve been pretty busy.”

Nathan studied the ring appreciatively. “Very nice. Congratulations.”

“Thanks.” She folded her arms. “What can I do for you?”

“I wanted to ask you about Anabelle Crane.”

Paige remembered Anabelle’s words.
I wish I’d left Hyde Point as soon as I got out of Serenity House... I wish I’d never met Nathan Hyde
. “What about her?”

“I saw her at Dan’s wedding. I was wondering...how she is?”

“She’s a successful undercover cop in Seattle, Nathan. She’s already gone back to her job there.”

With his free hand, he fidgeted with his tie and gripped the folder he held in the other. “I know. I was wondering how she was faring personally.”

“She seemed okay to me.” She’d been a little sad, but it wasn’t Paige’s place to tell Nathan.

“No big revelations during your powwow at the lake?”

“You know about that?”

“Yes. I had a bachelor party for Dan one of the nights you ladies were up there.”

“I see.”

“Look, I don’t want you to betray any confidences, but I have a vested interest here. I need to know if she’s doing well. And Dan won’t discuss her.”

“As I said, she seems okay to me.”

“Any man in her life?” He closed his eyes. “No, don’t answer that. I’m going to get out of here before I embarrass myself further.” He shrugged boyishly. “I just wonder about her, is all.” He turned and headed for the door. Then he stopped. “Oh, I almost forgot.” He held up the folder he’d carried in with him “Can you give this to Ian?”

“Sure.”

“It’s the case law I found on the question he asked me about birth records.”

“Birth records?”

“Yes, it must be for that adoption matching agency he heads. He wanted to know the legality of searching for the birth records of someone who was born fifteen years ago.”

Paige swallowed hard. “Fifteen years ago?”

“Yes. Must be trying to match somebody up.”

With none-too-steady hands, Paige accepted the folder and said goodbye to Nathan. She stood stock-still in the center of the room, staring at the folder. It could be coincidence, but all her self-protective instincts rose to red alert.

Would Ian do something like this to her? Surely not.

But she remembered his overbearingness in everything, how he’d tricked her into working at the Center...
You need some counseling, Paige
. Damn it, he’d even made her try black raspberry ice cream.

Still...

Pivoting, she faced the machine. Swallowed hard again. Forced herself to think rationally. She crossed the room, sat down and booted up the computer.

Don’t do this
, an inner voice warned.
Trust him. Wait for him to come in and explain
.

But she couldn’t. Fifteen years of independence, fifteen years of protecting herself came to the forefront. She had to know. Now.

The icons appeared. She searched for RTK and found it in the left-hand comer, right where it had been that day Ian had gotten the article for her. After a brief pause, she called it up. Closing her eyes, she took several breaths, then looked at the icons that appeared in that folder.

The very last one was labeled PAIGE.

She bit her lip until it tasted coppery. So he’d done it. All right, might as well get the full dose. She clicked on PAIGE. Two more icons came up in the folder. BIRTH REPORT. APPLICATION.

She opened the first, and there it was—evidence of Ian’s betrayal. A coldness invaded her.

The statistics: date of delivery, ambulance, hospital admittance. The baby had come early, as Sammy and Suzy had—almost a month early. Emotion bubbled in Paige’s throat, but she battled it back and read further. So he hadn’t found out the weight, color of her eyes, any distinguishing marks. Maybe he hadn’t gone into the hospital birth records yet.

Burying her face in her hands, Paige tried in vain not to imagine what the tiny infant must have looked like. Felt like, smelled like.

No, she wouldn’t do this! She straightened and clicked on APPLICATION. It was for Right to Know. Ian had already filled it out. Name of birth mother: Paige Kendrick. Father: Ronald... no last name known. Date of birth of adoptee: April 6, 1996. She skimmed the rest.

Again the stark truth hit her in the face, slapping her into sanity. He’d done a search on her child, using the information she’d so foolishly given him.

It was the worst possible kind of betrayal. She sucked in breaths, fast and hard. Her arms banded around her waist, but nothing could stop the blistering pain that fanned out from her stomach to every single part of her.

Why are you surprised?
she asked herself. There were so many signs. She remembered his quote from the paper:
All adoptions should be open...Birth mothers suffer their whole lives unnecessarily. If I had my way, all adoptees and birth mothers would unite...no other way for them to lead normal lives...

You should find your daughter. We’ll use RTK
.

Ian was a man who did whatever he thought best, no matter what others believed. No matter what he promised.

She glanced down at her hand and saw the sapphire ring sparkling in the sun coming through the office window.

Promise me something. You won’t ever do that again— something underhanded, something manipulative, to get me to do what you want.

You can trust me. I won’t do something like this again. I promise.

Yeah, sure. She could trust him. Just like she’d been able to trust Ronny. Her mother. Her father.

Overcome by grief, Paige put her head down in her hands. But she didn’t cry. She’d cried more since she’d known Ian than she had the past fifteen years. Now, she was done with all that.

She didn’t know how much later she heard, “Paige?” His voice sounded husky and concerned.

Immediately she straightened.

“What’s wrong?” He crossed to her, and his hand clasped her shoulder. She wanted to shrink from his touch and from the confrontation to come. “Why are you—oh, shit.” He must have seen the screen.

“Déjà vu, isn’t it?”

“Paige—”

“Just like the last time. You were standing behind me, I was sitting in this very chair, when we got Marla’s instant message.” Oh, God, why hadn’t she followed her instincts then and run far away from him?

From the man who betrayed her.

He said simply, “I didn’t do it.”

She cocked her head. “Oh, someone else filled out an application to search for her?” Paige’s voice cracked on the last word.

He swung her around and knelt in front of her. His eyes were earnest and intent. “No, I did that. But I didn’t send the application in.”

“Didn’t have time?” she asked bitterly. “Too busy romancing me?”

“All right, I can see why you’re upset. But no, I had time—I just decided not to do it. That it would have been too much of a betrayal of your trust.”

“Oh, please.”

“You don’t
believe
me?” He seemed genuinely surprised.

“No, I don’t. And even if I did, it was a betrayal of my trust just to fill out the application.” She stared into those gray eyes she loved so much. “Do you know you’ve done the worst possible thing in the world to me?”

“Honey, I’m so sorry.”

“Well, like somebody I know once said, sometimes sorry’s not enough.”

“I made a mistake, Paige. I’m sorry for it. But in the end, I didn’t betray your trust. I talked to Lynne this morning about it and—”

“You told Lynne about me? After I specifically said I didn’t want her to know about this?”

“I didn’t give her any details. Just talked about whether I had the right to make decisions for you. She told me I didn’t. That it was wrong. I knew I was wrong, I think, from the beginning, but...Anyway, I decided not to do it. I was coming back today to delete the file.”

She shook her head. “Okay, Ian, you were going to delete the file.” She pushed at this chest; he stood and moved back. She rose and crossed to the other side of the room, her back to him.

“You really don’t believe me, do you?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it matters. We can’t start a marriage with this between us.”

Pivoting, she looked at him, standing there, so big, so strong, so sure of himself. She shook her head. Then she peered down at her hand. Slowly she slid off the beautiful ring and set it on the desk. “There isn’t going to be any marriage, Ian.”

His face drained of color. “Paige, don’t say that. I love you.”

“Unfortunately I love you, too.”

“Then let’s work this out.”

“It can’t be worked out.” She turned away, unable to face him. “It’s over between us.”

“Paige, please.” He strode to her and grasped her arm. “Please, stay. Let’s discuss this.”

“No.”

He moved in close, aligned his body with hers. She felt his warmth in every cell of her body. “Do you remember telling me the nightmares were the only thing wrong with your life?”

“Yes.”

“Honey, if you can do this, just walk out on what we have together because I made a mistake, if you can honestly say you don’t believe me, there’s a lot more wrong with your life than nightmares.”

“I don’t want to hear this.”

“You’re going to be alone forever because of your unresolved issues, Paige. If you can walk out on the man who loves you more than anyone’s ever loved you, whom you love back...” His voice trailed off.