Pretty Pink Ribbons (29 page)

“Come on, Benny.” Luke slaps him on the back. “Let’s leave these two lovebirds alone.” He turns to us before he follows Benny out the door. “Don’t take long, the pizza will be here any minute.”

“Pizza?” I gaze curiously at Levi.

“We decided to have a party today,” Levi says with a smile. “We’ve already got the beer, and Benny has more DVDs than he knows what to do with. All we needed was some pizza.”

“A party,” I say slowly. “For shaving my head.”

“No,” Levi retorts. “A party to celebrate your bravery.”

“I like that.” Pushing up on my toes, I fuse my mouth to Levi’s in a sensual kiss. “I love you,” I whisper, and his arms tighten around me. Waiting a couple of seconds, I give him the chance to say it back, but once again he doesn’t. It’s okay that he hasn’t said it back, but I’ll keep saying it to him anyway. In fact, he’ll probably get sick of hearing it, because if there’s one thing I’ve learned from this whole experience, it’s that our time here on earth is limited so you have to tell people how you feel or you might never get the chance.

“Okay.” I pull from Levi’s warm embrace and clap my hands together with as much enthusiasm as I can muster. “Let’s do this.”

“You’re so strong, baby.” He picks up the clippers and I spin around to face the mirror. “Take your shirt off or you’ll get hair everywhere.” Stretching across the small space, Levi flicks the lock and I lift my shirt over my head then toss it to the floor. “Ready?”

I nod once and close my eyes as the soft buzz of the clippers gets closer to my head. At first contact, the vibrations tickle and I scrunch up my shoulders as Levi runs the shears over my scalp. I concentrate on breathing in and out, pretending that with each pass I’m letting go of my insecurities. It’s cathartic really, and by the time Levi is done, my anxiety level is about as low as it can go.

Levi runs his knuckles down the back of my head and then twirls me around. His strong, warm hands cup my cheeks. “Open your eyes, beautiful girl.” My heavy lids peel open and I come face to face with two deep pools of swirling water. He blinks twice, his eyes shining with a soft glow, and kisses me several times before whispering, “I’m so proud of you, Lane. So proud.”

I reach up and grip his forearms in my hands. “You’re amazing, you know that?”

“Not amazing,” he counters, shaking his head. “Enamored. I’m in awe of your strength and perseverance. Not many women could do this with the grace that you have.”

A quick laugh bursts out of me. “I wouldn’t exactly call it grace. Did you see my meltdown earlier?”

“You had a moment,” he shrugs, pulling my shirt over my head. “That’s to be expected. It’s the way you pulled yourself through and pushed on. You knew what had to be done and you accepted it, which is one of the many things I find so endearing about you. Now turn that gorgeous head of yours around and check out your new ‘do.”

Levi flicks the lock on the door and cracks it open, letting the boys know we’re done. Slowly, I turn toward the mirror. I run my fingers along the top of my head, loving the way the peach fuzz feels against my skin. I’m aware that, in time, even the stubble will fall out, but for now, this isn’t so bad. “What do you think?” he asks.

My eyes snap to Levi’s in the mirror. “I think you need to grow your hair back out.”

He looks at me, brows bunched low and mouth tipped down. “Why’s that?”

Turning back toward him, I rub my hand over his head. “You know how I feel about hair tugging,” I say, waggling my eyebrows. “If you can’t wrap your fist around mine when we make love, then I want to be able to grip yours.”

Levi’s face splits into a wide grin and I nip his bottom lip playfully. A loud groan comes from the hallway, and we both turn to see Luke walking away with his hands covering his ears.

“Good God,” he yells. “Tits and hair pulling. Damn it, I do
not
need to hear this shit.”

Levi smirks and I laugh as he wraps me in his arms. “Come on, let’s go pick on your brother some more.” He drops his hand to the small of my back and follows me into the kitchen, where we find Luke and Benny sitting at the table.

“Bald looks sexy on you, Lane,” Benny says, earning himself a vicious growl from Levi and a slap against the back of the head from Luke. “What?” he asks innocently. “It’s true. Not many women can pull off the bald look, but she can.”

“Thank you,” I answer, walking over to give him a kiss on the cheek. Luke kicks out a chair at the table for me and I sink into it, rubbing my hand across my face. My eyes land on the pile of bills in the center of the table, and I cringe at the thought of opening them. Screw it, I say to myself. A girl can only handle so much in one day—I think losing my hair is my limit for today. Bills can wait until tomorrow, especially since it’s not like they’re going anywhere.

There’s a soft knock on the door. “I got it.” Benny jumps up. “It’s probably the pizza.”

“Where on earth did you guys find a pizza joint that would deliver at ten a.m.?” I ask.

“Ask your boyfriend,” Luke says, gesturing in Levi’s direction. “He’s the one that pulled it off.”

“I called in a favor.” Levi gives me a cheeky grin and plops down in Benny’s vacant chair.

Faint bickering filters through the air. Levi gives Luke a knowing look as I stand from the table to go investigate. My feet don’t even make it into the living room before I’m bombarded. “Mia,” I gasp, catching her tiny frame in my arms. “Oh my God. Mia!” Her arms wrap around my neck tightly and she squeals, bouncing around on her toes.

“Holy shit, did I miss you,” she says, pulling back to look at me. “You’ve lost weight.” She yanks me back into her arms. “I’ll fatten you up, I promise.”

“What are you doing here?” I ask, gasping for air when she squeezes me too tight.

“Sorry,” she giggles, untangling herself from me. “I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be away from you when you were going through this, and I couldn’t work for Daddy anymore. This is where I need to be.”

“But Mia, what about—?” She waves a hand, cutting me off, and I know there’s more to the story than what she’s telling me. She gives a subtle shake of her head, which I recognize as the I’ll-tell-you-later sign, and I nod my head to let her know the message was received. “I’m so glad you’re home. I’ve missed you so much.”

She squeezes my hand and offers me a soft smile. “Not near as much as I missed you, doll. Nice hair, by the way,” she says, rubbing a hand over the top of my head. “All I did was think about you and worry about you. You were texting me so much right after I left, and then it started to die off and I couldn’t help but worry.”

“I’ll take the blame for that one,” Levi says, raising his hand in the air as he walks into the living room. He steps up to me and places his arm around my shoulders. “I’ve been occupying most of her free time.” He offers Mia a cheeky grin and then winks at me.

“I know,” Mia says, winking back. She pushes past the two of us and into the kitchen, and we follow behind her.

“She knows?” Levi whispers.

“Of course she knows,” I whisper back. “She’s my best friend. I tell her everything.”

He stops walking and looks at me with his eyebrows raised. “Everything?”

“Not the juicy stuff, babe.” I pat him on the back. “Don’t worry, I only tell her enough to make her drool over you. The rest is between us.”

“She drools over me?” His eyes twinkle—literally freaking twinkle—and I can’t help but roll mine.

SUMMER IS OFFICIALLY GONE and in its place is the beauty of fall. Crisp red leaves are sprinkled across my yard, and I watch as a light breeze picks several of them up and tosses them around. I close my eyes, listening to the rustling sound, rocking back in my swing. It’s the little things like this that I’ve been trying to absorb . . . to memorize. I’ve never been a morning person, but now I enjoy sitting on my porch and watching the sun rise. It’s different each day, and I think that makes it even more exciting. You never know if you’re going to get a bright orange glow highlighted with shades of red, or a pink sky sprinkled with purple clouds. But it doesn’t matter which one you get; they’re all beautiful because they all represent another day.

The front door creaks and I open my eyes to find Mia walking out, wrapped in a blanket, a cup of coffee clutched between her hands. Her hair is done and makeup is on, and she looks as gorgeous as ever. “What are you doing out here?” she asks, sitting down next to me, the tattered wood screeching with the weight of us both.

“Just thinking.”

“About what?”

“Everything.” I shrug, not wanting to burden her with the weight of my world. I feel like she gets the brunt of it as it is. She’s been living with me since she officially moved to St. Louis a month ago, and although Levi is here the majority of the time, it’s always when he’s gone that I let myself break down. And unfortunately for Mia, she’s usually the only one here.

Initially, she wanted to find her own apartment, but I asked her to stay because she’s been my rock for so long and I feel like I need her close. It’s been great having Levi around, but sometimes I just want Mia. She’s been sleeping on the couch, and nights when Levi stays over she usually ends up sleeping on Benny’s couch because she insists she can hear us ‘bumping uglies,’ as she puts it. Mia’s had a hard time finding a job so she’s been helping Benny with his small construction business by doing paperwork and ordering supplies. It isn’t what she wants to do, but it’s keeping her busy.

“Are you feeling okay?” she asks.

“As good as can be expected.” I give her a sidelong glance and she sighs. That’s the answer I give everyone these days because it’s the easiest way to avert the question. As much as they all love me—and I know they do—I can’t burden them with my endless amounts of fatigue and worry . . . and I worry a lot.

I’ve officially maxed out my credit cards paying off hospital bills. I met my deductible right after the surgery, but I still have to pay twenty percent of everything, and that adds up when ‘everything’ includes oncologists and chemotherapy. My checks from Flame provide enough to keep me afloat, but the anxiety of living paycheck to paycheck is starting to take its toll. Especially when you combine it with everything else I’ve got going on.

Levi is always the highlight of every day. His presence alone is usually enough to calm all of my fears. I have no doubt that he would help me out if I asked, but it isn’t his place. It’s my responsibility and I’ll get through it, just like I get through everything else—one day at a time.

“I hate that answer.” Mia looks away, taking a sip of her coffee. She blows across the top, and I watch as the steam rises and dissipates before she takes another sip.

“It’s the only answer I’ve got.”

She purses her lips. “So you say.” We sit in the soft glow of the cool morning, neither of us saying a word, and for the first time in a long time, I feel peaceful. I’ve enjoyed having Mia around. Sometimes the triple dose of testosterone can get a little overwhelming, and she somehow manages to even it all out. “So,” she says, breaking the silence. “Want me to go with you today?”

“You don’t have to. I think Benny is supposed to come.” I glance over at her, but her face is a blank mask. I have no idea what she’s thinking. “I mean, you can if you want, but you don’t have to.”

“Why haven’t you asked Levi to go?”

“I don’t know,” I say with a shrug. “I guess I just don’t want him to see me like that.”

“Like what?” she scoffs. “You’re usually fine during your treatments, except for when they make you sick.”

“I guess I just didn’t want him to have to see me hooked up to the tubes. That part makes it more real, ya know?” Her face softens when she looks over at me and nods.

“Has he asked to come?”

“No,” I sigh, tilting my head up to the sky. “And I figure if he isn’t asking, then maybe there’s a reason.”

“Or maybe he’s waiting for you to ask him. Maybe he’s waiting for you to
need
him.”

“Maybe.” Digging my toes into the porch, I give us a push and the swing starts moving. “What are you up to today?” I ask, trying to avoid talking about this any further.

“I really need to go into Benny’s office and work on his bookkeeping. It’s a fucking disaster.” She rolls her eyes.