Psychology for Dummies (33 page)

With successful resolution of the conflicts of each previous stage, children enter into a more quiet time of psychosexual development called latency. The libido loosens its grip on the personality, and the impulses cease to dominate. Kids find more freedom to explore and expand on the skills they’ve gained from each subsequent stage. Latency lasts from about 6 years old until puberty. Things cool down, so to speak. There’s no rivalry with the opposite-sex parent. There’s no battle for control over satisfaction. It’s a time for basic social exploration like making friends and forming little social cliques. I think this time period matches everyone’s basic notion of childhood a little better than Freud’s previous stages. It’s less perverse and conflict ridden for sure.

With the onset of puberty, the smooth ride of latency begins to speed up again. The flames of earlier conflicts are rekindled. Desire begins to dominate the picture again, but this time it’s different. The self-centered pleasure-seeking child of earlier stages gives way to a more mature form of satisfaction. A concern for the pleasure of others begins to shape the direction of psychosexual development, and the child is now open to learning how to engage in mutually satisfying love relationships. Keep in mind that Freud never stated that all people reach this point of full maturity. This point is more like an ideal, something to strive for, a lifelong project. But if somebody doesn’t make it (at least some of the way), he could easily drift back into selfish phallicism. This seems to conjure images of the selfish lover who doesn’t care about the pleasure of the other partner: As long as he gets what he wants, he’s just fine. But if you make it, eat your heart out, Don Juan! You’ll be attentive and actually care if the other person in the interaction is enjoying his or herself.

Repression:
Keeping a thought, feeling, or memory of an experience out of consciousness. “Forget about it!” Many things may be the objects of repression, forbidden impulses or desires or a painful, emotionally difficult situation. Are you sitting there doubting? “I’m certainly not repressed in any such way!” Well, try to picture your parents having sex. Not easy is it? What do you do when you’re at a party or family gathering and someone brings up an embarrassing situation from your past? “Remember when. . . ?”

Denial:
Refusing to accept that something exists or happened. It can also involve altering the meaning of an event so that its impact is diverted. If something important to you goes wrong, you may just say to yourself, “That’s not so important after all.” This is the common “sour grapes” response. Images of my freshman year in college come to mind as I pitifully and unsuccessfully asked seniors on dates. “I didn’t like her anyway,” I’d cry, instead of facing the dejection. Repression would have been nice, but when in doubt, deny it! Denial is one defense mechanism that most people can relate to and commonly use. Don’t try to deny it!

Projection:
Attributing a threatening urge, impulse, or aspect of oneself to someone else. The guilty conscience turned jealous lover defense! Any unacceptable impulse may be projected. This is kind of like the best offense is a good defense. Instead of acknowledging that you’re mad at someone, you might accuse him or her of being mad at you. When someone feels aggressive impulses, he or she often uses projection. The individual attributes his aggression to someone else, and the once aggres- sive person becomes fearful of the potential attacks of others. So the next time someone tells you that you are being paranoid, think about whom you may be angry with.

Rationalization:
Creating an acceptable but incorrect explanation of a situation. I once knew a habitual thief who only stole from big businesses. He would never think of robbing the Smiths, but super- megastores look out! He explained that big business makes money from “ripping people off,” so he’s just trying to even the score. Kind of like a modern day Robin Hood I guess. Unfortunately for him, the judge he faced for his crimes was not a believer in fairy tales.

Intellectualization:
Thinking about something “logically” or coldly and without emotion.

Therapist:
“Mr. Jones, your wife has left you, and you’ve recently lost your job. How does that make you feel?”

Patient:
“I’ve found that the organization in my home has been much improved, less clutter now; her things took up so much room. As for the job, the economy had been slowing down for some time, I could sense that it was coming.”

Reaction formation:
Doing the opposite of what you would really like to do. Ever gone out of your way to be nice to someone you really disliked? I know, I know, love thy enemy. But if being neighborly is just a reaction formation, maybe I could find another defense mechanism that leaves me with a little bit less egg on my face. I think I’d rather project than suck up to someone I really don’t like.

Regression:
Returning to an earlier or more childlike form of defense. Physical and psychological stress may sometimes lead us to abandon our more mature defense mechanisms. If you’ve resorted to whining when asking your boss for a raise, consider regression.