Psychology for Dummies (35 page)

Robert White, another psychoanalyst, added to Hartmann’s ideas about the Ego. This strive for self-sufficiency and the satisfaction that comes with it stem from a drive White called
effectance motivation
— the motive or need to feel like we can make an impact or have an effect on our surroundings. It’s kind of like having a little community activist inside all of us, pushing us to “make a difference” but in a more personal and individual way.

White added another need to this idea, the
competence motive
— the need to make an effective impact on the world around us. So, having an impact is not good enough, it’s more satisfying to have an effective impact. This is more than the effectance motivation; we have to have a competent effect. Sometimes I wonder if teenagers who paint graffiti aren’t just out to satisfy their effectance motive without much regard for the competence motive. Call me crazy, but scrawling your name on a wall is not very artistic. Don’t get me wrong though, I’ve seen some pretty impressive graffiti art; I’m just wondering about those “taggers.”

Our needs for effectance and competence push us toward mastery, a desire to be an effective person. Children’s games such as King of the Hill and Follow the Leader seem to reflect our need to be in charge. Be aware though that Hartmann and White weren’t saying that we all have a need to be leaders of others, just a need to be leaders of ourselves — to have self-control. We actively seek information and stimulation in order to master our world and ourselves. It’s kind of like the Manifest Destiny of personality. Domination is not the issue either. Healthy satisfaction of these motives is adaptation acquired through proper impulse control and flexibility when faced with necessary adjustments and challenges. I could feel like a master if I subject other people to my will, but this would not be a healthy satisfaction of mastery need.

Alfred Adler, yet another psychoanalyst, tried to address the idea of where this need for mastery actually comes from. The need for mastery and our drive to achieve is the result of a complex process of self-evaluation.

Essentially, Adler felt that all of us have certain ideal images of ourselves and that we all possess aspirations that we strive toward. These needs are specific manifestations of a general need to carve out a niche for ourselves in a big, ambiguous, and anonymous world. When a discrepancy exists between our ideal self-image and what we’re actually doing,
inferiority feelings
arise, and we form an
inferiority complex.
This complex pushes us toward realizing our ideal selves and a need for mastery. So what we’re actually mastering is not actually the world, but our ability to live up to our own expectations. I guess I’m alright by Adler, then. I’ve got some pretty low aspirations — easily achieved mastery, I guess.

How do you know that the sun is going to rise tomorrow morning? Experience tells you so. How do you know whether you can trust that your needs will be tended to? Experience tells you so. The basic experience of interacting with an attentive and trustworthy caregiver early in life turns into a basic trust of the world. (The basic trust versus mistrust stage of development encompasses a baby’s first year of life.) A sense of predictability and continuity in those who care for us develops, as they take care of both our basic and complex needs. This basic trust also includes trusting yourself, knowing that, when caregivers are not available, you can take care of yourself.

But what if mom and dad drop the ball? If there is a consistent lack of responsive care giving and a child’s needs are not adequately met, he may never learn to trust his environment. Inconsistent or intermittent care can also lead to a lack of trust. Either way, when a child’s sense of basic trust is undermined, it can lead to withdrawal and sometimes even to a complete walling-off from relationships.

As babies turn into toddlers, their abilities (language, social, physical, and cognitive) rapidly expand. They become walking, talking, and question-asking machines. They’re into everything! It’s hard to keep them corralled. This rowdiness and persistence is an expression of a toddler’s independence. As their bodies and minds grow, they gain confidence and explore their worlds.

But what if mom and dad are too overbearing? Kids between the ages of 1 and 3 need to go it alone. If parents tell them not to touch things, not to talk, and not to try on their newfound confidence, children may develop a sense of shame and doubt in themselves. Shame is not the same thing as guilt.
Shame
is more a feeling of self-disgust or extreme dislike for oneself.
Guilt
usually involves letting other people down, but shame is more of a condemnation of oneself. Caregivers need to balance safety and guidance with a healthy promotion of exploration and experimentation with independence.

Building on successes in the first two stages, a preschooler continues to expand her sense of independence but now in a more refined way. Raw independence is channeled into more purposeful and responsible behavior. Actions contain less of a sense of rebellion and more of a sense of self-initiative. The word initiative implies starting or originating. During this period, the unique desires of a child emerge and really start to give definition to their little personalities. They may want to help around the house or dress in their favorite clothes, even if their favorite clothes are a Halloween costume.

I’ve got to admit, I have issues. I hate being called “irresponsible.” Maybe I’m still stuck in this stage, but either way, I feel really guilty when I fail to act responsibly. This is what can happen when a preschooler fails to develop a sense of initiative. Guilt can arise from feeling too anxious or misguided in your actions. It’s kind of like letting yourself down. You’re not cutting it! You’re lazy! You’re irresponsible! Help, I need therapy!

“Time to shape up!” — that’s what you hear between the age of 6 and adolescence. Playing around and experimenting with the environment will no longer be tolerated. A child is expected to be achieving something when they engage in something. Pointless and messy play is viewed as a lack of industry. You are expected to be the “captain of industry” of the elementary school — accomplishing, not farting around. Playing football in the front yard with the neighbor kids is not kid’s play, it’s a demonstration of your leadership and organization skills and your ability to accomplish a goal. Well, I know these examples are a little extreme, but the point is that the goal of this stage is to focus one’s childhood abilities toward specific goals and tasks. It’s no longer alright to scribble . . . parents don’t applaud that anymore. They want results. Now they want you to color between the lines. And that’s just for starters.

What if a child views playtime as a time to unwind and relax from the pressures of the school day? Could he be heading toward inferiority? No, using playtime to relax is purposeful. But if there is an apparent lack of goal-directedness in a child’s behavior, a sense of being a “slacker” or being without purpose can lead to feeling inferior.

When I was a teenager, I went through quite a few identities before I settled on “surfer.” I’d dye my hair purple one month and dress like a gangster the next. I know, I know, I was a wannabe. But according to Erikson, this behavior was a normal part of development. During adolescence, teenagers experiment with new identities and views of themselves. There’s a push to find out who one really is and what he or she is all about. Erikson called this an
identity crisis.
If a teen successfully navigates the abysmal waters of teenage identity confusion, he emerges with a more solid sense of self and a clearer identity. If not. . . .

Identify confusion
is the state of unresolved identity crisis. I used to think that my 30-year-old buddy who still wears Duran Duran T-shirts, spikes his bangs, and rolls up his pant legs was in a state of identity confusion. But in fact, he’s successfully resolved the issue of who he is — he’s the same guy I knew in eighth grade: no confusion there. Sometimes though, teenagers get lost in the confusing search for a genuine identity, sometimes withdrawing and never really feeling a true sense of “me.”

When does being a bachelor, living the partying and dating lifestyle, get old? For many people it’s during their young-adult years, between 18 and 35 or so. When I was in my early twenties, I remember seeing this guy in his forties at the local nightclub standing against the bar trying to lure the twenty-somethings over for a drink. I don’t know, but that looked pretty pitiful to me. This is a value judgment of course, but according to Erikson, there is a time when one’s ability to find and develop intimacy is a primary task of personality development. After somebody knows who he is, he turns to developing close relationships with other people who know who they are. The goal is intimacy. Perhaps this is why so many people get married during these years?

I have no idea whether that guy in the nightclub was intimate or isolated from intimacy based on a casual observation and a poor attempt at playing armchair (or dance-floor) psychologist. Erikson did state, however, that people who fail to develop intimate relationships during these years are likely to experience social isolation. Considering my nightclub example, I realize that intimacy may appear to be romantic in nature. This is not the case though: Intimacy is about developing close relationships, whether the relationships are with friends, lovers, or otherwise. Either way, individuals with difficulty developing friendships or making romantic connections may find themselves isolated.