Psychology for Dummies (36 page)
Read Psychology for Dummies Online
Authors: Adam Cash
Tags: #Psychology, #General, #Body; Mind & Spirit, #Spirituality
Something surprising often happens with older convicts in prisons. A prison is an environment full of tough, sometimes mean guys who typically don’t care about who they hurt when they commit their crimes. But a lot of the older inmates take on the “big brother” role for the younger guys coming in. Now, you’re probably sitting there saying, “Sure, they’re big brothers alright, teaching them better crime skills.” But that’s not it at all. The older convicts actually try to warn the younger guys, attempting to guide them away from the lifestyle that they’ve lived for so long. This is a good demonstration of what Erikson called
generativity
— the need to be needed and to feel like one is guiding the “next generation.” A sense of wanting to leave a legacy and to have an impact on younger people develops during middle adulthood.
When people feel that they’ve done nothing or can do nothing for the next generation, they develop a sense of
stagnation
instead of generativity. It’s as if they’re stuck in isolation with no one to pass their wisdom on to. This process is a strange thing to watch, kind of like an internal alarm that goes off. People want children and grandchildren, or they want to coach little league. If individuals don’t have an ability or opportunity to satisfy this desire, they develop a feeling of being stagnant.
As life winds down and old age is upon us, we often sit back and reflect on things we’ve accomplished and whether our lives were well spent or wasted. If a man feels a sense of satisfaction with the way he lived his life, he will feel
integrity,
a basic sense of wholeness or of being complete. If not,
despair
is likely to follow. Ever wonder why elder adults like to tell stories from their lives? It may have something to do with this process of looking back and reflecting. So, if you don’t want older folks to fall into despair, act interested and laugh even if you don’t think the stories are funny.
In keeping with the social focus on the personality theories covered in the previous sections, yet another expansion of Freud’s theory has become one of the most dominant forces in personality theory over the last 50 years. It is called
object relations theory.
The basic premise is that interpersonal relationships are the basic foundations of personality. Essentially, our personalities are the product of our mental representation of other people, ourselves, and the relationships between the two. That is, it’s not actual people and our relationships with them that are important but our thoughts and ideas about these people. The “objects” in the theory are other people. “Relations” are the relationships. Simple enough right?
Object relations theory is not really one theory at all but a collection of theories from a variety of thinkers. The three most popular contributors to this body of thought are Melanie Klein, Ronald Fairbairn, and D.W. Winnicott. Another prominent figure was Margaret Mahler. Mahler developed a nice synthesis of much of the others’ works, and she is the main focus for this discussion.
All of the object relations contributors basically share two broad emphases:
The idea that a person’s pattern of relating to others is established during the interactions of early childhood
The assumption that whatever pattern is formed, it tends to recur over and over again throughout a person’s life
Mahler stated that newborns are born without the ability to distinguish themselves from things that are “not self.” Infants are in a virtual state of psychological fusion with the objects in their environment.
For those of you who are mothers and have carried a baby, you may know a little about this. In all reality, a mother and her fetus are biologically intertwined. They’re not joined at the hip, just seemingly everywhere else. They are physically connected, and when one thing happens to the mother, it also happens to the fetus and vice versa.
Mahler extended that idea in a more psychological sense. When an infant is born, she is in state of personality fusion with her mother or primary caregiver. Is this because of the beautiful, harmonious love that they share for each other? Not exactly. This fusion is more a function of the dependency of the infant and her undeveloped survival skills. So as we grow and our personalities develop, this fusion breaks down, and an infant gradually develops a more differentiated personality that is separate and distinct from her mother’s personality, and others’ as well. That’s good — I was going to say, “Get a life!”
With the goal of a completely differentiated personality in mind, here are the stages of personality development presented by Mahler:
Autistic stage (birth to 2 months):
The infant is in a sleeplike state of psychological isolation similar to being in the womb. This is a time of total union where the baby can’t tell the difference between himself and his mother. In the infant’s mind, the mother in fact is just an extension of the infant. The autistic stage is a closed system, and all emotional energy remains referenced to the baby’s own body, not directed outward to external objects.
Symbiosis (2 to 6 months):
Now, a dim awareness of an “other” begins to emerge. This other is experienced as some “thing” that satisfies hunger, thirst, and other discomforts. The relationship is as if the other exists only to serve the baby’s needs. (Sometimes I think old-fashioned husbands think this about their wives!) There is still no distinction made between “I” and “you.” We are one in the same.
Hatching (6 to 10 months):
At this point, the infant’s world begins to open up a little bit and expand. What is “hatching” is a sense of difference between the infant and the objects in the world around him or her. However, this can be a scary thing, and the comfort of symbiosis is not long forgotten.
As infants begin to psychologically open up to the big, bad world, they often require something to take with them on their journey. This comforting “thing” is called a
transitional object.
Remember Linus from
Peanuts?
He took his blanket, his transitional object, everywhere. It comforted him. Now, Linus seemed a little older than 10 months, so did he have some issues or what? Infants also develop stranger anxiety during hatching.
Stranger anxiety
is where infants become weary and sometimes even fearful of people they’ve never seen or met before.
Practicing (10 to 16 months):
This stage is where little Johnny gets carried away with his independence. Children are fully aware of their separateness, and they try out their independence. Some psychologists think that kids go through this stage again when they hit their teens. Ever hear a child at this age use the word
no?
I bet you have! Repeated use of
no
is a great example of “practicing” independence. So the next time some bratty 15-month-old kid yells, “No!” at you, just be patient. They’ll soon realize that they’re in this big scary world all by themselves. Sounds a little cruel, huh?
Rapprochement (16 to 24 months):
Just when Junior thinks he’s running the show, something starts to happen to his confidence — he realizes he’s all alone. That can pretty scary for anyone, let alone for a 11/2-year-old child. The solution? Reengage with mommy! This is like running back home after not being able to make rent in your first apartment, although I’m not sure how embarrassed the 20-month-old is.
Object constancy (24 to 36 months):
After a child has returned home so to speak, he is eventually able to develop a strong enough sense of self and security to go out on his psychological own again. This stable sense of self is developed in part by the child realizing that some consistency exists between his fluctuating moods and his mental states. It may sound kind of strange to think that just because there’s a change in mood, a pre-object constancy child would experience a less stable sense of himself, but he does. Before this stage, with each passing mood and thought, children experience uncertainty about their identity. But as this stage begins, they develop a more sure sense of themselves.