Psychology for Dummies (40 page)

Appearance:
As I mention earlier in this chapter in the “Showing it off” section, being aware of our appearance is very much a part of our identity. This is not a uniquely western perspective — cultures all over the world engage in elaborate and sophisticated attempts to improve appearances and enhance personal beauty, as defined by each particular culture. Some philosophers state that a sense of aesthetics is essential for the good life — central to our self-concepts.

Style:
James Dean had style! The way he talked, his body language, and his facial expressions were undeniably “Dean.” All of us have a peculiar way of speaking and moving. Our handwriting is unique. These things give us a style. Don’t get confused by the James Dean example though, style isn’t about being “cool.” My style is unique to me, whether it’s cool or not. It’s the “Dr. Cash” style, and no matter what others may say, I think it’s pretty cool.

Personality:
Personality theories attempt to account for our individuality based on the differences between our personalities. If someone put my personality inside another person’s body, would people recognize me? Maybe not at first, but they may eventually start to notice something. People may notice that something is up because our personalities make us unique; they make us identifiable as “me.” Our personalities are enduring, and they don’t change easily. Because of their consistency and stability, our personalities are good representations of who we are, even if we act different from time to time. Chapters 11 and 12 are all about personality.

Thoughts:
Knowing what someone is thinking is hard, unless he tells you. Some people are better than others at figuring out what people are thinking, but that’s really nothing more than a sophisticated guessing process. My thoughts are unique to me.

Feelings:
Mental health professionals often evaluate new patients at psychiatric hospitals with something called the
mental status examination.
The professional observes the patient, partly to figure out how the patient feels. This observable aspect of how someone feels is the
affect.
But what about what the person says? I’ve often not seen someone’s depression even when she tells me that she is extremely sad. This is called
mood,
a person’s own private experience of feeling. When patients tell me how they feel, I have to take their word for it. It’s pretty hard to tell someone that he’s not sad when he tells you he is.

Daydreams/Fantasies:
Who would you be without your daydreams and fantasies? Again, our fantasies are typically private, especially the sexual ones. They are unique to us; they define us.

Most of us are aware of how central
kinship
is to our social identity. Our relatives are our “kin,” and they often give us our last names. In the United States, last names are legal names and a fairly reliable way to identify people. Although many people have the same name, many more do not. In Arabic culture, a last name is not the primary way to identify someone’s kin. Legally, last names are often used for identification, but a person is socially identified by who his father is, and a father is identified by who his oldest son is. Instead of being “Mr. Josef Khoury,” an individual would be “Father of Josef” or “Abu Josef.” The son, “Josef Khoury,” would be “Son of Josef (the father),” or “Bin Josef,” or “Josef Josef.” For more on family, see “Cavorting with Family and Friends” later in the chapter.

Ethnicity
is another important aspect of our social identity. Are you White, African American, Native American, Latino, Other? Often, you can find these common categories on job and school applications. The categories are rather arbitrary in name, but they do include a lot of information. Some people are more comfortable not identifying ethnic differences between people because they fear discrimination. But, ethnicity is very much a part of who people are and the culture that they use to structure their lives.

Nationality
is not the same as ethnicity. I could be a born-and-raised Canadian citizen with Japanese ethnicity. Both ethnicity and nationality are important pieces of information because a Peruvian citizen of Japanese descent may be a very different person than a Canadian citizen of Japanese descent.

Religious affiliation
is a very important aspect of someone’s identity. In Israel, for example, most of the inhabitants of the city of Nazareth are of Arabic ethnicity, but there are two distinct religious groups: Muslims and Christians. Their religious identity is a core aspect in determining who they are. Americans also often identify themselves by religious denomination: Roman Catholic, Presbyterian, Lutheran, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, and so on.

Group affiliation
refers to things such as our vocations and social clubs. Many people identify themselves by the type of occupation that they hold. “I’m a fireman!” “I’m a cop!” I’m a psychologist. Still another important dimension of our identity are the kinds of social clubs and cliques we affiliate with. One would be pretty hard pressed to deny the strong identification many college men have with their fraternities. Other people see themselves as “cowboys” because they strap on boots, jeans, and a cowboy hat and go line dancing at the local cowboy disco. No matter what you’re into, it often gives you a sense of uniqueness that goes beyond the other aspects of personal identity.

Appearance:
We usually feel better about ourselves when we feel attractive. A lot of social psychology research has demonstrated that people judged to be attractive are granted more favors and preferred for social interaction than those who are not. Looking good and feeling good!

Ability and performance:
We feel better about ourselves when we get good grades, perform well at work, and generally are able to do things successfully. The more a person is able to accomplish for his or her self, the more likely he or she is going to feel good about his or her self.

Power:
When we feel like we’re in control of our lives, we’re more likely to feel good about ourselves. There are at least three sub-sources of the sense of power — dominance, status, and money. Domination can be achieved by coercion, competition, or leadership. Status and money pretty much speak for themselves. I’m not saying that unknown, poor people feel bad about themselves, but they might feel better if they had some status and a bigger bank account.

Social rewards:
Three types of social rewards make us feel good about who we are.

Vicarious sources:
This source of self-esteem is like feeling good about yourself because of things “outside” rather than “inside.”
Reflected glory
makes us feel good when we get a boost from being around or being associated with successful, powerful, or popular people. It’s the I-know-famous-people form of self-esteem. Having nice material possessions can also make us feel better.

Morality:
Morality involves being a good person and living according to the standards and rules of social conduct. Being a good person never hurts self-esteem. For the most part, morality is a relative term. But, when someone feels that he’s taken the moral high ground (however he defines it) in a situation, he is likely to have a more positive self-esteem.