Pushing the Envelope: A Prequel from "The Barter System" World (5 page)

May 2010

Tawny rolled over in the middle of the night and watched Hollow work in silence for several minutes. 

The pale light from his computer reflected off his glasses and in his blue-black hair.  He was naked from the waist up, sitting at his massive workstation.  His body was corded and sinewy. 

It was a body she openly and unashamedly lusted after when he was within touching distance.

He was working on an old case.  It was personal to him but she couldn’t get him to talk much about it. 

As far as she was aware, it was closed years before when a young boy had been rescued from a rare female child molester and Hollow had fast-tracked his paperwork.

That he’d reopened his files meant it involved other people in the case.  A fact that didn’t bother her.  She knew a recent trip had been to see her.  He wouldn’t discuss the details. 

What bothered her was his pain and withdrawal into silence.  That meant it was time to stop being polite. 

That shit never worked for her anyway.

Standing, she walked naked across the room and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, draping herself over his back.  His warm skin felt incredible against her bare breasts.

Everything about Hollow felt incredible.

“Tell me what’s going on because you know I’ll understand.”  She planted a kiss on his neck.  “Does this involve Elizabeth Clayton?” 

He stiffened a moment before exhaling roughly. “It does.  I need to know she’s okay.  Put measures in place to keep her safe.  She’s not like us.”

“I know she isn’t.”

“I’m not in love with her.” 

“I know that, Hollow and it wouldn’t matter if you were.  I want you to be happy.”

Bringing his hands up, he took hers and brought her around to sit on his lap.  Stunning eyes that never held true joy met hers.  “I wish I was able to love.  I so
desperately
want to love you, Tawny.” 

Cupping his face in her hands, she smiled.  “If I had a choice, if it was possible for me, I’d choose you.”

He held her so tight that she hoped for a moment that something inside her would open to him, heat in a way that wasn’t platonic or sexual.  It didn’t happen and she knew it didn’t for him either.

Pulling back, he ran long fingers through her hair. 

“You are beautiful and brilliant.  Perfect for me in every way.  I’m sorry.  I’m sorry I’m fucked up.”

“You’re not fucked up.  Maybe one day, you’ll find the person who makes everything click.  I’m not
that
woman but I’ll always be
a
woman that’s here if you need me.” 

She kissed him gently on the lips and her body responded instantly as he stood and carried her back to bed. 

As her back met the mattress, she murmured, “I’m so fucking sorry you can’t be that man for me.  I want it to be you so badly, Hollow.”

“I’m going to take you once more and then I have to let this part of you go.  You’ll never be open to anyone else while I have exclusive access to your body.” 

Her eyes went wide and he smiled, smoothing her hair away from her face.  “Do you think I don’t know the woman  you are by now?” 

When he slid deep inside her, he whispered at her ear, “Call me by my name, Tawny.  Remind me of who I am.” 

At the peak of her pleasure, she did.



She never had sex with Hollow again but they touched often and she continued to look forward to the time they spent together. 

Being friends and colleagues with such a man came with strange connections over the years.  There would come a day when she would meet many of the people she’d only known as names on a screen. 

Many of their connections would have been surprised to discover that the flaky redhead they all tolerated with grinning indulgence was actually a source of the solutions to some of their stickier issues.

Being a
fixer
for the elite financed their philanthropic endeavors.  Problems that needed to be handled discreetly were brought to a man who did not technically exist but who had looked many of them in the eye at charity dinners, holiday celebrations, and political events. 

For the assistance, they paid dearly.

She sometimes referred to him as Bruce Wayne but in reality, he lived a multi-layered life that even Batman wouldn’t have wanted. 

Her life grew equally complex as time went on.  She was a woman to whom keeping secrets was second nature, and the person she grew into kept her from being bored. 

She suspected her two worlds would collide eventually.  Unlike Hollow, there were people in her life who would not be waved off indefinitely. 

The collision didn’t ultimately come in the way – or from the
people
– that she expected.  It would prove to be one of the most difficult periods of her life.

February 2012

Just after the New Year, as Riya’s doctoral studies neared their conclusion, she invited Tawny for dinner at her new duplex on the beach. 

The moment they were done eating, she announced, “I’m taking it real world.  My dissertation.”

Tawny had felt the revelation coming for months.  Watching Riya struggle with how her research fit together, she understood that it couldn’t remain strictly virtual.  “In what way, Riya?”

Clasping her hands in front of her body, the brunette cleared her throat.  “You know.  I
know
you know.”

“It’s not safe.  No matter what you think, these guys could be dangerous.” 

Riya suddenly relaxed and gave her a smile.  “Stop.  I mean it.  Stop it right now.  I know you, Tawny.  I get that you’ll keep an eye on me.” 

“I can run the fucking
data
a hundred times!  That doesn’t mean you’ll be safe, goddamn it!”

“I have to do this.”

“No, you don’t.  I understand why you think you do but you can move on from all of it, Riya.  Put it behind you.” 

“I
have
to do this.  I need your help with a way to protect my data and to be a backup in case of emergency.”

Tawny felt like her chest was going to explode.  She whispered, “How can I protect you in different cities?  How will I get to you if something goes wrong?” 

She thought about her own experience the night Arnie died and her stomach cramped.  Not Riya…if something happened to Riya, she’d never forgive herself.

Her best friend stepped close and they were almost eye to eye.  “I love you and I need you to believe in me.  I need your support so I can finish what I started.”

“I’m afraid for you.”

“Tawny, I’m afraid every time you get on a plane.  I know you don’t tell me what you do because you know I’d freak the fuck out.  I let you go and I beg every being in the universe to send you back safe because that’s part of loving you…knowing that you have to be free.”

Tears filled Riya’s eyes.  “I was free once but I’ve been in a prison of my own making for more than eight years.  I need you to help me be free again, Tawny.  I have to finish this.  I have to see it through so I can find peace.”

“What if it doesn’t bring you peace?”

She shrugged.  “Then I’ll try something else.”

The silence dragged out and it was a turning point in the history of their friendship.  The world perceived Riya as the mature member of their duo. 

Time and time again, she’d allowed her best friend to bail her out, to be the voice of reason, and to fuss over her. 

The more outrageous Tawny’s behavior, the more patience and unconditional love Riya delivered because she was a natural nurturer, a caregiver. 

It wasn’t the way she’d describe herself.  She might almost be a doctor but she’d always been a little clueless about her own life. 

Tawny had always been the zany friend who wasn’t taken seriously.  It was a persona she encouraged because it distracted from the fact that she was in everyone’s business. 

Not that she wasn’t insane and high-risk, she just wasn’t as disconnected as she allowed everyone to believe. 

Riya might write dirty books and conduct risqué research but she was exactly the kind and gentle soul she seemed to be. 

She was open – too open in her friend’s opinion – and that made her vulnerable.

Her heart was so fucking gentle and these guys were going to bruise the hell out of it.  Even if they didn’t mean to do it.

“If you do this, you can’t take it back.  Your regrets won’t matter, Riya.  Do you understand?  This level of involvement in the span of two months will wear you down, hurt your spirit, and keep you off balance.  Are you
truly
prepared for that?”

“Will
you
think badly about me if I do this?  Being with all these men…” 

“Never!  Your research is solid and you’ve already uncovered some
fascinating
shit.”  The
idea
was fucking preposterous.  “No judgment, remember? Ever.”

“Thanks.”  Riya smiled and poured both of them a glass of wine.  “It’s so much more than I expected in the beginning.  I’ve done the trials through the lab.  I’ve read thousands of surveys.  The bottom line is that nothing will give me the level of detail I want like sex.”

“You’re breaking your celibacy with serious fucking.” 

“They might not even like me that way.  I’m nervous about that part of it actually.”

Tawny laughed loudly for a long time.  “I wonder which of these guys will convince you of your worth.  Somebody needs to and apparently, you require the person to be in possession of a penis.” 

“Well that makes me sound like shit.”

“No.  You haven’t fucked enough nor have you been fucked well.  You’re the kind of person who wonders if it’s you.  Trust me, it wasn’t you.  Those two losers had no clue what to do with a vagina.”  She lifted her glass.  “Their loss.  What do you call these guys anyway?”

“Subjects.  One through eight.”

“I have a feeling that you’re about to rock the world of subjects one through eight.”  Clinking their glasses, she shook her head.  “When you break free, you do it hard core, Riya.”

“I had a great example.”

“That’s going to bite me in the ass.  I can already see it.”  Lost in thought, she ran scenarios over in her mind.  “You’ll let me track you?”  Riya nodded.  “I go deep on their backgrounds.  None of this surface bullshit you’ve been pulling.  Every subject.  Agreed?”

“You can never tell…never mind, you’re a vault.”

“Give me your initial impressions of them.”

“Sean is subject one.  He’s the closest to home in case I chicken out the second he tries to shake my hand.  He’s also a lot like Dad.  They have similar backgrounds and interests.  He’s an internet guy…”

“Well that could mean
anything
so I’m digging up every comma connected to him.  Keep going.”

“Victor is subject two.  A fisherman in Georgia.  He’s really sweet…” 

“Un-fucking-convinced of said
sweetness
.  I’ll know every porn site he’s ever trolled by tomorrow.  Let me find some crazy shit…”  She growled.  “Go on.”

Riya giggled.  “Joshua is subject three.  He’s an athlete and a college student…”

“Oh my fucking Christ, Riya!  Rufie city and frat party gang bangs!  He better not be a chemistry major.  Next.”

“A rancher named Lucas is subject four.”

“Where is this ranch?” 

“Montana.” 

Tawny took a deep breath.  “Let me get this straight.  You’re going to some guy’s
ranch
out in the middle of BFE with sexual activity on the table.  Did we not watch
Texas Chainsaw Massacre
together?”

She frowned in confusion.  “He’s in Montana…”

“Oh god…who else?”

“My fifth subject is Ricardo, a policeman in LA…

“He’s going to be excellent at covering up his crimes and erasing his tracks.  That’s comforting.”  She rubbed her temples with the tips of her fingers.  “Continue.”

Riya was practically chipper.  Tawny kind of wanted to choke her unconscious. 

“Subject six is a big real estate guy in New York City named Hudson…”

Progress.  “Good, I spend a lot of time in NYC.  He should be easy to check out.” 

“Max and Micah live in New York, too…”

“Hold the fucking phone.  Why did you say their names like that?” 
She thought she was clever.

“Like what…?”

“Together all quick like that, why?”

“Um…”

No way.  No fucking way was “all her pens must be positioned in a specific way on her desk” Riya considering a threesome. 

“Are two of your subjects men you’ll be with at the
same
time?”  She blushed to the roots of her dark hair. 
Oh shit.
  “As in, they outnumber you?  As in, fucking you
together
?”

She wrung her hands.  “See, I’m not altogether sure on that part.  They’re really nice.  I
loved
their essays.” 

“I will die of a coronary before this shit is done.” 
Truth.

In the back of her mind, Tawny worked up a few contingency plans in case she had to kill people. 

“I know you’ll check them out down to who else was born in the same hospital at the same time but…,” her smile was warm and happy, “these men are amazing.”

“They better be amazing, Riya.  They’ll never see me coming if they’re not.  I’m not remotely kidding.”