Questing Heart: Fighting Heart Erotic Bad Boy Romance Series Book 2 (4 page)

“Ashley… Ash.”

“Shut up Brandon. It’s finished.”

“What? That was so good.”

“I’m leaving Brandon.”

“But what about what we just did…?”

“That was just my way of saying goodbye.”

“You’re joking, right?” He sat up.

“No. I’m leaving.”

“But you’ve got nowhere to live… except here with me.”

“Maybe. But I’d rather be homeless than spend another minute with a lying, cheating scumbag like you.”

I walked away to the door, knowing he couldn’t follow me unless he wanted Amanda to see all his personal mess in all its glory.

“Remember what I said to you, Ashley. Remember? I warned you.”

I shook my head at him and closed the door.  I passed Amanda in the living room. She looked across at me with red cheeks and angry eyes. She had heard everything, of course. I didn’t care.

“Don’t sweat it. He’s all yours, Amanda.”

I left her festering and walked out into the street, slamming the door behind me. I had taken a small slice of revenge, and I felt a tinge of happiness. I was homeless, totally alone, but I knew the toughest times lay ahead.

Maybe I was kidding myself that my little goodbye sex with Brandon was to punish him but I knew after leaving him in that state, his ego would be bruised. I knew him well enough by then to know he would be humiliated and enraged. By leaving him like that I was throwing salt into the wound. But he had opened enough wounds in me that the guy deserved a good few of his own. I was homeless now but I still had some money left. I swung by Purdy’s without any shame or apology and picked up the money that I was owed. Thankfully I saw Reggie, not Purdy, so didn’t get any more hassle. All in I’d worked up almost four hundred pounds at the expense of my studies. Now that phase of my life was over. With Penny gone, and even my lesser friends like Bess and the girls who I had lived with right at the start, above the Loampit Inn, I felt like I was sinking into a lonely quagmire. No matter which way I had turned, Brandon had unleashed cruelty in my life, but Penny didn’t see it. A little while back I didn’t have a college place, and now I had a college place but didn’t have a roof or a bed. I was seriously confused and I was beginning to blame myself for everything, even though the tiniest voice inside my head was telling me that this wasn’t my fault. I don’t like self-pity, I never have, so I decided I would pull myself out of it. To do that, I needed some help – I needed to find Cody. I phoned him again, but there was no reply. Second of all, I hung around the library for a few hours until I saw a couple of the hipsters that Cody hung with but never described as his friends.  I saw the beanpole guy with the beard who sometimes drank coffee with Cody at the café.

“Hey. Have you seen Cody? I’ve been looking for him everywhere.”

The guy shrugged and spoke in a strange too-deep voice. “No. I heard he went away for a week, so I suppose he must have done.”

“Is there anyone who might know for sure?”

“He’s more buddies with the Professors more than anyone else. You tried speaking to Cantor?”

“Professor Cantor? I’m not sure I want to.”

The big guy laughed. “Yeah. I know what you mean. But he’s your best bet.”

The beanpole guy waved and left me to it. Cantor, damn it. That guy was the one who demanded all the tough answers on William Blake. He looked like a cartoon leprechaun brought to life, all tweed and check trousers, and checked shirts with unmatching ties. He looked like be bought his whole wardrobe from a retro-lecturer clothes outlet. Now
there
was a gap in the market. I sucked a deep breath and walked to the English corridor without much conviction. I paced the narrow document strewn walkway gazing at the small type-faced diaries beside each cubby-hole door, each tiny office belonging to a different Professor. I came to Cantor’s. The corridor was quiet so I decided he wasn’t in, and made to walk away without trying the door, but the creaking floorboards must have given me away. Cantor’s door swept open quickly, and there was the ginger-bearded Professor Cantor, his head sweeping left and right before his wild little eyes landed on me.

“Ashley Pearson?”

I was taken aback that he remembered my name and nodded.

“Yeah…”

“Are you looking for anyone in particular or do you enjoy skulking around in corridors as some sort of hobby?”

“I have other hobbies. Professor, can I speak with you… just a moment?”

“I have a smidgen of time. Come in.”

He opened the door into his musty old academic room which was more an unkempt and uncared for office in-tray than a seminar room. “Sit down.” He said gesturing to one of the paper strewn soft chairs with wooden arms. I picked up the papers from my seat and laid them aside.  The Professor, a man maybe in his mid-sixties, took up station at his desk.

“Now, what can I do for you, Ashley?”

He looked at me and pressed a pen to his mouth.

“Cody Barnes, Professor. He’s a good friend of mine, but we’ve had a little disagreement. I need to know where he is because I want to explain something to him… I want to make amends.”

“Ah,” said the Professor with a knowing smile. “Normally, I really wouldn’t divulge the whereabouts of one student to another, but I happen to know that Mr Barnes is something of a fan of yours, Miss Pearson,” said the Professor in his Irish lilt.

“Really? Why do you say that?” I asked.

“I just happen to know, that’s all. I don’t just read books, Miss Pearson. I can read people too.”

He started writing down a note on a jotter pad then he tore it off and handed it to me.

“You do know that Mr Barnes is an outstanding writer, don’t you, Miss Pearson.”

“I do.”

“He speaks highly of you. He says you’re skilled too and Mr Barnes should know. One day he is going to be a star. I’m perfectly serious on that part,” said the Professor. “Mr Barnes has gone to the Yorkshire Literary Festival. He finally won a competition after he sent some little manuscript he’d worked up in his spare time. He’s got an agent now and he’s up there to talk to a publisher and perform some readings of his piece. It’s something I’m sure you’d like to hear.”

“Really?”

“Yes, I think you would. That’s the address. He’ll be there for a few days yet.”

I smiled at the Professor, my gratitude shining out at him. I wanted to hug him, but I knew there were professional boundaries all round him like invisible red lines so instead I just smiled as hard as I could.

“I’m sure it’s hard to believe, Miss Pearson, but I too was young once,”

“Actually, Professor Cantor, it’s not that hard to believe. Not at all. Thanks,” I said and left the Professor smiling to himself in his dim little office. I decided Professor Cantor wasn’t that bad after all…

I didn’t want to break into my college fund too much, so thankfully the money from my job at Purdy’s was able to take the strain. I bought a ticket at New Cross Station, taking the few grubby clothes I’d had with me at Brandon’s and made my way towards Central London, and back out again for the big journey to York. Finally, I was going to get a break away from Brandon’s clutches. No matter what Brandon could do to me, he really couldn’t affect me at all while I was away up North. Already I was breathing freely again, and I was excited, because I was going to see Cody. Cody, the competition winning writer, a man who spoke highly of me to Professor Cantor. As I thought of the Professor’s words, I wondered just how much Cody had spoken of me, and whether there really was a romantic interest there. From the glint in Professor Cantor’s eye, I hoped there was.

Seven hours later, I was in York. It was colder than London by degrees but it was truly pretty, atmospheric too and the air was noticeably cleaner. I had the address for the Festival in York. I’d Googled it and saw that today’s venue was a pub near the town’s central library. It was a multi- venue event, with a pub called The Great Stag housing poetry readings and later readings from new authors. Cantor’s note suggested Cody would be on this billing. The readings started at 8pm. The poets performed from 7pm. I had never really been a literary girl when I lived at home, but in the short time since I joined Smiths College I’d had a relationship with rock and roll writer Brandon Lynes, and now here I was pursuing my newly published friend, Cody Barnes. I couldn’t yet fathom it, but I told myself the rules - Cody was my friend, that was all, and I needed to see him badly. I hadn’t even booked into a hotel in York as yet, and the day was almost done, the poetry readings all but finished. The Great Stag pub was well done, with lots of space between the sofas and the tables. I sat back on an old brown leather Chesterfield, reading the festival brochure and avoiding a few inquisitive gazes from guys who were clearly wondering whether I was alone. I didn’t give them any encouragement. I drank and kept my eyes down. I heard Cody’s voice first, warm and familiar and full of mirth, bringing light to my mood. I smiled without looking then I turned around to face the door. Cody didn’t see me, so he didn’t see my smile drop off a cliff. Cody held the door open for a glamorous looking lady with long flowing brown hair and plenty of style. The woman was in her mid-thirties maybe, and was wearing a chic little suit. She looked sexy and cool, while here I was in yesterday’s clothes fresh from getting crumpled and tired on an inter-city train. Suddenly, I was unsure of myself. I watched them laughing and sharing a joke, oblivious of me and everyone else. Right then, I wondered why I had even shown up.

I watched Cody with this beautiful professional lady and felt a lump rising in my throat. I willed them not to see me. They didn’t. As Cody led the way he chatted and laughed with her. They took a seat over in the far right hand corner of the big open bar space. It was a table for two. I could see them in profile, and I shifted a little on my Chesterfield so that a painted column would obscure me from their sight, but I could still see them.  Cody had a folder with him, and opened it, splaying the contents across the table so that the lady could lay a hand on the papers and read. She was quiet for a time, then she looked up and spoke with enthusiasm.

“That’s powerful stuff,” I heard her say. As she passed the papers back to Cody I saw her lay a slender hand on the back of his, just for a moment. Cody didn’t fight it. I guessed a lot had happened since I last saw him. He’d won some kind of literary competition and was in line to get published, and he’d met a mystery brunette who was older than him, but way attractive and clearly liked him a lot. What the hell was I doing here? I was due more pain and shame... Screw it. I decided to stay out of sight and wallow for a while. The truth of the matter was that I wanted badly to be wrong about their relationship – I wanted some sign that this classy woman and Cody were not an item, despite all the evidence to the contrary. I stayed in my seat and sipped on my drink, and as the crowds of students and older-aged book fans began to slowly congregate around me, I became even more invisible to Cody, and yet more obvious to the strange guys entering The Great Stag. I guessed I would have to leave soon, or else some guy was going to crack on to me at the worst possible time. If that happened I would either make a horrible mistake on the rebound, or I would torch the guy down to the ground. Nobody else deserved my unfettered temper yet.

I saw Cody was getting nervous, keyed up for his reading. The sexy woman drew round the table in some kind of gesture to help Cody prepare, but I saw through all that.  A girl knows how another girl plays this game. She was moving in for the kill and I could only watch. They read the papers and laughed. She put an arm across his shoulder and squeezed him and left her arm lingering there way too long. Then Cody stood up with their empty glasses and gestured to the bar.

“But just one more, or I am going to be a write-off…” said Cody above the growing din of chatter.

He threaded through the crowd, and I tried to sink deeper into the Chesterfield. The guy next to me looked over with a mix of curiosity and predator about him. Sooner or later he was going to ask me if I wanted a drink. I did, but not from him.

As Cody segued between the tables, his head became angled my way. He looked up from his feet and my face was directly in his line of sight. His eyes found mine. His mouth opened into a capital O, and then he grinned and started laughing. He actually looked happy to see me. My heart did a triple somersault as he approached and I felt the ambitions of the guy beside me crawl under a rock.

“Ashley! What the hell are you doing here?!” he said.

I stood up. “Well, it’s good to see you, too, Cody.”

“Wow! That’s what I meant, of course. It is so good. Come here.” He pulled me to his chest and wrapped his arms around my back. I had been cool and didn’t even know it until he touched me, but in his arms I felt warm and safe, and I didn’t want to let him go… but eventually we parted and I looked up into his eyes. Why the hell hadn’t I seen how handsome he was before? He had a finely chiselled face, sculpted even, with freckles on his cheeks, and his wild sparkling eyes were green and brown, though much more brown than mine. Our eyes locked onto each other, but our gaze went much deeper than the surface. It was as if we were seeking meaning in each other… I know that sounds crazy, but it’s hard to explain. He was dressed in a crisp white shirt with no tie, and the collar buttoned to the top. His frame was slender but masculine, with muscle tone in all the right places to get noticed. He looked great. Yes, Cody Barnes looked like s star in waiting.

“I got some of your messages, Ash. I’m sorry… but I knew you were still tied up with Brandon. I couldn’t bear the thought of it. I wanted you to have a clean break from him, but if you didn’t want that, well… I needed to get my head straight…”

I was a little hurt, but I knew what he was saying was right. I had wanted his excuse to be that his phone was broken or there was no signal in Yorkshire or something… but he had ignored my calls because he couldn’t deal with my Brandon situation. I swallowed that and gave him a smile to hide my feelings.

“It’s okay, Cody. You were right, I should have ended it sooner.”

“Maybe I should have answered your calls, Ash. I was being selfish, looking after my own feelings first. I’m sorry.”

“Hey. That’s okay, and I’m here now, right.”

“Right. So…” there was a glimmer of excitement in his eyes and a change in his voice. “Are you still with Brandon?”

“I’m here, Cody.” I saw Cody wanted more than that. “He got worse, Cody, so I left him for good this morning.”

“You mean that?”

“Yes, Cody. I mean every word of it and he knows that too. He got me evicted from my flat share, Brandon. He started stealing every bit of my freedom.”

“I saw what he was doing. But you got out, good for you. Tonight we will celebrate… after my reading. But… jeez… I was supposed to go out with Joanna after the reading.”

“Joanna? That’s a nice name. She’s a very pretty lady.”

Cody made a tilting maybe gesture with his head.

“No, Cody, that woman
is
pretty. You’ve got good taste in the company you choose,” I said.

“Ashley, that’s Joanna Laws of the JLA Agency. Joanna Laws is my agent. You’re right, she’s a pretty lady and she has my future in her hands, so this is just a business relationship. She takes her ten per cent – when we get that far – and then we’re quits.”

“Are you sure? You guys looked pretty close to me,” I couldn’t help saying it. I needed to know.

“Look at me. I’m sure. She’s my agent Ash, and I was supposed to go to dinner with her tonight after the reading, but maybe I can get you into dinner with us…”

“No, Cody. That’s a
bad
idea. Business is business. I’ll stay and watch your reading. We can hook up tomorrow.”
Hook up
. I hoped so.

“I’ll miss you now I know you’re here.”

“Good. I’ll miss you too.”

I took a moment to seal what we had just said by leaning against him, wrapping my arms around his body in a quick squeeze and I gave him a quick sweet little kiss on his cheek. If he really was going to miss me the way he said, my kiss would give him something to think about.

I chose not to say hello to Joanna Laws, Cody’s new agent. For one, I resented her obvious overtures towards Cody, and secondly, I had the feeling that seeing her up close would only make me feel worse. Even from where I was sitting, I could tell she looked pretty good for a woman in her thirties. Flawless, even. So I hung back on my Chesterfield, but I was more than happy now. Cody had apologised for the lack of contact and even had me understanding why he might ignore me like that. Beyond that, I felt something good in his eyes when we shared that look.

When he finally took the stage and started speaking, I heard him read the same piece he had read in the Vegetarian café back near our college. What he read was the same but different. The words had been augmented with an awesome passion in Cody’s voice. He seemed a different person than before. He had gravitas and poise. Suddenly I saw this man could be a writer in the way that Brandon had failed to be. I was so proud when he received a long ovation from the audience. My Cody.

But I was counting my chickens. I waved at Cody after he’d finished and gave him a double thumbs up. He smiled and waved back, and then I packed up and decided to find a room before the town ran out of them. But before I shifted altogether I looked back through the window of The Great Stag. There amidst the drinkers and the festival folk Cody was talking excitedly to his agent. She threw her arms around him and held him under the excuse of celebration. But I saw where she wanted to take this. I hoped Cody stayed true to what could be between us. But in a sense, I knew it wasn’t my right to determine his future or where his love settled. Back outside the Union bar he had given me the bare facts, and I had made my choice. Through fear of losing everything I’d worked for I had stayed with Brandon – even when I knew it wasn’t good for me… and in the meantime Cody had moved on and a new woman had noticed him. If I lost Cody tonight I would only have myself to blame. I turned away from the window before I could see something I didn’t want to. Even if my hotel was the most comfortable in York, there was no way I would sleep well tonight.  I hoped tomorrow I would end up as Cody’s lover… but there was a chance I would end up just a friend. And I would have to accept it either way.