RAGE (16 page)

I made it to Biology halfway through the hour. I had gone straight from the principal’s office so I had to sit there and listen without the aid of a book. I’d hope the class was still dissecting, and I could fade into the background and think, but they weren’t. That was okay, though, because my head wasn’t in Biology anyway. It was on my dead parents, my girlfriend, and my enemies.

I looked across the room to Dominic, and wished like hell he wasn’t there.

The butterflies in my stomach fluttered madly as I realized that the day was rushing along, getting close to being over, and I still hadn’t been able to tell anyone what I’d done yet. I couldn’t go home. I couldn’t walk into that house as if nothing was wrong. I had to tell someone. And soon.

I watched Mr. Wilson as he talked and walked around the room. I considered raising my hand and asking to speak with him in the hall. I could tell him, and he could make whatever calls he needed to make, and then we could get on with our lives. But there was only a few minutes left in the class now. I could wait.

But unfortunately, two minutes before the bell rang, someone knocked on the door. When Mr. Wilson answered it, he excused himself, stepped into the hallway, and closed the door. I waited patiently for him to return, while the rest of the class threw paper airplanes and giggled and talked.

When the bell rang ending the class, Mr. Wilson hadn’t returned. We walked out of the room, passing Mr. Wilson and the woman he was talking to. It must’ve been an important conversation because they both looked serious, and neither looked at any of us as we walked by them. I walked away from Mr. Wilson, feeling my shoulders drop in disappointment.

It was starting to feel that I was never going to be able to tell anyone. Why was it so hard? The one time I actually needed to tell someone something, no one was willing to listen.

As I passed the counselor’s office on my way to the gym, I remembered Mr. Herbert saying I should tell the counselor. So I opened the door and stepped into the tiny office. She had no secretary or outer waiting area. When I stepped through the door, I was only a few feet away from the desk.

Behind the desk sat the counselor, Mrs. Warren. She was a heavyset woman with black hair, full of grey. She wore thick glasses on a gold chain, and far too much makeup.

She was on the phone when I walked in, and she made no motion for me to sit down. In fact, she didn’t acknowledge me at all. So I took it upon myself to sit in the chair, facing Mrs. Warren across the desk.

“Okay, thank you,” she said and hung up the phone. Without looking at me, she asked, “What brings you to my office?”

“I need to talk to you about something. I did something terrible, and I don’t know what to do now.”

She checked her cell phone for new messages. She must’ve had one because she began typing out a text. She didn’t say a word to me until she’d wrote and sent the message. She laid the cell phone down on the desk and opened her mouth to say something to me, but the phone on her desk rang. She answered it before the first rang had ended.

The anger that had consumed me last night began to burn hot again in my belly. I swallowed hard, hoping to put out the fire before it got out of hand. My leg bounced quickly out of frustration as I waited for her to finish the phone call.

As she hung up the phone, she asked, “Now. What brought you to my office?” For the first time since I’d came into the room, she looked at me, thought it wasn’t for long. Her cell phone vibrated on the desk, and she snatched it up before it vibrated a second time.

“I’m listening,” she said absently, reading a new text message.

I repeated what I’d said before, but I knew she hadn’t heard me. I waited for her to reply to the text, which she did.

She put the cell phone back on the desk and looked at me. “Now, what brings you to my office?” she asked.

I looked at her, thinking there was no way she could be serious. What kind of counselor was she?

“I’ve told you twice now. How many times do I have to tell you before you actually hear me?”

Her face remained frozen for a few seconds as she stared a hole in my face. Then, in a smart tone, she said, “It’s been a busy day.”

“Yeah. It has for me too. Apparently it’s harder to get someone to listen to me than I thought it would be.”

“Well, I’m listening now,” she said, still with a smart tone.

Against my better judgment, I once again told her why I’d come to her office. At least I started to tell her. After the third word was out of my mouth, the phone on her desk rang, and she again answered before the first ring had stopped.

Frustrated and angry at her and me and the whole situation, I got up and stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut behind me. I usually didn’t like using language like this, but she was a bitch.

I began stomping my way to the gymnasium. The day was almost over, and I was running out of time and options. I considered going back to Mr. Wilson’s class, but didn’t want to interrupt. He might be angry. The only teachers I had left in the day were Mr. Laughlin and Mrs. Madison. I’d decided against telling Mr. Laughlin because all he cared about was sports. Mrs. Madison was a good option but she was at the end of the day. I don’t suppose it mattered, though. If the police were going to arrest me, they could do it at the end of the day as well as at the beginning.

Nearly the only person in the hall, I headed straight for the gym, eager to see Carly. I knew she’d be worried about me. Besides that, I missed her. I felt better with her near.

I was halfway to the gymnasium before I realized that everyone was going in the same direction. Usually, kids were struggling to make it through the crowded hall in both directions, trying to get to their next class. But today, it seemed that everyone was heading to the gym.

As I wondered what was going on, I overheard a couple of kids talking behind me.

“What do you think the assembly’s about?” asked the first kid.

“I heard it was about drunk driving,” said the second kid.

“For two hours?” the first kid asked.

Another kid said, “Come on, you guys. Hurry so we can sit at the top of the bleachers.” The three of them ran around me, headed to the gym.

So everyone was going to an assembly in the gym. This meant there would be no P.E. for me today. And no Art either. A two-hour assembly was really cutting into my day. It did explain why all the teachers had been so preoccupied and busy. But that didn’t help me any.

I continued with the flow of traffic. Once in the gym, I looked for Carly. I expected her to wave to me or call out to me so I could find her easily, but she didn’t. I walked up and down in front of the bleachers, scanning the stands for her but not seeing her anywhere. Nearly every seat was taken now, and I still hadn’t found her. Once more, I started at one end of the bleachers and slowly walked to the other end, searching every face for Carly, but not seeing her. Then I realized that she wasn’t the only one I didn’t see. Dominic, Taylor, Spencer, and Garrett weren’t in the stands, either.

I told myself it meant nothing. There was no telling where those four were. They were probably in the locker room goofing around, or perhaps under the bleachers looking up skirts or poking people’s ankles. I couldn’t worry about them right now. I still had to tell someone what I’d done. But first, I needed to find Carly.

With a heavy heart, I slowly walked out of the gym in search of Carly. With my head low, I shuffled along in a daze, trying to recall which class Carly had at this hour, and wondering if she was there. I barely noticed when a kid that looked to be a senior bumped into me, and nearly spun me completely around. I just kept walking.

I walked down the hall, checking each of the rooms. I even checked the rooms I was sure she wouldn’t be in, just in case she was. I was having no luck. Not with finding Carly, not with telling someone what I’d done, not with anything. Today was certainly not my day. Other than gaining a girlfriend, nothing had gone right for me. Then again, nothing ever did.

As I walked down the hall, opening door after door and sticking my head in room after room, I became insanely aware of the ticking clock. Time was running out.

When I left my house this morning, I had no intention of ever returning. I had thought that I’d come to school, tell a teacher about what I’d done and why I’d done it, they would call the authorities, and I would be taken away, either to jail or a detention center or a juvenile hall or something. I had never thought that the day would go the way it had. Here I was, the next to last hour of the day, all the teachers were busy with the assembly, and the only person I’d managed to tell anything was Carly. And now I couldn’t find her.

Even though it was all in my head, the tick tick tick of the clock was deafening. Every breath I took was another tick counting down the seconds of the day, leaving me with no option but to return to the house where my mother and step-father lay dead where I’d shot them. The thought of walking into the house, being met with the silence and the smell, made me break out with chill bumps. It was as though someone had poured ice water down my spine.

Thinking maybe Carly had gotten sick and gone home, I checked her locker. There wasn’t any sense in continuing to search for her if she wasn’t here. That was wasting valuable time. Her backpack was still hanging on the hook in her locker. All of her books were there. She was still here somewhere. The only question was where. Standing in the hall in front of Carly’s locker, I looked around. I didn’t know what to do next. I knew what I had to do, what I needed to do. But I had no idea how to do it.

I knew the teachers were at the assembly, but I wasn’t sure if the counselor would be. I absolutely hated the thought of walking back into her office and having her ignore me again, but the sound of the ticking clock was growing louder.

Opening the door to the room closest to Carly’s locker, I glanced at the clock on the wall. Immediately, my stomach dropped to my feet. I only had an hour and a half left in the day. I had to get moving.

With sweaty palms, a racing heart, and a heavy stomach, I walked to my locker. I reached in behind the books on the top shelf and grabbed the brown paper bag. I wouldn’t have time to come back to the locker and get it, so I carried it with me down the hall to the counselor’s office, determined to not be ignored this time, no matter how many times her phone rang.

Ahead, I could see the door to the counselor’s office. It was small from this distance, but I could see it, and that made me more nervous and worried than I already was.

As I passed the boys’ restroom, I stopped and stood, clutching the wrinkled brown paper bag in my sweaty hand. I considered going inside to pee. I always needed to pee when I was nervous, and I didn’t get much more nervous than I was now. Not wanting to waste any more time, I decided it could wait until after I’d told the counselor. But when I took the first step toward her office, I knew I couldn’t wait. I quickly turned around and went into the restroom.

Stepping through the doorway, I heard several boys talking at once. Taking the first step inside, I was too lost in my thoughts to register that everyone else was at the assembly. There should’ve been no one in the restroom. As I raised my leg to take the second step, I realized that I hadn’t seen Dominic and his buddies in the gym, and it was just my luck that it would be them in the restroom.

There were enough things going on in my life today without adding something else to it. So I decided to slip out of the restroom as quietly as I’d come in it, hopefully unnoticed. I still had to pee, but I’d pee my pants before I’d walk into that room, knowing they were there.

Quietly, I stepped backward, planning to ease out the door. But then I heard something that made me stop cold. A girl. And not just any girl. My girl.

It sounded like she’d said ‘stop’, but over the laughter of the boys, I wasn’t sure.

The only thing separating me from them was a concrete wall that protected you from being seen by the people in the hall when the door was open. If I took two steps, I’d be at the end of the wall. If I then turned right, I could see into the restroom. If I took one more step, I would be in the restroom with them, and would be facing what I hoped with all my might wasn’t what I thought it was.

I took a step away from the door, the first that would lead me into more trouble than I wanted. My hand trembled, causing the bag to shake. Fortunately, it didn’t make noise loud enough to be heard by anyone other than myself.

When I heard her voice again, my blood ran cold. Knowing that someone was in trouble was bad enough. Knowing it was a girl made it even worse. And knowing it was my girl was the absolute worst.

When the squeal came, I nearly dropped the bag. I quickly took the two steps that brought me to the end of the concrete wall. I made the right turn, and looked into the restroom. I took the final step, the step that brought me face to face with everything I feared I’d find.

I reached out and placed my right hand on the wall, steadying myself. With my head swimming, and the clock ticking in the darkest corners of my mind, I felt dizzy. As the fire in my belly burned and the bag in my hand rattled, blackness threatened to take over my vision. I blinked quickly a few times and squinted, determined not to pass out. Not now. Not with so much at stake.

As quickly as I could, I gathered all the information from the scene before me. I only had a second to do it before I was noticed.

Standing in the center of the restroom was Dominic, Taylor, Spencer, and Garrett. They stood in a sort of circle formation, facing each other. In the center of the circle was Carly. None of them had noticed me yet.

But that was about to change.