RAGE (18 page)

Spencer, seeing something on my face the other two didn’t, asked Taylor, “Why does he look like that?”

“Cause he’s a dipshit,” Taylor answered.

“I think it’s time you left, shit face,” Dominic said to me. He was clearly tired of me, and was no longer amused by my presence. But I wasn’t to be dismissed to easily.

“I’m not leaving,” I said, though it felt almost as if someone else had said it.

“Well, what are you gonna do then?”

“Yeah. What’re you gonna do, ass face?” Taylor asked.

“Maybe we should leave,” Spencer suggested. He was clearly uneasy at whatever he saw on my face. When Dominic and Taylor shot him a dirty look, he quickly said, “Well, if he’s not gonna leave, maybe we should. We can’t stay in here all day.”

“Shut up, Spencer,” said Dominic.

“Yeah, Spencer. Shut the hell up,” added Taylor.

“You’re not leaving either,” I said.

They all looked at me strangely.

“What did you say, dick breath?” asked Dominic.

“I said you’re not leaving either.”

“You can’t tell us what to do,” said Taylor.

“How’re you gonna stop us?” asked Dominic.

I remained silent. Honestly, I didn’t know how I was going to stop them. What I did know was that if they walked out of the restroom now, they would get away with everything they’d done. Not only to me, but to Carly as well. I wouldn’t stand by and let them get away with it. They’d gotten away with far too much for far too long as it was. It had to end, and today was as good a day as any.

“He can’t stop us,” Taylor said. “He’s a pussy. A big, sloppy pussy.”

Turning my attention to Taylor, I said, “You’d know about big, sloppy pussies. You came from one.”

His eyes grew wide and his jaw hung open. I turned back to Dominic. He had a similar expression on his face.

Feeling that now was the moment to take control of the situation and get the upper hand, I barked out orders without taking my eyes off Dominic.

“Carly is going to go get Mr. Barrister and bring him here. Then, she’ll tell him what you all done to her. I’m a witness. I’ll tell him what I saw. Then, you assholes will finally get what you’ve got coming to you.”

No one moved or spoke.

“Carly?” I asked.

In a quiet, shaky voice, she answered, “Yes?”

“Go get Mr. Barrister. Bring him here. Don’t take no for an answer.” I watched as she slowly walked a wide circle around the three boys. Fearful that one of the boys would suddenly reach out and grab her, she kept her back to the wall and slinked away. No one spoke until she’d left the restroom.

“You can’t keep us from running out the door right now, dumbass. You should’ve thought about that before you sent your slutty little girlfriend running around looking for the principal. When they get here, you’ll be the only one in here,” Dominic said. Then he added with a smile, “Unless they stop somewhere so she can give it up to him like she was gonna give it up to me.” He chuckled. “Come on, guys. Let’s go.” Dominic turned to leave, waving his hand at his buddies to follow him.

I watched Taylor and Spencer turn.

“I can stop you,” I said.

This piqued their interest.

Dominic turned around to face me. “How? With those big, strong arms of yours?” he asked sarcastically and laughed.

I shook my head.

“Then how? With those powerful little fists of yours that don’t even have enough strength to beat your meat?” The three of them laughed.

Again I shook my head.

Dominic held his arms out to his sides. “Then how?”

I slowly raised the crumpled brown paper bag. I noticed the way it shook in my trembling hand, but I doubted they did.

“What’s that? Your sorry ass lunch? How’s that gonna stop us?” asked Taylor.

“Indigestion’s a bitch,” Spencer said. They all laughed.

I didn’t intend to stop them with it. I just needed to hold their curiosity until Carly and Mr. Barrister returned. So far, it was working.

“Well, Boozer Loser? What’s in the bag?” asked Dominic.

“It’s not my lunch,” I said.

“Okay, dipshit. It’s not your lunch. Now that we know what it isn’t, why don’t you tell us what it is?”

“I can’t.” I lowered the bag to my side. I noticed their eyes following it.

“Why can’t you? What’s in there?” Taylor asked, folding his arms across his chest again.

“I can’t tell you, but it’ll hold you here until Mr. Barrister comes.”

Dominic looked up at the ceiling for a few seconds. I could tell that he was aggravated with me, but I didn’t care. I just had to keep him here a little longer.

“Look here,” Dominic said, and suddenly stomped his way to me, closing the gap between us in only a couple of steps. He stood right in front of me, leaned his head down so his face was only a couple inches from mine, and said, “Give me the damn bag, and we can all be on our way.”

I shook my head side to side.

“Give me the fucking bag, Boozer!” Dominic screamed into my face, covering me with his spit.

“No,” I said.

Quickly, Dominic reached down and grabbed my left wrist in his right hand. His hand was larger than mine, and he had more strength than I did. Damn puberty for hitting him before me.

“Give me the bag, Boozer,” he ordered.

“No.”

“Give me the bag, Boozer.” He tried to pull the bag from my hand, but I had a stronger grip on it than either of us had thought. He used his right hand to hold my wrist, and his left hand to pry my fingers off the bag.

“No,” I said. “Stop it.”

He glared at me, temporarily forgetting the bag. “You stop it,” he said, and used his left hand to push against my chest, causing me to step backward to keep my balance.

Hopefully, Carly had no trouble finding the principal, and would return soon. If all went well, I could keep them here long enough.

Keeping my balance, I used my right hand to push him as he’d done me. It didn’t have quite the same effect, though. He was bigger and stronger than me, so when I pushed him, he barely swayed on his feet.

It did, however, successfully make him angry enough to push me again. This time, he knocked me off my feet and onto my butt. As I landed on the floor, my back struck the wall. Standing to my left was Garrett, still staring at the floor.

Then, I noticed that I was no longer holding the bag.

But Dominic was.

I watched as he realized the bag was in his hand. He was as surprised as I was to see it there.

As his left hand closed in on the bag, I knew he intended to open it. That was obvious. What was also obvious was the fact that I couldn’t let him see what was in it. There were a couple of ways it could go if he did, and neither of them was good for me.

In a flash, I was off the floor and standing in front of Dominic. Amazingly, he hadn’t opened the bag yet. He was close, though. I put my hand on the bag, just under his.

“Give it back,” I demanded.

“Yeah, right, Boozer. Back off,” he said.

“I’ll back off when you give me the bag.”

“I’m not giving you the bag so back off,” he said. He brought his left hand up to put on my chest, undoubtedly planning to push me again. I knew if he pushed me, he’d get the bag open before I could get back up. I couldn’t let that happen. So I grabbed his left hand with my right before he got a chance to plant it on my chest and push.

Before I could realize my mistake, Taylor had rushed up to us and grabbed the bag. I should’ve been watching him. But I couldn’t watch them all as closely as I would’ve liked. That was one of the problems with being outnumbered. You never had enough eyes.

For a few seconds, the three of us stared at the bag. Then we exchanged glances, and I was afraid I’d lost. There was no way I could wrestle the bag away from them both. With just one of them, I had a chance. But not two.

My mind raced to think of a solution to this problem. After all, what was the worst thing that would happen if they took the bag, opened it, and found the gun? They would rush off to tell on me, which is exactly what I’d spent the day trying to do. Only, I had no doubt that for them, there would be plenty of people willing to listen. Maybe it was best they find out and tell on me. I certainly wasn’t having any luck getting people to listen to me, so maybe if four wild-eyed kids showed up talking about a crazy kid with a gun, someone would pay attention and this whole mess would be over and behind me. I could move on with my life, or what was left of it.

Without further thought, I let go of the bag, surprising them all. They looked at me oddly for several seconds, then at the bag, and then back at me. I could see the puzzled look in their eyes by the way their brows were drawn together.

Dominic and Taylor stood there, both still holding the bag. Behind them, Spencer continued to shift his weight from one leg to the other. I wondered if this was a nervous habit of his. As I glanced at him, he used his finger to pick a piece of food out of his braces. They were all staring at me.

“Fine. Take it. There’s nothing in there anyway,” I said casually, trying to make them think the bag wasn’t worth looking into.

Dominic’s eyes narrowed and he squinted at me suspiciously.

Taylor let go of the bag. “If there’s nothing in there, Boozer, why’d you make it sound like there was?”

“Cause there is something in it,” Dominic said. He put his left hand on the bag next to his right, and prepared to open the bag.

I swallowed the lump in my throat as best I could and said, “No, there’s not. I just said that. It’s just trash from my lunch.” I wiped my palms on my jeans.

“If it’s trash, why didn’t you throw it away?” asked Taylor, crossing his arms over his chest again.

Dominic let go of the bag with his left hand. Holding it in his right, he bounced the bag up and down, judging its weight. “Doesn’t feel like trash to me.”

“It’s an apple. And a bottle of water,” I said pathetically.

Dominic laughed. “I don’t think so. How stupid do you think I am, Boozer?”

“Pretty,” I answered.

The smile slid quickly from his face. “Is that right? You think I’m pretty stupid?”

“Yeah. In fact, I’m surprised you put that together so fast.” I was walking in unfamiliar territory here, poking the bear as people said. I should’ve shut my mouth. I should’ve let them open the bag and do whatever they were going to do. But I was still trying to buy time, hoping that Carly and Mr. Barrister would rush through that door and this would end. If I could keep them here a little longer, surely it would be long enough.

Dominic blew a puff of air through his lips and shook his head. He also lowered the bag, holding it now at his side. “You amaze me, Boozer.”

“Why’s that?” I asked.

“Well all this time, you’ve just been a spineless coward. Now suddenly, you grow a backbone. What happened? What made you so brave all of a sudden?”

Taylor said, “It’s Carly.”

To me, Dominic asked, “Is that it, Boozer? Does playing with her titties make you feel like a man?”

“Shut up,” I said.

Spencer giggled. For some reason, something as small as his giggling set me off. I glared at him and said, “Well at least my tits aren’t so big I could play with my own.”

Spencer’s giggles died quickly. His face turned red and he looked embarrassed. He should be. They all should be.

Dominic said, “Look at you, Boozer Loser. If you weren’t so damn pathetic, maybe you could hang with us.”

“I’d rather die than hang with you idiots,” I spat.

Dominic stepped closer to me. Inches from me, he leaned his head down and lowered his voice. He said, “That may just happen, fuck stain.”

Faster than I’d hoped for, I reached out and snatched the bag from his hand. He’d loosened his grip just enough, let his guard down just in time to allow me to pull the bag from his fingers easily. In the split second that it took to do that, I considered jerking the bag around and holding it behind my back, away from him. But I hadn’t forgotten that Garrett was back there. I didn’t know that he would take it from me, but I didn’t know that he wouldn’t either. I didn’t trust him. He did whatever Dominic told him to do, and I had no doubt that Dominic would order him to grab it. So instead, I shoved the bag under my right arm and clamped my arm down on it. I didn’t let go with my left hand, either. If they wanted it, they’d have to fight me for it.

And yet, somewhere in my mind, a small voice asked me why I hadn’t just let them keep it. Oh how differently things would have gone if I had.

“You shouldn’t have done that, shit stain,” Dominic said, stepping closer to me.

Taylor and Spencer followed his lead and walked toward me. I considered standing my ground, but surely at any second Carly would be here with the principal. If I could keep my distance just a few more seconds, a couple minutes at the most, I could leave this room undamaged.

So I stepped backward as they stepped forward.

I saw the anger in Dominic’s eyes. I knew he was mad. But I also knew that he had no idea what real anger was. I hoped with all my strength he’d never find out.

In two steps, my back was against the wall. The cold concrete quickly and easily penetrated my thin t-shirt. It did little to put out the fire that burned just under my skin, threatening to burst into flames at any second. I’d done a good job at holding it off so far, but I was backed into a corner now.

I noticed Garrett standing to my left, against the stalls. He had his fingers in his front pockets, the tops of his hands hanging out. He had moved out of our way, turning so that he faced us. Our eyes met briefly, and I thought he was going to say something, but he didn’t. He looked back at the floor.

I looked back at Dominic who had stopped about a foot from me. “I’ve wanted to tear you up for a long time now, Boozer.”

“Like you haven’t,” I said angrily. I tried to control myself. The last thing I wanted to do now was lose myself in the darkness.

“Everything I’ve done to you so far will seem like nothing compared to what I’m going to do to you.” He looked around the room. “We’re all here. We’re alone. And the best part is everyone else is all the way on the other side of the school at the assembly. No one will hear you scream, Boozer.”

They laughed.

I looked at them one at a time, watching them laugh at my suffering, and hating them each on different levels. Garrett was the least, then Spencer, then Taylor, and then Dominic. I hated him the most.

Unable to control it any longer, the fire burst through my skin and burned us all.

No longer able to control my voice, I screamed. “What do you think you’re going to do to me?”

The three of them, surprised at my sudden outburst, took a step backward.

I held out my arms, bag clutched in my left hand.

“Look at me! What could you possibly do to me that hasn’t already been done? Huh? What? You gonna trip me? You gonna kick me while I’m down? You gonna hit me? You gonna tease me? You gonna punch me? You gonna rape me?”

I was aware that as I talked, my arms were flailing about, swinging the bag as they went. I was only vaguely aware of the possibility that the gun would tear through the bag and fly across the room, maybe even discharging as it landed.

“Rape you? Why the hell would we do that?” Taylor asked.

I hadn’t meant to say that part. I’d lost it. My voice had a mind of its own, going to levels I’d never taken it to before.

Looking at their feet, I tried to control my fast, raspy breathing. I knew I was shaking. I knew it, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. Just like last night. I shut my eyes and tried to force myself to calm down. All that did was allow the real me to slip into the darkness and the angry me emerge.

 They took me closing my eyes as a sign of weakness, and they used the opportunity to pounce. When I felt their hands on me, I felt myself slipping further away. I felt my face flush red from anger, which had now turned to fury. When I felt someone’s hands wrap around my throat and begin to squeeze, I fell backward into the blackness I’d been trying so hard to avoid. The feeling of falling lasted longer than it had last night. That was surely not a good sign. But then again, none of it was.

Whoever had my throat continued to squeeze as they pulled my neck forward and back, forward and back, bouncing my head off the hard concrete wall behind me. I was sure it must’ve been Dominic. He was the only one of them with that kind of strength.

I heard shouting and laughing from them. They were saying things, but I couldn’t make out the words over the roar in my mind and the repeated thud of my skull striking the concrete.

 Then, I heard yelling. As it turned to screaming, I realized it was me. With a hand clamped around my neck squeezing my throat, it was hard to scream, but I managed.

 I thought I still had my eyes closed because I didn’t think I was seeing anything. But I realized that my eyes were open, and I was seeing things. Probably everything. I just wasn’t registering it. What I saw was snippets, just clips of what was happening in front of me. It was as though the real me, crouched in a dark corner of my mind, was stealing glances of what the angry me was doing. Just like last night. That’s why I’d only remembered flashes of what had happened in my mother’s bedroom.

I saw Dominic’s face, close to mine.

Then, I saw Taylor laughing.

I saw Spencer’s belly jiggle as he laughed at me.

Dominic’s fist coming at my face...I felt the impact.

As my head was thrown to the side, their eyes were all on my face. With their attention held high, they didn’t see that down low, out of their line of sight, I was opening the bag.

Dominic spit on me. Then Taylor. Then Spencer stepped forward to have his turn.

One of them punched me in the belly, knocking the wind out of me and causing me to drop the bag, bend over, and gasp for air.

Bent over, I was staring at the pistol, held tightly in my right hand. I was vaguely aware that Taylor had stooped down to pick up the bag. I was even less aware that Dominic was bringing up his knee. I only noticed it when his knee hit me under the chin, causing me to bite my tongue and jerk into the upright position.

Without a thought, I brought up the pistol.

I felt my finger tighten on the cold, curved steel. I felt my arm jerk upward. From what seemed to be a thousand miles away, I heard what could’ve been thunder, followed by screams. Deep down, I was wondering if the screams were mine. It was so hard to tell over the roar in my head.

I heard the thunder again. And again. And again. With each boom of sound, there was less screaming.

When I no longer heard screaming, I froze. The room was silent except for the whooshing of the blood as it roared past my ears. Shaking uncontrollably, I stood in the restroom and struggled to find myself.

There were no hands on me now. No one was calling me names or saying terrible things to me.

My pounding heart slowed, but didn’t return to normal. The roar in my head began to quiet, but was still too loud for comfort. I began to regain my senses. I smelled my sweat, mingled with that horrible, metallic odor. I recognized the scent, but hoped I was mistaken.

My vision still hadn’t focused itself. It was like looking through a sheet of black paper. I knew my eyes were open. I knew they were seeing everything in front of me. But my mind didn’t see it. It’s like my eyes had become detached from my brain.

Suddenly overcome with the feeling that I needed to get out of this room, I took a step in the direction I thought the door would be. Then, I took another, faster than I should’ve. Blind people shouldn’t run.

I stepped in something slippery. My legs flew out from under me, causing me to fall to the floor with a thud and a plop. Even though my butt hit the floor first, my head hit the hardest. Bright white specks flickered in my eyes, and I heard a high pitched ringing in my ears.

I lay there for a minute with my eyes squeezed shut, waiting on things to return to normal. When the ringing stopped, I opened my eyes. I was happy to see that my vision had returned to normal. I could see the ceiling fine now. There was no longer a sheet of paper in front of my eyes.

I sat up slowly, my head spinning and throbbing. I shut my eyes briefly, waiting for the pain to subside.

When it finally did, I prepared to stand, putting my left hand on the floor beside me, right into the puddle of whatever I’d slipped in. I turned my head and looked down at my hand, which seemed much whiter than it really was surrounded by all the dark red blood.

I looked around and noticed there were actually four growing pools of blood. They followed the slope of the floor and all ran to the center of the room, where the drain was. For a moment, I was mesmerized by the dark red liquid as it seeped through the holes in the drain and fell away, out of sight. But then, my attention returned to the sources of the blood.

The bodies were scattered on the floor of the restroom. Garrett lay on his side, his upper body in a stall, his lower body out in the openness of the room. There was blood smeared down the door of the stall where he’d fell against it and slid to the floor.

Taylor and Dominic lay on their backs in front of the stalls.

Spencer must’ve tried to run. He was close to the concrete wall on the other side of the room and was lying on his belly. His head was turned toward me, his eyes open. Blood was coming from underneath him, as well as trailing out of his mouth.

Looking at what I’d done, at this irreversible damage I’d caused and at the lives I’d taken, I began to sob.